Friday, July 8, 2011

I Like The Other Woman

You guys took too long to advise me and I could not help myself. I called her. Most people would have and did tell me to leave well enough alone. But I can't stand being in the dark about things and I felt like RA was not giving me the entire story. I could hold back no longer. I called her. I called her and wanted to know everything. Well, she told me everything. Why did I do that? I just had to know. It hurt. It hurt real bad hearing all the details of their love affair. It appeared it was way more serious than I ever thought and way more serious then RA let on. It is amazing how when two scorned women get together on some things the stuff that will come out. 
He had apparently lied to her as much as he lied to me. He had truly been living a double life. It is really like a Lifetime movie and against my wishes I am a main character. 
The funny thing was while I was listening to her tell me how he would explain his and my situation it was very reminiscent of things he would tell me about his ex wife when he and I first got together. He must be following a handbook or something. There had been so many times right in front of my eyes that he called her or texted her. Of course he told me it was his mom or brother etc. So many times we were together and he was feeding her bullshit and so many times that they were together and he was feeding me bullshit. RA has caused me much grief in my days but this takes the cake. I seriously became ill after speaking with her. She had met my children, has pics and videos of them. Has met his entire family, his coworkers, his friends. I wonder how stupid those people must think I am? I wonder why no one even gave me a hint?
I am a glutton for punishment. I knew when I called her it would not be good for me but I had to know. I had to know every little detail. I am just that way. I would rather get stabbed head on over and over than be betrayed. So although it killed me I listened to every word she said. And I believe every word she said. I know that she is telling me the truth and the smart girl had proof just in case I did not believe her. It was just horrible but needed to be done. After we talked over an hour I was just drained. My boys are away and the baby was asleep so I confronted RA about it all. And there were fights, there was yelling, there was crying it was real bad. I could not move on without knowing and now I know. 
Ironically, I like her. Although she knew he was cheating in the beginning she was sold a whole bunch of lies and I can't help her for believing him. Hell I believed him and I know him. She apologized for her part and for that I thank her. She is a good person that just got caught in the middle of our mess. Where do I go from here? Lord only knows. I am still in shock and actually just wanna forget everything for a few days but I can't.  I am going to have one hell of a rough time ahead of me as I try to sort this all out and make major decisions about my life, but I am strong. And I will get through this. Here's hoping she does too.


  1. Raquel - I just read this post and I'm so sorry to hear what you are going through. i had a similar situation happen in my marriage last year so I really can relate to how you are feeling and what things you are thinking. The best advice I can give you is to make sure you let your feelings out - journal, talk to friends, go to therapy, even if it's just for yourself to cope with everything you are feeling. Sending you a BIG heart hug.

  2. I'm sorry your going through this, but it's better to know now than find out later after you let him back in. I don't know what to tell you to do now as I've never found myself in your position and even if I had everyones situations different but keep your head up and do what you feel is best for you and those beautiful kids. Big ((((hugs)))) honey.

  3. I'm so sorry Roc! I'm glad you spoke to her. I had a feeling that was the story.

  4. You are strong. I give you so much credit for calling her. I would have too. At least now you know. And you should never feel like you were being stupid or that people thought you were stupid. At the end of the day, people live their lives, and they were not sitting in the privacy of their own homes giving a crap about anybody but themselves...thus the reason nobody told you. Unfortunately, it's just the nature of the cheating beast.

  5. So sorry. I am the exact opposite of you. I like to live in denial. I don't like to know details. I just don't like to be hurt anymore than I already am.

    But I am glad you got what you wanted.

  6. I'm glad you called her so you could find things out and find out what really happened. And sort fact from fiction. Hard to do when you'd like to believe him....

  7. Wow, what a story! You are so nice to wish her well. It would be so difficult to deal with someone who lied all the time. Sorry it happened to you! :(

  8. I am sorry that it turned out this way for you Roc. I will say a prayer for you and your family that you stay strong (and that you keep the RA out of your house/bed).

  9. ERIN-did you guys stay togther or split?

    To everyone else thanks for your support and love. Its like having a whole group of girlfriends I never knew I had.

    Mamma- you are def a MOMMA, lol

  10. OK chica...I am slowly but surely catching up with everyone's blog and I came across your post here.

    It is probably not welcomed, my testosterone laden response in a sea of estrogen but I will endeavor to give it my best shot!

    I have heard what you wrote. If I could reach out and give you a big hug I would. Unfortunately my arms are tied up in this straight jacket and I no can my words will have to suffice!

    Being a man of my word and an advocate for all other men of their word out there I say this. Even though it hurts...even though it will feel like you are tearing yourself apart.


    You are a great looking chic with a great head on your shoulders. You show compassion, responsibility and loyalty, which contrary to popular belief, real men look for in a woman.

    He is a user. And he plays on your emotions as if they did not exist. I hate to see any of my friends hurt...even my online friends. This is why I want to bring the vigilante back.....