Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Out of The Mouth of Babes

I was attending a Thanksgiving Luncheon at princesses preschool. One in which all the parents, maybe 12 of us were seated at a long table with all the kids. As we began to eat the room was pretty quiet all except for the one little girl beside me who's parents obviously did not make it. I felt so bad for her and them. This little girl cried and cried and cried and cried. Despite the efforts of the teachers to console her. I thought I would sit between her and my daughter and be her "mommy" for the luncheon as I would hope someone would do for my daughter in my absence. So I tried to chat it up with the sad little girl. She was not impressed. Despite my best efforts she would not engage in convo with me. My daughter quietly observed all this. She then looked at me and said "mommy whats wrong with Mary?" I, trying not to draw attention to the already upset little girl, said to my daughter "she's just not feeling well honey". To that she responded very loudly "no shes not! Her mommy's not here and shes pissed!" There was a collective gasp as the other parents heard that word from my daughters mouth. I tried to ignore it and carry on with another conversation but in true MJ fashion she repeatedly asked "Is she pissed mommy? Is she? Mommmmy is she pissed off that her mom is not here?" Her teacher, whom I love laughed and got the convo moving in a different direction.

I began to try to converse with Mary again. In my attempt to make small talk I asked Mary if she was enjoying her lunch? I got nothing. I then asked if she liked milk? She half smiled. So I began to try to convince her that I loved milk. So I said "are you gonna drink your milk Mary?" My daughter obviously tired of sharing her mom piped up "I love milk mommy!"

A little background here-My princess went through a bed wetting phase. It appeared that not drinking after a certain point in the evening saves this midnight drama. She's 3 and quite clever so I knew if I broke it down for her she would get it. So I sat my little princess down for a chat one day and explained to her that when we drink it goes into our mouth, I pointed to my neck and said then it travels down our throat, into our tummies and out of our vaginas into our bed at night.

And yes, I said VAGINA, VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA.. That was fun. anyvagina, (I said it again teeheehee) I believe in teaching our kids the proper names of their body parts. I believe I learned that on Oprah ? Back to the story....

"Look mommy I drank all my milk and now its gonna come out my vagina, right mommy?" I tried not to laugh and said "that is right MJ"  and she said "Mommy is your milk coming out  your vagina too?" The parents looked horrified.

 I just smiled at them all and said "isn't she so smart?"


  1. Ha. That's some funny shit. I love a good vagina post. Cheers Roc!!

  2. Matt- Figured you'd like that. Cheers back to ya!

  3. Now that's funny!

    But you may get a letter from Oprah, you see water or pee does not come out of your vagina. Oprah will state that the proper word is her urethra. This hole is smaller and then there is the fun big hole behind it which is her vagina.

    Class dismissed.

  4. Too funny. We've taught our kids the proper names for body parts, but Sissy calls hers a "Bagina". LOL!!!

  5. That's too funny!! I would have felt terrible for that little girl too. It was so sweet for you to make an effort and get her talking.

  6. That is pretty hilarious. After she asked if your milk was going to come out of your vagina, you could have said "Yes, and I'm going to crap this turkey out of my ass at the same time." That would have blown her mind. ;-)

  7. Too funny. Kids primary job is to mortify their parents in public by saying inappropriate things. Your daughter needs a raise.

  8. That's brilliant. People get so shocked by the "real words"... like... um... that's what it's CALLED people!

  9. Peg- OMG thanks for clearing that up, I knew pee did not come from the vagina exactly but I really didn't get it. But now I do! Uretha! OH, I mean Eureka!

    ETW-Yes, I got from your blog post today that you guys don't hold back. lol

    Carolyn- Oh yes, I was that little girl so I totally see how she felt.

    Jay- I'll have to give that some thought.

    Karen- Thing was, it was only inappropriate to the other parents. I thought it was fine.

    Mama- Amen sista!

  10. Too funny. Almost as funny as the conversation I overheard of Aidan explaining to Taylor what pocket pinball was.


  11. To bad somebody wasn't videoing that. It would have been 10 grand in your pocket for sure.

  12. Ha

    Congrats... you just made me physically luagh and smile from reading a blog post. Not easy.

    I am gonna figure that out one day.

    - Finance Guy

  13. That was too funny. I love how you tell your daughter what she needs to know.

    And anything unsavory my children repeat? I blame on my MIL

  14. Candice- uh...what is pocket pinball...a woodie?

    Mike- Yeah too bad, I could use that money.

    FG- Oh I am so Happy that I could make you laugh. I truly am learning a lot on your blog. Not many laughs but lots to learn.

    Doc- There is nothing funny about a vagina. No a penis....oh I could go on and on.

    ASM-Thanks- I try. Hopefully it does not come back to bite me