Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Another Mystery Solved By Yours Truly

So my boys newest hobby is a lil something called airosoft guns. Kinda like BB guns but safer.  I'm no fan of guns and really do not want my boys playing with them. But....I pick my battles. Weed? Airosoft? Weed? Airosoft?....
Hmmm okay no weed but go ahead and shoot the shit outta each other. {Smile} Anyhoo they had to save up and purchase their own artillery. I thought that would buy me time to get them over this lil phase but nope. Funny how when they want something they will work like worker bees to earn the money. They were some grass-cutting, chore-doing, car-washing fools for a month or so. They earned quite a bit of cash and began ordering guns, ammo, and protective gear.
When the first guns arrived we had a lil safety lesson. And I laid down the rules. 
1- No guns out and about 
2- Always wear protective gear
3- There is a designated area behind our home in which they can play with them. 
4- They are never allowed to aim the guns toward our home or in the general direction of civilization period.
5- The guns must be locked up when not in use ( they were provided with a locking cabinet)
6- Only play outdoors and gun indoors must be unloaded
7- The guns could only be use under my supervision
8- No shooting animals, property or other people

And for my amusement further safety measures I had them shoot each other in the rear in front of me so that could gauge the power of these guns. Because that's what the guns were for, shooting each other. Then I released them into the wild to shoot the crap outta each other. There was a time or two in which certain kids lost their privilege to play with the guns. I would catch them aiming east instead of west... that sorta thing. 
For a while it went well. The biggest problem I had was that they would dress up in full army gear and go into the woods to play. From my kitchen window the view of them in full camouflage walking through the woods with a seeming rifle looked scary. Honestly that did not look so good. I'm sure my neighbors were thinking "there's our next high school shooter." It did look bad. If I had seen someone else's kid in the woods with guns I would have definitely judged her parenting. But since my neighbors are pig killing Hispanics, suspected crack dealers and a psycho older lady I did not really have to worry about my image. In fact it may even be good for them all to fear my children and I.
The only issue it caused me was there were eight trillion airosoft pellets at any given time rolling around on my floors. And trust me at 2am when you get up to pee and step on one.....Well lets just say it hurts. I got sick of seeing these green and white lil pellets everywhere; in my washer, dryer, vacuum cleaner etc. I instituted a fine of 75cents per pellet to be deducted from their allowances. I then had the joy of going around finding the pellets and collecting them to bring to the table at allowance day. Which went like this. "Okay I owe you $12 for chores....counting pellets, sounds of calculator typing,..... and now after the pellet deduction... you owe me... 50cents!"
Thank you! 
That problem did not last long. 
Then came a Sunday when David and I decided to go out to eat breakfast alone. We dropped princess off at a play date and left the boys home alone. When we pulled up later we heard them running through the house yelling "they're here! they're here!" Hmmm. I tried furiously to get the lock opened fast enough to catch them red handed in whatever they were doing...Eating in the living room, watching porn, who knew?? By the time I got in, nothing just 3 lil angels sitting on the couch watching TV. Yeah right. Who do they think I am? I investigated and interrogated them to find out just what had been going down while I was away and got nothing. Even the lil one would not fess up. After I counted up my smokes, measured my alcohol and checked the backyard for footprints I had nothing so I let it go.
Yesterday I decided to open up some windows to let in some air and noticed this.
Hmmmm, that's odd I thought. I did not catch right on. I proceeded to the next window and saw this.....

Weird huh? What would make these holes in my blinds??? Wait a minute.....Is that a green pellet on my window sill? Why yes it is. How did that get there I wondered. Then it dawned on me..... It was shot there! Hell naw! So three lil boys lost their guns and paid for new mini blinds. And now I know what they did while I was away.
What kinda things did you do when left home alone? Hit me with it so I can be prepared.


  1. We were bad, bad, bad kids and hit the liquor cabinet. I'll never drink Amaretto again.

  2. Ditto w/Lizbeth - Wasn't allowed guns so alcohol for me too.I can never drink slow gin ever ever!

  3. btw - you can't get in trouble with a playstation - it may occupy them until they are bored with that too. :-)

  4. My dad had a WHOLE room of guns and ammo. When the parents were away, we would sneak into the locked gun room and play in there. Nope we didn't shoot the guns, dad could tell that. But we knew that all the cool things to look at where kept in that room including Christmas presents.
    Of course when we became teenagers we did the party hardy with the open invitation to come join in to everyone and anyone.

  5. We made prank calls and watched HBO and once tried to smoke my mothers cigarettes. I haven't tried a cigarette since I was 12.

  6. Okay, none of this is too bad. I Think I did worse . What would be nice? If some guys commented...Come on guys Im raising boys tell me what to expect!

    Lizbeth- Since I rarely drink there would only be a small amount of alcohol at any given time in my home. Prob not enough to get truly smashed. So I thin Im good on that.

    Peg- Oh Peg they can get in trouble with anything trust me. I'll let ya know when they figure out a way to use that for bad. ;)

    Mamma- That just sounds so scary.

    MysteryChick- Lol I remember prank calling too. Good times! I think the invention of caller ID has me covered there.

  7. We did prank calls but that was before caller ID!