Thursday, July 28, 2011

Help! Help! My Light Is Out.

So now that we got that outta the way. I will resume bitching. The topic today is a reliable one.....The Neighbor.
Since she watches my home 24/7, she knows all my business so she knew about the RA...and in good faith lets just go back to calling him David. She was one of the people who had the strongest opinions on us splitting up. She would say things like "don't take him back", "you deserve better" etc. When I told her he was coming back she seemed uninterested until she saw him. He pulled up and she came running out and rushed over to tell him how 
glad she was that he was back........
and how much he was missed.......
and how we needed a man down there with us to keep us safe......
and fix things.........
and she was so excited that he was back she was gonna make a list of all the things that she needed fixed in her house...
sound of record scratching. 
Say what? Did she just say she would make a list of all the things she needed him to do at her house?  WTH? Excuse me neighbor but the works been piling up over here as well, not to mention he and I may want to spend some time working on our relationship, oh and then there are those thing we call kids running around there that may need a lil time and attention. And by the way he works 6 often 7 days a week sun up to sun down. Just when the hell did she think he was gonna have time to be her handyman?
Fast forward two days later she calls me and says "is David around?" I know she knows he wasn't bc she conducts 24/7 surveillance on my home. I tell her he is at work. "Oh my, I have an urgent situation and need his help." By the way she rents so the land man can fix her stuff and we also have a handyman around there for repairs and yard work. She just doesn't like him bc he is Mexican. 
"What's wrong?" I ask
"Oh my, it's serious" she says
"I'm sure" I say rolling my eyes "what's the problem?"
"My light in my bathroom has blown out and I cannot climb a ladder, I may fall. Could David come over and change the bulbs for me?"
"Sure I say "he is very busy right now (see list above) but he'll get to it within the week."
"Okay, well its really urgent, I cannot bathe, and when I get in and out of the shower I am enveloped in such darkness. I may fall, or anything. It is really scary to shower in the dark and taking a bath well that is just impossible with the lack of lighting." she explains
"Okay, he'll get to it soon" I hang up.
The next night at 8pm, he was just pulling up from work, she began to ring my phone repeatedly. I was busy but when I saw 4 missed calls I thought I better make sure she is okay. I called her and said  "hi are you okay?"
"Well no I need my light fixed." 
I'm pretty sure I said within the week I'm thinking now aggravated.
"Well I have a kidney problem and need to soak my back. I need to sit in the tub but simply cannot without proper lighting. It's just not safe"
Silence on my end,,,(I'm biting my tongue)
"Well I guess I could just shower tonight, I have some pain meds I can just take them until I am able to soak" she says.
Silence again from me
"Do you think he'll get over here soon?" she asks
"Within the week" I simply said
"Okay sorry to bother you" she says and hangs up.
The next day I pull up and she was all hunched over depressed and pitiful in the front yard.I said Hi to her and she carried on with her pitiful display. It annoyed me so I had to say something. I said "seriously are you acting this way over a light bulb?"
"No I'm sick, in pain" she says. Probably because we did not get her light fixed.
When I cooked dinner that night I brought her a plate, (as I do several times a week)
When I brought the dinner over she wanted to show me her newly decorated bedroom so I came in and checked it out. I noticed when we passed the bathroom the lighting seemed fine.
So I said "oh you got your light fixed?"
"Oh no, I did not. Come see" She leads me into the bathroom.
We enter the bathroom and she shows me that one of the 7 lights in that room is out. See she has makeup lighting around the mirror, two fixtures that have 3 bulbs each in them over the double sinks. Then two feet away there is another fixture over the toilet. That one is out but the 1000watts glaring from the 6 sink lights shined right at the toilet the bathroom was not dark at all! It was very well lit and had more lighting than mine. I just gave her a look. She explains that at night (which it was) it gets really dark in here and she can barely see the toilet or the tub.
What the fuck do you want in here a spotlight?  ?#%$!#!#   Anyhow in light of the discovery I decided David would truly get to it when he got to it. I have larger impending issues in my home such as a window that doesn't seal properly, a piece of trim board that needs replacing before my floor comes up etc.
The next day I got two messages from her. "Hi Roc its ____________, I am really in pain due to not being able to take a bath. I really need to get in the tub and soak my kidneys and I was wondering when I would be able to do that. David has not fixed my light yet and I am in desperate need of his help. It went on and on about how scary the bathroom was and unsafe. I did not reply. On my way to work this morning I set a lamp on her porch. Maybe she can plug that in somewhere in there if she feels unsafe. Uggghh! Seriously lady?


  1. WTF?
    She is my age and can't climb a ladder or step stool? She sounds like she is 85 for heaven's sake.

    She is imposing.You are much nicer than me.
    I would have asked that she call her landlord or a handyman because your list at home is very long and that right now is David's priority.
    If I held my tongue I would end up saying nasty shit to her when I blow up. Roc you are nicer than me!!!

  2. You're a better person than I am. I'd tell her to do it herself or call the handyman. Sheesh!

  3. No fair! I'm at my desk and burst out laughing at "What the fuck do you want in here a spotlight?" These people already think I'm off, so what the hell. I would suggest she call the landlord if it's that urgent. Better yet, call FOR her, ha! We've got sore backs, poorly lit tubs, dark toilets, send someone fast!

    I'm new to your blog, and I'm glad I found it.

  4. '1000 watts glaring'

    BWAHAHAHAHA - Get her handman's number and call for her.

  5. The way I see it you have two options:

    1. Never fix the light bulb. She will eventually shrivel up and die. You know, from pain.
    2. Put the lamp in the tub and let her turn it on when its filled. That autta do the trick.

    Seriously, this woman is nuts but she makes great blog fodder.

  6. I have a neeigbor like that too! She works from home and I think she knows more about my house then I do! She's younger...a year older then me, then your neighbor but evertime my husband is outside she needs him to help her with something...ugh. Get your own husband I say!
    I feel for you..the lamp was a nice touch if I do say so myself!!!

  7. OMG. I would punch her. How annoying.

  8. Peg- My thoughts exactly. Come one 50ish!! I hope she moves before she is actually 80 or I have a feeling I will be a full time nurse against my wishes.

    MysteryChick- Saying whats on my mind usually leaves me to deal with a depressed person walking my yard for days.

    Arnebya- Welcome! And thanks for reading. Glad I can make you laugh.

    Mike- She wont allow him in her house bc he's Mexican and she thinks he is gonna rob or rape her.

    Lizbeth- Both good plans. But you are right she does give me great blogging posts.

    Chandra- Oh it would be worse if she was younger. That would really push me over the edge. The lamp....thanks!

    Karen- Prob will soon

  9. That is just Bizarre...just sayin...

  10. Crazy!! Speaking of lights, I think there are 5 out in our kitchen. FIVE.