Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Oh, you WILL say goodbye - Part 1

I have been struggling with something for over a decade and I need to hash it out one good time. Sadly, I will do that here on the world wide web, but I have always been an open book and I truly respect the feedback my readers give me so I am going to take you all on the tour of the back history between David and I. Yes, I know that I kinda did that already but that was the edited version. This will be a bit different.  Then I will bring it current and only then will you understand. It will be long so I'll be considerate of your time and break it up into multiple posts.

David was divorced with two kids when we met. I was at the end of my failed marriage and was looking to get back into the dating scene. I wasn't looking for another realationship just a distraction from my misery. David was that distraction. He was most honest with me about his past. He told me that his marriage had failed due to mistakes on both parts and he was still in love with his ex but she wanted nothing to do with him. He also told me that if she ever wanted him back he would go running. That did not bother me because I was not seeking a relationship more just a good time. We spent time together and had lots of fun but then he appeared to catch feelings. He began to tell me that he had feelings for me and he wanted more than fun. He told me that the time we spent together helped him get over his ex, who by the way already had a new man living with her. I was hesitant and didn't take him too serious at first. We continued spending time together and we grew closer and closer. His ex lived two hours away and had clearly moved on. David and I spent most nights together and worked together too. We even spoke of getting an apartment together. One morning after staying over at his place I had to go to work he gave me a key and bid me farewell with promises for an exciting night later. 
After work I went by Davids apartment turned the key, and to my horror when I got inside it was empty. Empty! He had moved out while I was at work. Never telling me a thing! I was hurt but most of all I was pissed! I was confused and I felt like a fool. I had no way of reaching him so for days all I could do was wonder. As the days passed I couldn't help but be annoyed at the way he left. I was angry. Honestly, had he told me that he wanted to move back home I would have been fine with that. We had only been dating a few months. But I just couldn't get past the way that he left. During this time in my life I was at a real rebellious stage and my best friend was a guy named Brent that was all about the drama. He convinced me to hunt David down to confront him. I decided I would do just that. David had taken me to his hometown once to meet his family so I was fairly certain I could find my way back.Crazy, I know, but we drove two hours  to Davids home town and hunted him down like a Sarah Palin hunts a moose. 
When we arrived in his small town it was very easy to find him. One of his cousins tipped me off to the fact that  he was at his ex wife's house. Apparently she had broken up with her latest boo and he saw his opportunity and went running. I knew I had been defeated and at this point didn't even care so much as I was annoyed that he lied to me. I just wanted to say my last little piece and maybe stir up a bit of drama and then I'd be on my way. So that's just what I did. Only when I arrived at her house she was not there only him and he would not come out and face me. I told David if he would come out and face me and let me have my say I would be on my merry way and his ex-wife would never even know about me. I would return to my town and the two of them could live happily ever after. But if he did not come out I would just have to wait there until she came home. After a long day his ex returned home, we'll call her Suzy. Suzy pulled up and asked if I was there to see David. I told her yes, that I was the girl he had been seeing in Raleigh for the past few months and I wanted to make sure she knew that  I existed. She did not. He had been lying to her too. She let me in and brought David out from a back bedroom where he was pretending to be asleep. She said to him "I'm going to leave so you can handle this" She told me I was welcome to stay and she left. I was in shock. Had I arrived home to some crazy woman on my porch I would not be leaving, I would be handling some ish. So in that moment I gathered she was a very together and smart lady. (I would find out way later that she was not). She was way more composed than I would have been in her situation. I figured I probably wasn't the first woman to come knocking at her door. In that moment  I felt bad and realized this wasn't the classiest move on my part. 
He came outside we talked for a while, I wanted answers. We had shared a lot over our months getting to know each other and I was hurt. We had both went through the end of a marriage and both had two kids and were torn. We had comforted each other through some really tough times. I felt that he should have to face me. He did. He apologized. He claimed he was there because his kids needed him. I knew then that was not entirely true. At this point Suzy returned with her sisters in tow. She silently went into her house came out with Davids suitcase and set it on the front steps. She said to him "every time I let you come back it's something else, you lied about her, you always lie and I am done, give me my key and be on your way".
Seeing the hurt in her face I felt bad. It was not my intention to cause her any grief. I did not even know her. Truthfully, when I started on my journey I thought she was happily living with another man. She said a few other things to David and handed him his bags. I apologized to her for bringing the drama to her house and explained to her that he told me they were divorced. She confirmed that indeed they were. I told her that he and I had been seeing each other and then he just left no goodbye or anything and I had to get closure. She seemed to understand. I now had my closure and would be on my way. So if she wanted to have another go with him she could go ahead, I was going back to Raleigh to get on with my life. And that's just what I did. I got back into my car satisfied that I now understood that he was an ass and was on my merry way back to Raleigh. I did not contact him again.


  1. You dodged a bullet. I agree with the way you handled it. You had nothing to lose and you needed closure to move on.

    I feel bad for his ex wife...this guy sounds like a major douche....

  2. Closure is always good...for both parties.

  3. Not sure what to say until I hear the rest of the story....

  4. This is way to much for me to absorb. And you say there's more coming?

  5. Joker- Stay tuned...It's his ex-wife that causes me hell for the next ten years.

    Chandra- Ah but was it really closure?

    Mamma- Good call

    Mike- Yes, come on now, I watch those long UTube videos. Lol