Monday, November 8, 2010

Idiots Apply Here

I'm back in the hiring phase of my job. With the impending holidays we need some extra help. Yesterday after going through and then back through my stack of applicants I decided to run an ad online for help. The ad read as follows:

Holiday help needed. Must be over 21. Must be available for work starting at 230p, end time varies from 7p-11p. Must be available to work 2 Saturdays per month. Childcare not provided. Position has potential to become permanent. The pay was listed as well.

My first candidate arrived on time for her 2pm interview. However she was scary tan like this..

We sat down and I started the interview process. Here's how it went;
Italics (my thoughts)

"So tell me a little about yourself."
"Let me first tell you that I am a mother of two kids and my kids are my first priority"
Idiot doesn't every mom say that? Already not impressed. Not a good way to start.

"Okay so in saying that are you going to be able to be here each day at 230p?"
She looks at me like I'm retarded and says "Yes they are 10 and 12 and they are in school."
I return the look of retard in her direction and I say "Well doesn't school get out around 230p?' Bitch
"Well yes but they are old enough to care for themselves."
"Umm, okay"
"However they are enrolled in soccer, hockey, lacrosse, gymnastics and cheer squad and I fully intend on attending all their events."
Seriously? then what the hell are you applying here for?

"Seems like you may have a bit much of obligations to come on board here, see I need someone that is flexible and can be here at 230 that I can depend on."
"Well what days/"
"Not sure. They will vary."
"Like which ones?
Hello has all that tanning fried your ears?..."I said.. they will vary."
"Well I know right off I am not available Wednesdays, Mondays and Fridays."
"What about Saturdays?"
"Saturdays? "
She looks at me as if I've asked her to swallow a cockroach. Bitch did I stutter?

"Well I am a mother and would prefer to spend Saturdays with my kids." Okay how many times are you going to tell me you are a mother?
"Well I am the manager and a mother and also prefer to spend Saturdays alone watching lifetime while puffing on a Virginia Slim with my kids hence the hiring process."
"Well as I've stated I have two kids and they are involved in a lot of activities and my husband is a very important business man that cannot be bothered with items such as carpooling the kids to and from activities."
Well he must not be that important if you are applying for a night job.

"Well I really need someone here at 230 and Saturdays."
"Well maybe you can schedule me the days, that's what I'm looking for and that would be ideal."
Well bitch let me just reroute the whole company for you

She continued on about how her kids are in "expert grade sports" and how she just spent a $1000 on hockey for her 10 year old and blah, blah blah after I'd had enough of that,
 I responded with the "Well I have 6 kids ( I throw the step kids in when it benefits me) and I also have activities to attend which is why I am hiring."
"Oh really? What do your kids play?"
"The middle school and its costs zero dollars."
"Yeah well my middle school just beat your two weeks ago.. Holly Ridge." Bad move.
"Oh yes you did but wasn't that the only game you won?"
Silence... then... "I'm not sure."
"Well I am. And it was." I smirk sweetly, I knew those middle school football stats would come in handy. "Well i guess we're done here."
"Well I so appreciate your time interviewing me and hope I get the job."
Don't hold your breath. IDIOT!!


  1. OMG there are so many things wrong with this it's hysterical.
    From an HR standpoint this was bad. From a human standpoint the woman is dumb as shit with no social skills!

    But most importantly how the hell did you get her photo?

  2. I love my kids and they are my priority.
    So is feeding and housing them.

    Seeking employment and wishing I didn't live so far away.

    P.S. if you know anyone who is hiring in Montreal, I'm not Orange.

  3. PEG- LMAO- That is not really her but she looks very similar.

    The LL- True right. And is it really necessary to tell me over and over? Usually when someone has to keep driving that point home they are trying to convince themselves more so than me.

  4. So, you didn't hire her? ;-)

  5. I've always wondered about people who want to be that tan. Granted, it was popular in the 80's but now it is so not cool. Like having a mullet, who would want that? or big hair. That would be funny, a big hair mullet style tan mother came in to interview for a job ;o)

  6. For some reason when I read this I wanted to throw in the word "like" after every other word that she said. I picture her being this total airhead, valleygirl.."like what days would you need me, Like I have kids and their, like in sports and stuff, Like my husband is soooper important"..all the while she's chewing gum and twirling her hair..

  7. It's clear that she does not want the job. Why waste everyone's time?

  8. Bwhaha I'm sorry, but I have so been there. Interviewing people to wait tables...but they don't want to work Saturdays or Dinner hour. Huh?
    Best of luck!

  9. Crazy Tan Lady is a wee-bit self-obsessed I'd are you going to reroute the company for her or what? What with the economy, she's probably the only person who applied, right?...of course I'm being facetious. Let me join you in a loud round of "Crazy delusional bitch!"

  10. Ha...I'm always astounded by the level of stupid and obliviousness in the world. Cheers Roc!!

  11. Jay- No, not this time, but if I get desperate enough, who knows.

    Mamma- Um yeah, I tan a bit and it is so frowned upon, but where else can I get naked, have a 15 minute nap with a fan blowing on me while basking in the sun on my way from one hell to the next. But I would never wanna look like a lobster or a leather belt. lol

    Chandra- Like yeah right? She was easily 50.

    ETW- My sentiments exactly.

    MM-It's super annoying right? I had experienced this foolishness so many times before, hence the very descriptive ad. Uggh.

    Sandra- I actually was just fussing about "if the economy is so bad why did so few people apply?"

    Matt-Man- It's not even astounding anymore. It's more astounding to come across someone not as dumb as an empty ashtray.

  12. LOL that's awesome.

    But, um.. people don't actually look like that with the tanning, do they? Surely that's just a halloween costume?