When Your Team Is Down..... and you have PMS

So another football game story.

We were up against a team that had lost every game prior. Should be easy to beat huh? Well we were doing quite well until 3rd quarter and then who-the-hell-knows what happened. It's was cold and rainy and quite frankly I was getting tired of attending all these games, getting home late, paying to get in just to watch our boys lose 3/4 of the time. The team we were up against was actually our size for once and they had no skills so we shoulda beat them. 4th quarter and the score was 8 to 18 their way and their ball. Seriously Bengals WTF? I was so irritated at our guys. They had been playing like ish for the past few games.


I always stay til the bitter end and cheer my ass off even when we are getting whopped by 30 points but it was the end of the season and I had had it. Our guys made more mistakes and dropped the ball so much that they should have been kicked off the field. My annoyances got to me and I decided why stand out here in the rain just to lose? We were down 10 pts and only 2 minutes remained on the clock (which equals 20 minutes in football time) I decided to roll out. The other moms were shocked that I was leaving. I explained that I was really tired of showing up to these games and watching us get stomped then rushing home late etc. etc. I complained and bitched as I left the field. I told the other parents good luck to them for wasting their time but I know when somethings hopeless and I was out. I posted on facebook my frustration about how our team sucked. I know, I know, Not the appropriate parent thing to do but hey I have my faults.


I arrived at my car with my other son and the crowd cheered. We had scored a touchdown. But I felt like In the famous words of Joy Behar "So what. Who cares?" 14 to 18 with 40 seconds on the clock. We would still lose. I drove away aggravated and disappointed. I battled traffic and wet roads to pick up my other kids when at 6:17 Marlon called. "Hey mom can you pick me up?"  "No," I said "You should be well rested from that sorry game you just played. Go on ahead and walk home." I know it sounds mean but I was PMS-ing and he walks to school anyways. "What are you talking about?" he said. "Marlon how could you guys let those kids beat you? They hadn't won one single game all year? They were not even bigger than you guys for once. You guys had that in the bag." blah, blah, bitch ,bitch, complain, complain. My thoughts wandered to the next interview with an idiot where I would be reminded that we were beat by the team with the worst record. He interrupted me and said "Mom,,,we won!"


"Whatever" I said not in the mood for his sarcasm. "I was there. You guys lost."  "Nope we won." he said. "The last 30 seconds we got an interception and made a touchdown which led to overtime and then we got another touchdown and won!"
"Swear to God." I demanded.
"I swear" he says "It was the best game ever! The crowd went wild and we played like maniacs there at the end. You would have been so proud!"

Ugggh

So in honor of the winners... I can finally put this picture up.  I didn't want to post a pic with the losing team, lol.



Marlon, Me & Jamison



West Lake Are Cheaters...I Think

I guess my blog has turned into a football/annoying neighbor blog. My apologies but I must once again blog about my middle school football adventures.

So the game was at West Lake Middle. I knew nothing of this school prior to the day of the game. So I arrived in good spirits. When I arrived at the ticket table I was greeted by a snobby-nose-turned-up-bee-otch who was rude off the bat. I said "Hi" with an adoring smile. She simply replied "how many?" She was cold and abrupt as she sold me my tickets. When I asked where the bathrooms were located she replied rudely "In the building". Well Thanks biznitch, that was very helpful, and a great first impression of your hospitality.

Once we arrived on the field the first thing I noticed was the horrible accommodations..again. They had a lovely fenced in concrete high rise bleacher area that had maybe 20 total rows of seats or their parents. Pictured here.

 Then over tossed into a muddy area beside them we had one broke down set of bleachers for us. I then noticed that they had 2 coaches on the field just like us and everyone else we had played. But on the bleachers sat 4 more coaches all decked out in matching school uniforms. WTF!?
That seemed unfair. But I thought maybe the additional coaches were coaches of another sport there to lend support, or maybe they had kids on the team. As the game began these 4 extra coaches parked their asses smack in the center of our bleachers! Here they are

Yes, they scattered themselves throughout our one set of bleachers, virtually claiming them as their own. I thought that was odd since the remainder of their school was seated in the lovely first class section why would they wanna ride coach?

As the game began these four extras were screaming and directing the coach on the field. Telling him "Put 24 in! Take 53 out!" Play the 3rd play!" Strengthen your defense!" I immediately thought that was unfair. Because everything these extras were yelling, the coaches on the field did. So basically they had 6 set of eyes on the game to our 2. I say bullshit! The coaches on the bleachers would signal a timeout that the coach on the field would call and then the coaches on the field would meet the coaches on the bleachers at the gate and advise them? I couldn't figure this out.

So not only were these guys in our section cheering for us to lose but they had 6 advisers. I could not help but wonder if the guys on the bleachers were calling all the shots why they didn't have their asses on the field? Could it be because that would have been against the rules? There was this one coach that actually called players over during the game several times. He would yell out "55 come here!" Then he would meet 55 at the gate and advise him. WTF! The first time he did this I figured okay maybe that's his son. The second time I also thought the same but the 3rd time when he called a white player over (he was  black) I soon figured out these were not his kids. He was fucking coaching! Me , having caught the nosies from my neighbor decided to join in one of his meetings. When he called #56 over I came with.

The coach looked at me like I was nuts. He slid further down the gate away from me to discuss his secret strategy, I slid down with him. He grabbed the kid who was of monstrous size by the helmet and said  "You're big! You're strong! You're mean! Take those kids out! Hurt em if you have to! Lay them down!" The poor giant looked like he really did not want to do that but had no choice in the manner. Well that did it for me. I was livid!


Here is "Mister NFL Reject" headed out for another chat with one of the players which he did every 5 minutes.

I know football is a sport that incurs many injuries and it is rough. But I don't think the objective is to purposely injure a kid. I turned to him and said  "If my kid gets injured under your direction I'ma vandalize your car on my way outta here!"  I meant it too big asshole bully!- I didn't say the asshole bully part but nonetheless.That was the biggest threat I could launch because he was huge so threatening to kick his ass would've been a joke. The entire game they cheated. The clock would often continue to run after the whistle was blown on both teams but these extras would holler out "We lost 20 seconds add it back" and the clock keeper did. This happened about 5 times. It was odd though that when they ran the clock on us our time was not given back. Also at half time all 6 coaches met with then team. The other team also said "down, set, hut" causing our team to move and get penalized when they are supposed to say "down set hike."  Sneaky little snots they were. I mean come on, It's middle school and they played dirty. Anyhoo, they beat us pretty bad. We did not have may parents in attendance for some reason and the ones we did have were not very enthused or happy to be there. We made ourselves an easy target. At most games we have about 70 parents there cheering etc. Take a look at this time.

 They had been previously undefeated and honestly our guys were no match for their skill. They could have beat us fair and square but they chose the dirty route. I left so aggravated it was shameful. Our high school match up for the championship was a few days later and I could not get over myself so I attended that game just to see them lose. Our high school has only lost 1 game by 1 point we are beasts on the field. and we play clean. We won that game and the championship so I guess the score had been settled.

What I really wanna know from any school affiliated football pros, was all this stuff legal?
Uneven coaching numbers? Calling out BS plays to trick the other team? Crediting the clock for one team but not the other? Please tell me. Am I overreacting? Okay, don't tell me if I am overreacting, I already know I am. But really, is this crap legal?

Gotta Love The Power of Positive Thinking

I am a worst case scenario type of gal. No matter what is going on I can see doom just ahead. It's a gift I have, well actually it's a curse. I am this way because sadly it is usually as bad as I think it is or even worse. I get told "think positive" all the time and I find it so annoying. I would think positive if positive things were happening. And yes, I have read the books and even attended the seminars that teach you what you put into the universe is what you get back. Hence "throw out negativity and negativity you will endure."


This week I attended yet another riveting football game at my sons school. And no, I am actually not being sarcastic when I say riveting. I arrived on the field unsure of who our competitors were and when I arrived I was taken aback by the hugeness of the opponents. They towered over our kids and they were not slim either. They looked like the uncles and us, well we looked like the nephews. I immediately thought and posted on facebook that we were screwed. First quarter into the game and guess what? We were screwed. They had scored two touchdowns on us and we looked like shit. The worse part were these kids were BEASTS both in size and skill. They were knocking our players out right and left. Whenever they went in for tackle our kids would literally rise off the ground from the impact. It was BRUTAL. For once I was so glad my Pooty wasn't a main player. I was happy with his position in the fifth quarter. He would not have stood a chance against those kids.


Play after play after play I watched our kids take a psyhical beating by our opponents. It was hard to watch. I watched our little chicken shit guys seem to run from the opponents tackles. Our boys looked and acted scared and I cannot blame them. I was scared on the bleachers. Our guys made barely any attempts to tackle their players and when they tried they were quickly taken out by the other guys on the team.

 So shortly after half time our main payer took hit #432 and got injured. We were all upset by this. The poor boy was down, our best player. The football spectator in me was like "damn there goes our chances of winning", That was a sentiment shared by all on the bleachers. But the mom in me wanted to run out there and cuddle the boy and see if he was okay. He made it back on his feet and the crowd cheered. Ten minutes later BAMM! Down again, but this time he could not move. I was so upset by this. I began to verbalize my thoughts out loud.
This was me...
"Oh my god, he's down he's down!"
"Oh god hes not moving"
"He's hurt!"
"He is hurt bad."
"He's out."
"We're screwed."
"That looks serious."
"Oh my god he has to be carried off the field? WTF?"
"Oh god, oh god, oh no!"
"The season is done for us."
"The poor boy is probably injured for life" 
I had just watched a documentary about how young kids that play football can get injuries that screw them for life. So sure, I was a bit dramatic. This was my first time seeing a child take a beataing like that. Well except for the ones my kids get when they mouth off during my PMS time.
I mean I had watched him get knocked out like 5 times already.
Just then this lil ole lady on the front row turned around to me and said


"No! I will not let you speak these untruths. Don't be so negative. Trust and believe that the lord will heal this young man. If you continue to spew negativity you will throw this game! You must claim the victory in Jesus name!"

Gasp- Me?  My words threw the game! Shock! Nope. I think maybe it was the way the odds were stacked that cost us the game. She continued on with me telling me that "You will think and speak positively then she quoted several bible verses to back up her claim of the impact of my negative speaking.

Then all the black ladies behind me chimed in with the "Amens!" and "Praise God!"

I felt jacked up. Kinda like a hooker in church with a stanky vagina. So I hung my head in shame. She then told me "speak of the positive and you will see." "Yes maam" I said ashamed of my behavior, and showing the proper amount of respect for the elderly.
Then BAMM! Our #2 best player got hit and he was down. Down like four flat tires.
I said out loud "oh he's okay! He'll get up! We are gonna win this!" (The score at this point was like 30 to 8.) "You can do it Adam!" I shouted.
But Adam didn't. He was down and he too had to be lifted and carried off the field.

I just looked at the lady and smiled.

Gotta love the power of positive thinking!

Ten Things I Learned About Middle School Football

Yesterday was my sons first football game ever! I thought I would share with you all some very valuable things I learned yesterday. It was an away game and it was held 45 minutes away at a local park. When we arrived at this park the players were dressing in the parking lot b/c there were no locker rooms. ?!? We walked down this looong concrete trail that led to the field. The cost to get in for me and my son was $10.

Lesson #1- It costs a ridiculous amount for me to sit miserably in the hot sun on some dirty bleachers, and when I bring all my kids it will be $20 entry cost!

Let me say here that if you are the parent of a sports playing child your ass should get in free. Especially when you have driven 45 minutes to get there and the accommodations suck. But anyway our schools section was about another mile around the track/field. The home team was conveniently located right inside the gate. About 5 steps in. It was 95 degrees so after the mile walk to the field and now the half mile walk to our teams section I was drenched in sweat.
Lesson #2 The images of freezing moms wearing parkas and toboggans wrapped in blankets drinking hot cocoa are not to be confused with North Carolinas Football season.


 I asked where the restrooms were located and was directed to one lone port a john on the other side of the field another 1/2 mile this too was conveniently located near the home team. As was the snack bar or rather water bottle and skittles table. 
Lesson #3 Apparently the golden rule to give your guests your best does not apply at these events.

When I made it to our teams section I noticed our one set of bleachers was out in the middle of the hot ass sun, there was no shade on our side at all. The home team had a lovely fenced In shaded two bleacher section conveniently close to both the  bathroom

 and the snack bar. 

Lesson #4 The snacks and restroom accommodations at these games SUCK!


No scoreboard , no cheerleaders, no announcing any ones name?? Upon arriving on the field I heard the opposing teams players say "where is Fuquay (our team) they need to hurry up so we can beat their asses". It was difficult for me not to say "oh they are changing in your lovely parking lot and will be here as soon as they walk the frickin mile to get here, providing that they don't have to all line up to go potty one at a damn time" But I didn't. Let me explain that our opposing team is a wealthy snobby town called "Cary" and they treated us like the poor trash we were. All of these undesirable conditions made me wonder where our tax dollars were going, or our fundraisers. Can we not afford a tree, or a bench for our players, or a megaphone so we can hear? 
Lesson #5- Maybe I should get more involved at my schools and make some changes.


And this is the well to do school. Hmmm. By the way I know our school field sucks too but it equally sucks for home and visitors and we have locker rooms and toilets. So there!

Let me say that I know NOTHING about football. Okay, I know that you gotta get the ball from one side to the other without being tackled more than four times and when you get it there thats called a touchdown. I know if you catch the other teams ball that is an interception and very good apparently but other than that, no clue. 
Lesson #6- I need to obtain a copy of Football for Dummies by next Wednesday.


So I just clapped when my bleacher partners clapped and grumbled when they grumbled. Whenever we had the ball I screamed, and when the other team had it I yelled "take em down!" That seemed to fit in.
Lesson #7- If you have no clue act like you do and no one will know. 


My hands were dry and sore from clapping, throat was hoarse from screaming, ass was sore from sitting, and clothes were drenched from sweating. I'm getting old. But despite all that I had a blast. Just imagine all the fun I could have had if I knew what the hell was going on. Therefore my goal this week will be to learn about football. 
Lesson #8- I am getting old


Anyhoo, we whipped their ass. Ha Ha. We whipped their ass with no shade, no restroom, no hospitality. Ha Ha! The game ended at 545p and the sad little snobs sat there in the grass getting a good chewing out by the coach. Ha Ha. 
Lesson #9 Victory is Sweet Justice!


Bonus Lesson #10- If you win you are golden but if you lose the whole world hates you, including your parents. Sad