Tuesday, November 9, 2010


I have a new topic to rant about......Meany Moms.
Just add 20 years to these chicks and you get the point.
My lil' princess just started taking dance classes at our community center. The center offers many classes...Ballet, tap, etc. We chose Creative Movement class because there were no outfit requirements, and I thought it would be a good place to start. The class specifically says come in sweats or comfortable clothes. So Friday we show up in our pink sweat suit all excited. As I entered the studio I noticed this was a whole different set of moms than our last class. I could tell quickly these were the moms I hate. You know them..the perfectly waxed eyebrows, manicured nails, $500 coach bag purse, Starbucks in one hand, blackberry/IPhone in the other. They talk to their kids in this ridiculous ass baby voice and offer them choices for every damn thing even when there is no choice. Those bitches. I tried not to judge and said "Hello" as I entered with a friendly smile. I noticed the room fell silent and the moms were all giving me the once over. One chick, who I will refer to as Alpha Mom, I think she is the lead bully in this group; scanned my outdated Nike shoes, my modest jewelry, my hair that doesn't cost $200 a month to maintain, my $20 Nine West purse, my homemade coffee cup with my Maxwell House Brewing inside and said "Hmmph, Morning" all snootily. I then looked around at all the other girls and guess what? My baby was the only one not decked out in a leotard, matching tutu, ballet shoes(it's not ballet class) with ribbons in her hair to match the ones in her shoes. Seriously a couple of the girls had tiaras or boas. WTF? They looked like this....
The parents were told to go to the parent section which is an area that consist of a few tables and chairs. This was a spot on Tuesdays where the moms and I had shared struggles, told jokes ,and enjoyed the break from our kids. Well, Alpha Mom immediately moved all the chairs, except one to to her table. As I entered the parent area I pointed at the lone chair and said "Well I guess that's my chair" and I went and sat down all alone at my table. It was rude but it really didn't bother me that much. I like peace and quiet. AM (Alpha Mom) started her meeting with all the moms. She began to  tell them about the latest Avon products and handing out brochures to everyone. Another mom showed up late and sat at my table but was engrossed in her phone as well. AM started to hand out Avon books and gave one to all the ladies at her table she then approached my table and gave one to the lady on her phone, didn't even offer me one! Whatever. I carried on with my paperwork.

One of the ladies got up to go to peep in the class when she returned she said to me "Oh, our daughters have the same hair,(both are redheads) well almost...Lily's  is more of a silky texture." As I looked at the lady with shock I instantly knew that was a hit on her being mixed and having a bit of the black girl texture to her hair. Which as you  can see is beautiful.

I said nothing. Quite honestly I was shocked at their behavior! The ladies began a chat about registering for the next session and how quickly the class would fill up, some expressed worry that they wouldn't get in. AM said loudly "I would not worry about that ladies, I have talked to the instructor and it appears that we are all getting in, the usual I mean, I'm not sure if there would be room for anyone else (she looked at me) but we are all in." Oh hell no! This class is not even open to registration yet. How the hell did she secure all their spots? I smell a conspiracy. 

When we returned to pick up our kids one of the moms who had been assisting said to me "Your MalloryJane  sure is good...long pause...at blowing her nose." Aw hell Naw bitch, Guess what her momma's good at?  Whopping your ass! Then one of the other moms said "Oh is someone sick want some hand sanitizer ladies?"  Then they all gathered in a circle and began sanitizing themselves and their kids. Like my baby had the plague!

Then class ended and I was trying to hurry my baby along because I had to get to work. I said to her "Hurry MJ you gotta get to school."  Another mom looked at me and said "school?, She goes to daycare?" "Preschool." I corrected her. "Oh I could never leave my babies in the hands of strangers, I prefer to raise them myself." She stated.Then all the snooty moms nodded in agreement. 

It was so hard not to tell them a thing or two. See I love confrontation and generally excel at it.
These moms, even in their larger numbers, are no true match for me. Here's why:

1-First of all, if they were all that- they would be taking dance classes at the real dance studios    our town offers, not at our community center.
2- All their kids appear spoiled and dependent.
3-They have to speak in that ridiculous baby voice all day.
4-I could break them down to tears in a heartbeat should I try.
5-None of them can kick my ass. I'm from the hood bitches!
6-Their kids are not cute enough to stand on their own they have to have feathers, tiaras etc to make them cute.

Now This was as unpleasant an experience I have had in a while. I really wanted to say several things to them like
"Oh Phoebe is going to be star ballerina? She can't even go potty yet right?"

Or when they were passing around their Target hand sanitizer I started to offer my Bath and Body Works Brand. And inform them it was of a "much better quality."

When they were having their Avon meeting I started to inform them that "Macy's carries a lovely foundation for only $89."

Or when the comment was made about my daughters hair texture I started to tell them "Yes that's what happens when you land a hot black guy opposed to the balding beer gut middle aged/senior men that you all  married for money."

And lastly "If you say one more disrespectful thing I am gonna kick your ass so hard your original hair color will come back."

But for my daughters sake I did not. I kept my composure and began planning this post. However this Friday someone may get their damn feelings hurt and it won't be me. I now realize why this class is full of only a clicky group of moms and me. I'm sure that they have ran off every other normal mother that has attempted to join the class. Well Fuquay-Varina 90210 you have met your match!

 For all the insecure moms without the guts to fight back.. I will! For all the moms who they made feel inferior... I will stay and drive these bitches crazy! Again I love confrontation so bring it bitches!


  1. I am sure this happens everywhere but I only read this on women bloggers in the south? What's up with that? and why am I not surprised?

    I never have dealt with it and hope to never have to.
    Go Raq!

  2. Oh my gosh my blood is boiling!!! I'm not sure how you kept your composure..oh wait because YOU have manners which apparenty none of those BIATCHES have.

    Serioulsy...AVON? Avon is like the step child to Mary Kay..c'mon. (sorry if anyone uses AVON...I'm just saying IF they were all that they would be using Clinique or Este Lauder or something...not AVON!)

    Keep us updated..oh and..Go Get Em!!!

  3. I have found that the mean moms are not as bad as the mean Nannys. When I take my nephew to Tae Kwon Do or my friend's kids to swimming, the Nannys are so snooty. Ugh. Bitches!

  4. Ugh I really hate people who act like that!!!! It would have been hard for me to not say anything to them either!! Ignoring them, probably has a better effect anyway. People like that, just love to get a rise out of others.

  5. Peg- Hmm I've never thought about that, but now that I do It IS only us southern women that behave this way. Oh My.

    Chandra- I know, I know. They are outta control. I wa just so shocked for that first class that I couldn't even grasp their shit. Now that I've had time to mull it over I'm ready for this Friday. I'm sure there will be updates soon.

    Karen- Mean nannys? Now that I've never heard of. What they hell are hey so snooty about that's not even their kid?

  6. Carolyn- I have a friend that says act snooty, nicey to them to get along. I just can't bring myself to do it. I'd rather put them in their place but my friend says if I do that I will the "ghetto mom" and it will reflect bad on my daughter. Uggh. Decisions.

  7. I am so stealing this .... "If you say one more disrespectful thing I am gonna kick your ass so hard your original hair color will come back."

    LMAO - you rock :) And your baby girl's curls - goregous

  8. Haha!! We sent our son to a private Catholic school. One mom went to Napa for their honeymoon and boasted they had 5 cases of wine in their trunk, another boasted that she had several expensive bottles in her trunk. I looked at them and said, "I have a box of wine in MY fridge!" with a big smile. Asshats!

  9. Will be looking forward to the next installment.

  10. Ha. Good stuff Roc, and I know many moms like dem bitches. However...Middle-aged, bald guys with beer guts are HAWT!! Cheers Roc!!

  11. Raq check this woman out.
    Love her - think you will too!

  12. The Chick- Feel free to steal what you may. It's a compliment. I won't get all serious and post about the blog theft. LOL And thanks, I think her curls are quite adorable too.

    ETW- LOL what is with all this bragging stuff? And bragging about wine at Catholic School seems...well...you know.

    Doc & Mike- Yeah...bitches. Looking forward to this Fridays class. I'm sure there will be more chapters. Let's just hope none of them are about me headed of to jail.

    Matt-Man- Yes, I forgot about our hot middle aged beer gutted guys. You are right HOT!

    Peg- Headed there now.

  13. I can't believe there are people that mean out there. How ridiculous.

  14. I really love this post! I actually started a moms playgroup that is the total opposite of the one you described because I was tired of being surrounded by nasty rude mean uptight obnoxious holier than thou bitches. I shared it in 3 places I love it so much. Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  15. i found you on scary mommys post about mean girls. i freakin love you! i cant wait to hear what happens next.

  16. Holy shit, those are some bitches. I could not imagine being surrounded by such snooty cooters.

  17. That was hysterical! And selling beauty products at a kids' dance class? Ew.