I have a son turning 14 in less than a month. My son walks to and from middle school with his 11 year old brother and the 13 year old girl from up the street. Last night my 11 year old informed me that my 14 year old and the girl up the street had made the decision to lose their virginity together today after school in an abandoned building. I was horrified to hear this and attempted to have a calm yet real conversation with the son with the big plans. I have always been a pretty open minded parent and have had the view point that when my kids are ready to take that huge step there would not be a whole lot that I can do about it other than educate them and try to dissuade them from things that they are not ready for.
Since I work my teenagers are home alone for no more than 2 hours each day after school. I have educated my son about the dangers of sex both emotionally and psychically and have asked him to come to me when he thinks he is ready so that we may discuss it again in real time. So when I confronted my son, calmly let me add, I was very upset that he lied to me. I reminded him of our agreement that as long as he remains open and honest with me I would remain as understanding as one could possibly be. Let me add that I am horrified that he would think that he is ready for this. After attempting to discuss the situation with my son and having him continually lie to me about it. I sent him to his room. That was more for me to figure out exactly how to handle the situation. You see, I consider myself a creative parent that comes up with innovative ways to teach my children lessons. But this one had me completely perplexed...I thought this problem was years away.
As I thought of punishments and possible solutions that including quitting my job so that I may transport him to and from school daily I realized this was not a realistic solution. Then it occurred to me exactly what to do. I contacted the girls parents and let them in our our kids little pact they had. The girl completely fessed up and admitted everything. After they dealt with their daughter I suggested that the father of the girl, a huge intimidating man come have a chat with my son about his plans with his daughter. And that is exactly what we did. I did not even inform my son I was in on it. I just told him that the father of the girl he wanted to sleep with was here to talk to him. I led the father into my sons room shut the door and left. My son looked horrified! After about 30 minutes the man reemerged thanked me and left. I went in to check on my son and he looked to be in shock. Mission Accomplished!
My son and I had yet another conversation in which I asked him to imagine that father coming over to discuss his daughter being pregnant and having to deal with that. Anyways, they will be transporting their daughter to and from school for awhile and my son is punished for lying to me. He is currently writing a 2 page essay on what it would be like to be a father at 14. And this bullet has been dodged for now.
Update- Well that girl became extremely obsessed with my son, as a matter of fact her obsession will get a post of its own. They moved and no sex took place as far as I know. I think my tactic was supermomish because the key to raising teenagers is being able to shock them when they need it the most! But this made me think about the age I lost my virginity (15 and 1/2) probably seems early to most but I was the last one in my group of friends most gave it up at 13 or 14. What age were you when you first got it on?
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
SERIOUSLY WTF- REPOST from 1/14/10
Super busy lately but wanted to give you a lil something. Please enjoy this repost from last year.
So I work in childcare...not your typical childcare, not a daycare, more like drop off care on an as needed basis. We service mostly high end customers and the majority of them are so hard to please to begin with. I have to share an incident that happened to me yesterday. I had about 10 kids varying in ages from 12mths to 7 years old. It was a normal chaotic day with the normal amount of chaos and I've been doing this for 9 years so yesterday was no big deal.
One of the little girls we had did not listen, would take things from others, hit littler ones etc. This particular girl was two so all this behavior was pretty much to be expected. When her mother returned to pick her up she asked me how her daughter's behavior was and I first responded "it was okay".
She prodded me for more details not fully accepting the "it was okay" answer.
So she asked again "no, really was she okay?"
Not wanting to lie to her I said "Well, she was a little mean, but it was no big deal".
The mother looked at me as if I had just called her daughter a retarded lunatic and said "MEAN?". "What exactly did she do that constitutes her being called mean?"
At first I thought she was just curious maybe even sharing a bit of sarcastic humor. With one look in her eyes I could tell she was not happy, in fact she looked horrified. I explained to her that her daughter had taken toys from other kids and even at times hit smaller kids but it was not a big deal. It was typical to see this behavior at this age.
She hollered at me "If it was no big deal then why did you just call her MEAN!"
I stood there shocked wondering how to respond to her.
Before I could even respond she said " Well, since she is sooo mean maybe we will never come back..there are other places that we could give our business to...I can't believe you just called her MEAN! What an ugly word to use to describe someones child!" Then she went into a tyrade about "if she was so MEAN you could have called me, or put her in timeout, but to refer to her as MEAN is insulting!"
I in shock at her reaction struggled to find the right thing to say to diffuse the situation. I said to her " I'm sorry,it was not that big of deal which is why we did not call or utilize timeout and I would not have even said anything had you not asked."
"Well again calling my daughter MEAN is so inapproaite you could have said she had issues or her behavior was less than savory.
SERIOUSLY!!! WTF!! If I had said to her that her daugther "had issues" then I can imagine that she would have seriously hit the roof! She just kept going on and on about me calling her daughter mean and insisting she would never come back again. In the course of her tantrum I apologized again.
At this point my manager came up and she said to my manager "well your employee here thinks my daughter is MEAN!" The manager, who thought she was joking too just smiled at the lady. So I turned to the manager and said "she says she is not coming back". My point in saying that was to inform the manager that the lady was really upset so that maybe she could diffuse the pyscho mom. But she didn't catch on quick enough to do so.
The mother then said "well give me my MEAN daughter, her MEAN diaper bag and her MEAN boots!" She was seroiuously furoius. I at this point just walked off realizing I was not gonna be able to fix this.
Anyways she wrote a letter to the owner and went on and on about how rude I was...she's getting $36 dollars credit even though yesterday she only spent $15. And I am defeated yet again! So I ask you, especially moms... did I do something wrong?
Update- I was promoted to manager at that job 1 month later. But not long after I left that company to work where I am now.
So I work in childcare...not your typical childcare, not a daycare, more like drop off care on an as needed basis. We service mostly high end customers and the majority of them are so hard to please to begin with. I have to share an incident that happened to me yesterday. I had about 10 kids varying in ages from 12mths to 7 years old. It was a normal chaotic day with the normal amount of chaos and I've been doing this for 9 years so yesterday was no big deal.
One of the little girls we had did not listen, would take things from others, hit littler ones etc. This particular girl was two so all this behavior was pretty much to be expected. When her mother returned to pick her up she asked me how her daughter's behavior was and I first responded "it was okay".
She prodded me for more details not fully accepting the "it was okay" answer.
So she asked again "no, really was she okay?"
Not wanting to lie to her I said "Well, she was a little mean, but it was no big deal".
The mother looked at me as if I had just called her daughter a retarded lunatic and said "MEAN?". "What exactly did she do that constitutes her being called mean?"
At first I thought she was just curious maybe even sharing a bit of sarcastic humor. With one look in her eyes I could tell she was not happy, in fact she looked horrified. I explained to her that her daughter had taken toys from other kids and even at times hit smaller kids but it was not a big deal. It was typical to see this behavior at this age.
She hollered at me "If it was no big deal then why did you just call her MEAN!"
I stood there shocked wondering how to respond to her.
Before I could even respond she said " Well, since she is sooo mean maybe we will never come back..there are other places that we could give our business to...I can't believe you just called her MEAN! What an ugly word to use to describe someones child!" Then she went into a tyrade about "if she was so MEAN you could have called me, or put her in timeout, but to refer to her as MEAN is insulting!"
I in shock at her reaction struggled to find the right thing to say to diffuse the situation. I said to her " I'm sorry,it was not that big of deal which is why we did not call or utilize timeout and I would not have even said anything had you not asked."
"Well again calling my daughter MEAN is so inapproaite you could have said she had issues or her behavior was less than savory.
SERIOUSLY!!! WTF!! If I had said to her that her daugther "had issues" then I can imagine that she would have seriously hit the roof! She just kept going on and on about me calling her daughter mean and insisting she would never come back again. In the course of her tantrum I apologized again.
At this point my manager came up and she said to my manager "well your employee here thinks my daughter is MEAN!" The manager, who thought she was joking too just smiled at the lady. So I turned to the manager and said "she says she is not coming back". My point in saying that was to inform the manager that the lady was really upset so that maybe she could diffuse the pyscho mom. But she didn't catch on quick enough to do so.
The mother then said "well give me my MEAN daughter, her MEAN diaper bag and her MEAN boots!" She was seroiuously furoius. I at this point just walked off realizing I was not gonna be able to fix this.
Anyways she wrote a letter to the owner and went on and on about how rude I was...she's getting $36 dollars credit even though yesterday she only spent $15. And I am defeated yet again! So I ask you, especially moms... did I do something wrong?
Update- I was promoted to manager at that job 1 month later. But not long after I left that company to work where I am now.
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
The Grinch who stole christmas....LITERALLY!
As I have stated before, I have 6 kids: two from his previous marriage, two from mine and two together. The two from his live w/ the mom but visit often and were with us for the holidays. His two are a boy-13 and a girl-12. During the visit I noticed random things missing, razors, lotion, etc. But with 6 kids in the house no biggie right? Until some money came up missing...That's when dad decided to check through his daughters luggage just to be sure nothing inadvertently got packed. Me....I did not think for a single moment that anyone had taken items. As dad began to unpack the luggage it was discovered that my step daughter had stolen about 20 items from our home. Items ranging from shoes, to cosmetics, to clothes, to lighters, flashlights, money etc. I was deeply hurt and horrified! When confronted my daughter just said nothing but did not appear remorseful at all. My fiance got all big and bad and said he was gonna definitely discipline her but then decided that having her apologize was punishment enough! My hurt over the theft was quickly replaced by anger at my fiance for not giving her some sort of consequence. Not only was she let completely off the hook but all the other kids in the home who were also stolen from were outraged! I'm not exactly sure what should have been done although I do know that since she had sooo much it could not have possibly been her first time. Now, it is not uncommon for dad and I disagree on how to handle the kids when there is an issue. I am more strict where he just takes a kinder, gentler, more INEFFECTIVE approach. But this was just ridiculous. Not only did we all feel violated having our property stolen but then not even having any sort of justice served was just, to me, encouraging that sort of behavior. It has been very difficult to explain to my biological kids why she was let off so easily and bringing it up with him just seems useless because he gets soo offensive. Since that incident I just completely lost respect for him as a father. And feel betrayed by him as well as her. Suggestions anyone?
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
APPARENTLY...I do count
I am a Barack Obama Supporter and this morning I received the best gift ever. In my email was a personalized video thanking ME for my support. In it people all over the world was saying thanks and happy holidays. My name appeared painted on a huge barn, people in the streets were holding up signs that said "We love you and thanks, then an airplane came across the screen dragging a banner with MY name and thanking me for my help.Then what appeared to be Obama himself signing a Christmas Card for ME! Wow! It was amazing! I felt soooo important and appreciated and loved. Yes, I realize that the video is a standard video that will go out to millions and my name was photo shopped in where it appeared. But I don't care. I love it, I thought it was great and it was nice to feel appreciated for once. It made my day!
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
A CHARLIE BROWN CHRISTMAS
OMG!
Last night my fiance arrived home with a Christmas Tree.....One he cut down himself from the woods! You can only imagine. It seriously looks like a tree from the front yard. The branches are so weak and brittle that I can only imagine when I attempt to hang an ornament on them they will just snap...decorating coming soon. I'll let you know maybe even take a photo or two so you can all laugh!
Last night my fiance arrived home with a Christmas Tree.....One he cut down himself from the woods! You can only imagine. It seriously looks like a tree from the front yard. The branches are so weak and brittle that I can only imagine when I attempt to hang an ornament on them they will just snap...decorating coming soon. I'll let you know maybe even take a photo or two so you can all laugh!
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Mexican Hell- Repost from 12/15/09
First let me begin by saying that two of my children and ex husband are of Hispanic descent...so that gives me free will to comment and not be racist.:)
NOT AGAIN!!!!
There is a lovely little house across from me. I am at the bottom of a dead end street. A street that contains only 6 houses. Three which are vacant. The one across from me is such a cute house for a family, old school covered porch with a lovely porch swing a beautiful yard and an amazing array of old and mighty trees, perfect for raising a family.
However, for the past 4 years that house has been rented to GROUPS of Mexican men. Many different groups that trade out in the night. Just as you begin to recognize them they disappear and are replaced by a new group. Something like an underground railroad. Most of the groups have been okay. I mean the yard is not greatly kept up nor the porch and the soccer games of 30+ men have provided me some entertainment. The men work and don't bother anyone well except for the 15 different cars that pull up and honk the horns in the wee hours of the morning as the men head off to work.
The last group was the worst of the bunch. Their front lawn and porch was covered with Natural Light cans.. about 1,000 of them at least. They played their carnival music loud and had a habit of speeding up and down the road. Thankfully they are now gone and the property owners spent weeks just cleaning the place up all the while complaining that this will not happen again.
Over the past few weeks I have spotted many a family come by to view the house. Each time getting my hopes up hoping that my kids would have some nice playmates close to home. This one family came several times seeming wonderful, through my slatted mini blinds at least. Saturday I awoke to the noise of new neighbors. Yeah! I opened my blinds to get a peek and NOOOO! Eighteen cars littered the streets and driveway! All I saw was Hispanic men everywhere! What happened to the nice family? Where are the kids! Calm down I told myself.. maybe they are just helping the nice family move in. But no I think not... at 3am Saturday night all the cars left and I noticed there were end tables, baby furniture, and bags of clothes on the porch.... the uncovered part. All getting rained on. The trash can is overflowing by the curb animals have gotten into it and there is litter everywhere. And it is Tuesday the furniture and clothes remain and the trash is spreading farther. HELP!! Save me from my Mexican Hell!
UPDATE- So a year later and that family still remains. I have no clue who lives there I often see a mom walking the kids to the bus stop but other than that I never see any kids outside?? I do see different men and women coming and going but I'm way too busy to keep watch over them. They now have a bookshelf and a couch on the front porch.This is also the family that my new neighbor has deemed "crack dealers". The jury is still out on that one and now....according to the neighbor....they have chickens running around their yard. I have not seen a chicken as of yet but I got my eyes on them. When I moved here 8 years ago the neighborhood was all white, with one Hispanic family, then a whitey moved out and a black family moved in. Now there are no blacks, no whites, just Mexicans and me and the lady next door. I do kinda feel like I live in Mexico, there is often carnival music playing but I find their culture interesting and they do send me tacos and shit so it's not too much of a bother but for the fact that I am now the minority on my street.
NOT AGAIN!!!!
There is a lovely little house across from me. I am at the bottom of a dead end street. A street that contains only 6 houses. Three which are vacant. The one across from me is such a cute house for a family, old school covered porch with a lovely porch swing a beautiful yard and an amazing array of old and mighty trees, perfect for raising a family.
However, for the past 4 years that house has been rented to GROUPS of Mexican men. Many different groups that trade out in the night. Just as you begin to recognize them they disappear and are replaced by a new group. Something like an underground railroad. Most of the groups have been okay. I mean the yard is not greatly kept up nor the porch and the soccer games of 30+ men have provided me some entertainment. The men work and don't bother anyone well except for the 15 different cars that pull up and honk the horns in the wee hours of the morning as the men head off to work.
The last group was the worst of the bunch. Their front lawn and porch was covered with Natural Light cans.. about 1,000 of them at least. They played their carnival music loud and had a habit of speeding up and down the road. Thankfully they are now gone and the property owners spent weeks just cleaning the place up all the while complaining that this will not happen again.
Over the past few weeks I have spotted many a family come by to view the house. Each time getting my hopes up hoping that my kids would have some nice playmates close to home. This one family came several times seeming wonderful, through my slatted mini blinds at least. Saturday I awoke to the noise of new neighbors. Yeah! I opened my blinds to get a peek and NOOOO! Eighteen cars littered the streets and driveway! All I saw was Hispanic men everywhere! What happened to the nice family? Where are the kids! Calm down I told myself.. maybe they are just helping the nice family move in. But no I think not... at 3am Saturday night all the cars left and I noticed there were end tables, baby furniture, and bags of clothes on the porch.... the uncovered part. All getting rained on. The trash can is overflowing by the curb animals have gotten into it and there is litter everywhere. And it is Tuesday the furniture and clothes remain and the trash is spreading farther. HELP!! Save me from my Mexican Hell!
UPDATE- So a year later and that family still remains. I have no clue who lives there I often see a mom walking the kids to the bus stop but other than that I never see any kids outside?? I do see different men and women coming and going but I'm way too busy to keep watch over them. They now have a bookshelf and a couch on the front porch.This is also the family that my new neighbor has deemed "crack dealers". The jury is still out on that one and now....according to the neighbor....they have chickens running around their yard. I have not seen a chicken as of yet but I got my eyes on them. When I moved here 8 years ago the neighborhood was all white, with one Hispanic family, then a whitey moved out and a black family moved in. Now there are no blacks, no whites, just Mexicans and me and the lady next door. I do kinda feel like I live in Mexico, there is often carnival music playing but I find their culture interesting and they do send me tacos and shit so it's not too much of a bother but for the fact that I am now the minority on my street.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Warning Parents
Well....I guess the true meaning of Christmas will finally prevail. Like many parents over the years I have overindulged my children (I have 6) at Christmas. When you have that many kids you are always worried about making sure each feels important and no one has much more than the others, etc. Therefore you tend to create a ridiculous amount of gifts that generally go unappreciatted two days later anyway. Well like a lot of people, this year Christmas just ain't happening. (in the usual sense anyways) My kids are aged 13 through 2 and my family is quite blended. What I mean by that is 2 kids from his previous marriage, two from mine and then two together. Although we are fortunate enough to both still be employed we have both taken huge paycuts leaving us scrambling to pay bills let alone celebrate Christmas in the usual way. (commercially) So it is now that I realize my past mistake and want to warn others. Careful of the standards you provide because one day you may not be able to reach them through no fault of your own. Then Christmas, instead of being a time of cheer, celebration, and love becomes a disgruntled D day looming ahead. Please learn from me set a tradition early on that does not revolve around so much gift giving. You never know it may save you later.
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