Friday, February 25, 2011

It's Official, My Kid Is Not The Brightest Bulb In The Box

If you follow me on Facebook then you will know that yesterday my son shot out his own front teeth with a stapler, now here's the details.
It was around 3:30p I was working when my older son called me. When I answered he said "Mom, Marlon shot his teeth with a stapler." I said "Okay, I'm at work" and hung up. See my kids have quite the sense of humor and tend to embellish sometimes. Then the phone rang again and I said annoyed "What?" Michael said "did you hear me? I said Marlon shot his teeth out!" I said "swear to god?" He said "swear, his teeth are on the ground and he's crying."  In the car I called Michael back for more details he said "Marlon was bored and he wanted to see what would happen if he stapled his teeth but when he did, it broke his front teeth and they are on the ground." "Well pick them up!" I yelled "and put them in a baggie." "Is Marlon hurt?" I asked "Well he is crying but, he's alright" my son replied. My next call was to my dentist. The dentist office had to ask me to repeat the story twice because it was so ridiculous and then they told me come in as soon as I can. I arrived home and here's the face that greeted me. 
Granted it does not look too bad, but what you cannot see is that the remaining portion of the tooth is cracked and shattered. There is also a thin layer of the tooth that's chipped off along with the bottom half. I wish I had a better camera. It has like spider web cracks in it. 
This is not our first emergency for dumb kid ideas, here is another.As I chastised him for being such an idiot I also ran through all the even worse things that could have happened: shoot a stapler down your throat, shoot out an eye, etc. I asked "what the hell made you do that?" "Dunno, I was bored" the dummy replied.
"Bored!?$$#$@!! " I yelled you have tons of makeup work for school (he had the flu for a week) and chores galore" (he has to pay for a math book that he let his "homey" borrow and homey lost it) I ain't paying $70some dollars for no damn math book. He said "yeah I know but I still wanted to see what would happen." "Well you certainly have seen what happens when you act like an idiot" I said even more annoyed that he really did not seem to think ruining his permanent front  teeth for life was a big deal.. When we arrived at the dental office everyone came in to see the dumb teen that stapled-shot his teeth out. They informed me that becasue of his age they could not do a crown and the best they coud do was reform the teeth with composite. Okay whatever at least I won't have a toothless son.The dentist entered the room, raised up Marlon's chair so they were eye to eye then he asked him "what they hell were you thinking?" Yes he said hell. My dentist is cool like that. He gave Marlon a lovely small lecture and then began to work on his teeth. He was late it, was after hours and his wife was calling because he had somewhere to be. Yet he stayed and fixed Marlon's teeth. Dedication. 
He told me that there wasn't enough existing tooth to work with and the composite will probably fall off a lot and we would be returning lots to repair it but there really were no other options. Marlon can never use his front teeth again. Not even to bite a banana he has to cut all his food in small bites and chew on his back teeth for life. Dumb Kid!


  1. oh my goodness.
    Will he be able to get this permantly fixed when he stops growing? And at what age will that be for heaven's sake.

    My father'w words are ringing in my ear here - "dumb ass" I heard that way too many times when i was a kid.

    I feel so badly for him yet I realize he did this to himself. I don't think he will be so stupid again Roc. I hope you have great dental insurance!!

  2. Kids are honestly really dumb. LOL At least it will make a great story for him to tell for the rest of his life.

  3. I'm still trying to figure this out. How do you shoot a stapler in your mouth? I would tell you to make sure he pays the consequences for his actions but it sounds like he already has.

  4. OMG! That is awful! Dumb kid indeed! I can say this because I have four of my own. Nobody has ever shot their teeth with a stapler, but believe me, it's only because we keep such objects hidden from them and their stupidity!
    I'm so sorry you have to deal with this shit. Chin up. Summer will soon be here and then they can go outside and do stupid things.

  5. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS!! I know you are not kidding me, so I won't even ask. That is horrible! My MIL is a dental hygienist. I can't wait to tell her about this story!

  6. He's a guy and it probably sounded like a good idea at the time.

  7. My toes curled at that picture. Chipped on of my teeth sledding when I was a kid. Dang. Cheers Roc!!

  8. He'll be sorry about this for the rest of his life.

    I got smacked in the face with a door when I was a teen and I swear I was at the dentist every other week having them put the composite back on.

    In my 20's there was an unfortunate accident involving a hopscotch grid drawn on a kitchen floor, a beer bottle and both my front teeth. I now have crowns. They only last about 10 years before they need replacing. It's not cheap and my own teeth were nicer. Poor kid, I feel for him (and your wallet).