The Funeral....The Last Chapter

Work is as exciting as watching a battery charge, hence two posts in one day. Yippee!

Thought I'd finish up the funeral story.

After the burial there was a dinner sponsored by the Kiwanas club in honor of my grandfather he was a vietnam vet. We all arrived at the clubhouse in which it was to take place. The dinner was buffet style with the food and tables in the front room and a bar and restrooms located in the back.

Upon arriving the first thing my sister did was grab me and say "come on we are all taking a shot of Jack Daniels in honor of Grandpop".

I immediately knew this wouldn't go well so I nicely tried to decline. After being served up a quilt trip about not participating in the honorary shot that "all the grandkids would be be participating in"which I knew would probably turn into many shots I caved. As I approached the bar halfheartedly I noticed the only grandkids at the bar was...you guessed it..our family. So while my siblings were ordering shots I snuck away and dodged that event.

Then came time to eat. Our family secluded itself from the rest of the family and sat at a back table together. As I tried to avoid them one of my siblings waved me over informing me that they had saved a seat for me. Great! I sat down and we began to eat. The conversation quickly turned to the funeral and my sisters guest; her ex husband, a druggie and drunk, said extremely loud, (I'm sure due to the JD shots) "what the hell kinda service was that? I'm from the south! I'm used to some downhome organ music and soulful singing, what was up with all the bell ringing and humming?"

I immediatley tried to change the subject but it was to no avail he continued on and on and everyone was looking at us. I wanted to disappear.

Then my sister commented two or three times thatits fing hot in here. Well, sweetie its not really hot maybe again the JD shots so she deicded to go into the bathroom and remove her shirt leaving her in a cami. Not the kind of cami that you should wera in public. Keep in mind everyone else here has on their funeral attire. BVery formal stuff. She then kicked off her shoes at the dinner table and removed her bra from under the cami of course but nonethelss..

She doesn't look like this but this is what it felt like.

Eventually I made my rounds and apoligies and we decided to hit the road. To get as far away from the group as possible maybe Virgina. We head out to the parking lot where I encountered my ex brother in law smoking a joint while my sister raged on with accusations that my brothers GF had stolen her prescription pills from the console of her truck and they were bout to have it out. I made the quickest exit and droove fast as hell outta there.

The Funeral....Part 3 - The Gravesite

So.. back to the funeral.

We were all piling out of the church to go to the gravesite which was an hour away. So of course everyone goes to the bathroom. The bathroom was packed and a line was out the door. My sister goes into a stall and about 1 minute later she begins to scream "WWWWHHHHHYYYY!!"

This begins a procession of the loudest most outrageous cry I had ever heard. The bad news is that my sister is a huge smoker and has lung issues so her cry is a mixture of choking, gasping, hacking etc. It was the most gross sound you could imagine. Not only is the sound enough to make all the bathroom attendees hurl there were sounds of choking up phlem etc. Then I see her (quite a large lady I might add) on the floor of the stall. She was making such a scene.

I was torn, I felt for her and wanted to help her but I also felt that seriously "we must get it together". Everyone knew we were sisters and probably thought I should assist her but keep in mind that we had been estranged for years prior to this event and I also was trying to put some space between my family and I.

I decided to just leave the restroom. As I exited the bathroom I saw the large group that had gathered outside the door. I just put my head down and hurried past them.

At the gravesite one hour later...

Upon arrival to the site my sisters came up to me and said "make sure you stand with us behind g-ma". See there was a small area with chairs for the immedaite family. I am assuming spouse and children. It was my family's idea that we as grandkids were suppossed to stand behind g-ma. Funeral Rules as they told me. Again, not much experience with funerals so I was unsure. There did not seem to be much room behind her and several of my more classy co-grandkids were not crowdded around gma. Given that and the previuos shenanigans I decided to stand off to the side. My siblings did not appreciate this very much.

The burial was sad and hard and it was followed by another one of my sisiters breakdowns. This breakdown was so severe that several family members shot her dirty looks. As we all were exiting the gravesite my mother again approached me. Oh No I thought. I gave her a quick once over, she seemed okay. So I hugged her and said "sorry mom for your loss." She then said "I dont wanna leave him." I just continued to embrace her. She began to cry. She placed her hands on my arms held me out at arms length and then said to me" dont do it Raquel, dont make me leave my daddy here" Oh boy here we go. She repeated this phrase to me through choked up sobs and added details like "i dont wanna put dirt on him" NOO!" Exhausting. I finally broke free from her and jog-walked back to our car. Safe.

More to come...find out what happens at the after dinner.

The Funeral...Part 1

On April 15th this year my beloved grandpop passed. He lived in NJ. This is where the majority of my family is from and resides.

A little background here. My extended family are really classy upper-class people. They are all college educated, get married for life, homeowners, a close knit group people living the american dream.

Then there is the branch of the tree in which I groweth. My mom, marrried 6+ times to absuive men, an alocholic, she and each of my siblings has had their fair share of a rough life. Because we are in NC and everyone else is in NJ no one really knows how screwed up this section of our family is. Then there was the funeral.

It started with about 3 days of arguing, fighting, planning, replanning, etc etc..Who was riding with who, whose car would/wouldnt make it, who would stay with who, who could afford a hotel, who could not. There were several emotional breakdowns and arguments before we ever headed out.

So begins the journey to the North. They all arrived a couple days before me. I have little ones and shaved down my trip so I wouldn't be gone long. Upon my arrival at 10:45p at the Holiday Inn. I was greeted by this haggard looking bunch sitting outside all smoking. It was quite awkward since I hadn't seen or spoken to several of them in years although we all live @ 10 minutes apart. My estranged sister immediately hugged me and I hugged back....okay normal. Then came my mother. She grabs my hand and says simply "walk with me". Oh boy I thought. We walk a bit down the walkway and she begins to cry and tell me that it was my granpops dying wish that she and I made peace. Okay.

So begins all these dramatics and crying and hugging me and such. There is snot dripping from her nose onto my shirt as she clings to me with a death like grip.I try to normally tell her "it's okay mom, everything is fine, lets just focus on why we are here and not make this about us." This type of event goes on for about 20 minutes before I can finally convince her to rejoin the others.

So we begin our walk back and out of the blue she holds our arms to the sky and begins to yell "we did it daddy! We did it. You can rest now." She is extremely loud and making a spectacle of herself. I am horrified as everyone is watching this display.

She then tells me "Now you shout it Raquel"
Seriously? Uh No.
I tried to reason with her and said "Mom, Im sure he knows."
"No you gotta tell him. Scream it. Say look at us grandpop!"
No I will not.

This goes on for 5 minutes, her outburst in front of the hotel, my pleading that that is enough. Before I can break away. All this before I even check in.

Stay tuned to hear about the funeral..It gets so much better.