F**K YOU EHARMONY

Gotta put the funeral story on pause for a minute.

I have shocking and deplorable news. I am undateable!! I have never had much trouble getting a guy and usually have at least one guy crushing on me in the background somewhere. So I just spent an entire hour on Eharmony trying to feel out my potential to find love again someday. I answered what seemed like a million questions quite honestly and an hour later pressed the button and waitted anxiuosly to see my new potential hotties. What I got was the following message.

"We're very sorry, but our matching system cannot predict good matches for you."

SERIOUSLY??? NO ONE. NOT ONE SINGLE GUY IN THE WHOLE U S of A??!!

It then proceeded with a disclosure of some sort trying to tell me that just because they couldn't find love for me it doesn't mean that I won't find it someday on my own. Then it told me that the results of this does not have any reflection on the type of person that I am etc. etc. etc. I imagined that someone has killed themselves after getting this message from eharmony before, therefore the need for this disclosure.


In order to thank me for wasting an entire hour of my life only to be told that I suck they gave me the lovely parting gift of a personality profile.


"We apologize and regret our inability to find good matches for you. The time you spent completing our questionnaire, however, has enabled us to provide you with a free Personality Profile.. This Personality Profile lets you learn more about yourself and should provide you with valuable insights."


Words that describe you:
Uncompromising
Frank
Astute
Critical
Empirical
Tough
Discerning
Skeptical
Shrewd

There was much, much more. At first I laughed. Then as I read on I cried. Now I am depressed. Kinda.