Thursday, October 28, 2010

Vote Blind or Not at All?

I was never one who gave a shit about elections. I just always was anti-government. Then I grew up, had kids and realized how important it is to vote. The first time I voted my peeps lost big time. That was also the year that the election totals were all fucked up and then the end result reeked of conspiracy. So it took awhile to rebuild my faith in the voting process.

When I first met Barack Obama on Oprah, before he was a candidate. I LOVED HIM! I thought he was so different and refreshing. So when he announced he was running I was all gung-ho. When he won I really felt my American pride soar! I joined all his websites and even donated money with my broke ass. At first the emails I would get from Barack were inspiring and informative. One made my day so much that I blogged about it here. They came about twice a week teaching me about the ins and outs of our government but then slowly but surely they turned into "Will you donate today?" Over and over asking for money and more money which I HATE. So truthfully where I used to get all motivated and excited about receiving the emails now the majority of them get deleted. Especially if they ask for money. Uggh I hate that!

If there is no "Donate Now" request I will read the contents. I am now rearing up to vote next week however I am so ill informed that it is almost wrong to vote. I usually just go democrat all the way because I disagree with the republicans so much., I also feel that for the most part the republicans are hateful, and judgemental and they never take responsibility for shit. Hello Republicans Your guys fucked us up so bad that the world is forever changed for the worse.    Duh!      But somehow this is Obamas fault? Serves as a prime example of why I feel the republicans don't take responsibility. Anyways, I listen to Rush Limbarf, and Hannity and republican radio just to keep myself fired up and because I also feel that it is important  to keep informed of what your enemies are up to. Each time I listen to them it reconfirms why I dislike that party so much. The tea bagger party people well they just seem like an up to date version of republicans to me. So I am much informed of how much I disagree with republicans but if I am honest with myself I do not know much about my democratic candidates.
I couldn't even tell you who was running. *head hung low in shame*

In this case I usually enter the polling place, vote straight democrat and call it a day. But for some reason I feel this time that is not the responsible thing to do. I know nothing about these guys. Yes, I know there are ways to learn about them but I really do not have the time or truthfully the desire to get to know all their platforms. I mean can we really believe any of them anyways?

So I am left with the dilemma do I vote ill informed or not at all? I mean I know that I do not agree with the republicans but I'm not informed enough to know if I agree with my own party this time? So what is worse.... voting ill informed or not at all?

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

From A Crackhead To A Christian

Isn't she Darling!

The Real Ms. Winehouse!
So The RA and I attended a Halloween Party this weekend and here is who I was.....



That's Me!
 For those who don't know...This lovely lady is AMY WINEHOUSE. A very talented soulful  singer who became a hot mess.  She is best known for the song Rehab. Which I totally love! She is also known for becoming a crackhead and a public mess, which I also love! So when a friend of mine said I would make a great Amy Winehouse after I got past being a bit offended I thought it was a grand idea! So here I am. The RA is dressed as Jimmi Hendrix or Lenny Kravitz not sure which???

What made this costume so awesome was that I got to wear jeans, and when, if I got completely smashed....people would just think I was in character. Just check out ole Amy's party look...

That is bout what I looked like after several brews and Tequila shots! I am not a drinker so when I out!
The older party attendees thought I was Janis Joplin...

                             But for the bottle of the fun, not sure how they made that connection???

The younger folk...Well they thought I was Snooki from the Jersey Shore.....

This one I can Kinda get.

But the 30 something crowd knew who I was going for. The party was grand. I haven't been out in about ten years?? The RA was the designated driver and the par-tay was 7 minutes from my house. So Good Times, Good Times!

That was this past weekend. This coming weekend I will be attending a Fall Festival at a church with my kids and it will be their turn to party. I like to mix it up a bit eh? Drunk popstar one weekend, Christian mom the next. That's how I roll biznitches!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Gotta Love The Power of Positive Thinking

I am a worst case scenario type of gal. No matter what is going on I can see doom just ahead. It's a gift I have, well actually it's a curse. I am this way because sadly it is usually as bad as I think it is or even worse. I get told "think positive" all the time and I find it so annoying. I would think positive if positive things were happening. And yes, I have read the books and even attended the seminars that teach you what you put into the universe is what you get back. Hence "throw out negativity and negativity you will endure."

This week I attended yet another riveting football game at my sons school. And no, I am actually not being sarcastic when I say riveting. I arrived on the field unsure of who our competitors were and when I arrived I was taken aback by the hugeness of the opponents. They towered over our kids and they were not slim either. They looked like the uncles and us, well we looked like the nephews. I immediately thought and posted on facebook that we were screwed. First quarter into the game and guess what? We were screwed. They had scored two touchdowns on us and we looked like shit. The worse part were these kids were BEASTS both in size and skill. They were knocking our players out right and left. Whenever they went in for tackle our kids would literally rise off the ground from the impact. It was BRUTAL. For once I was so glad my Pooty wasn't a main player. I was happy with his position in the fifth quarter. He would not have stood a chance against those kids.

Play after play after play I watched our kids take a psyhical beating by our opponents. It was hard to watch. I watched our little chicken shit guys seem to run from the opponents tackles. Our boys looked and acted scared and I cannot blame them. I was scared on the bleachers. Our guys made barely any attempts to tackle their players and when they tried they were quickly taken out by the other guys on the team.

 So shortly after half time our main payer took hit #432 and got injured. We were all upset by this. The poor boy was down, our best player. The football spectator in me was like "damn there goes our chances of winning", That was a sentiment shared by all on the bleachers. But the mom in me wanted to run out there and cuddle the boy and see if he was okay. He made it back on his feet and the crowd cheered. Ten minutes later BAMM! Down again, but this time he could not move. I was so upset by this. I began to verbalize my thoughts out loud.
This was me...
"Oh my god, he's down he's down!"
"Oh god hes not moving"
"He's hurt!"
"He is hurt bad."
"He's out."
"We're screwed."
"That looks serious."
"Oh my god he has to be carried off the field? WTF?"
"Oh god, oh god, oh no!"
"The season is done for us."
"The poor boy is probably injured for life" 
I had just watched a documentary about how young kids that play football can get injuries that screw them for life. So sure, I was a bit dramatic. This was my first time seeing a child take a beataing like that. Well except for the ones my kids get when they mouth off during my PMS time.
I mean I had watched him get knocked out like 5 times already.
Just then this lil ole lady on the front row turned around to me and said

"No! I will not let you speak these untruths. Don't be so negative. Trust and believe that the lord will heal this young man. If you continue to spew negativity you will throw this game! You must claim the victory in Jesus name!"

Gasp- Me?  My words threw the game! Shock! Nope. I think maybe it was the way the odds were stacked that cost us the game. She continued on with me telling me that "You will think and speak positively then she quoted several bible verses to back up her claim of the impact of my negative speaking.
Then all the black ladies behind me chimed in with the "Amens!" and "Praise God!"
I felt jacked up. Kinda like a hooker in church with a stanky vagina. So I hung my head in shame. She then told me "speak of the positive and you will see." "Yes maam" I said ashamed of my behavior, and showing the proper amount of respect for the elderly.
Then BAMM! Our #2 best player got hit and he was down. Down like four flat tires.
I said out loud "oh he's okay! He'll get up! We are gonna win this!" (The score at this point was like 30 to 8.) "You can do it Adam!" I shouted.
But Adam didn't. He was down and he too had to be lifted and carried off the field.

I just looked at the lady and smiled.
Gotta love the power of positive thinking!

Thursday, October 21, 2010


Remember Marlon? My middle school son. In my meet the fam post, here, I introduced you all to my lovely kids. Marlon was the one who gives me no trouble and has the ladies on his jock but he could care less. Well he made the football team a few months ago and what comes with that? Lovely Obsessed Girls! I have some pretty cute kids and am familiar with the teenage boy obsessed girl but my Marlon never seemed phased by the ladies. Michael, the oldest, whole other story. This boy was aware of girls and their likings of him since oh about 2nd grade. But my Marlon could have always cared less. The girls have always liked him but it meant nothing to him. Here lately he has been coming home with girls names and numbers and hearts drawn all over his arms, pants, notebooks, book bags etc.

I guess this is the way middle school girls mark their territory. But again he seems none to impressed. Never calls any girls or even speaks of them unlike my other soon who is the opposite. Yesterday while conducting my monthly search in his room for evidence of sexual activity or drug use tidying up the room I happened upon a letter addressed to Marlon. I accidentally opened it and found the sweetest, cleanest little love letter from a girl named Tiffany. She was expressing her love for him and how she had the most "genuine yet major" crush on him for the past two years. It was innocent and clean. Not  like the letters I have accidentally found addressed to my other son that contained sexual innuendos and filthy talk. So after reading the letter I decided Tiffany could be my sons first girlfriend. I liked her. As I scrolled down to the bottom of the letter Tiffany had asked Marlon to write back to her either way and let her know if he shared her feelings.

I turned the letter over to see how he had responded. He had wrote "Dear Tiffany, I do not like you at this time. PS- Could you write down the names of all the other girls in your class that like me."

That's my Pooty!

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

The RA- Bringing It Full Circle

Problem was he had a good job here in Raleigh and he was now living in Roanoke Rapids, that's about a two hour trip one way. So he was splitting his time between the two households. He would stay there a couple days/nights then stay here with me and my kids. I soon noticed that he was with me most weekdays and there most weekends. Sound familiar? Yes this is again where we were the last time I had had enough.

Realizing that I did not want to continue on this way. I asked him to just focus his time and efforts with his teens and stay away for a while. He could come visit our kids but I needed space from him. This went on for two to three months. And then he confessed he could not take it anymore. He couldn't stay away from me and our kids. He wanted to come back. I was not ready for him to come back. He said he couldn't continue on the way he was. The drive was killing him, being away from our kids was killing him. He started crashing at my place more and more. So now he was staying with me and paying bills somewhere else! Hell no that would not work so I gave him a set amount to pay each week to offset the cost of him being there in addition to his child support. And that is how we carried on.

Where are we now? In some ways we are and I'm afraid always will be in a lot of the same predicaments. He will always be horrible with money and will always feel regret for whatever mistakes he made before meeting me. I have decided to let as much of that go as I can. I no longer feel sorry for his pain. I no longer feel bad when my kids go somewhere and his kids do not. I no longer tolerate him going away for the weekend. I feel if he has somewhere to crash for the weekend he should  able to stay there full time. Our finances are currently separate and a lot of our lives are lived separately as well.

We do spend time together as a couple and as a family. But we are just not defining what we have.I think that is because neither of us want to or have a clue what this is. Our facebook statuses say single and if  you ask me what I am I would say single. I bet he does the same. But if either of us was to start something somewhere else there would be trouble. So I think we have agreed to stay miserably together for now. I am planning to have  a nice discussion about this very soon.

He does act like more of a family guy than he was. He helps out around the house and spends time with me and the kids. Last weekend his kids came to stay with us and he is paying more. But I'm afraid its just not enough. He asked me if I would be open to getting married within the year. (I'm not) And has spoke of joining accounts and living like normal couples but I do not know what I want. I mean I want him but all his drama...well I'm kinda over that. Now that everyone knows the real deal, I'll post updates here and there.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

RA-And Away He Went- Part 4

As soon as I could I headed back to work. I mean ASAP. Like, on the day my baby turned 6 weeks old; because that is the youngest a daycare would take her. Now before anyone gets all judgey on me She did and still does attend one of the most awesome daycare centers. I was saddened to leave princess behind to go to work but you gotta do what you gotta do. In a way work was a stress reliever. Just getting out of the cycle of sitting home wearing sweat pants and pondering all your problems all day helped. The pay however was back down to the 1/3 I was making before. Uggh! But we needed every penny obviously. It was also nice to not have to ask the RA to purchase things like tampons for me. Yes, I enjoy picking out my own tampons.

After losing a job, having another baby and dealing with RA and debt issues I was over the whole thing with RA. I just now wanted to focus again on me and my kids and making some sort of decent life for them outta the mess I was in. So basically we were now living separately together. I found myself right back in the same situation I had exscaped in my marriage. Except now I was in no mood for any of the RA's Drama. Instead of bringing his kids to visit our home like they had for the past 8 years, he would now go away on most  weekends to "spend time with his kids". Which in itself opened up a whole new can of worms. I quickly became bitter to that fact that again when he was home he was miserable and as soon as the weekend hit he was off to be with his kids. We were living separate lives. I suspected maybe he was doing more than visiting his kids on weekends, if you know what I mean. At the every least he was enjoying downtime away from our responsibilities and I was not happy about it. After a while I just didn't care what he did anymore and actually stopped talking to him period. Oh, I would ask him to pass the salt at dinner or to bathe his daughter but other than that there was silence and animosity between the two of us.

I provided him with an ultimatum about his weekend excursions and he didn't heed my warnings so I decided to have some fun of my own if you know what that means. After having a couple months of fun myself I think he recalled the fact that this is how he and I got together and he decided to straighten up and fly right for a while. Since my fun was just that, fun it was easy to cut that off when I felt that it was the appropriate time.

 We sat down and had a huge conversation where I basically informed him that I was tired of the roller coaster ride with him and was so fed up. I began to realize that this cycle was not going end and my actions, although helping me feel better at the time, were not putting me in a better predicament. I hated that I had fallen back into this raggedy ass life that I had already escaped once before. I did not make enough money at the time to support four kids so I began some hard and careful soul searching. I had already talked to my ex husband about getting the boys and I was prepared to to give up all my possessions and check into a shelter with my two little kids and just hit rock bottom by myself and start over. Sometimes we can fuck life up so bad that the only reasonable option is to scrap the life we have and start over. I did not want to end it, just change it. I love my kids too much for that. I just wanted this crazy cycle of hell to end. I wanted my kids to have a healthy and happy home life. Not one full of silence and resentment.He knew I was serious. He know me.RA turned back into David. He finished tiling my kitchen floor that he started and hadn't completed since last year. He painted my hall , kitchen and entry ways. He returned to his practice of giving me daily massages. The lavish meals came back too. He was even taking the kids out to games and playing with them more and more.Things improved lots. As an added bonus he even gave me control over his finances so that I could try to get us out of the mess we were in.

That was January. Around February his ex became a loser again. This was a pattern for her. She'd have a good year or so then go into "who gives a fuck mode". His kids were not attending school and Child Family Welfare was now involved. He wanted me to let his now outta control teens come live with us but I said No. I had many reasons for that decision, mostly I didn't feel like it was a good idea to have my kids influenced by his kids lifestyle. Nor would I stand for some of the things both him and his ex had.  I knew trying to step in now and raise two teens that have been buck wild for the majority of their lives would not be good for any of us. Them, me, or my kids. Due to the divide in mine and RA's relationship and the fact that he had been visiting them  their hometown for the past year or two I had a broken connection with the kids. They still called me mom and I love them but I know my boundaries and for me to have stepped in as their"primary parent" with little to no support from their real parents and start raising them Raquel Style I knew would be disastrous. At one point I felt bad for them and began to consider it. I thought about the added income, No more child support payments. I thought about the ways our relationship could grow without the drama of the ex wife. I thought maybe with his kids here he could relax and enjoy our family.  But after a discussion with RA about some ground rules it was clear to me that he wouldn't S0 I figured fuck it. Your problem. When things for his kids got worse he gave me an ultimatum, Either they come here or he would have to go live there. So I picked "you go". And he  away went. Again.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Hurry This Post Must Be Deleted in 48 Hours

 I have two more posts on the RA situation coming soon but we must take a break from that to address a more important issue. A time sensitive one. I have to bitch about someone while they are outta town and then erase this puppy like it never existed. :)

I made the mistake of sharing my blog with my coworker and now she's well aware of it. I have wanted to bitch about her on a few occasions but didn't want her to see it and get upset. She's one of those "touchy-feely people" that takes everything to heart. And I mean everything. She is not a dedicated follower but I know she checks on my blog every now and again. So my plan is to post this then delete it in 48 hours while she is outta town. I wanna keep the peace at work. Sneaky huh? That way her feelings get spared and I can vent.

Here goes. I am an even-keeled, could-care-less-what-you-think-about-me kinda gal. I can take criticism. Well, most of the time. I am sarcastic and a straight shooter. So I often say exactly whats on my mind. Its not much of an issue because people that know me know that that is just me in the raw. They know that I am a decent human being and I mean no harm. I am the friend that will tell you your hair looks like shit. So my good friends expect that from me and they give it right back to me. Whether its telling me I have mousy-brown hair, or I was just too short with that lady in the store, or I could use a break from the tanning bed etc. etc. And I take it all with a grain of salt.

In saying that, most of my friends are like me in that aspect. I do have a couple of friends that are the sensitive type but I have well trained them to not take me so seriously. Now back to the coworker, she is soooo sensitive. So much so that I have to walk on eggshells all day to keep her from getting upset. Any little thing upsets her. And I mean any-little-thing.

Here's some examples..
She asks me daily if I like her
One day she asked if I liked her new  hairstyle I said nope and she thought that was extremely rude? And was upset for the rest of the day.
But she asked me! And I didn't like it.
Another time I had to address a situation with her. It was no biggie at all. We were eating toast in the kitchen and I just said to her casually that next time blank happens it would be better to do blank.( I am her supervisor so I had to address the situation)
She went all sad and upset and took it very personally. She thought she was getting fired and said she felt very devalued. Honestly all I said was " hey, do me a favor the next time blank happens do blank" I even told her it was not a big deal but I wanted to address it before it became one. I spent the next hour trying to convince her that she was a valued part of our team and wasn't getting fired.

In addition to that she gets upset by my peaceful nature. I am often quiet at work because I'm blogging
I'm working. I do talk but am not a big fan of the chit-chat or small talk. And even at that rate Its difficult to talk to her because things just slip out and then bam she's offended.

The most annoying thing is she's either super cheery or super moody. When she is super cheery she expects me to be super cheery too. I am not a cheery person I am not an unhappy person I am just not one of these

About one hundred times each shift she will ask me over and over "why are you mad, whats wrong?"
I will tell her "Amy there is nothing wrong." And then she will say "why are you not happy?"
 I will say "But I am happy"
 "Well you do not look happy."
" Well sorry but I am. "
"No, you're not"
 "Yes, I am"
 And this will go on for ten minutes her telling me I'm not happy, me telling her that I am. Until it gets to the point that I am not happy and I am mad because I have spent 15 minutes explaining that I'm not mad. UGGGHH!!!!

Friday, October 15, 2010

Explaining the RA- THE UGLY

So the dysfunction continued on for a few more years. Pretty much more of the same drama. Don't get me wrong, I was not perfect but he was impossible. I pretty much wore the pants and I knew it. I am the type of person who isn't big on affection. Not a huge fan of hugs, kisses, hand holding etc. But David was. And he taught me to be more affectionate but the problem is once I have revealed that side to you and you let me down I feel very vulnerable therefore I become unwilling and even unable to be affectionate. That I was... cold. We would have sex but the kissing was out and I didn't really care to have him touch me. We still had sex but it was cold and unfeeling. Psychically it was still good but emotionally it was empty. And soon sex with him left me feeling empty. That was a huge issue for him. We were in a vicious cycle. He needed affection to do right, I needed him to do right so that I could be affectionate comfortably. Neither of us would budge so there you have it.

Now here's the ugly part. David had a car accident and was put on some serious meds. These meds made him a complete and total ass. He was whiny, rude, loud, and obnoxious. He would flare up at anything and mostly me. Now don't go getting an image in your head of me being all emotionally and verbally abused. Hell Naw! Him becoming verbally abusive just meant that we fought like hell all the time. I can hold my own just so you know. However since he had always been so kind and caring it was super hard to understand and adjust to this new Asshole.

To make matters worse the company I worked for got sold. I was brought on as a Project Manager for a new construction company but  in less than a year that place went belly up. I was unemployed!! After my initial shock and panic subsided I realized that when you make a good income unemployment rocked! My unemployment checks were pretty damn good and I also got to be paid to stay at home with my kids. Life was grand. But then I discovered a tinsy #4. Soon unemployment stopped and David was now the sole provider. Remember he is horrible with money. But after me being the boss of him and everyone else for years and years he relished in his new role as the provider. Yet he totally sucked at it. The mixture of meds and an inflated ego made him a complete and total disaster, I suspect this was probably the only time in his life when he was the boss.

He now had total control of everything. I was horribly nauseated during the pregnancy and mostly slept and felt sorry for myself I kinda checked out of life a little bit. I wasn't depressed yet I could really care less. I did take care of my kids and saw to it that I volunteered lots at their schools and I was around more but I my was no basket of cherries. David trying to be a Big Billy Bad Ass took over all the bills and financial decisions. Since he was the only one contributing cash into the house he felt he had that right. Problem was he fucked up our bills so bad that by the time I found out we were months behind in everything and there wasn't shit I could do. Whenever I brought it up he would get defensive and angry and say I was putting him down and treating him like a child. Honestly I kinda was because I could not understand how the hell he had fucked up our finances so bad. This is where our financial hell began. So do the math...6 kids, 2 ex spouses, 1 unemployed parent and months of debt, a brand new baby = failing relationship.Dashboard

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Explaining the RA- THE BAD

So as time went on we had a few split ups but always managed to get back together. There were good times and bad. Good was I never had a man be so loving and affectionate, our kids got along well. Bad- we both had ex spouses to contend with and our differences were becoming a little less cherishable and a bit more profound. The biggest difference was our parenting styles. I am a sarcastic, yet strict parent with a no nonsense approach. I hold my kids accountable and set expectations for them. He was an "understanding" parent that could wave away any bad behavior with an excuse and took the approach of being "friends" with his kids. This was mostly a problem when his kids would visit because I was constantly overcompensating for his lack of parenting  and I became the bad guy.We discussed this on many occasions and he felt that since he didn't have his kids all the time he did not want to spend what little time he had with them disciplining them. I say Cop Out! Because guess what? Those two kids now 14 and 13, smoke, have tattoos, have been arrested, and barely attend school. However I must say when they are around me they are very respectful and well behaved.

Three years in David and I had a son. He was a wonderful and loving father to Mason as I knew he would be. We were happy for a while but that didn't last. We would split up and then couldn't stand to be apart so we'd get back together. This happened about once a year.

Other issues Money. Money Money Money. I had gotten a good job as a divisional supervisor and basically  the head of an up and coming company. My pay exploded. I was making more money in a week than I had previously made in a month. So I began to have dreams, goals etc. He, well he was perfectly happy just getting by. I had gotten him a job that tripled his pay as well but with all the new money he had he was moved to spend it lavishly on his kids, and his other family members. He was always tryna save someone from his old "hood". This too created a huge divide within us. I didn't need his money to support my family but thought he should contribute more at home and a lil less in the hood. Since I was doing just dandy financially on my own I started feeling like maybe this wasn't gonna work for me. Seriously we had two completely different views on life. So every time he would piss me off or not come through on a bill I put that ass out. I threw him out about every three months. It was sad and dysfunctional yes, but I liked the fact that I didn't need a man for shit and I wanted him to be well aware of that too.

Looking back our biggest struggle was the kids. The fact that he couldn't seem to enjoy any time with my kids without reflecting on his own. For example if we went to the beach with my kids the whole time we were there he would be sulking because he wanted his kids to come too.We did things with his kids, with all the kids but sometimes I just wanted to enjoy my own kids. I grew sick of this quick. He made me feel like me and my kids were just second choice and if he could have his way he would rather be somewhere with his kids. His moods were dreary often and he would often say how he'd made a mistake moving here and he should have done things differently. So basically he was constantly letting me know he wasn't happy. Too add to all this his ex wife had lost her fucking marbles and had taken up with some dude that was whopping her ass. Her kids were being neglected. I on many occasions offered to have them live with us. But  David didn't want his kids to have to leave their friends...Ugggh. See what I was dealing with? I was in a lose-lose situation. So our problems grew and grew. while he struggled with his guilt about not living with his kids (which by the way he wasn't when I met him) and I struggled with trying to make a relationship work with someone who really didn't seem interested. 

When it became to much I sent him back. back to his hometown. His kids were still not being properly cared for and his depressing moods were ruining my life and my kids were affected too. They would notice and ask "why is David only happy when his kids are here?" "How come we only go to the park when David's kids visit?" Stuff like that. Once I realized my kids were being affected by this I sent him back. That way he could go take care of his kids and we (my kids and I) could move on and get this depressing bullshit outta our lives. Problem was we couldn't stand to be apart. So back he came. And we spent the next few years living like that. Couldn't be happy together and couldn't be happy apart.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Explaining the RA- THE GOOD

I have struggled with sharing this part of my life here but it's such a huge factor how can I not? Just to be fair I will start at the beginning and bring it full circle, at some point. What does that mean for you? Multiple posts. Yippee! I know, I know. Please try to contain your excitement. Okay here's the low down dirty on the RA (resident asshole) and I......

When I met RA almost 12 years ago I was married to another man. Married but living separate lives.  My husband and I , actually I had decided that enough was enough and I was as done as I could be. However being a waitress at the time I couldn't afford to leave him so we decided to live together but separately. Kinda like an open marriage but not really. He had been having an open marriage with me for a while, I just didn't know about it. I left him and then when I did I found out I was preggos with #2. We decided to live together so that our kids would have a mom and dad in the home but would go out and do our own things. So that's how we got where we were. We made a great family but had a horrible marriage. So about 2 years into the "arrangement" I met the RA. At the time he was not the RA he was David.

It was supposed to be a "hook-up" prearranged by one of my girlfriends because he was fresh out of a divorce and not looking for anything serious and with my current situation no one would take me serious. So we hooked up with the understanding it would be a one night stand. But quite honestly he PUT IT ON ME!! I was dickmitized for sure. I could not leave him alone. I was obsessed with him, determined he would be all mine. I hunted, stalked, and pursued him nonstop until he finally caved and fell for me. Then when I decided I couldn't be without him any longer we got together. Hubby moved on and David became my man. 

David was awesome. He was a chef and could cook like wow! He was so domesticated, he cleaned and cleaned. He was so romantic. At least once a week I would arrive home to some tropical surprise, or a room lit by a red light bulb or a bubble bath ran with candles around it, apples carved into roses surrounded my plate at dinner, he gave me facials, bathed me, washed my hair, gave me pedicures all kinds of stuff he was always impressing me. Our sex life was like Woah! No one could compare. He was sensitive, yet sexy. This was not just the "honeymoon phase" this lasted for years and years. Once I introduced him to my kids he was amazing with them too. We had our share of issues but the passion between us was unheard of. I provided him with a stable unyielding love and and he provided me with all the luscious qualities listed above. After being ignored by my husband for years I was a woman with her nose wide open for this man. 

Now let me be clear we had our issues. He had kids in another town and had a job making barely any money after taxes and child support so trust me we had our issues. We were also very different in a lot of ways. Funny how at that time our differences seemed to be something to be cherished. Holidays were always an issue, because he wanted to go to his hometown where his family was and I wanted to make new memories in our home with our kids. He was also  bad with money. I mean he didn't have much to start with so any mishap killed us. That was amplified by the fact that I was used to a husband supporting me. Now I was truthfully the supporter. But for the most part I did not mind because he did all the things listed above continuously so even when he  did bad, he could just light some candles, open a bottle of wine, put on some music and all was forgotten.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Friends Don't Let Friends Poop In the Woods

A couple months ago I allowed my boys to spend the night with these two boys and they came back with horror stories of how the two boys got into  fights and broke things in their house and basically just went psycho. Now these boys come over all the time and I find them quite endearing. They are respectful and kind. So when I heard of the shenanigans that went down when my kids stayed over at their house I was quite perplexed. I thought maybe they go crazy at night or maybe the are on meds and didn't  take their nighttime dosage?? So when my kids asked if these same boys could stay over I was quite reluctant.
I had a lil chit chat with the lads and told them they were welcome to stay but should they go crazy at any point I will drop their asses off at their home irregardless of the time.

We ran out for pizza and loaded up on video games and everyone settled in for the evening. The night went well. There was no fighting, arguing, or psychocotic episodes. The next morning however was a different story. The first issue was when my son told me that my other son wasn't sharing the game. We have 3 games systems but two have been taken away due to poor grades. I handled that and went on about my housework. Ten seconds later my boys were arguing over which game to play. I handled that and warned that if this continued our friends would have to leave. I began breakfast, well compiling a list of biscuits that everyone wanted from Bojangle,s and during that 6 minutes another 2 arguments ensued between my boys. Let me say that the visitors were great but the home team was sucking. "Last warning!" I said to my boys "One more fight and your company will leave." Ten minutes later I am sad to say that company had to leave.

 I spoke with my kids about being a good host and certainly not fighting in front of company at the least. Even after the friends left my two continued at each other the remainder of the morning.

Around 12p I decided to watch a Aladdin in my room with princess and dozed off. I awoke around 2pm and noticed the house very quite. I got up to see what was up with all this quiet and noticed my front door ajar. Interesting since my children know better than to go outdoors without telling me and are definitely not allowed out if I'm napping. I saw my boys come from behind the house with a roll of toilet paper.

Me= Red
Friend= Green

 I asked "Why the hell are you outside?" "And why the hell do you have toilet paper?" Michael immediately began to tell a lie when Marlon, who can always be counted on to tell the truth piped up and said. "We were giving it to our friend' he has to poop."
"Yeah our friend, he's in the woods, He has to poop." Marlon explained as if this were an everyday occurence.
"And how would you know that if you were inside like you should've been?"
 "Well, because he knocked on the door and asked do use our bathroom and we told him he couldn't come in because you were taking a nap" "See how well we listened?"

Another rule I have- No company when mom is not on sight supervising

"So why didn't he go home and go poop?" I asked
"Because he lives too far to walk"
"How he get here then?"
 "His mom dropped him off"
 I asked "When?"
"He knocked on the door this morning and you were already mad so we told him he could not come in so he has been outside the entire time"
"Where?" I asked
"We told him to hide in the woods"
"So some kid has been stashed in the woods in 100 degree weather for 5 1/2 hours!"

As I stood there in shock trying to absorb all this there was a knock at the door.

I opened the door and saw the cutest nerdy looking kid. The poor boy looked dehydrated and miserable. I immediately poured him a glass of juice and offerd him to use the bathroom or have a snack. He declined both.
I said to him "Why did you stay out in those woods all day like that?"
"Well ma'am, my name is Billy. What had happened was, early this morning I asked  Michael if I could come over and hang out, He said yes. So when I called to let them know I was on my way they told me they couldn't have company because they had gotten into trouble but it was too late I was already pulling up."
"Where is your mom?" I asked
"Well she went out of town, to Cary"
"When will she be back?"
 (it was now 230p)
"Does your mom usually drop you off at random houses without speaking with the adults?"
"Did you call her and tell her what was going on"
"Yes maam but she said that she would be here at 5p"

At that point I was furious, at my kids for hiding some kid in the woods in this horrible heat, and at this mom for just dropping off her kid at some strangers house without even speaking to me. Who the hell does that?
I was even a little upset with the kid for sitting out there in the woods hiding all day! Come on people.But  I was really mad at my kids. Who invites someone over and hides them in the woods? See my kids were screwed because they are only allowed to have company with my permission and at least a one day notice. Which they had neither. I think their  plan was to spring it on me last minute but then things went so bad with their first group of friends they knew better.

Anyway turns out the little guy's dad was home so I drove him home. And immediately after drove my kids over to their dads an hour away. I needed some peace.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Happy Monday

So this is how my day started. My place of business is next to a bar. And in case you are unsure this is vomit, lots of it mixed with lemons and a straw. Right smack at the front entrance to my place. If this is any indicator of my day or week I'm screwed. Thank God I'm the boss and I can make someone else clean it up.

What's This Fool Up To?

So I'm at work and I work in a retail center that is shared with the likes of a Tavern and an Edward Jones center. Located beside us is a BP/Subway. We have a rather large parking lot and on the outer edge of the parking lot is a green grassy area. It is the future site of another retail site. Telling you all this so that you can grab a visual.

The front of our business is all glass and as I sit here and notice an oddity out the window. This guy....

Looks innocent enough right. But hold up. Check this out.

Can you tell what he's up to? It was hard to get the shot because my camera phone sucks and I was trying to be inconspicuous. Here's a hint. Check out the stance. Still not sure?

Okay one more. and I'll blow it up.
This fool is playing golf. In a shopping center parking lot!!

WTF! quite honestly he pulled up, took out a bag of clubs, chose one and went to town. Then after 15 minutes or so he switched clubs and played some more. I tried really hard to get close up pics of him because to me this was hilarious. But when he saw me checking him out he got in his car and left. I have my own ideas why he is playing golf in the shopping center parking lot. But just for fun why don't you all tell me his story. Why is this dude playing golf in the shopping center?

Friday, October 1, 2010

Final Chapter- Could Be Worms

So I awoke to breakfast in bed compliments the RA. Pancakes, bacon, cream of wheat, scrambled cheese eggs, warm pure maple syrup. Made me wonder if the doggy was out back. I ate my breakfast then went on a check to make sure the dog wasn't stashed somewhere. I also noticed since yesterday that my son and daughter were sick. No fever but my son stayed in bed most of the weekend and anyone with a 9 year old boy knows that that is a sure sign something ain't right. My daughter was also saying she didn't feel good. After sharing this with one of my girlfriends she told me that kids can catch worms from a dog and it can be very serious. So in typical Roc (me) fashion. I was certain my kids all had worms. I got online again because remember I am online doctor...

 and discovered that yes they could catch worms and it was serious. I got off the Internet and explained to RA that thanks to him the kids were all infested with worms and would probably die. Oh I went on and on and like usual he just tuned me out. I certainly did not feel that I should miss work because of his stupid ideas so I made my sickest son an appointment for Monday morning and told RA he would have to take him in.

For the remainder of the day RA was quite helpful. he cleaned, did laundry, cooked a lavish dinner of BBQ chicken, corn on the cob and some potatoeish dish that he created. he also baked a cake. I was hopeful that he was sorry about this crap and was trying to make it up. And to really push it, I hauled ass outta there. I decided since he is rarely around cooking and kid watching I would use the time to undue my stress and go tanning and shopping, which I did.

The next morning RA called me after my sons appointment and I braced myself for the bad news.
"How long does he have?" I asked.
"Until what?" said RA.
"You know, the end" I said.
 "Roc, the boy doesn't have worms."
 "Well then what does he have?"
 "a cold" he replied.
"Oh, well gotta go".