Friday, August 13, 2010

Top Ten Don'ts When Seeking Employment

As I have mentioned before part of my responsibility as the manager to screen, interview, and hire staff. I have been truly amazed at some of the encounters I have had in this process. With the economy being bad and people in real need of jobs I thought I would help some of you out.
Here is my top ten list of things you should never do when trying to land a job.


disclosure- the events and facts contained in this post are true and factual. No participant will be compensated for the use of their ignorance.


Here goes....Do not.............


1- Apply for a job on Aug 1st when you are headed out of state on Aug 12 to attend college


2-Wear a do-rag or tongue ring to the interview


3-Come with a list of weeks and weekends that you will not be available for the first two months due to your social calendar


4-Apply for a Wednesday night job, then in the interview inform me you are available all days except Wednesday


5-Park in the ten minute drop off zone


6-Have your loser boyfriend sit out in the car and wait for  you


7-Answer your cell phone during the interview


8-Reply to the post before using spell check. here is an actual copy and paste from an email inquiring about the post  "I apresiate your concideration"


9-Consider babysitting your little brother while mom showers "childcare experience"


10-SHOW UP LATE


Here is an actual conversation I had with my applicant just yesterday when she arrived 10 minutes late
Me- "scale of 1-10, rate your promptness"
APP- "10"
Me- "interesting answer, did you realize you were late today?"
App- "yeah"
Me- "Care to explain?"
App- " I was having a bad day and even considered not showing at all. But then I thought better late than never and at least if I showed up you would see my ability to overcome obstacles" (that's exactly what I thought)
Me- "What was so bad about your day?"
App-"Well first I could not log into my school email and that is where the address was"
Me- "do you have GPS?"
App-"Yes, but it won't acting right"
Me- "did it occur to you to call?"
App-"Yes, but I did not want you to think I was dumb" (no we wouldn't want that)
Me- "When you realized you were late did you think to call then?"
AP- "yes, but when I did my phone died"....end scene


Let me say I am generally not such a bitch when interviewing but it just annoys the hell outta me when someone shows up to an interview late and does not even offer a reason or apology.


Oh, and heres a bonus one. Do not have an interview and get hired; then when we are working out your schedule inform me that you are scheduled to have surgery next week and will be out for two months. Are you kidding me?
 


OMG- Can't believe I forgot this one,,,,don't use your email address if it's 420@yahoo.com  or bonerstoner@gmail.com, or lovetoget laid.net...IDIOTS!


So if you are seeking employment I hope you will utilize my ten don'ts. If anyone here has hiring abilities share with me yours.

10 comments:

  1. You need to keep all this stuff for a book.

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  2. Also don't nervously ask over and over again "Do health benefits start on day one?" Cause if you do the HR person might realize that you're two months pregnant. ;-)

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  3. I have written a bunch on these topics during "Ask the HR Chick"

    I also don't think its too much to ask that you show up looking neat and clean and not smell like you took a beer shower with a cigarette moisturizer.

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  4. his was a hoot. Hubby spent more years than he cares to tell you doing this. First as a headhunter then ending as VP of HR. Women who dressed like whores/street walkers and continue to fix their boobs during an interview. He loves boobs but even he thought this was inappropriate since the job was not for a whore or a porn film. I mean they were really out ther.
    One poor sap wore the tag on his sport coat. You know the one on the outside sleeve.
    He didn't tell him until the interview was over. He took him aside and told him quietly that it was to come off. The man was generally surprised and asked, "are you sure" I guess he thought it was a status label. Yea, right from J.C.Penney's?!

    He actually got so fed up with resume and cover letters with mispelled words (like me here( that he would send them back with it corrected in red pen like your school teacher would do. Most got pissed. One girl called him to thank him for the help and guidance because she didn't know who to ask for help. (holy shit!)

    I have a whole book of this stuff - you two should compare notes and write a book! It would be best seller as comedy. There's your jack pot! $$$$$

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  5. I find it helpful to show up sober for an interview. I know...that's crazy talk, but its a rule I live by. Cheers Roc!!

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  6. *removing tongue ring*

    i like your header quote, but i wonder if i'm really alive to begin with...

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  7. Mike- Maybe if I can team up with Peg's hubby I will.

    Peg- Boob fixing, experienced that the afternoon I posted this and skirt tugging. Let's just say the apps dress was a bit too low and tight.

    Matt-Man- That is always a bonus

    Suburban Housewife- I often read your HR stuff. What's funny is since we work with kids I will inform them that smoking is not allowed on the premises period and they will shockingly tell me "I do not smoke". Then I can clearly smell the smoke on them when they arrive to work.

    Jay- Dead giveaway

    Eternal List- Thanks

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  8. This is the funniest thing I have read all week. Seriously, people crack me up! At the risk of sounding old, I don't get the new generation.

    This girl came in to interview and her cell phone rang, and instead of apologizing for not turning it off, she took the call! I couldn't believe it.

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  9. Ammena- Thanks! The "new" generation are idiots.

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  10. As someone who was laid off and then just had to find a job - this hurts. No wonder some of these guys have no jobs...

    Pretty funny but also sad.

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