Wednesday, January 20, 2010

CREATIVE PARENTING- Repost from 1/20/10

I have a son turning 14 in less than a month. My son walks to and from middle school with his 11 year old brother and the 13 year old girl from up the street. Last night my 11 year old informed me that my 14 year old and the girl up the street had made the decision to lose their virginity together today after school in an abandoned building. I was horrified to hear this and attempted to have a calm yet real conversation with the son with the big plans. I have always been a pretty open minded parent and have had the view point that when my kids are ready to take that huge step there would not be a whole lot that I can do about it other than educate them and try to dissuade them from things that they are not ready for.

Since I work my teenagers are home alone for no more than 2 hours each day after school. I have educated my son about the dangers of sex both emotionally and psychically and have asked him to come to me when he thinks he is ready so that we may discuss it again in real time. So when I confronted my son, calmly let me add, I was very upset that he lied to me. I reminded him of our agreement that as long as he remains open and honest with me I would remain as understanding as one could possibly be. Let me add that I am horrified that he would think that he is ready for this. After attempting to discuss the situation with my son and having him continually lie to me about it. I sent him to his room. That was more for me to figure out exactly how to handle the situation. You see, I consider myself a creative parent that comes up with innovative ways to teach my children lessons. But this one had me completely perplexed...I thought this problem was years away.

As I thought of punishments and possible solutions that including quitting my job so that I may transport him to and from school daily I realized this was not a realistic solution. Then it occurred to me exactly what to do. I contacted the girls parents and let them in our our kids little pact they had. The girl completely fessed up and admitted everything. After they dealt with their daughter I suggested that the father of the girl, a huge intimidating man come have a chat with my son about his plans with his daughter. And that is exactly what we did. I did not even inform my son I was in on it. I just told him that the father of the girl he wanted to sleep with was here to talk to him. I led the father into my sons room shut the door and left. My son looked horrified! After about 30 minutes the man reemerged thanked me and left. I went in to check on my son and he looked to be in shock. Mission Accomplished!

My son and I had yet another conversation in which I asked him to imagine that father coming over to discuss his daughter being pregnant and having to deal with that. Anyways, they will be transporting their daughter to and from school for awhile and my son is punished for lying to me. He is currently writing a 2 page essay on what it would be like to be a father at 14. And this bullet has been dodged for now.

Update- Well that girl became extremely obsessed with my son, as a matter of fact her obsession will get a post of its own. They moved and no sex took place as far as I know. I think my tactic was supermomish because the key to raising teenagers is being able to shock them when they need it the most! But this made me think about the age I lost my virginity (15 and 1/2) probably seems early to most but I was the last one in my group of friends most gave it up at 13 or 14. What age were you when you first got it on?

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