My Boys Are Trendsetters

We recently joined our local YMCA. We have been definitely getting our monies worth but something happened last night that was just damned priceless. Our Y has an outdoor pool and we have been spending most nights there. I go with a coworker most nights. We bring our kids, have dinner at the pool, shower in the locker room when we are done and have dinner there as well. At 730 each night they have a water aerobics class. My coworker has been begging me to do it with her. My impression is that the class is for senior citizens. She asked me to just observe the class one night, in which I did, and I noticed there were about 6 ladies, all older women. I am 30ish and I felt too young for the class.
Well last night we were at the pool celebrating my bday and the class got started. There were about 8 ladies, all older. My kids were fascinated by this. They wanted to join the class. I explained to them that the class was for older people, and thought that was the end of it. I took princess potty and when I returned I did not see two of my boys, I asked my friends where they went and they pointed to the Water Aerobics class. 

Here is what I saw when I returned
To my horror I looked over and saw my two boys and now 9 older ladies doing water aerobics. I said to my friend "why did you let them go over there?" She just laughed and said "look they are doing great!"

Here they are
In order to really get how funny this was I have added this pic and video to demonstrate the normal makeup and activities of the water aerobics class.

Typical Class
Video Of YMCA Water Aerobics

I went by the poolside to tell them to get out but just as I pulled up to the pools edge the instructor started this synchronized circle and my boys ignored my presence and went on. I'm sorry but the sight of my teen boys in the middle of a bunch of older ladies hooping and hollering "come on girls" was priceless. One grey haired lady gave me the nastiest scowl. I tried to smile but she gave me a yucky look so I threw the stank eye back at her. I was prepared to pull my boys out but then I noticed something... two more teen boys came over and got in and joined the class, Then a teen girl. Then another boy! What? My kids were trendsetters. 

See all the other teens joining now

Within ten minutes of my kids joining the class it went from 9 older ladies to about 16 people mixed in age and gender. A man even joined in! And they were taking the class seriously. I took some pics so you could see how funny this is. I hope you laugh as much as I did.

"Come on ladies, lift those arms" 

Overly Sensitive?

So dance class this past week was ummm.... I dunno how to describe it. Let's see the 90201 biznitches from last week were not in such high numbers in the parent area. Actually attendance was really low. It was the Aplha-Mom (AM), The nappy-headed-commenter-mom (NHCM) and me. The other parents were in a another room watching a movie with their older kids. NHCM  actually smiled and said hello to me. Huh? Her smile seemed genuine and her voice was not condescending at all. AM was still unfriendly but didn't throw her power around as much because the rest of her cronies were not there I guess. She still turned her nose up a bit and dominated NHCM in the parent area but she was more low key.

She did brag a lot however about how she has given her neighbors and friends so much clothes that every time she sees the kids they are wearing her clothes. Annoying. Also she was bragging speaking about the upcoming vacation her and her hubby will be taking to the Greenbrier in West Virginia...from what she says "it is a place where kings and queens stay." Okay, once again if you got it going on like the royal family... why not pay for your kids to dance at the real dance studio down the street? Anyways, I put my bitch face on and my extra rings just in case I had to punch someone in the face. for show.


At then end of class I returned to pick up MJ and she was not happy and immediately declared she was ready to go home. At that point the dance teacher came over and asked me if MJ was feeling okay. She said that she had noticed she just wasn't feeling this Friday class. Hell, neither am I, I thought. The teacher then told me that on Tuesdays MJ was "the one to watch and showed real dance talent and love for the dance." But since switching she seems completely uninterested. She suggested we try a more advanced class next Friday. A class for 4 year olds. She seems to think that MJ could handle it.

Great. Right? Well I'm not so sure. Remember the discussion that took place in this post where the AM stated that she would secure all her groups spots for the next class? And also remember my feeling that regular moms were being pushed out? Well now I'm not sure if the teacher is truly amazed at MJs dance ability and wants to advance her or if she has been pressured to push us out of the class by the Meanie Moms? I have my suspicions. This 10:15 class is most inconvenient for me as it is a ballet/tap combo and requires a hefty investment in dance gear and  requires me to take a half day off work instead of coming in 2 hours late. But I plan on giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt and giving it a try, in the hopes that she as the teacher knows whats best.

Since you all have an outside view, tell me is this a tactic to push us out of this class or does the teacher see real ability in MJ? Am I seeing way too  much into this? I do have that ability. I tend to get very defensive when it comes to my kids. I just think it's odd that now that she's not doing well she wants to advance her. I asked her about this and she said she wanted to see the old MJ back and thought maybe a more challenging class would do it. She also said that if she did not like the advanced class that maybe "it just wasn't her time yet?" Seriously. I could not tell if she was sincerely complimenting MJ or pushing her out.  Another  possibility that is unlikely is that the teacher has read my facebook page where I posted about this Meanie Moms and is trying to be helpful. The teacher is always very nice to MJ and seems to like her but I just don't know. What do you think?

FUQUAY-VARINA 90210?

I have a new topic to rant about......Meany Moms.

Just add 20 years to these chicks and you get the point.

My lil' princess just started taking dance classes at our community center. The center offers many classes...Ballet, tap, etc. We chose Creative Movement class because there were no outfit requirements, and I thought it would be a good place to start. The class specifically says come in sweats or comfortable clothes. So Friday we show up in our pink sweat suit all excited. As I entered the studio I noticed this was a whole different set of moms than our last class. I could tell quickly these were the moms I hate. You know them..the perfectly waxed eyebrows, manicured nails, $500 coach bag purse, Starbucks in one hand, blackberry/IPhone in the other. They talk to their kids in this ridiculous ass baby voice and offer them choices for every damn thing even when there is no choice. Those bitches. I tried not to judge and said "Hello" as I entered with a friendly smile. I noticed the room fell silent and the moms were all giving me the once over. One chick, who I will refer to as Alpha Mom, I think she is the lead bully in this group; scanned my outdated Nike shoes, my modest jewelry, my hair that doesn't cost $200 a month to maintain, my $20 Nine West purse, my homemade coffee cup with my Maxwell House Brewing inside and said "Hmmph, Morning" all snootily. I then looked around at all the other girls and guess what? My baby was the only one not decked out in a leotard, matching tutu, ballet shoes(it's not ballet class) with ribbons in her hair to match the ones in her shoes. Seriously a couple of the girls had tiaras or boas. WTF? They looked like this....

The parents were told to go to the parent section which is an area that consist of a few tables and chairs. This was a spot on Tuesdays where the moms and I had shared struggles, told jokes ,and enjoyed the break from our kids. Well, Alpha Mom immediately moved all the chairs, except one to to her table. As I entered the parent area I pointed at the lone chair and said "Well I guess that's my chair" and I went and sat down all alone at my table. It was rude but it really didn't bother me that much. I like peace and quiet. AM (Alpha Mom) started her meeting with all the moms. She began to  tell them about the latest Avon products and handing out brochures to everyone. Another mom showed up late and sat at my table but was engrossed in her phone as well. AM started to hand out Avon books and gave one to all the ladies at her table she then approached my table and gave one to the lady on her phone, didn't even offer me one! Whatever. I carried on with my paperwork.

One of the ladies got up to go to peep in the class when she returned she said to me "Oh, our daughters have the same hair,(both are redheads) well almost...Lily's  is more of a silky texture." As I looked at the lady with shock I instantly knew that was a hit on her being mixed and having a bit of the black girl texture to her hair. Which as you  can see is beautiful.

I said nothing. Quite honestly I was shocked at their behavior! The ladies began a chat about registering for the next session and how quickly the class would fill up, some expressed worry that they wouldn't get in. AM said loudly "I would not worry about that ladies, I have talked to the instructor and it appears that we are all getting in, the usual I mean, I'm not sure if there would be room for anyone else (she looked at me) but we are all in." Oh hell no! This class is not even open to registration yet. How the hell did she secure all their spots? I smell a conspiracy. 

When we returned to pick up our kids one of the moms who had been assisting said to me "Your MalloryJane  sure is good...long pause...at blowing her nose." Aw hell Naw bitch, Guess what her momma's good at?  Whopping your ass! Then one of the other moms said "Oh is someone sick want some hand sanitizer ladies?"  Then they all gathered in a circle and began sanitizing themselves and their kids. Like my baby had the plague!

Then class ended and I was trying to hurry my baby along because I had to get to work. I said to her "Hurry MJ you gotta get to school."  Another mom looked at me and said "school?, She goes to daycare?" "Preschool." I corrected her. "Oh I could never leave my babies in the hands of strangers, I prefer to raise them myself." She stated.Then all the snooty moms nodded in agreement. 

It was so hard not to tell them a thing or two. See I love confrontation and generally excel at it.
These moms, even in their larger numbers, are no true match for me. Here's why:

1-First of all, if they were all that- they would be taking dance classes at the real dance studios    our town offers, not at our community center.
2- All their kids appear spoiled and dependent.
3-They have to speak in that ridiculous baby voice all day.
4-I could break them down to tears in a heartbeat should I try.
5-None of them can kick my ass. I'm from the hood bitches!
6-Their kids are not cute enough to stand on their own they have to have feathers, tiaras etc to make them cute.

Now This was as unpleasant an experience I have had in a while. I really wanted to say several things to them like
"Oh Phoebe is going to be star ballerina? She can't even go potty yet right?"

Or when they were passing around their Target hand sanitizer I started to offer my Bath and Body Works Brand. And inform them it was of a "much better quality."

When they were having their Avon meeting I started to inform them that "Macy's carries a lovely foundation for only $89."

Or when the comment was made about my daughters hair texture I started to tell them "Yes that's what happens when you land a hot black guy opposed to the balding beer gut middle aged/senior men that you all  married for money."

And lastly "If you say one more disrespectful thing I am gonna kick your ass so hard your original hair color will come back."

But for my daughters sake I did not. I kept my composure and began planning this post. However this Friday someone may get their damn feelings hurt and it won't be me. I now realize why this class is full of only a clicky group of moms and me. I'm sure that they have ran off every other normal mother that has attempted to join the class. Well Fuquay-Varina 90210 you have met your match!

Me!

 For all the insecure moms without the guts to fight back.. I will! For all the moms who they made feel inferior... I will stay and drive these bitches crazy! Again I love confrontation so bring it bitches!