So What if the Whole World Knows I Watch Porn (red faced)

One night  a couple weeks ago I noticed my email alert on my phone was sending me mail failure messages in the middle of the night. Upon closer inspection it was telling me that  my message failed to reach some recipients. I had sent no messages so I was not concerned. A day later a friend emailed me to ask what was up with the message I had sent him???
I had sent him no message to my knowledge. I did some investigating and realized that my email had emailed EVERYONE on my contact list an email attempting to sell them Viagra and Cialis at a cheap rate online. I was horrified. Not only did it mail that to everyone and by everyone I mean teachers, principles, work contacts, the pastor etc, but it had shared everyone's email address with everyone else. I had no clue why or what to do about it so I did nothing.
A few days later I checked my work email and I had an email from my personal account. I opened it not thinking and guess what? It was a porn link. And guess what else apparently I had emailed everyone that porn link. I was horrified. I sent everyone an apology email explaining that I did not know why that happened but I definitely did not send out porn to the pastor. This happened maybe three times and then a friend told me I had a malware virus? I installed some protection and disabled my mail feature on my phone which is where I suspect it came from and as far as I know it has stopped. 
But OMG how freaking embarrassing is that? A techy person told me that can happen when you visit  a porn site. That a virus can attack your phone and do things like send out emails to attack other peoples stuff. He also told me that you do not get a porn virus unless you have been to a porn site and apparently everyone but me knew that. *Gulp*
I may or may not have checked out a porn site on my phone one evening. Why am I telling everyone? Because apparently everyone already knows! I'm going to go change my identity now. But before I go have plastic surgery I just wanted to warn all you PTA soccer moms that be careful what you do online because your secret is not safe and you could end up like me and the dirty lil secret can be exposed. I can literally hear the teachers in their staff meeting saying "no wonder Marlon is failing English, his mother's addicted to porn". Oh the shame!

The Weed Post

Having teen boys is both fun and entertaining but sometimes it can be stressful trying to find the medium. As my boys mold into men it is a constant challenge for me to find the balance between mommying them and letting them grow and learn life lessons on their own. I recently faced a challenge that was my hardest to date and wanted to share that and get some feedback.
My boys often will go down to our local park and play football with a bunch of kids from the nearby high school and middle school. I am one of those moms that constantly check up on them. Why? Because soon enough they will be out and away and I will not be able to check on them so while I can, I do. I also follow up on everything they do to ensure they are where they say they are and doing what they say they are doing. Why? Because I used to be a teenager. Last week my boys called to tell me they were going to the park to play football. About an hour later I rode by the park as I do every time just to peep out the scene. They were there with about 6 other guys sitting on a bench waiting for the rest of they guys to show up. I rode by and went about my business. I knew they would be there but I still come through so that they know "mom can roll up at anytime." I generally will check once and that is it but this day I thought I'd shake things up a bit. I decided to do a repeat drive by an hour or so later. This time I parked out of sight. I could see them they but could not see me. 
Psycho? Naw, I just want to make sure my kids are not involved in any situations that they should not be. I parked my van about a block away and behind a tree lined area to begin my surveillance. The very first thing I noticed was our small town bad ass, we'll call him Aaron. My boys used to be friends with Aaron and his brother Danny until I found out they had been arrested many times and were really some bad kids with an unfit mother. So my boys have been instructed to no longer hang with those guys for about a year now. Problem is these boys walk to school too and live close by so they are around so to speak. So anyhoo I see Aaron. I am immediately pissed that Aaron is there. The next thing I notice is Aaron is smoking! And the next observation I make is Aaron is smoking weed. It was obvious from the way he held the joint. You do not hold a joint the same way you hold a cigarette.I was furious! I put my car in drive ready to roll up and cause havoc, call the law, show my ass that kinda thing. 
Then I thought for a minute, put my car back in park and thought better to observe for a minute and see what my boys did. I was certain I would see them hit the weed. Not that I think they smoke at all but there was 12 guys there and I know peer pressure can be hell.

I watched Aaron make a big show of smoking the weed right there in public and then to my horror I saw him hold up the joint to my oldest son as if offering him a toke. My body went stiff as I waited to see what my son would do. Those two seconds were the longest two seconds of my life. I held my breath. My son shook his head "no". The boy seemed to persist that he give it a pull and still my son shook his head. Aaron then turned to my other son. Now this son is a goody-two-shoes so I knew he would say no especially if his older brother said no. As predicted my other son said No too.
Then an amazing thing happened I saw Aaron offer a hit to all the boys holding the joint up like anyone want some and they all said No. Not one taker in the entire group! That was my single most proudest parenting moment to date. I cannot explain the pride and love I felt when I saw both my boys say no to drugs in a park filled with guys. I was also proud for the other boys as well and proud that my boys are making good decisions not only about drugs but the company they keep. But I was also fuming at that lil bad ass Aaron for attempting to get my kids high. So I rolled up. I pulled up to the curb, the game stopped, all the boys looked at the van. Aaron immediately tried to drop the joint slickly by his side, hoping I did not see him. I rolled down my window and said "Aaron, go ahead pick it up! I know your smoking weed." He just kinda rolled his eyes. I said again "go ahead pick it up! Smoke it up! If your own mother don't give a damn about you down here getting high and you don't care about yourself why hide from me?" I was pissed I wanted to get out an whop Aaron's ass and go find his momma and beat her down as well. This is the type of kid that influences others to do bad things. I then said to him "I could care less about what you do but you keep that shit away from my kids!" 
I then called my kids over to the car. I asked who had the weed and how many kids were down here smoking it. They told me two boys out of 12. Aaron and some other hispanic kid who had brought the weed to the park. I told warned them "you better not engage in this at all! You never know when I'm gonna roll up." They nodded and went back to play ball. 
It was then the hardest parenting moment. I wanted so badly to get my kids in the car and take them home I did not want them around this. But I realized they have to face these types of challenges and make choices without me. They are young men now, not my little babies I can swoop up and keep safe watch over 24 hours a day. So against my bleeding heart I drove home and left them there. Hoping and praying that Aaron did not eventually wear them down. It was so hard to realize that I cannot protect them from this and god knows what else. 
When my boys showed up for dinner I did a marijuana check, check the eyes smelled their fingers for the scent of smoke and even monitored how much dinner they ate. We talked about the situation and I told them I had been watching and say them say No. I was so very proud of them. I just hope they stay strong enough to keep saying no.
Wondering what other parents would have done in that situation?

My Summer Wrap Up Poem With Pics

Summer started out with a real big smile.

We loaded up the kids for a trip to Wet N Wild.

Although they look crabby they really had fun. They were just tired from all of that sun.

The trip was to celebrate MJ's birthday! But in true Princess fashion we had to celebrate many, many ways!

Then a few days later came mommy's birthday.

The party was fun and the gifts were all great .....

..until some lil snotty nosed kid blew out the candles on my cake.

And boy was I pissed, just look at my face!


We got a Y membership and spent lots of time at the pool. Where my teens joined in senior aerobics because they are so cool.

Then we had a cookout just the kiddos and us. Hotdogs, burgers and even a cake. 
I got tipsy and rode the tractor around the neighborhood causing everyone to awake!

Oh and then there is the neighbor. Who is a part of my every day.

The only way I can get some peace from her would be to move away.

We decided to go out to the lake and jet ski with friends, that day was a blast the fun did never end!

Then to mundane things like checkups for the boys.

 They love when I take pics of then and post them on facebook for all to get joy!

Poor little Pooty got poison ivy ten times. 

He tried to hide it from me but this crossed the line!

MalloryJane's pet millipede sadly passed away. 

She still thinks he is sleeping, to this very day.

 We had family up for a cookout that was meant to be fun and light. 

Until too many drinks caused these two to get into a fight

But the biggest surprise of the summer was my ten year old son became a lady!

 And soon after that we discovered he was having a baby!

The older boys aquired a new hobby I dislike. They are adddicted to airsoft guns.

 They play then all day into the night.

The biggest event of the summer was probably when I got back together with my 12 year lover. All we did was fight for the last 4 years.

But now we are happy as larks as you can see here.

So as you can see our summer was full of all kinds of events and you know the deal.

 A day in Raquel's World can be such a bad trip. 

But an entire summer in Raquel's World, well that is the SHIT!

Discrimination or Keeping it Real? PART 2

This is part two to the haircut story. Part one is essential to this so check it out here.

We are now an hour and a half into what should have been a 30 minute or less haircut. Esther and I have gone back and forth and I am hoping she now knows what to do. "It has been a while since I cut this angular of a bob" she tells me "so I'm going to have someone come help me." She turns to Melinda and says "she wants a more angular cut and I can't remember how to do that. Could you help me?" Melinda looks annoyed I'm sure is thinking look biaatch I have my own three clients I'm working on. It is now actually only just two. Melinda says "I need to wash the dye out of her hair and then I'll be right there". 

I sit and wait 10 more minutes and then Melinda comes over and looks at my head and asks "what exactly are you trying to do Esther?" Esther begins to explain and Melinda says "no, no you are going about it all wrong. You see you need to cut from  the front to the back." She takes the scissors from Esther and begins cutting my hair on the right side. "See how I do this? You see how I pull each piece back to the start point? You see Esther?" She explains in haircutter language just what she is doing so that Esther can get it. Now you try. She gives Esther the scissors back and Esther cuts a piece or two of hair. "Good Esther. You got it now? Just remember, front to back, front back. Whatever you do, do not cut back to front. That will give you an entirely different cut" Melinda walks off I glance at the side Melinda has cut in less than 4 minutes, it is perfect! Okay now Esther has it. Esther spins me to the wall again and starts cutting. She is muttering and mumbling and seems stressed. She calls Melinda back over to check her work out. Melinda comes over and yells "What did you do? Esther what the hell did you do? Does this side look like the side I did? How did you cut it. Did you do front to back like I told you to?"  "No" Says Esther with her head down like a scolded child. "I did back to front" she says ashamed. "What did I tell you Esther? I said don't do it that way! Now you have messed it up! There is no way to fix this, just give me the scissors while I try to fix this!" she yells and starts cutting angrily at my hair. I am in the middle of this and am quite uncomfortable. But hope that at least Melinda will fix what ever the hell Esther has done to my hair. Melinda walks off annoyed and leaves Esther to "tighten up the ends."

Esther says "I'm sorry I just couldn't do it." "It's okay" I tell her "Melinda seems to have fixed it." "Well still, I am sorry" she says again "I really am." I tell her not to worry about it it is fine. She says "I just get so nervous." "I understand" I tell her. Although I am pissed it has been over two hours and my hair is still not how I wanted it. I do not want to make her feel worse. She must be horribly embarrassed. Melinda did chastise her in front of everyone. But Melinda probably has to bail out Esther quite a bit and is sick of it. Anyway, Esther finally finished. The result? The side Melinda did is perfect. The other side?...not so much. But it's not horrible. But it still was better than the first style Esther gave me. I get to the front to pay and hand Esther a sympathy tip and she says "no I do not deserve it" and hands it back. I give it back and tell her "hey you tried." "No, I do not want this tip."she says. I did not even cut it right." "True, but you did spend a lot of time on it. And please give this to Melinda" I hand her an additional tip for Melinda. "She had to take time from her clients to help so she should get something." I explain. "I will  give her both tips" Esther says pathetically. I just no longer have the energy to deal with this "Esther" so out the door I go!  OMG what an event.

These pics suck but since you all asked for them here ya go! You can't really tell it's lopsided but trust me it is.

Old Hairdo

New Hairdo

Discrimination or Keeping it Real? PART 1

I have the WORST luck when it comes to hair salons. The worst! In fact, I've blogged about it before. Well this time is even worse than the last. This experience is so hard to believe that it will take two posts just to share it. Here goes...
I realize you get what you pay for but I am a budgeter and $50 on a haircut just doesn't fly with me so  I usually go to the cheap place. I can sometimes get a cut for less than $10. I decided to step it up a bit and go to the $15 salon, in the hopes that the slightly higher price will mean a better quality cut.
I arrive there at 11am. there is a glamour looking girl with three customers lined up in the back. She is dying one head, perming one, and cutting another. She must be good, I thought. I step up to the sign in sheet and notice where you select a stylist everyone had "Melinda". I did not know Melinda so I just signed in. Melinda, whom was doing 3 girls head at once, hollers to the back "ESTHER!"
A lady who looked a hot mess peered out from the back room. Melinda yells to her "she's here for a haircut." "Oh, says Esther, I just assumed she was here for you, since everyone else is." Esther comes up to greet me. I notice she has a pretty sever limp. That worries me. 

Looks like Esther

Hey don't judge me!




As she drags her limp leg behind her I am panicking I can just tell this is gonna be bad. Esther's hair looks dried up, frizzy, out of style etc. 
Esther is old. 
Esther looks absent in the brain. 
Esther is squinting like she can barely see.
Oh Shit Oh shit I am panicking. I want to run out of the salon but I decide that is not the right thing to do. Calm down I tell myself her leg has nothing to do with her haircutting abilities. So I smile at Esther and ask if she will be cutting my hair, I am secretly hoping she is just the shampoo girl. She says she will be cutting my hair. She then rears back and tosses a deadish arm onto the counter. What the hell?  I try not to stare at the arm but come on you got to be kidding me? How can she cut my hair with no feeling in her arm? Oh My god. Okay now I am freaking out. Her arm does not work. I look around the salon nervously hoping someone will save me but.... nope. I know it is wrong and I do not want to discriminate but I do not want a one-working arm person cutting my hair. Oh god, this can't be good. But then I tell myself if she could not cut hair she would not be working here. I chastise myself for discriminating and decide to put a smile on my face and trust Esther. 
 I feel it in my gut. This is not gonna turn out well. But It would be very discriminatory if I walk out now so I am stuck. I ask Esther for a hairstyle book. She hands me one for men? Damn Esther can you even see? I am a woman! That worries me. I tell her I will need a woman's book and she apologizes and takes 15 minutes locating a book for me. I quickly find what I want, a simple bob.

A Simple BOB

I ask Esther if she can do it, she says a "piece if cake." So off we go. When we arrive at her booth she turns my chair completely around from the mirror. She gets to work a snipping and cutting, never once turning me to face the mirror, so I am clueless. An hour later she is done. I look in the mirror. 
What the hell Esther? 
This is not a bob! 
I look like....................................................................................................................................................
Esther. 
I have shoulder length choppy uneven hair. She raves about the great cut and says "don't you love it?" I do not want to hurt Esther's feelings but I am so sick of leaving a salon with some crap ass hair cut. So I act like it is me. I say " I know I did not make it clear (lie, because I did make it clear and showed her the picture) but I want it shorter."  "Shorter?" she asks in disbelief. "Yes, you know, like the picture." I remind her. "Oh well I like it longer" she says. "Well that's nice Esther but I want it shorter, like the picture." "Are you sure?" she asks me. 'Yup" I say. "Okay" she says. She then cuts again for about 30 minutes and then spins me around to face the mirror.
 It looks exactly the same! 
"Esther I really would like a short, blunt defined cut." I say trying to decide if I should just give up and go home. It's already been an hour and a half. "Oh she says. I like this cut better" "Well it is not your hair Esther and I want a short bob." "Can you do that?" I ask her. Yes I have been cutting bobs for years. I am capable of cutting a bob. I just do not think you would look good in a bob." Odd that she did not tell me that an hour and a half ago when I choose that particular style. "Well I want one and its my hair I say." becoming a bit irritated. "You are right" she says and recoils as if I had scolded her. "Okay, okay. I'll cut the bob" Esther relents.
You won't believe what happens next stay tuned for part two.
Question though...Honestly.


Do you think It was discriminatory for me to feel the way I felt about Esther's capabilities to cut my hair once I saw her handicap? Would you have allowed Esther to cut your hair?