The Drama Continues

Part One

Her Side:

"Well...I was out walking my dog and I heard a noise behind the barn (located beside my house). I became frightened. There was heavy crashing sounds and the sound of metal. I was petrified. I immediately thought that your house was being robbed again. I took my dog back to my home and returned to see what was going on . As I was returning I saw a scary looking guy coming from behind your barn walking towards your back porch. I ran up to him and started yelling hey who are you? What are you doing here? Get the hell off this property now! The scary guy just ignored me and kept walking so I ran up to him and repeated my questions. I did not know who he was or if he was a killer. I wasn't sure if there were more people behind the barn. Before I realized it I had gotten right up in his face. I thought he may stab me or hurt me in some way. So I yelled at him some more. Finally the scary guy turned to me and said I am here to see Michael. I told him Michael was in school. He told me no he wasn't. He was in the house and had invited him over. I ran to your door and started pounding on the door yelling for Michael to come out. He ignored me. I kicked your door several times and continued yelling. Finally Michael came to the door. He opened the door a hair and said what so you want. I told him to get his ass out of that house, I asked him what were they doing? Was he robbing the place? I wasn't sure, But I thought maybe they were moving merchandise from your home to behind the barn for pick up. I continued yelling and cursing at Michael who just stared blankly at me. Finally he said to me Mrs. Judy I am sick. That's why I am home. I asked my friend to come over. That's why he is here. So I told him  you are not supposed to have anyone here. What the hell is wrong with you? He said to me well call my mom if you have a problem. Then he shut the door in my face leaving me alone out on your porch with the other scary guy who I was certain would harm me. I told him to get the hell off the property before I called the police. Roc, what the hell is going on in your home? What is going on with Michael? He is up to some thing you need to have him arrested or placed in a boot cap or something. I cannot believe he was so disrespectful to shut the door in my face! I do not feel safe. I wasn't sure if they would attack me or hurt me I was so scared." 

My Thoughts:

This story brings me much confusion. Why would she be scared of my son? Why was my son home and not at school? What was behind the barn? Who was the scary guy? Just then my son calls. I ask him what the hell is going on? He says to me "I came home and Mrs Judy came here and went crazy." I ask him who was at my house he says "no one now, but it was Brett." "Brett?" I asked. "No, not him, who was the scary guy?" "Brett" he says sounded defeated."What was Brett doing behind the barn?" "Hiding from Mrs Judy" he says. Uggghh "This is all too much I will be home in shortly and I will deal with you then." And I hung up greatly annoyed. When I arrive home I immediately begin yelling at him, because let's be honest, he was skipping school again.

His Side:

He had an accident in his pants....(A clear lie.) So he needed to come home and change. He was with Brett walking to school when it happened. So he headed home to shower and change and Brett was just gonna come with him. When he got to our street he told Brett to wait on the corner so he would not be seen by the neighbor. When he got home without an issue he called Brett and told him the coast was clear. Brett headed down the street just as Mrs. Judy was headed out to walk her dog. Brett called Micheal who instructed him to come the back way and hide behind the barn until Mrs. Judy went into her home. Which is what Brett did. However he must have rustled some leaves and unknowingly got Mrs. Judy's attention. So when she went  home to put the dog up he thought the coast was clear and was headed to my back door when wham! Mrs Judy appeared yelling, screaming and cursing at him. He tried to ignore her and not engage her but she followed him. Then he just told her the truth that Micheal had invited him over. But she continued to yell and scream at him. Then Michael says Mrs. Judy came to the door, she kicked the door twice. He wasn't even gonna open it but she kept banging and yelling. So eventually he came to the door. He opened it  and she began yelling at him. So much, so close that her spittle landed in his face and after the second time of spit landing in his face he told her to call me and shut the door. 

The Facts:

Obviously my son did not shit his pants. That was just an excuse to come home. They were obviously planning to skip and hang out in my house. I fully believe all the parts about my sons story of why Brett was behind the barn. My kids know that Mrs Judy conducts 24 hour surveillance. Aside from my son being wrong for skipping here's what I take issue with. The "scary kid" that Judy referred to is my sons best friend. 

A more true depiction of what the kid looks like

Her Description of The "Scary Guy"

                                                           He is over here lots. He has no weird piercings or tattoos or anything to make him look "scary." The kid wears yellow for god's sake. She knew him! So the part about the scary guy was unnecessary and embellished. I checked behind the barn. There was nothing back there. So the loud crashing and metal sounds...embellished. Her life being in danger...bullshit! My son nor any of his friends have ever been disrespectful to her or never been violent at all. No one threatened her!  She could not have been that scared of him. She approached them both! I appreciate her giving me the heads up when something fishy is going on at my home and I'm not home. I do not appreciate her going over there and trying to handle it herself when she realized it was my son. She should have simply called me and that's all. It is not her place to go confront my kid. That would be my job. And it is definitely not her place to yell at my child or threaten him or his friends. Especially after she just fucking misidentified him as a robber no more than a week ago! I did tell her that. And I was mad at her for a good while. I also punished my son for skipping and called his friend up and had a chat with him about what will happen if I catch him at my house again when I'm not home. But Jeez Louise these people are outta control. And I am super pissed that my neighbor made it seem like she was in danger when she was the aggressor. Ugggh 
Now you pick a side. Neighbor or son? They were both wrong but I just sorta feel the adult should be the adult. What do  you think?

The Drama Never Stops

So In case you missed it I went through hell for a couple weeks when my home was robbed and my 15 year old son was falsely identified by my neighbor.

Honestly the hardest thing I ever went through that I can recall. I was literally an emotional wreck. When my son was cleared it took a huge weight off me but there was still angst. I still and never will know who robbed my home. My relationship with my son will always have this scar. But I was getting through, pulling myself together.

Sunday night my boys were wrestling when Mason's foot got injured and his dad was convinced the bone had cracked. I had to go to work in the morning and Mason claimed he could not walk so I took him to work with me to try to find someone to cover my shift so I could take him to the doctor. It's really hard to carry a ten year old at 6am. Later that day around 12pm I am at the XRay center to get Mason's foot Xrayed. I had already had an unpleasant exchange with the receptionist who was less than friendly, even snooty, when she informed me the Xray would not be covered by my insurance since it was out of network. It wasn't so much as that, but the way she said it was just snooty! We were waiting to be called back. There are several signs stating no cell phones in the waiting area or treatment area and I obliged by turning off my ringer.I periodically checked my phone because I do have several other children and you never know. I noticed I had 3 missed calls from the neighbor. I was concerned and annoyed. Concerned because I thought maybe my house is being robbed again and annoyed because if that is not the case and she thinks I'm working why would she keep calling?
Then I get two missed calls from my job followed by another missed call from my neighbor. Now I'm starting to panic thinking there must be a problem. I get a text from a coworker that says "roc your neighbor called here looking for you she said it is an emergency". At this point they are Xraying Mason's foot. I cannot just leave the waiting area. That would freak him out if he returned and I was not there so I sat there for an agonizing 15 minutes wondering what the hell was going on at my home. Finally the Xray tech returned with Mason and shockingly now he could walk! It's a miracle! Once they told him he foot wasn't broken or sprained he magically healed right up. I was so irritated with him that I wanted to break his foot so that the entire day had not been a waste. I carried him and he is heavy, I left work, I argued with dad over the injury, and now I will have a huge Xray bill since the place my pediatrician sent me to get the Xray was out of network. Uggh just what I needed.
As I leave the Xray department I immediately call my neighbor. She answers the phone out of breath and over excited. I say annoyed "is there a problem?" "Oh hell yes there is!" she screams back at me. "Where are you?" I explain that I am far away at a hospital but ask what is the problem. She says "well I would not bother you if it was not an emergency! But something is going on with your son!" Oh god here we go. "My son is in school" I inform her. 
"No he's not either!" she yells
"He is in your house!... 
And I just had it out with him!... 
Oh my god, let me calm down! She is breathing as if she will pass out at any minute. She begins to tell me what a horrible morning she has had to begin with. 
Her dog is terribly ill and... 
she's not feeling well herself, and... 
she has been so stressed ever since the robbery.... 
and today just tops the cake....
she thinks she may move....
She needs her meds....
her heart is palpitating and.... 
the dog is so upset, and.... 
I need to get home asap...."
I am completely irritated and ask her "what the hell is going on? "
Oh god well Let me calm myself..
hold on I need some water.....
Oh you are going to be so upset...
or mad but I'm mad..."
this goes on and on. I have had enough!
"Fucking tell me all ready!" I yell "What the hell is going on?"
"Well....." she takes a deep breath and begins her story....

Telling The Neighbor

She stands there in her usual attire, her robe and slippers. I scream "He did not do this! Michael  is innocent!" She seems to be in shock and says "come in come in." I sit on her couch and I tell her how the police were just at my house and have cleared Michael. She stares at me in horror. She begins to sob. Not the reaction I was hoping for?? I say to her "hey now, no crying this is great news! You can stop giving him the suspect eye and we both can rest easy knowing that he didn't do this." She cries louder. "I can't believe I made a mistake it looked just like him" she says. "Well it's okay we all make mistakes" I say in an effort to comfort her. "Oh god!" she sobs "he must hate me." "Yes, he does" I say, "but he will get over it he just needs a little time." "I was so sure" she says shaking her head in disbelief. "I know, its okay." I say She begins to wail "oh you must hate me.!" "No, I don't" I assure her. "Yes you do!"  she wails. Her wailing is similar to that of a three year old having a tantrum. There is shaking and snot and tears and loud crying. But I've seen it before. I tell her to clam down no one hates her its just that I am so happy he didn't do this. She again said "I was just so sure." I just stare at her. "But I never saw his face" she admits. "Just the back of him or rather the back of who I thought was him." "It's fine," I say "you were only trying to help."
"All your kids must hate me." she whines. I assure her that they don't. She asks me if I can ever forgive her. I tell her that I already have. As she cries and cries and makes it about her I remind her to imagine how I must feel. I am his mother and I too accused him. "Only after I said I saw him!" she wails. "Either way, I am his mother and I should have stood by him." I interject. "Oh the turmoil I have caused your family. I am just so sorry and".....this goes on for an hour. Her crying and apologizing me assuring her that we do not hate her and that we should focus on the positive... he is innocent. I eventually calm her down to where she is no longer crying at the top of her lungs just whimpering quietly about how much he must hate her. I tell her "he's a good kid. Give him some time and he'll forgive you."  She asks if she can apologize right now. I say no the day has been long enough and I am sure Michael doesn't want to hear her apology right now. "Just let it die down a bit" I suggest. As I am wrapping up my visit that always takes about 3 times longer than I anticipated I get her calm enough so I can leave without feeling too guilty. She starts to cry again. "Do you think he will take revenge against me?"
This makes me angry! I turn on my heel and look her in the eye and say "My son has never done anything malicious to anyone! He is not that kind of person!"  "Well he could be so mad now that he may retaliate." she says. I am stunned at that comment. I have decided to just go and leave her to her misery. I wrap things up by saying "well we, and our homes are safe and I am happy for that."  "No we are not" she says. "That means the real robber is still out there and I am probably next. She begins to get worked up again. "Listen, the robber only stole kids items and electronics so it was obviously someone who knew us and had been in our home. You have nick knacks and facial cream. They do not want that. I am sure you will be fine." I say, becoming irritated. "Oh no" she says "I am certain I am next." "Okay I give up. Have a good night" I say and return home wishing I had never went over to begin with.

The Robbery-

During Winter Break I noticed that my boys would go days without sleep playing video games. It concerned me but I though hell it's winter break I'll let them live have a little fun. As the break neared it's end I decided that we should have a family meeting in which I discussed my concerns about their video gaming and its addictiveness. More importantly how hard it would be to transition back into a regular school schedule. So we agreed (they did not really agree) but it was decided that there would be no games until all chores have been completed, homework had been done and some form of studying occurred. And video  games would be limited to an hour in the evenings. 
So I arrive home, it's a Tuesday. My oldest son is out to eat with a friend and Marlon is sitting at the table studying. I start laundry and dinner. An hour later he asks if he can get on his game system. I check all his requirements to do so and I say sure. He stands there while I continue with my stuff. He finally says "well can I get my game?" "I don't have it" I say. "Well where is it?" he asked.  He says "really mom stop playing. Where are all the games?" I inform him that I have no clue. "They are not in your car or at your job?" he asks with a look of concern.(it is common for me to remove the systems from the home when they have been punished) I again inform him that I do not have them. My son tells me that all the game systems are gone. Maybe David took them I thought. So I called him to ask. He said he did not have them. I call my oldest son and ask if he hid them, he said no. I then realized we had been robbed! I know the correct term is burglarized but robbed sounds more serious so I'ma go with that. 

I call the police. Next I call my son and tell him to come home immediately that we had been robbed. In the next ten minutes David arrives home from work, and my son shows up. The police show up and come in and I start to explain that apparently while we were at work and school our home had been robbed. We had discovered an open window in my daughters room. That must have been the point of entry. There are footprints on the wall and under the window outside. Her curtains are crooked. The neighbor sees the police car in my yard and comes over. I fill her in. We are all gathered around the dining room table in shock while the police ask their questions. They ask times of when  we all left the home and then the time we arrived in the evening. We go around the table and answer. When it is my son's turn he responds that he just got there 2 minutes before the police did. My neighbor looks at him and says "no the first time you came home." 

What? What is she talking about? I look at her puzzled. My son says "this is the first time I have been home." She says "No I saw you. I saw you earlier today around 210pm. You were here." He looks shocked. He repeats "I have not been home since I left for school this morning." She says to him "do not lie. I saw you." My head is spinning. What is she implying? I look at my son searching for an answer. Why would he lie about coming home? She obviously saw him? I  then say "Tell me Michael did you come here?" "No I was with John at the Chinese Buffet!" He says defensively. I have been having issues with Michael in the past 3 months or so. Issues with skipping and lying but nothing like this. Unfortunately, in that moment I did not know what to believe. My neighbor says to him again "I saw you. You left the home and had a bookbag and a duffel bag." He again tells her she is wrong. "I was not here at all!" he yells with tears in his eyes. I cannot tell if the tears are anger or hurt or guilt. She asks me if he has a duffel bag. I say yes and then she says "if I see it, I will know if that is it." I  go get the bag from his closet. It is a black and blue Nike bag. I place it on the table and hold my breath. She looks at it and says "no it's similar but that's not it." I breathe a sigh of relief and then I hear her say "it was like that, but red." My heart drops. My other son has an identical bag in red. I ask him to go check his closet. Sure enough the bag is gone.......

I look at my son and yell at him "Did you have anything to do with this?" "No! I swear!" he yells back. The neighbor is still insisting it was him that she saw. He yells "call the school! l was at school!" I lose it. I begin to cry and yell "tell me the truth! I am gonna find out! I have to know did you do this!" I am searching his eyes for some indication of his innocence or guilt. He yells again "NO! My god I would never!" I want to believe him. He had never done anything like this but there is always the first time. I, sobbing, confused, mad, and hurt ask him again "do you know anything about this?" He yells again. "I had nothing to do with this! Why would I steal my own stuff come on!" He turns to the police and says "fingerprint me. Do whatever. I had nothing to do with this!" I want so badly to believe him but she saw him. And she sees everything. I am spinning. this is too much. Not my son. God please no..............To be continued.

The War of The Neighbors

Oh good lord so here we go again...The war of the neighbors. Mexicans against Americans. Not good. Here is how it went down. As I leave for work on Thursday I notice my neighbors (Mexicans)....
 Disclosure: before anyone comments on me calling them "Mexicans" I do not know their names and the fact that they are Mexicans play a huge part in this story so if that offends you, x out now. Thank you and have a nice day. 
...have a port a john on their front lawn. Not cool I think but I know there are about 15 people living there so I assume that they need an extra toilet. Hell we have 6 people and 2 toilets and that is a challenge. When I arrive at work my neighbor (white lady).....
Disclosure: Again do not comment on the fact that I call her a white lady, I do know her name but her whiteness is crucial to the story. If that offends you x out now. Thank you and have a nice day.... Calls me. I answer the phone with attitude because guess what? I am at work! My greeting is this "I'm at work" She says "I know and I am sorry for bothering you but did you see that port a john on their front lawn?" "I did" I say. "Well I plan to do something about that."she informs me. "Okay you should, because I work.!!!  talk to you later" I say. 
Fast forward to 5pm. I m getting off and notice I have 13 missed calls! 5 of them were my neighbor. I am livid. Because I am naturally bitchy and annoyed and she knew I was working and called me so much. I call her back she answers and I say "is there a problem?" She pauses, probably shocked at my rudeness. Then she says "well yes there is." "Well what's the problem?" I ask. Here is the story she tells me almost just as she told me.......
"Well first of all those Mexicans have been busy as bees over there and I don't know what they are cooking up but honey they had about 5 trucks pull up and about 15 Mexican men busying themselves about the property." "Doing what?" I ask. "Oh honey they were a'sweeping and boiling large pots of water, cleaning and setting up tables. I wait for the bad part.....(sounds of birds chirping) She says nothing for a minute or so. I think she is shocked that I am not mad that "all those Mexican men were out their boiling water and such" She begins again "they parked their cars purposely where I could not see what they were doing behind them."
Another Disclosure: let me explain, her house is joined to mine. I am at the end of the street she is one spot up, they are beside her. There is a driveway between her side of the house and their home. This is where most of the time they park. Actually it is where they should park. So they were not blocking her view. They parked where they park. 
So immediately I am annoyed at her description of their "sneakiness". Anyhoo, she tells me she went around her house from window to window tryna get a glimpse of what they were doing. Freaking busy body! Then when she couldn't get a view she decided to shower. It was then that she heard the most horrific howling sound. It was the sound of an animal in pain. When she looks out her window she sees two hogs hanging in a tree. This is not the first time there has been pigs slaughtered by them. She watches in horror as the guys slit the throat of one of the hogs. Then she runs out in her nightgown and starts screaming at them "what the hell are you doing! You Mexican M-fers! You sick bastards! Where do you think you are Mexico! Get that damn pig down now! You nasty bleep bleep bleep and so on. She continues throwing racial slurs at them as they stand there in shock. Then she begins to jump up and down and throw a good ole fashion fit. At this point they begin to laugh at her. She becomes outraged that they are "picking on her" "starting things with her" Laughing at her" so she screams "okay laugh spics, I'm going to call the cops!" And she storms in and does just that. At this point the guys load up the bleeding pigs and head out. 
The police arrive and basically tell her they are not sure what the ordinances/codes are but they will go over and see what is going on . Which they do. They return and tell her that they will have to talk to the captain because they are not sure if killing pigs is illegal. She begins to shout out codes/laws at them and they tell her that for now they have removed the pigs and would not return with them until they were dead to spare her any heartache. She starts yelling at the police "did you check their papers? Are they legal? Did they have a receipt for those pigs? How do you know they are not stolen? What about sanitation code? What if the pig has a disease that is now spread across the lawns of everyone and her dog gets sick? And more stuff of the like.
They tell her that the neighbors are having a celebration to baptize their baby. And the pigs were to be cooked. That they meant no harm and they were just following their customs and did not realize they did anything wrong. They also sent word by the police that they meant no harm. The police seem to agree with them and tell her basically to just leave them alone. She them tells them that now that they have gone over and riled them up she is not safe. That they will probably do something to her and wants to know if the police are gonna do surveillance on our street for a while. They tell her she is in no harm. She then takes the route of "I am an American! I pay your salaries! I have rights to feel safe in my home!" etc etc .At this point I am sure that they have had it with her screaming at them so they leave. She informs me that she had told the neighbors "wait until Roc finds out about this! Oh she'll have you thrown off the street!"  
I tell her to please keep my name out of her feuds. I will not have them thrown off the street. I have no such powers and have no desire to be in the middle of this feud. I explain to her that I totally do not agree with the pig killings here on on the block We are in the city limits and not out in the country where I suspect that may occur. And if I had been home I  may have called the police too. I don't know what I would have done. But I would have tried to compromise with the neighbors, explain how I felt about it and that I definitely do not want my kids to hear or witness the killing of animals, but at the same time I love me some bacon. So maybe if they could kill their pigs somewhere else more appropriate, in a field somewhere that would be a good compromise. But I do not think they are bad people or illegals or killers. And I honestly felt that her complaints to the police would have been more effective had she stuck to the pigs and not all the Mexican slurs. She then began to cry and tell me that she feels horrible that ever since she moved here there has been nothing but trouble and she obviously is making it hard for me to socialize with "those kinda people". I try to calm her down and assure her I am not mad at her for she is entitled to her opinions but to keep my name out of it. I am capable of speaking up for myself. From here it goes severely down hill...Part two coming soon.
But in the meantime, so far, please tell me who do you think at this point is wrong them or her? Or neither?

I Really Gotta Work On That

Last week, one late afternoon I opened my front door to check the mail and Bam! The neighbor was mere feet away from my porch. See she parks her car on the front lawn because "she doesn't want to be in danger of being attacked by the Mexicans" If she parks in the parking area out back she feels the lighting is not suffice and she is in danger.
Although I have been parking in the lot behind our home for years. Not once had I ever been attacked by "the Mexicans". LOL She claims the lighting is not suffice in the back. The lighting is fine. What is it with this lady and lights? Personally, I think she is just too lazy to walk the 15 steps from the lot to the door. So she pulls her car right up to her front door and that is where she parks it. Unsightly because we share a front yard and her car is the main attraction on the lawn. And when she actually does goes anywhere the grass is all dead and brown underneath it and it is such an eye sore but whatever. (Wow I guess I  had to rant on that.) I really am just trying to explain why she is right at my front door when I open it.
Anyhoo, there she was. I stammered caught off guard. You see it is so hard to get away from her once she gets going. I said hi and she said "Oh I need to see you! Thank goodness you came out!" "See" I say all smarty pants and spin around so she can get a full view. (bitchy huh? and I am not even PMSing) . Sigh, Why can't I just check my mail in peace?
I make a lil small talk and she tells me she needs me to come over that it is important. Going into her home is like a trip to that Hotel California place in that song. You can come in but you never get out. But what could I say? Unable to come up with an excuse fast enough I just gave in and went in.
She asked me to sit down and she went to fetch a small trunk. All I could think about was the time I came over and she went through her families entire history with me showing me photos and such. She sits down and unfolds this blue velvet cloth. Attached to the cloth are many forms of jewelry.

 She starts pulling each piece out and telling me its history. Awesome another history lesson! I can hardly contain my excitement. None of the jewelry appears real it is all costume jewelry. But much of it is very pretty. She then hands me a pair of earrings and says "I want you to have these." Although they were not real they were beautiful. I said "No way I'm not taking your jewelry." By the time I say that she has chosen 5 other pieces to give me, all really pretty. She pulls a few more pieces from her collection and explains that she has to sell them off for cash but a couple pieces she cannot bear to sell to a stranger. She says her momma gave them to her to pass down to her daughter someday and since she never had one I am the closest thing to a daughter for her and she wants me to have them.  Silence from me.


Yes, I felt like shit! I immediately think of all the blogging I have done about her. So much that I was considering renaming my blog THE NEIGHBOR. I thought of how mean I am sometimes and I feel like shit. I do not deserve her cherished heirlooms and I try to decline taking them but she insists. So I took them. 8 pairs of earrings, 2 bracelets, 2 toe rings, 2 anklets. Real cute stuff. She tried to give me some pins but I explained to her that they really would not be worn and would not see the light of day if she gave them to me. Women in their 30's don't wear breast pins. You guys don't.... do you?
Anyway. I felt bad. She does have a good heart and means well. I just need to be more patient. I'ma work on that.

The Erotic CookOut???????????????????

So last weekend we decided to have a campfire in the yard with the kids. The plan was to build a fire pit and hang with the kids. Let them roast weenies on a stick and marshmallows. We would catch lightning bugs and ride bikes in the dark etc. Then after the kiddos wore down we would have some adult time to drink some wine and talk. 

Well RA is an outdoor guy and I am not. It is not uncommon for him to go out late with the kids and do things like that. Since I am usually in need of a break I will generally let him hang out with the kids late in the yard and I would enjoy some much needed alone time. In the past when RA is outside the neighbor who is attention starved will hang out there with him and I like that because it kept both of them out of my hair for a couple hours. 

This evening was different. I had planned on being out with everyone. So RA headed outside at dusk to build the fire pit and get some things together. I was indoors preparing snacks and activities. I noticed the neighbor come out and talk to him and I guess she thought it would be another night of them hanging out. As I prepared the snacks I noticed the neighbor bringing things out too. I was cool with that I figured we would give her attention as we were planning to do with the kids and then she would be out of our hair for the evening. I think she had other plans. 

I came out to bring the plate of snacks and noticed that the neighbor had brought out a table and filled it with candles. I thought "how nice of her". As I set my kids toys up and such I noticed on the table there was a bottle of wine. I continued on with the work of getting things together and apparently she did as well because 15 minutes later when I came back out I saw that she had not only set out candles and wine but she had brought a CD player out???I thought to myself, she has just joined right in and laughed a little. But as the night darkened, I noticed something about the setup. It was mighty damn romantic. Candles, wine, and on the CD player she had a Barry White CD playing? 

Odd cookout music I thought. But the most interesting thing I noticed was she had only brought out two chairs...one for her and one for RA. It appeared she has set up a lil special evening for her and a special someone. Once I came out she seemed surprised. "oh didn't expect to see you out here tonight" she said. "Oh yeah this was actually my idea" I informed her. "Oh well I guess I wont intrude" she said sounding very disappointed. Which I found odd since she had obviously been excited about hanging out here before my presence was known. I said to her "oh please stay, enjoy some wine and have some grilled food and just hang for a bit. You obviously have gone through a bit of trouble" I looked over at the romantic set up trying not to laugh. She agreed to stay. She and I sipped wine under the tree while the kids played and RA cooked. She had not had that much wine but what really annoyed me is that she spent the entire time raving about the RA. How he was such a good dad, and a good cook, and how handsome he was and blah blah blah.. which I found odd since  things with the RA and I were on uneasy terms and she knew that. She and I had held a few "trash him sessions".

Suddenly she was his biggest fan. I was sipping wine so I found this entertaining. I watched her stare at him and rave about him and call upon him to do everything. She has made a nickname for him...DA-Veed- A fancy way of saying David. Every 5 minutes or so she would holler out "OH DA-Veed, can you pour me some wine? OH  Da-Veed can you help me get this tip open? OH Da-Veed can you make me a burger?" etc. It was ridiculous but hen she reached a ridiculous point where she hollered out "Oh Da-Veed can you spray my Tootsies with bug spray?" RA if nothing else is a super friendly nice guy so he was rushing around trying to fulfill all her requests and when she asked hm to spray her feet off he looked confused. Because come on even though she acts 90 she is in her 50's and perfectly capable of pouring her own wine and spraying her own feet but the whole scene was entertaining.

He took the bug spray and she cocked back into her chair and raised her feet right up. 

RA sprayed and she began this erotic yelping and moaning that was just wrong on so many levels. It was like "Oh, yes, yes! Ummm, ahhh, Da-Veed it feels so good, Ohh, Oh, ahhh, Mmmm!" It was really outta control and inappropriate but we both knew she is a lil loopy so we just ignored her. But she writhed in her chair with pure ecstasy and it was very uncomfortable. Anyhoo, not long after that I shooed her away because seriously enough was enough.

But OMG what a freaking side show!

Help! Help! My Light Is Out.

So now that we got that outta the way. I will resume bitching. The topic today is a reliable one.....The Neighbor.

Since she watches my home 24/7, she knows all my business so she knew about the RA...and in good faith lets just go back to calling him David. She was one of the people who had the strongest opinions on us splitting up. She would say things like "don't take him back", "you deserve better" etc. When I told her he was coming back she seemed uninterested until she saw him. He pulled up and she came running out and rushed over to tell him how 
glad she was that he was back........
and how much he was missed.......
and how we needed a man down there with us to keep us safe......
and fix things.........
and she was so excited that he was back she was gonna make a list of all the things that she needed fixed in her house...
sound of record scratching. 
Say what? Did she just say she would make a list of all the things she needed him to do at her house?  WTH? Excuse me neighbor but the works been piling up over here as well, not to mention he and I may want to spend some time working on our relationship, oh and then there are those thing we call kids running around there that may need a lil time and attention. And by the way he works 6 often 7 days a week sun up to sun down. Just when the hell did she think he was gonna have time to be her handyman?
Fast forward two days later she calls me and says "is David around?" I know she knows he wasn't bc she conducts 24/7 surveillance on my home. I tell her he is at work. "Oh my, I have an urgent situation and need his help." By the way she rents so the land man can fix her stuff and we also have a handyman around there for repairs and yard work. She just doesn't like him bc he is Mexican. 
"What's wrong?" I ask
"Oh my, it's serious" she says
"I'm sure" I say rolling my eyes "what's the problem?"
"My light in my bathroom has blown out and I cannot climb a ladder, I may fall. Could David come over and change the bulbs for me?"
"Sure I say "he is very busy right now (see list above) but he'll get to it within the week."
"Okay, well its really urgent, I cannot bathe, and when I get in and out of the shower I am enveloped in such darkness. I may fall, or anything. It is really scary to shower in the dark and taking a bath well that is just impossible with the lack of lighting." she explains
"Okay, he'll get to it soon" I hang up.
The next night at 8pm, he was just pulling up from work, she began to ring my phone repeatedly. I was busy but when I saw 4 missed calls I thought I better make sure she is okay. I called her and said  "hi are you okay?"
"Well no I need my light fixed." 
I'm pretty sure I said within the week I'm thinking now aggravated.
"Well I have a kidney problem and need to soak my back. I need to sit in the tub but simply cannot without proper lighting. It's just not safe"
Silence on my end,,,(I'm biting my tongue)
"Well I guess I could just shower tonight, I have some pain meds I can just take them until I am able to soak" she says.
Silence again from me
"Do you think he'll get over here soon?" she asks
"Within the week" I simply said
"Okay sorry to bother you" she says and hangs up.
The next day I pull up and she was all hunched over depressed and pitiful in the front yard.I said Hi to her and she carried on with her pitiful display. It annoyed me so I had to say something. I said "seriously are you acting this way over a light bulb?"
"No I'm sick, in pain" she says. Probably because we did not get her light fixed.
When I cooked dinner that night I brought her a plate, (as I do several times a week)
When I brought the dinner over she wanted to show me her newly decorated bedroom so I came in and checked it out. I noticed when we passed the bathroom the lighting seemed fine.
So I said "oh you got your light fixed?"
"Oh no, I did not. Come see" She leads me into the bathroom.
We enter the bathroom and she shows me that one of the 7 lights in that room is out. See she has makeup lighting around the mirror, two fixtures that have 3 bulbs each in them over the double sinks. Then two feet away there is another fixture over the toilet. That one is out but the 1000watts glaring from the 6 sink lights shined right at the toilet the bathroom was not dark at all! It was very well lit and had more lighting than mine. I just gave her a look. She explains that at night (which it was) it gets really dark in here and she can barely see the toilet or the tub.
What the fuck do you want in here a spotlight?  ?#%$!#!#   Anyhow in light of the discovery I decided David would truly get to it when he got to it. I have larger impending issues in my home such as a window that doesn't seal properly, a piece of trim board that needs replacing before my floor comes up etc.
The next day I got two messages from her. "Hi Roc its ____________, I am really in pain due to not being able to take a bath. I really need to get in the tub and soak my kidneys and I was wondering when I would be able to do that. David has not fixed my light yet and I am in desperate need of his help. It went on and on about how scary the bathroom was and unsafe. I did not reply. On my way to work this morning I set a lamp on her porch. Maybe she can plug that in somewhere in there if she feels unsafe. Uggghh! Seriously lady?

FIRE!!!- Courtesy Of The Neighbor

This happened a couple weeks ago but is still post worthy. It features two of your favorite people
Me

Neighbor

So I'm having a bad week as usual. I may have even been PMSing because I was extra irritable. I had freshly split from the RA and every damn bad thing that could happen to a person was happening to me. As always, my neighbor is always having some issues too. But seriously the last thing I care about when I am that annoyed is your problems. So although she had been relentlessly chasing me down every time I pulled up or checked my mail I had managed to avoid her all week. It was a Friday and I had ignored her for four whole days and to her that must have felt like 4 years. See when she is feeling neglected she will walk her dog around my house with her head down, and her shoulders slumped over in the pathetic, pitiful display of misery that grates my nerves.

This image depicts the sight I get out of my window when I do not pay her enough attention.                               I just wanna open up my window and yell out at her "pull yourself together!!!"

But eventually I will come out to see what's wrong with her. She had been doing that all week and I had just pulled the blinds whenever I saw her. Shit, I had my own problems. I did not need her shenanigans all over my plate as well. I was starting to resent that fact that she will not give me my space. I LOVE my space. Sometimes if I ignore her a day or two she will try to ignore me back but she can't out bluff me. She will ignore my knock or call when she's "upset with me" but 10 minutes later she comes a running. So I felt bad about being unsociable all week. Okay I really didn't feel bad I just knew I had to do what I had to do. So I called her to see if she wanted to share a cup of tea or clip a couple coupons. She ignored my call! I knew she was ignoring my call because I saw her through the window sitting on her couch, look at the caller ID and then keep sitting. Okay cool I thought. I placed another call to my BFF to chat about the weekend when I had a beep; it was the neighbor. 

Oh now you wanna talk I thought? Nope. I just rejected the call. Another call came 3 minutes later then another. All were ignored. The neighbor beeped in twice more. I ignored. Not out of malice now but because I was busy. Then there was a knock at my front door. I ignored it. I knew it was the neighbor. Note: If I do not answer your call I do not wanna visit with you either! Jeez get a freaking clue. This really annoyed me.

Then there was a knock at the back door. I ignored it. I was tidying up the front rooms while I was on the phone, when I heard a dog barking...in my kitchen!  I went into the kitchen and there stood the neighbor and her dog! Are you kidding me I thought?>#%#%@#! Now I was SUPER annoyed. Oh hell no she did not just roll up in here without being welcomed. I entered the kitchen and glared at her. I must have had the nastiest look on my face. She said "Hi How are you?"

I responded rudely  "Busy. Obviously." 

"Well I have had one hell of a day" she said (well what's new) And (oh no don't even think about coming over here and unloading on me, not now) 

I said to her "Well I am on the phone right now"

She looked at me like that was the rudest shit she'd ever heard. Maybe it was. But she could clearly see that I was on the phone. She started again  "well I...."

"I am on the phone and busy I cannot talk to you right now" I said meanly. She looked like I had punched her in the gut. 

"Well you see" she began again, but I know from experience once she starts that's it. 

So I cut her off again, "go home and I'll call you in a few." She out her head down and took two steps towards the door, She turned around to say something but I'm sure one look into my evil face told her no don't you dare.

She took another step and turned around to face me. "Well you see..." she started again.

"I am busy" I snapped.

She said okay and went out the door, then she reached back and opened the door again and said with a worried look "I'm sorry I just want to tell you my smoke alarm has been going off for 45 minutes."

"Okay bye" I said more forcefully this time.

I'm thinking -Biaacth do I look like the fire department? What the hell are you telling me for??

She  got teary eyed and left. And of course 2 minutes after she left the guilt set in and I felt bad for how rude I was. Dammit! Why cant I just have my peace? So I called her to apologize for being so short.

She answered like she'd been crying

"Hello" she said all weepily.

"Hi sorry about that I'm just having a bad time right now and I have things I need to deal with."

"I understand, its just that we are in danger." I roll my eyes as she continued "I was showering and the smoke alarm started going off"

"Probably the steam from the shower."

"Well No I don't think so" she said

"Do you smell smoke?" I asked becoming irradiated again. 

"No" she replied 

"Do you see flames?" I asked

"No" she said

"Well then it's all good" I said

"I think there could be an electrical fire in the walls and wanted you to know so you could get out safely" she warned me

"I doubt that, the alarm is probably just malfunctioning" I assured her

(It had been almost an hour by now) And this was all quite familar.

"Well I think we should evacuate" she informs me

"Naw I'm tired" I said

"Well I do not feel safe" she said the worry creeping back into her voice

"I'm good over here" (I know where she was going with this)  "Well, call the fire department" I say 

"Well I'll give it a few and if it does not stop I'll call" she says clearly not satisfied with my answer

"Okay let me know, bye" And with that I hung up.

Disclosure: The neighbor is actually only in her fifties she just acts like a 90 year old.

Back In My Day.....Paaaleeeze!

Anyone with kids will understand that it is super annoying when someone without kids gives you unsolicited parenting advice. Lately my neighbor has been full of tidbits for me. Quite frankly I am tired of it! And in a moment of aggravation I finally told her a thing or two. Here's how it went down.


I call her basically daily. I have learned that if I get to her before she gets to me I can control the situation a bit better. And I am a control freak. Now that I know her pretty well I can manage things where she gets her needed amount of attention well at least a reasonable amount and I can still get things done and not get wrapped into hours of conversation at the most inopportune times. So I was giving her my daily call. ( and this, by the way Peg, is why I can never call you) On my way home is my only peaceful time to reach her and I use that to the fullest. I have grown fond of her in a lot of ways. So I also want to check in on her. Anyhoo, I was pulling up to my home and couldn't seem to wrap the convo up. I entered my home still chatting on the phone with her and discovered things were not as clean as I like. I said a few words to my kids (while I was still on the phone) and they began to explain. Then during the convo I had to interrupt her several times to redirect or instruct my kids. 
I hate when I am on the phone with someone and they spend the majority of the convo yelling or even talking to the kids so I try not to do that to people. But if you don't let me hang up then I guess you are along for the ride. 
I would be in convo with her and then say things to the kids like. 
"you're room is not clean"
"pick that up"
"stop jumping on the couch"
"give that back"
"get your homework out"
"because I said so"  etc., etc
She then said to  me "that is ridiculous how much you have to remind them"
"yup" I said a bit annoyed. Because if I could hang up I could handle that.
When the kids would reply she would say "What's gotten into them? Why are they talking back?" (talking back was saying can't I do my homework after I go outside?)
I would say " well, they are teens."
"Do you want me to come over there and straighten them out?" she asked
I LOL-ed seriously. My kids would eat her up and spit her out. Have you met their mother?
I declined her "help" but was almost willing to have her come over and show me how to do it.
She then went on an rant about kids nowadays and she would not put up with what I put up with and blah blah blah. She then went on to share  a story of her daddy from when she was 3 years old and she wanted to play horsey with her dad but he was reading the paper. She smacked the paper to get his attention and his glasses fell off his face and broke. 


Okay lets take a minute and picture the scene:
3 year old girl waiting to see daddy, whose been at work all day. Wants to play with daddy. Daddy ignores lil Princess bc he is reading the paper. 3 year old hits the paper to get his attention. Daddy's glasses accidentally fall and break. 


Don't know about you guys, but given the age and circumstances,  I didn't see anything too bad.
Well she explained that "daddy" got a switch and "tore her hide up for days". I can't ever imagine whipping a three year old so much that she is sore for days.
I told her that although I'm all about a beat down when necessary I thought that was too harsh.
Well that's how we did it back in my day she replied. And then she went into a whole "back in my day" speech.

Okay I get the good ole days but I got her good when I said "Well, I bet back in your day said in a venomous tone your mom did not work, rather stayed home with you all day?"
"Yes" she said
"And I'll bet back in your day kids did not come home alone to an empty house because mom was at work."
Confirmed. 
"Oh and I bet back in your day, your dad paid most if not all the bills so mommy's main and only focus was on raising the kids"
"Yes" she said
"And I bet back in your day there was not sex, and violence and bad language in every damn show, song, and schoolyard. As a matter of fact was there even TV period?! Back in your day that is. And are all those past beatings and constant attention why you are so needy now? Huh? Is it damn it!
So here is a lil something to know about me. I can take constructive criticism about my parenting. And I have. From someone who I admire for being a strong parent. But if you cannot get your dog to behave and you do not work or do anything for that matter than DO NOT give me effing parenting advice!! Especially the kind of advice where you can do it better.  I have four kids; two teens, one preteen and a preschooler. They have great attendance, decent grades, they do chores daily, they do not smoke, screw, or drink (not that they never will). They are a great help to me and they listen to me. No they are not perfect and I am far from a perfect parent but I am one of the best I know and so are my kids. 


Have you ever had someone give you parenting advice? Did you get offended?
Or please tell me if you have no kids and give out kid advice, what compels you to do so?

The Slaughterhouse Next Door

I have spoken of my Mexican neighbors before. Last time someone got all offended so this time I may say some ish that is offensive. But I'm mad as hell and I do not care. If that was you anonymous offender just x outta here now. I'll wait. Okay coast clear? Let's go dammit.
This weekend my Mexican neighbors had a siesta, fiesta what-the-fuck-ever they had. It started at 9am Saturday and lasted until 10pm Sunday. There were dozens of cars parked all around, that lovely carnival music, and 112 kids. Luckily we missed out in the main party that took place on Saturday because we were at the zoo. However when we returned Saturday night around 930p they did solicit David to come join in the fun. All the men were outside getting TRASHED and the women folk were indoors. David politely declined, probably just because he was exhausted because man that boy loves a party. The Neighbor, lets call him Fernandez told David they were celebrating the baby sons b-day. He is 5. So I'm sure he enjoyed the alcohol, smokes, and stumbling drunks. Anyways, no harm, no foul. I was too exhausted to be bothered by the noise. 
The next morning it started all again. The weather was beautiful so my kids were out hanging with all the visiting kids next door. It was nice for them to have some friends to hang with. David was out doing yard work and I was in the kitchen with the windows open so we had a good grasp on what was going on. I realized I needed an ingredient for the meal I was preparing so I ran out to the Food lion to pick that up. Meanwhile the kids continued playing and David continued working. I did however bring in the 3 year old and had my oldest son watch her indoors while I was away. Just felt more comfortable that way. Turns out that was a super wise choice. 


 Upon my return my son informed me that something terrible had happened while I was away. He told me that the neighbors had arrived home with a pig on the back of their truck. Oh a pig how sweet I thought. If you can recall a while ago they had chickens running wild on the lawn. But the raccoons and cats killed them all so now they got a pig? My thoughts immediately went  to the story Charlotte's Web and my heart warmed. Then My son told me this: 
"so they got the pig off the truck and tied it to a tree. Everyone gathered around the pig and the pig was freaking out and squealing. Then one dude took out a hammer and hit the pig in the head. (gasp, WTH) then the pig started screaming and mom it sounded awful. The pig ran around and around the tree while the guys chased it laughing. (what kinda sick bastards are living next door) Then the dude pulled out a machade and sliced the pigs throat. (Omg I hope this is not true) the pig was crying and blood poured out everywhere. One lady that was holding a baby got blood on her feet. Then they repeated stabbed the pig until it died." I looked up how pigs are generally slaughtered and you can read it here. While it is not pretty, It still seems fucked up to me to do in the front yard! 
I was trembling with rage, and pain for the pig. Yes, I eat pork but something was so wrong about this. He told me he saw all this through the kitchen window. I immediately called my other two boys in and they confirmed the story. I was horrified, pissed and  upset. I immediately thought of the 112 kids running around out there and asked my boys about that and they said the parents had all the kids go inside when they did it. I asked my boys did they go inside? They said no we watched. That really infuriated me! I asked my kids how they felt about seeing that and told them how I felt about it. I was gonna head on over and show my ass but I thought about all the kids outside and the fact that there were 20 or so adults over there and apparently they have weapons that they are not shy about using. Not to mention they had been drinking so maybe this was not the time. 
 Let me say I know that animals are killed everyday for food. And I eat them. I have never been a fan of hunted prey and cannot imagine slaughtering a live pig in the front yard of a city street. Who the hell does that? Why would you do that? Cheaper? Come on there is 20+ adults over there can't everyone just chip in and buy already prepared food? I am angry, hurt, concerned. I mean Spring hasn't even started. Is this what the neighbors cookouts will entail? Hell no I am not putting up with that! How heartless must one be to do that? And we are not in some damned third world country where we must kill our own food! I am so angry about this and the fact that they did not even tell my kids to go home before they did it makes it 100 times worse! I had no clue that this would have gone on. I am planning action to see it doesn't happen again. But I cannot get the thought of that pig outta my mind. Or the impending feud I'm getting ready to have with these people. I am not letting it go. What's next a fucking cow? A turkey shoot? I am not gonna spend my days listening to animals be slaughtered next door for cookouts!

My Good Deed

Awhile ago my neighbor had gotten a DVD player and was super excited. One little problem though, she had no DVDs and no clue how to go about getting some. I explained to her how much things have evolved since the VHS/ Eight Track Era and how easy it was to  get DVDs these days. Oh you have Redbox, NetFlix, Blockbuster to name a few. She told me she had no idea how to utilize any of those options., I explained to her the procedures. She said it sounded overwhelming and then asked me if some day when I had some free time would I take her and help her get started. I said sure, because I never have free time so truthfully it was an empty promise.
This weekend I had free time. Lots of it. My conscience bothered me so knowing I had all that time to teach the neighbor yet had no real plans to do it. I thought I might as keep my word and take her out to rent movies.So I called her up and told her Princess and I were headed out to Blockbuster if she wanted to come with, I would be happy to help her. She was so excited. And I mean sooo excited.
I figured  Blockbuster would be the most noncommittal and less technical option so we headed on over. Once we entered the lil sensor thing beeped and she immediately jumped and said loudly "well I 'm here apparently".
She then stood there searching for her eyeglasses in her handbag for 5 minutes. Once she put them on she seemed truly amazed. Much like the kids that first visit Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. She was completely overwhelmed. I gave her a brief tour and offered her to either rent a movie on our card or I would go assist her with signing up for her own membership. She wanted to just "browse". And that she did. Princess and I headed over to the kiddy section so she could pick out a few videos and them I had my turn. Neighbor was still browsing, so I took Princess back to her section and we picked another movie. Still not ready, so I picked yet another movie. She was still not ready so Princess and I went to fetch candy and popcorn. I'm not sure how many of you have a 3 year old but 45 minutes in Blockbuster is waaaay too looong. So I had no choice but to tell the neighbor it was time to go. I offered to help her pick something but she said she would have to come back another day where she could have more time???? Okay whatever.


 I then took her over to MacDonald's to introduce her to the McFrappe that I blogged about here. She was tickled to death with it and loved it. We went to Arbys then back to my house where we had lunch together. Just she, me and Princess. It was fun and I actually enjoyed her company. So  for all my bitching about her I wanted to share the good for once.