Tuesday, August 23, 2011

One Friend Down

So back to my "friends". If you recall I was getting overwhelmed with my new found friends and was trying desperately to maintain the balance of what I needed to do as a mom and a woman yet keep my friendships. After turning down many offers to hang out, an opportunity came where three of my neglected friends were all meeting up at the pool for dinner and swimming. I really did not feel up to it but then decided this would be a great way to get time in with all of them at once. Hey I could even invite my friend that just moved back to NC. She is living close to the the pool we all go to and I could use my guest pass.
I contacted my friends at the pool to let them know I would be bringing Lisa and her son and was excited for them to meet her as well. I then called Lisa and invited her and Daniel along. She said they would be there. Then I loaded up my family and headed for the pool.
When I arrived at the pool it was a lil awkward. See my friends all try to get along for my sake but they secretly don't like each other much. I was hoping that with time they would grow on each other. I was there maybe 10 minutes when in walked Daniel. "Hi Daniel!" I said. I noticed no mom was with him. "Daniel is your mom parking the car?" I ask. "I don't know" he replies. Five minutes later, no Lisa, so I say to Daniel again "where is your mom?" "oh she left" he says. "What do you mean she left?"  I ask. "She had some stuff to do." he says simply. "Is she coming back" I asked. "I think so" he says. "Well what did she say? Where did she go?" I hit him with a barrage of questions. I just cannot believe again that Lisa dropped her kid off and did not tell me anything. This behavior is so unlike the Lisa I knew before. She would never even let the boy out of her sight.
My friends pick up on the situation and have lots to say. 
"Where is your friend?" they ask sarcastically. 
"Is she coming?"
"Did she just drop him off?" 
"Did she ask you to watch him?" 
All reasonable questions that I did not have the answers to. I'm thinking maybe she forgot something at home or went to get food. Surely, Lisa will be here any minute, I assure them. An hour passes no Lisa. I'm getting annoyed at this. An hour later the pool is closing in 45 minutes so I call Lisa.
She answers and I say "hey where are you?" "At home resting" she says. "Oh I thought you were coming to the pool" "Naw" she says. "Oh... well.... okay... it would have been nice if you'd told me I'd have to watch Daniel" I say to her. "You don't. They have lifeguards there." she informs me. "Hmmm, alright" I say. Then there is a silence. She says "why is he a problem?" Clearly not getting the point. "No not at all" I say "but I thought you were coming too." "No, hadn't planned on it"  she says. "Well you are coming to pick him up right?" I ask "Oh I thought I'd get him from your house later, that way we can hang out a bit" she informs me. "I really had not planned on having company and I came out to spend time with you but you left"  I say. There is another loooong silence. "Well I'll just come over and get him now" she says clearly upset. "No he's fine, hell the pool closes in 45 minutes anyways and I am leaving when they close just make sure you are here by then" I am ready to hang up because this is not going well. "Nope I'll just come now" she insists.  We hang up. My other friend who overhears this convo, let's call her Mary, says "that's messed up she just dumped her kid off and did not tell you anything?" I just sit there not knowing what to say. "Are you mad?" Mary asks me. "I'm not mad, just irritated" I say thinking this is why I don't do the "socializing thing"
15 minutes later Lisa shows up. The reception from my friends is less than friendly. They have decided they do not like Lisa already. I can't blame them, that was not a good first impression. I try to small talk with Lisa because the tension is so obvious. Eventually the pool closes and we are headed out to our cars. Lisa asks if my son can go home with her and Danial for a sleepover. I say that would be fine but he has no clothes. "Oh that's okay, I'll follow you home and you can get him some" Lisa offers. Mary overhears this exchange and in her attempt  to save me from unwanted company she interjects "You are not going home Roc are you?" Lisa gives her a look.  I had already told Lisa I was going home, but of course Mary did not know that. It is now obvious to everyone what is going on. Lisa is well aware that I am trying to avoid having her come over. AKWARD. Again it had nothing at all to do with Lisa I was just done for the day. We had been at the pool for hours it was 8 o'clock, I had kids to settle and I was tired too. I stammer to recover form Mary's lie that was picked up on by Lisa and I say "Oh Mary I changed plans, I am going home, Lisa just follow me home and well get his clothes" I say and off we go.
When I pull up to my home Lisa is there waiting in her truck. I had stopped by Mcd's to get the kids some ice cream. I pull up and tell Marlon to quickly pack as to not keep Lisa waiting much more. I hop out of my van and tell Lisa come on in, "No she says, I will wait out here" she says. "No come on in" I insist. "No you made it clear you do not want company and I will respect that and wait nicely out here". Sound of crickets chirping as I do not know what to say to that. I try again to convince her to come in I feel compelled to explain, "its not that you cannot come in, I just am not up for company." I try to explain. "I understand. I will wait out here." She says.Which she did. And with the exception of her dropping off my son the next day I have not heard from her in a couple weeks.  And I have upset yet another friend. But don't worry in the next couple weeks I manage to upset pretty much all of them one by one. Hence why I prefer to have very few friends.
Here is what my future will soon be like.


  1. OK I'm giggling rather hard at the picture. But seriously, I want to be objective w/Lisa. I'm just finding it extremely hard. Because she is making it hard! Sure, she knows her kid and knows his trustworthiness, that he'll act appropriately, but it still deserves a "I'm tired, I'd rather not come, but I'd like to send him alone if you don't mind watching him." Then to get an attitude...it's too much to expect me to explain my feelings to you after being out all day, having kids to wind down, and being tired myself, especially when you should already KNOW. All I can suggest is be more direct. Since she's finally getting a clue, maybe this'll be a turning point though.

  2. I agree with Arnebya.
    But at some point you really shouldn't "hint" because she seems to be slow on that uptake.
    I would always be straight forward say what you mean. This way there is never a misunderstanding you know? Do you think you could have said the first time maybe over a cocktail that you don't enjoy company during the week. And explain why. Then this may not have started. Then again she appears to like drama or she wouldn't have been so passive agressive in the drive way.

    You still have your internet friends Roc. We love ya and I won't be stopping by this evening. :-)

  3. Hun, I'm sorry to tell you but this Lisa is NOT your friend! She's is a soul-sucker. She will put you on the spot, behave inappropriately and in the end try to make you feel guilty for her bad behavior. The sooner you recognize this the happier you will be. It sounds to me like Lisa needs some therapy. (I have been dealing with one of these myself and I finally just stopped answering the phone and replying to texts, it was just too much.)

  4. She seems a little crazy! I get that her feelings were hurt by the lie, but she has to be an adult and get over it!

    I see that scheduling personal fun time is hard when you have a family. I think that is why all my friends with kids hang out with other parents - kids and parents get to socialize at the same time. Your true friends will understand. And if they don't, you always have us. ;-)

  5. Soul-sucker is the perfect way to describe her (as Mystery did).

  6. I'm not sure this Lisa is a friend. Sure she comes over but only when it's convenient for her, when she wants some free time or when she wants something. Seems to me like she's taking advantage of you and then has the stones to get mad when you call her on it. I'd be as direct as you can with her. She has very little business getting mad at you. And if someone invited me to the pool, the expectation is that they show up with their son, not just drop him off. And to say there are lifeguards to watch him is sad.