Friday, February 4, 2011

Having the Upper Hand...Part 6

Although I liked, no, I loved my new drama free life I could see it was hurting David. He began to spend a lot more time at my house. He would come by to see the kids or fix things. Funny how when you put a guy out they are much more helpful. Eventually I gave him a key so he could  let himself in and out. Then one day I came home from work and he had just moved all his crap back into my home. Let's be honest. After my initial frustration at the nerve of him! I was a bit flattered that he was "fighting" for me. This was new. I had always felt like his last priority and to see him just walk away from his single life, own place, and all his freedom because he hated spending nights away from us "his family" made me reevaluate things.
This time was different though, I knew I had the upper hand. So I took complete advantage.This time I would stand my ground a bit. I told David that I liked my new freedom, and quite honestly was tired of always just jumping right back into things whenever he decided he was ready again. So, while he could stay if he liked, I would continue to date my suitor. If he didn't like it then he could go. He accepted those terms and stayed?? So that's just what I did. Except now it was even better because I had an in house babysitter when I wanted to go out. I was living the best of both worlds. I could go out and date and be treated like a lady  and then when I came home I still had this great family life. And of course David was going out of his way to prove his love so he was a cooking, fixing, time spending, romantic in-house-benefit. I relished it all!
Problem is I had a conscience and every time I would come home and see the sadness on David's face or see that he had prepared a lovely dinner for me although, I had just been out to eat, I felt really bad. After all I did love him. And although I wanted him to suffer for once, living with the pain in his eyes was hard for me. So I went with my heart and ended things with my new guy. As always it went really good for a long time. Suzy was still with same guy, shockingly. We even spent some holidays, birthdays, and attended the kids soccer games with Suzy and her new man, all cordially and pleasant. It seemed we had this thing finally figured out. 
Then my big time job sold to another company and I went to work at my bosses new construction company as a project manager. I knew nothing about construction but it was easy to tell that the company was doing some underhanded crap. Our paychecks began bouncing and I counted on David more and more to support the family. It went okay for a while. My pay was becoming increasingly sporadic and eventually the company went under and I became unemployed. I had worked almost daily since I was 13, I even had my own apartment and was emancipated at 14 so I prided myself at being a provider for myself and my family. Being unemployed was a scary new territory for me. At first I did not fret. I had awesome credentials and a great work ethic so I was sure I would secure work quickly. I was wrong. Due to the absence of a college degree I was undesired by any workforce comparable to what I had been doing. That's when I first began to understand the saying "its not what you know but what you know."
I filed for unemployment for first time in my life. I was amazed to find that once I subtracted the costs of daycare and travel expenses I was bringing in pretty much the same amount as when I was working. It was a good time because I could drive my kids to school, pick them up, volunteer at their schools more and do things I had never been able to do before like be there with warm cookies and milk after school. Plus I had tons of free time. Hence, all that free time, I became pregnant, again. This changed the whole game.

If you wondered how we got here you can go back..
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5


  1. as an outsider looking in i want to ask this but fear it may sound judgemental and that is not where I'm coming from Roc....when writing this did it help you see patterns or help you in any way?

  2. Peg- No worries, It's okay. I totally understand the question. And honestly, it was part of the reason I did not want to write about our relationship. It did not take me writing this to figure out there was a pattern.Trust me, I knew it way before I wrote it. I lived the dysfunctional pattern.
    There is definitely some benefit to ending our relationship and leaving it that way. But it was and still is so hard to do. It was my hope in writing this whole story I would get realistic feedback from readers and that combined with writing it will help me figure it all out.

  3. How many parts are there going to be? Can I just wait for the book? And.. How do you remember all this stuff?

  4. Seems like I said this before, but I agree with Peg, again. The common thread throughout is you're top dog as long as Suzy has a man, but as soon as the man leaves, you become the lowest on the totem pole. Not a pleasent place to be....

  5. What a rollercoaster ride. Cheers Hot Stuff!!

  6. Mike- Many parts actually. Are you getting bored with this? Why wait for the book when you can get it all here for free. :) Now, I remember all this becasue a woman never forgets.

    Mamma- That is actually how I feel but have been told by close friends that it is not that way and that I am making a big deal out of the it. That is another reason I wanted to share this. So that I could get unbiased advice. Wanna make sure I am not being "insecure".

    Matt-Man- Why yes it is.