Just Leave Me Alone

I work in a small shopping center. The surrounding businesses all open at 10am except for me and the Edward Jones office. A couple months ago the lady who works at the Financial place started being friendly in the morning. Since the shopping center is a ghost town most mornings and she and I are the only ones on site she started stopping in to say "good morning." Nice enough. It was a quick pop in to say "hi" and that was the gist of it. Over the course of a  couple weeks instead of the occasional pop in it became a morning ritual. She would stop by to chit chat for 10 minutes or so. Again nice enough.
In the past month this has taken on a whole new meaning. Instead of a quick pop in to say hi for 5 minutes it has been her coming over and bitching for 30 plus minutes. Now you guys no I'm all for a bitch session but she won't let me get a word in. She goes on and on and I agree with nothing she says or thinks. We have NOTHING in common. If I try to pop in with an opinion of my own or a topic I would like to discuss she cuts me off and goes on to her next topic to bitch about. It is ridiculous. As I have gotten to know her, I do not like her personality at all. She is cranky and judgemental. She doesn't really wanna hear anything I have to say she just wants to come over and dump all her crap on me and then roll out. Hence my decrease in blogging activity. I blog in the mornings when it is quiet. But now it's no longer quiet. I have tried disagreeing with everything she has to say hoping she will get annoyed and move on but that didn't work.  I have tried being less than friendly, acting like I was busy working, not making eye contact or even responding much while she goes on and on about her garden or her pot roast or her cabinets or her knitting. Uggh. If this was a give and take I could maybe deal with it but its not. Its just her dumping on me. 
I get up every morning in the 5 o'clock hour. Get 4 kiddos off in four directions, so there is not much peace. When I arrive at work that first 30 minutes is my peace time. There are usually no kids and I can drink coffee and blog. She is totally infringing on my space and I hate it!
And again let me mention she is just not nice. Which generally is not a problem because I do not like people with rainbows shooting out of their ass at all times. But dang!  I have to get rid of her. She starts my day off so sourly. And I'm sour enough without the added sourness. I have thought about purchasing this mug

and see if she gets the hint, but she probably won't.

Have you ever had someone that tried to be your BFF and you were not interested? I know I could say "buzz off bitch!" but that's a bit too rude even for me. She is in her late 50's and as I've said before that age group loves me. So I feel obligated just a bit. But how do you get rid of someone like that? Without being blatantly rude that is. And before you even suggest  telling her that I have work to do, save your advice. I've tried that. It obviously was not effective.
Keep in mind I have one at home and now one at work. These ladies just won't leave me the hell alone!

MY NEW BFF

So I got myself a new neighbor. It has been my experience that neighbors are best kept at a wave and a smiles length. Let me explain...every time I befriend a neighbor they make it their mission to come by every day and spend as much time as possible with me. This will come as a surprise to most of you but I am not that friendly in real life. I have a small circle of friends and they all know that I am busy and interactions with me must be planned out in advance. Not a big fan of the "surprise drop in." 

When I met my new neighbor, a retired older lady I saw the gleam in her eye. She couldn't wait to be my new BFF. So I have been polite but tried to keep things short and sweet. After all our houses are connected and dodging her would take a lot of energy and planning. But she is persistent and catches me getting out of the car, checking my mail, bringing in my trash cans etc. I always rush off with a smile and wave and say I have dinner burning on the stove, or the baby is in the tub. 


Well Friday my kids were playing football out in the yard when one of them came in and said the neighbor wants to see you. SHIT! I panicked. "Uuh, tell her I'm busy but will be out in a few." I thought that she would give up and go away. Fast forward 5 minutes. I looked out the window, still there. SHIT. Ten minutes later still there. So I gave up went out and decided to make it quick. I stepped outside and wondered what she had to say that kept her waiting at my door for 15 minutes.

Me= Red
Neighbor= Blue
My alter Ego= Green


"Hi" I said cheerfully
"Hi I haven't seen you much lately"
"Thats the point,  uh sorry we've been so busy, remember I told you I am super busy all the time"
"Well I just wanted to say thanks for the fan you loaned me it is cooling the apartment nicely"
"Glad I could help"
"Can you come over for a minute?"
"NOoooooooo- Okay sure."


Well, a minute turned into two hours, I swear. 


Every time I tried to make a run for it  head out she had another question or something else to show me.
I get that she's retired and lonely, but problem is I am neither retired nor lonely and I just cannot spare leisurely convos in two hour blocks.


My kids kept coming over "we are starving"  they would say
I would say "oh let me get going, the kids are hungry"
"I understand" she would say "but let me show you what my dog can do"
"thats great! Okay well its getting late and I better get going"
"Oh okay, I understand, but let tell you about the past 50 years of my life"
"Sounds grand but I'm hungry now too, so I guess I'll see you later"
"Well I have a great recipe I can share with you"
Mommy we are hungry! I'm so glad my kids don't have manners and will  interrupt me at any time :)
"Well I really should get a move on this has been great wasting two hours chatting with you"
"I could come over if you want that way we could still talk and you could feed your kids"
"Aww what a lovely offer but I have to do fast food now that it's so late, its after 8pm", HINT HINT!!
"Hold on don't go I have coupons some where let me just look through my stuff"
And on and on this went until the sun went down and the owls came out.
I finally managed to get away thanks to the constant whining of my kids. 

I made it home safely and as I drew in a sigh of relief there was a knock at the door
I opened it and there was......     you guessed it! 
My neighbor!
"Hi!" She said excitedly. "I was just thinking that maybe we could clip coupons together and I could show you how to get shampoo for 29 cents!"

"Sounds riveting I'll get back to you on that!"
"How bout tomorrow bright and early?"
'Lady tomorrow is Saturday and I do not do anything  bright and early"
"That prob won't work since Im so busy remember?"
"Well how bout the afternoon?" 
"Naw, won't work we have plans" (we didn't but we will now)
"Well I'Il just keep at it until you have some time"
"I'm sure you will"
"okay thanks really gotta go feed these kids"
"oh yes I'm sorry" 


Then there was this huge awkward hug??? I am not a hugger so this was awkward." I love you Raquel, Have  a good night"
"Uhhhhh  Love you too??"

Just so you people don't think I am heartless, I understand that this is just a sweet older lady that is lonely and I have been polite and will continue to be but I just cannot adopt another friend right now.