Tuesday, June 28, 2011

FIRE!!!- Courtesy Of The Neighbor

This happened a couple weeks ago but is still post worthy. It features two of your favorite people
So I'm having a bad week as usual. I may have even been PMSing because I was extra irritable. I had freshly split from the RA and every damn bad thing that could happen to a person was happening to me. As always, my neighbor is always having some issues too. But seriously the last thing I care about when I am that annoyed is your problems. So although she had been relentlessly chasing me down every time I pulled up or checked my mail I had managed to avoid her all week. It was a Friday and I had ignored her for four whole days and to her that must have felt like 4 years. See when she is feeling neglected she will walk her dog around my house with her head down, and her shoulders slumped over in the pathetic, pitiful display of misery that grates my nerves.
This image depicts the sight I get out of my window when I do not pay her enough attention.                               I just wanna open up my window and yell out at her "pull yourself together!!!"
But eventually I will come out to see what's wrong with her. She had been doing that all week and I had just pulled the blinds whenever I saw her. Shit, I had my own problems. I did not need her shenanigans all over my plate as well. I was starting to resent that fact that she will not give me my space. I LOVE my space. Sometimes if I ignore her a day or two she will try to ignore me back but she can't out bluff me. She will ignore my knock or call when she's "upset with me" but 10 minutes later she comes a running. So I felt bad about being unsociable all week. Okay I really didn't feel bad I just knew I had to do what I had to do. So I called her to see if she wanted to share a cup of tea or clip a couple coupons. She ignored my call! I knew she was ignoring my call because I saw her through the window sitting on her couch, look at the caller ID and then keep sitting. Okay cool I thought. I placed another call to my BFF to chat about the weekend when I had a beep; it was the neighbor. 
Oh now you wanna talk I thought? Nope. I just rejected the call. Another call came 3 minutes later then another. All were ignored. The neighbor beeped in twice more. I ignored. Not out of malice now but because I was busy. Then there was a knock at my front door. I ignored it. I knew it was the neighbor. Note: If I do not answer your call I do not wanna visit with you either! Jeez get a freaking clue. This really annoyed me.
Then there was a knock at the back door. I ignored it. I was tidying up the front rooms while I was on the phone, when I heard a dog barking...in my kitchen!  I went into the kitchen and there stood the neighbor and her dog! Are you kidding me I thought?>#%#%@#! Now I was SUPER annoyed. Oh hell no she did not just roll up in here without being welcomed. I entered the kitchen and glared at her. I must have had the nastiest look on my face. She said "Hi How are you?"
I responded rudely  "Busy. Obviously." 
"Well I have had one hell of a day" she said (well what's new) And (oh no don't even think about coming over here and unloading on me, not now) 
I said to her "Well I am on the phone right now"
She looked at me like that was the rudest shit she'd ever heard. Maybe it was. But she could clearly see that I was on the phone. She started again  "well I...."
"I am on the phone and busy I cannot talk to you right now" I said meanly. She looked like I had punched her in the gut. 
"Well you see" she began again, but I know from experience once she starts that's it. 
So I cut her off again, "go home and I'll call you in a few." She out her head down and took two steps towards the door, She turned around to say something but I'm sure one look into my evil face told her no don't you dare.
She took another step and turned around to face me. "Well you see..." she started again.
"I am busy" I snapped.
She said okay and went out the door, then she reached back and opened the door again and said with a worried look "I'm sorry I just want to tell you my smoke alarm has been going off for 45 minutes."
"Okay bye" I said more forcefully this time.
I'm thinking -Biaacth do I look like the fire department? What the hell are you telling me for??
She  got teary eyed and left. And of course 2 minutes after she left the guilt set in and I felt bad for how rude I was. Dammit! Why cant I just have my peace? So I called her to apologize for being so short.
She answered like she'd been crying
"Hello" she said all weepily.
"Hi sorry about that I'm just having a bad time right now and I have things I need to deal with."
"I understand, its just that we are in danger." I roll my eyes as she continued "I was showering and the smoke alarm started going off"
"Probably the steam from the shower."
"Well No I don't think so" she said
"Do you smell smoke?" I asked becoming irradiated again. 
"No" she replied 
"Do you see flames?" I asked
"No" she said
"Well then it's all good" I said
"I think there could be an electrical fire in the walls and wanted you to know so you could get out safely" she warned me
"I doubt that, the alarm is probably just malfunctioning" I assured her
(It had been almost an hour by now) And this was all quite familar.
"Well I think we should evacuate" she informs me
"Naw I'm tired" I said
"Well I do not feel safe" she said the worry creeping back into her voice
"I'm good over here" (I know where she was going with this)  "Well, call the fire department" I say 
"Well I'll give it a few and if it does not stop I'll call" she says clearly not satisfied with my answer
"Okay let me know, bye" And with that I hung up.

Disclosure: The neighbor is actually only in her fifties she just acts like a 90 year old.


  1. Lock your doors. That will keep her from walking in. People who use you will keep on until you stop them.

    I would not let anyone intrude like that. This may be why people don't harass me when I don't answer the phone. I am obviously mean! - Charlene

  2. Ok, first of all, do NOT feel guilty for telling her you were busy. She barged into your house, tried to interrupt you after you weren't available via phone or knock - she should have some sense and leave you alone! I would avoid her - she sounds psycho!

  3. I love these types of old people.
    But then I don't live near any.

  4. Only in her 50's?
    Oh how sad.
    I, like Mamma,am glad I don't live near any of those.

  5. So clearly you didn't burn down and perish. ;) Lord in Heaven, where do these people come from and better yet are you magnetized cuz they all seem to flock to you!!! Deadbolt your doors and close your curtains. Tight.

  6. Charlene- I mostly do lock my doors, but somehow I must've slipped.

    Erin- Psycho it is. And thanks for making me feel better.

    Mamma- Looking to relocate?

    Peg- Seriously...50's. I'm praying I can hold out on my sanity at least until I am 65.

    Lizbeth- Definitely did not burn to death. Somehow I knew that. Also I am def a crazy magnet and I do not know why. I am not very welcoming??

  7. I have fairly sane neighbours... but to be fair they have to live near me! I must make an effort to try and find their blogs!