Monday, January 10, 2011

I'ma Have To Whop That A**

I was raised in the Ghetto. The true ghetto, gunshots and all. My mom fled and abusive marriage ...uh number 5 I think, but I'm not entirely sure. We had to go into hiding from our abusive new "daddy". After a stay at the Salvation Army we were given a home in a neighborhood called "Kentwood". After a year or two we were one of only 4 white families remaining. This meant constant fighting on my part just to survive in the unwelcoming territory. Mostly because my mom would get wasted and shout out racial slurs that I would then have to pay for. In this neighborhood fighting was how you survived.So I fought... ALOT coming up. We remained there  for almost 10 years. Hence my propensity to not shy away from a fight. I mean yeah, as I got older and had kids those things I outgrew but when something really gets under my skin it's hard not to revert back to what I know. I'm saying that to say that if someone really gets under my skin I am all about a fight. Get it over with.  It's just the way I was raised.
Now, There is someone who I really wanna show my skills to. This individual is an annoying, psychotic, drunk. She is RA's ex. Oh, she loves to fuck with me, and more specifically him. She has been the cause of 8 or more breakups throughout the RA's and my 12 year relationship. It hasn't always been her fault. Sometimes, honestly it has been him. Or more specifically the way he deals with her or lack thereof.  She divorced him well before I came along and wanted nothing to do with him. Until I came along. A few months into our relationship he and I split so the two of them could give it another go. I wanted him to be sure he was over what they had and since they had two kids if they could work it out I was all for it. I didn't love him back then, just enjoyed his company so it wasn't that hard. It lasted a week. Then he was calling me saying he couldn't live without me and he did not want to be with her. A couple months later we tried again. She became engaged to another guy and it appeared other than the role of his kids mother she was out of our lives.
That did not last. It appears that every time we are doing well she pops her ass back up.  She has done things throughout our relationship like call  RA at 2am, just cause she needed someone to talk to. When I met the RA she had little to no dealings with his family but as soon as I became a part of his family she suddenly wedged her way back in using the kids as a tool. She began showing up at family functions etc. Then she made a face book page, friended his entire family and refers to then as "sis", "bro", "mom" etc. Really? I, although annoyed because her motives are transparent, was not bothered by this because she lives in the same town with his family and since she has two kids by him I think its great that she involve his family in their lives. She has played upon her "mental illness" for attention. There have been many cases over the years. I often felt like maybe RA wanted to rekindle his marriage.  I mean she shockingly pursued him and at times he didn't seem to mind. Hence many a break-up where I would send him back to her. I mean who am I to stand in the way of love? Funny thing is as soon as I send him back to her she don't want him. She'll date another guy in his face for example. 
This has been a seesaw for years. As far as I know they have never really gotten back together since he first moved in with me 12 years ago. But I get sick of living in her shadow. So when I have had enough we break up. After all I know my worth and I am not playing runner up to no chick.
She has to have a man. she hops from man to man. Sometimes when she is secure in her own relationship she will behave herself and leave us alone. But as soon as there is trouble in paradise she seems to start her mess up again.
I have tried talking to her woman to woman. She doesn't answer my calls and refuses to return my messages. Which makes her motives quite clear to me.  I get frustrated because I feel like he should put her in her place. He says she is unstable mentally and he doesn't want to push her over the edge and thinks ignoring her is the best solution. I sent RA back to his hometown last year again just because I get tired of dealing with this. A couple months later he was back and all has been pretty honky-dory since then. Actually after we worked past the first few months of reconciling he has been a gem. Everything I could ask for. He has been an attentive dad and man for me and has gone above and beyond helping at home and with the kids. Life for us together couldn't be better. During this time she has posted on his facebook wall about how much she loves him and always will. He, as far as I can tell, did not respond. So it bothered me none. Last night she texted him "wanna sing me a song". So after I chewed his ass and he proclaimed innocence I called her myself. I like to deal with this kinda stuff head on. I called her, she picked up and then pretended to not have signal, hung up then ignored the rest of my calls. So I texted her the following "This is Roc, which I'm sure you already know, it would be greatly appreciated if you quit texting David some bullshit, if you wanna hear a song I suggest you turn on the radio". She did not reply at all and I stood watch over his phone to see if she would attempt to contact him. Nothing! Ugggh. I hate the passive aggressive shit. I mean really if you got something to say then say it, stand up for what you're all about. I mean come on. The fact that she will not communicate with me lets me know she is trying to annoy me. And she is. I really wanna drive down there and whop her ass one good time. 
I cannot believe I am letting this girl get under my skin this way. I am 30something for the love of god and 30somethings do not go around kicking ass but OMG this girl is really asking for it. I would have been done it but I was thinking about the kids and I did not want anyone to think I was fighting over the RA. This is past him now it is personal between she and I. I know the best thing is to ignore it etc, I try but she always finds a way to get under my skin. What would you do?


  1. I'd ignore her. I never saw the sense in getting jealous of what someone else is doing. If RA was chasing her or responding to her or singing to her, I'd be pissed at him. But I don't know that I could get pissed at him for what she does.

    But then again, I am not a fighter. I regularly walk away from confrontation instead of fighting for my point, because getting upset is just not worth it to me.

    I wish I had a little more of your fight in me.

  2. You're on the east coast? Move to the west coast. And hope she doesn't follow you.

  3. I say you have the upper hand because he is with you and not her!

    Although it is in your nature to wanna fight her, I would go the high road and ignore her like Karen said. (Although...bitch slapping her a time or two sure would be fun!)

    ...and it's easy for me to say these things sitting in my own little world that I live in. I'm sure it's differnt for you since you are living it. Ultimately, you will have to do what you need to do to protect your family. You must protect your house (that's the ultimate Underarmour commerical)!!!

  4. I'd ignore it - no question about it!!!!

    She loves the drama. She loves that she is getting under your skin because that was her goal. She loves it all. She loves that she thinks she is causing issues for RA and you. And if RA tells her to stop it and sounds frustrated then she will probably smile because she knows it's all working. And she's right - she's getting the best of you and you're letting her.

  5. Ignore her? Hell no! I say whip her! Or better yet. Jello wrestle. Video tape it and post it on the net as a pay-per-view special! ;-)

  6. Karen- I only get pissed at RA when he does nothing b/c sometimes doing going along with it. Now as for the fighting, I will be glad to fight for you, then I could get rid of some of this tension.

    Mike- I'm sure they have phone service and facebook over there too. We are already two hours away from each other.

    Chandra- I know, I know. I'm trying.

    Peg- Uuugghh. Its so hard to ignore her..she's everywhere for example his family had a Christmas party and she went. I am friends with his family on facebook so they posted their holiday photos and she was all in them. Uuggh.

    Jay- Hell yeah! Wanna be my promotter? I'm sure I could take her.

  7. I grew knowing how to throw fists and can totally relate to you wanted to kick the crap out of her unstable ass, don't let this bitch ruin all that is finally good. I'm most likely in the minority, but I say sock her one good right in the mouth or break her fingers, that way you'll get least a few weeks of her not being able to speak her crazy shit or text :)

  8. If you and RA were really that strong together, it wouldn't matter what she did. Cheers Roc!!

  9. Hi, lurker here who finally decided to comment!

    Last year I began dating and fell in love with a man whose ex-wife did fancy things like call me at work and warn me to keep my distance from her family. She informed my boyfriend that he would never bring their son around me (despite the fact that I am a mom myself and a pretty decent human being) and made his life a living hell. They screamed and yelled at each other all the time, and then nine months into our relationship, what happened?

    He decided he wanted to get back together with her.

    Looking back, I never reacted to any of the stuff from the ex because I was trying to be mature and not let my North Georgia redneck bitch-slapping roots come into play.

    So in the end ... I regret not being more assertive about the situation. I regret not putting my foot down on certain behavior, because while I don't think it would have changed things I would have felt better myself.

    Good luck.

  10. Maybe if you ignore her long enough, she'll just go away? She sounds like a real piece of work! Ugh!

  11. I agree the best thing you can do is ignore her but I'm having problems with RA. If he knows that her shit is bothering you that much it seems that he should put a stop to her crap. I know money is tight for you, but it seems like the two of you need to talk to someone professional about this situation.
    If it was me, I would delete any reference of her. Doesn't matter about the kids, they're teenagers, they can get a hold of me/RA.
    Hell, I would want to fire bomb her house! Hence why I would go and talk to a professional about my problems....

  12. So so hard BUT son't give her the power. Ignore her, don't let her get to you. Don't give her the power to influence your life.
    Leave it to karma:O)

  13. Okay, so that should have said DON'T. :)

  14. I think you should kick her ass good!

    ... Don't forget to record it & send it to me.
    .......Ahhh...? Could you guys get topless 1st? Maybe apply some oil? Just ask'n.

  15. Thanks to all for the feedback. I was truly surprised that only one person MAMMAHASSPOKEN put any blame on the RA. Because truthfully that is where I put a lot of it. It is his ex. And he did accept her friend request on facebook and when we begin to go at it he kinda takes a "you'all are crazy" "this is between you two" kinda stance. Which I think is a cop-out. I think secretly he enjoys that two women are arguing over him. But anyways, we'll see how this goes, there was a nasty text exchange that came after this post that will get a post of its own but for now all is quiet. We'll see how long this lasts.

    And Wally- No- The last person I wanna slide around in oil with would be her.