Idiots Apply Here

I'm back in the hiring phase of my job. With the impending holidays we need some extra help. Yesterday after going through and then back through my stack of applicants I decided to run an ad online for help. The ad read as follows:


Holiday help needed. Must be over 21. Must be available for work starting at 230p, end time varies from 7p-11p. Must be available to work 2 Saturdays per month. Childcare not provided. Position has potential to become permanent. The pay was listed as well.


My first candidate arrived on time for her 2pm interview. However she was scary tan like this..

We sat down and I started the interview process. Here's how it went;
Me
Her
Italics (my thoughts)

"So tell me a little about yourself."
"Let me first tell you that I am a mother of two kids and my kids are my first priority"
Idiot doesn't every mom say that? Already not impressed. Not a good way to start.

"Okay so in saying that are you going to be able to be here each day at 230p?"
She looks at me like I'm retarded and says "Yes they are 10 and 12 and they are in school."
I return the look of retard in her direction and I say "Well doesn't school get out around 230p?' Bitch
"Well yes but they are old enough to care for themselves."
"Umm, okay"
"However they are enrolled in soccer, hockey, lacrosse, gymnastics and cheer squad and I fully intend on attending all their events."
Seriously? then what the hell are you applying here for?

"Seems like you may have a bit much of obligations to come on board here, see I need someone that is flexible and can be here at 230 that I can depend on."
"Well what days/"
"Not sure. They will vary."
"Like which ones?
Hello has all that tanning fried your ears?..."I said.. they will vary."
"Well I know right off I am not available Wednesdays, Mondays and Fridays."
"What about Saturdays?"
"Saturdays? "
She looks at me as if I've asked her to swallow a cockroach. Bitch did I stutter?

"Well I am a mother and would prefer to spend Saturdays with my kids." Okay how many times are you going to tell me you are a mother?
"Well I am the manager and a mother and also prefer to spend Saturdays alone watching lifetime while puffing on a Virginia Slim with my kids hence the hiring process."
"Well as I've stated I have two kids and they are involved in a lot of activities and my husband is a very important business man that cannot be bothered with items such as carpooling the kids to and from activities."
Well he must not be that important if you are applying for a night job.

"Well I really need someone here at 230 and Saturdays."
"Well maybe you can schedule me the days, that's what I'm looking for and that would be ideal."
Well bitch let me just reroute the whole company for you


She continued on about how her kids are in "expert grade sports" and how she just spent a $1000 on hockey for her 10 year old and blah, blah blah after I'd had enough of that,
 I responded with the "Well I have 6 kids ( I throw the step kids in when it benefits me) and I also have activities to attend which is why I am hiring."
"Oh really? What do your kids play?"
"Football"
"Where?"
"The middle school and its costs zero dollars."
"Yeah well my middle school just beat your two weeks ago.. Holly Ridge." Bad move.
"Oh yes you did but wasn't that the only game you won?"
Silence... then... "I'm not sure."
"Well I am. And it was." I smirk sweetly, I knew those middle school football stats would come in handy. "Well i guess we're done here."
"Well I so appreciate your time interviewing me and hope I get the job."
Don't hold your breath. IDIOT!!