Tuesday, October 18, 2011

The War of The Neighbors

Oh good lord so here we go again...The war of the neighbors. Mexicans against Americans. Not good. Here is how it went down. As I leave for work on Thursday I notice my neighbors (Mexicans)....
 Disclosure: before anyone comments on me calling them "Mexicans" I do not know their names and the fact that they are Mexicans play a huge part in this story so if that offends you, x out now. Thank you and have a nice day. 
...have a port a john on their front lawn. Not cool I think but I know there are about 15 people living there so I assume that they need an extra toilet. Hell we have 6 people and 2 toilets and that is a challenge. When I arrive at work my neighbor (white lady).....
Disclosure: Again do not comment on the fact that I call her a white lady, I do know her name but her whiteness is crucial to the story. If that offends you x out now. Thank you and have a nice day.... Calls me. I answer the phone with attitude because guess what? I am at work! My greeting is this "I'm at work" She says "I know and I am sorry for bothering you but did you see that port a john on their front lawn?" "I did" I say. "Well I plan to do something about that."she informs me. "Okay you should, because I work.!!!  talk to you later" I say. 
Fast forward to 5pm. I m getting off and notice I have 13 missed calls! 5 of them were my neighbor. I am livid. Because I am naturally bitchy and annoyed and she knew I was working and called me so much. I call her back she answers and I say "is there a problem?" She pauses, probably shocked at my rudeness. Then she says "well yes there is." "Well what's the problem?" I ask. Here is the story she tells me almost just as she told me.......
"Well first of all those Mexicans have been busy as bees over there and I don't know what they are cooking up but honey they had about 5 trucks pull up and about 15 Mexican men busying themselves about the property." "Doing what?" I ask. "Oh honey they were a'sweeping and boiling large pots of water, cleaning and setting up tables. I wait for the bad part.....(sounds of birds chirping) She says nothing for a minute or so. I think she is shocked that I am not mad that "all those Mexican men were out their boiling water and such" She begins again "they parked their cars purposely where I could not see what they were doing behind them."
Another Disclosure: let me explain, her house is joined to mine. I am at the end of the street she is one spot up, they are beside her. There is a driveway between her side of the house and their home. This is where most of the time they park. Actually it is where they should park. So they were not blocking her view. They parked where they park. 
So immediately I am annoyed at her description of their "sneakiness". Anyhoo, she tells me she went around her house from window to window tryna get a glimpse of what they were doing. Freaking busy body! Then when she couldn't get a view she decided to shower. It was then that she heard the most horrific howling sound. It was the sound of an animal in pain. When she looks out her window she sees two hogs hanging in a tree. This is not the first time there has been pigs slaughtered by them. She watches in horror as the guys slit the throat of one of the hogs. Then she runs out in her nightgown and starts screaming at them "what the hell are you doing! You Mexican M-fers! You sick bastards! Where do you think you are Mexico! Get that damn pig down now! You nasty bleep bleep bleep and so on. She continues throwing racial slurs at them as they stand there in shock. Then she begins to jump up and down and throw a good ole fashion fit. At this point they begin to laugh at her. She becomes outraged that they are "picking on her" "starting things with her" Laughing at her" so she screams "okay laugh spics, I'm going to call the cops!" And she storms in and does just that. At this point the guys load up the bleeding pigs and head out. 
The police arrive and basically tell her they are not sure what the ordinances/codes are but they will go over and see what is going on . Which they do. They return and tell her that they will have to talk to the captain because they are not sure if killing pigs is illegal. She begins to shout out codes/laws at them and they tell her that for now they have removed the pigs and would not return with them until they were dead to spare her any heartache. She starts yelling at the police "did you check their papers? Are they legal? Did they have a receipt for those pigs? How do you know they are not stolen? What about sanitation code? What if the pig has a disease that is now spread across the lawns of everyone and her dog gets sick? And more stuff of the like.
They tell her that the neighbors are having a celebration to baptize their baby. And the pigs were to be cooked. That they meant no harm and they were just following their customs and did not realize they did anything wrong. They also sent word by the police that they meant no harm. The police seem to agree with them and tell her basically to just leave them alone. She them tells them that now that they have gone over and riled them up she is not safe. That they will probably do something to her and wants to know if the police are gonna do surveillance on our street for a while. They tell her she is in no harm. She then takes the route of "I am an American! I pay your salaries! I have rights to feel safe in my home!" etc etc .At this point I am sure that they have had it with her screaming at them so they leave. She informs me that she had told the neighbors "wait until Roc finds out about this! Oh she'll have you thrown off the street!"  
I tell her to please keep my name out of her feuds. I will not have them thrown off the street. I have no such powers and have no desire to be in the middle of this feud. I explain to her that I totally do not agree with the pig killings here on on the block We are in the city limits and not out in the country where I suspect that may occur. And if I had been home I  may have called the police too. I don't know what I would have done. But I would have tried to compromise with the neighbors, explain how I felt about it and that I definitely do not want my kids to hear or witness the killing of animals, but at the same time I love me some bacon. So maybe if they could kill their pigs somewhere else more appropriate, in a field somewhere that would be a good compromise. But I do not think they are bad people or illegals or killers. And I honestly felt that her complaints to the police would have been more effective had she stuck to the pigs and not all the Mexican slurs. She then began to cry and tell me that she feels horrible that ever since she moved here there has been nothing but trouble and she obviously is making it hard for me to socialize with "those kinda people". I try to calm her down and assure her I am not mad at her for she is entitled to her opinions but to keep my name out of it. I am capable of speaking up for myself. From here it goes severely down hill...Part two coming soon.
But in the meantime, so far, please tell me who do you think at this point is wrong them or her? Or neither?


  1. Mexican rednecks. Love it.
    I hate living where there is an HOA who polices everything but after reading this I am beginning to think I like it now.

    How dumb can these people be to not know you can't do that to a pig in your yard? I would agree that there must be some ordinance on this and how dumb are these police to not know? There is a lot of crazy shit in your neighborhood.

    Would this woman be as upset if these were southern white bigots like her I wonder. Things that make you go Hmmmm......

  2. She watches too much damn tv.

    I'm sure I wouldn't want to see or hear the pig being slaughtered. Or hanging from a tree. Or being cooked in an open bit. But. Bacon. Mmmm

  3. Peg- I used to hate the idea of HOA's but I now I wish I had one...minus the fees of course. And Peg that is exactly the problem, I think that maybe the prob is more their ethnicity than the fact that they are killing pigs! And actually I am going to tell her so....part 2.

    Arnebya- My thoughts exactly.

  4. Growing up we lived beside a working farm that killed a pig every fall and spring. No I did not watch it nor did I take part in it. But the farmer was good about doing it such that no one witnessed it.
    Though in this area, you can buy a whole pig already killed and ready to roast, head, tail, feet and all. wonder why the redneck Mexicans didn't go this route....

  5. Hi! Just started following you - got the link from ETW's page. This whole episode makes me giggle - can't wait to read part two.

  6. Lord in heaven. First off, they should not be hanging pigs out in the back yard and cooking them up for dinner. If you live in close proximity to your neighbors then that's just wrong. And disgusting. Second, a porta-potty in the front yard?!? Really?!? Surely to God there is an ordinance against that. Now neighbor lady should have just stayed out of it. If she was that unhappy she should have called the police and watched from her window. To get you in the middle was wrong. Sigh. I hope at least you got some bacon or good BBQ out of it at least!

  7. You have the best stories, I can't wait for part 2. Also, life without bacon is just not worth living.

  8. I'm not sure about your specific area, but many places have laws that state if you kill an animal, it must be for food purposes. Perhaps you should inform them that there's a neat place called a "Butcher Shop" and they'll do all the dirty work for you and you won't scar your neighbors in the process. LOL.

  9. This is so interesting! I would have an issue with my neighbors slitting pig throats next door, but I have no clue if this is allowable or not. Such an interesting question! Hmmm... I guess they are just following their customs. The port-o-potty in the yard is taking it too far, in my opinion. Way too far.