So What if the Whole World Knows I Watch Porn (red faced)

One night  a couple weeks ago I noticed my email alert on my phone was sending me mail failure messages in the middle of the night. Upon closer inspection it was telling me that  my message failed to reach some recipients. I had sent no messages so I was not concerned. A day later a friend emailed me to ask what was up with the message I had sent him???
I had sent him no message to my knowledge. I did some investigating and realized that my email had emailed EVERYONE on my contact list an email attempting to sell them Viagra and Cialis at a cheap rate online. I was horrified. Not only did it mail that to everyone and by everyone I mean teachers, principles, work contacts, the pastor etc, but it had shared everyone's email address with everyone else. I had no clue why or what to do about it so I did nothing.
A few days later I checked my work email and I had an email from my personal account. I opened it not thinking and guess what? It was a porn link. And guess what else apparently I had emailed everyone that porn link. I was horrified. I sent everyone an apology email explaining that I did not know why that happened but I definitely did not send out porn to the pastor. This happened maybe three times and then a friend told me I had a malware virus? I installed some protection and disabled my mail feature on my phone which is where I suspect it came from and as far as I know it has stopped. 
But OMG how freaking embarrassing is that? A techy person told me that can happen when you visit  a porn site. That a virus can attack your phone and do things like send out emails to attack other peoples stuff. He also told me that you do not get a porn virus unless you have been to a porn site and apparently everyone but me knew that. *Gulp*
I may or may not have checked out a porn site on my phone one evening. Why am I telling everyone? Because apparently everyone already knows! I'm going to go change my identity now. But before I go have plastic surgery I just wanted to warn all you PTA soccer moms that be careful what you do online because your secret is not safe and you could end up like me and the dirty lil secret can be exposed. I can literally hear the teachers in their staff meeting saying "no wonder Marlon is failing English, his mother's addicted to porn". Oh the shame!

I'm Tryna Sit This One Out

Seriously? EVERYONE is SICK. EVERYONE!
I heard the whispers, I heard the coughs, I saw them....the sick they are everywhere. I kept my pumpkins homebound just to avoid this because I  hear it's really nasty. I pick up princess and half the kids have green snotty noses. Yuck!
She got it first. A few bed bound days, many a cough, tons of snot, a day of fever, and yesterday diarrhea. I kept my distance and put RA on the job. He after all has insurance and I do not. Day 5 of princesses sickness and Mason awoke with the seal-bark-cough. Moms will know this to be croup. He insisted on going to school, he only had the cough so I let him go he returned home and passed out and slept two days with a slight fever, now he too has snot, diarrhea and many other endearing symptoms.
Yesterday at work all the kids were sick, so of course I was a hand washing, sanitizing machine.

I DO NOT want this illness. I do not deserve it. Come on, haven't I had a bad enough time with my health lately? Cut me a break will ya? I am dodging sickness like a running back (I think that is the right position for this, I'm still learning football)

All the blogs are full of sick people, my friends and their kids are all sick, my sister's sick and they all say its just awful. I even saw it on the news that our area urgent care and emergency facilities are overrun with people with this snotty, diarrhea virus all looking for relief. They said this general virus can last 6 weeks. 6 weeks! I cannot be sick for 6 weeks! They also said don't waste your money going to a doctor because they cannot give you anything for this. It's a run-its-course kinda deal. So I'ma go hide under my desk with my Lysol spray and hand sanitizer for now...but I know Ima get it. I just know it.