Anyone with kids will understand that it is super annoying when someone without kids gives you unsolicited parenting advice. Lately my neighbor has been full of tidbits for me. Quite frankly I am tired of it! And in a moment of aggravation I finally told her a thing or two. Here's how it went down.
I call her basically daily. I have learned that if I get to her before she gets to me I can control the situation a bit better. And I am a control freak. Now that I know her pretty well I can manage things where she gets her needed amount of attention well at least a reasonable amount and I can still get things done and not get wrapped into hours of conversation at the most inopportune times. So I was giving her my daily call. ( and this, by the way Peg, is why I can never call you) On my way home is my only peaceful time to reach her and I use that to the fullest. I have grown fond of her in a lot of ways. So I also want to check in on her. Anyhoo, I was pulling up to my home and couldn't seem to wrap the convo up. I entered my home still chatting on the phone with her and discovered things were not as clean as I like. I said a few words to my kids (while I was still on the phone) and they began to explain. Then during the convo I had to interrupt her several times to redirect or instruct my kids.
I hate when I am on the phone with someone and they spend the majority of the convo yelling or even talking to the kids so I try not to do that to people. But if you don't let me hang up then I guess you are along for the ride.
I would be in convo with her and then say things to the kids like.
"you're room is not clean"
"pick that up"
"stop jumping on the couch"
"give that back"
"get your homework out"
"because I said so" etc., etc
She then said to me "that is ridiculous how much you have to remind them"
"yup" I said a bit annoyed. Because if I could hang up I could handle that.
When the kids would reply she would say "What's gotten into them? Why are they talking back?" (talking back was saying can't I do my homework after I go outside?)
I would say " well, they are teens."
"Do you want me to come over there and straighten them out?" she asked
I LOL-ed seriously. My kids would eat her up and spit her out. Have you met their mother?
I declined her "help" but was almost willing to have her come over and show me how to do it.
She then went on an rant about kids nowadays and she would not put up with what I put up with and blah blah blah. She then went on to share a story of her daddy from when she was 3 years old and she wanted to play horsey with her dad but he was reading the paper. She smacked the paper to get his attention and his glasses fell off his face and broke.
Okay lets take a minute and picture the scene:
3 year old girl waiting to see daddy, whose been at work all day. Wants to play with daddy. Daddy ignores lil Princess bc he is reading the paper. 3 year old hits the paper to get his attention. Daddy's glasses accidentally fall and break.
Don't know about you guys, but given the age and circumstances, I didn't see anything too bad.
Well she explained that "daddy" got a switch and "tore her hide up for days". I can't ever imagine whipping a three year old so much that she is sore for days.
I told her that although I'm all about a beat down when necessary I thought that was too harsh.
Well that's how we did it back in my day she replied. And then she went into a whole "back in my day" speech.
Okay I get the good ole days but I got her good when I said "Well, I bet back in your day said in a venomous tone your mom did not work, rather stayed home with you all day?"
"Yes" she said
"And I'll bet back in your day kids did not come home alone to an empty house because mom was at work."
Confirmed.
"Oh and I bet back in your day, your dad paid most if not all the bills so mommy's main and only focus was on raising the kids"
"Yes" she said
"And I bet back in your day there was not sex, and violence and bad language in every damn show, song, and schoolyard. As a matter of fact was there even TV period?! Back in your day that is. And are all those past beatings and constant attention why you are so needy now? Huh? Is it damn it!
So here is a lil something to know about me. I can take constructive criticism about my parenting. And I have. From someone who I admire for being a strong parent. But if you cannot get your dog to behave and you do not work or do anything for that matter than DO NOT give me effing parenting advice!! Especially the kind of advice where you can do it better. I have four kids; two teens, one preteen and a preschooler. They have great attendance, decent grades, they do chores daily, they do not smoke, screw, or drink (not that they never will). They are a great help to me and they listen to me. No they are not perfect and I am far from a perfect parent but I am one of the best I know and so are my kids.
Have you ever had someone give you parenting advice? Did you get offended?
Or please tell me if you have no kids and give out kid advice, what compels you to do so?
A humorous, opinionated yet insightful view on life, teenagers, kids, working. Here I share some of my day to day interactions and trust me its not as boring as it sounds. Check it out!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
The Crime Scene Pillow Case
If you are a regular around here then you will know that I am not the most appreciative person. If you need some proof, here are some examples:
And then a direct quote from my Mothers Day Post
"My boys did arrive home with gifts and they gave me a foot massage. But it was all a little too late. The day was ruined as far as I was concerned."
I value my readers opinions and feedback and I took to heart all the advice given about example one. So when I received this.......
Well let's just say you would think I had won the lottery.
It is a pillowcase that is supposed top be tie-dyed. In case you cannot read it it says "Happy Mothers Day Love MalloryJane."
In typical Roc Fashion I have several complaints about it and I know I can share them here to spare my kids feelings.
First off is it just me or does this pillowcase look like the pillowcase of a crime scene? Why browns and red? Why right in the center? It gives the appearance that I had been shot in the head while asleep in my bed. The middle is fresh red and the edges are the brown colored blood that has already dried. CREEPY.
Second issue--Check your calendar preschool...Mothers Day was Two weeks ago.
Third Issue- My daughters name is misspelled. There is no space in her name and if you have been her teacher for the past year shouldn't you know that?
MJ is excited for me to use the pillowcase but me? Not so much.I feel like it is foreshadowing. Like I'm gonna use it and then be victim to a crime.I bleached it and it did fade out the murderous look but now it just looks like someone had an accident on it.
So tell me how do you get away with not using the crap you get from your kids or do you just be bigger person and wear/use it anyway?
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Gangsta Mommy Prevails Again
We have many rules in our home. And one of them is we do not trade things with people or let people borrow our stuff unless mom approves it first. Why you ask? Well, lets just say my kid borrows someone's IPhone and it gets damaged or lost. Who do you think will have to pay for that phone? I am suspecting since I am the only one with a job that would me And I do not appreciate being obligated to something in which I did not agree to.
So Thursday Mason has a 3D Nintendo DS. I ask where did that come from and he says oh my friend let me borrow it. I remind of of the rule and since he doesn't get in trouble much I decide not to punish him but rather explain to him again why this is not okay. I'm no fool so I assume there has been an exchange of some sort. I inquire about that and Mason first tells me no, he just let me borrow it. I ain't buying it so I badger him a bit more before he admits that he "traded" his $70 Spywatch for the game for one night. I inform the dense lad that "No my friend you have just lost your Spywatch." Mason is instructed to return the boys property the very next day and the important part is do not give him his game until you have your watch in your hand.
Next day Mason comes home ...no watch. I am furious but agreed to give e him until Monday. Monday no watch. I ask Mason "did you ask for it back, what did he say?" "Good thing you still have his game because I think you will never get your watch". I see immediately in his eyes that he does not have the game.
I ask him "you do still have the DS right?" "Uh, no" he says. I go in on him. Because again you did not listen to me. "Oh mom" he says "the boy just forgot it in his car. He will give it back." "No fool, he will not. And why did you give him his game back when I told you not to?" "Well I didn't" he says "he took it."
Gasp "What? (insert expletives?@#%$%@@) "
Mason explains to me that the boy, who is older and bigger than him, told him to give him the DS back, when Mason said I will when I get my watch the boy just went into Mason book bag and took it out! Which confirmed my original theory that the boy had no intentions of returning it. Now I m pissed and I tell Mason I'm coming up there. I am infamous for getting all up in some kiddy drama when I feel like my kids are being wussies about it. Mason pleads with me not to do or say anything, he will get it he promises. "Mom I don't want you at school embarrassing me" he pleads. Like I care? I give him one more day to get his watch and then "Gangsta Mommy" is gonna have to make an appearance. In case you are not familiar with "Gangsta Mommy", she has avenged justice before you can read about it here.
Next day I arrive at the after school program where Mason is playing cards with some gangsta looking kid and I ask Mason "you got your watch?" "No" he says and looking horrified. "Why not" I ask? "Well he forgot it again" Mason replies. "Okay that's it. Where is he?" I ask. "Right here" he says and points to the dude he is playing cards with? Are you effing kidding me? This kid has basically ganked your stuff and you are playing with him? "Get up now" I tell him and he does, I sit down at the table. I can tell already this kid has attitude. Silly boy he knows not who he is messing with.
I say to him "Where is my son's watch?"
He looks disinterested and says "in my car".
"Really?, well weren't you supposed to give it back on Friday?" I ask.
"Yeah I keep forgetting" he says all the while refusing to look directly at me.
"Okay well why didn't you forget to get your DS back?" I ask
"Dunno" the boy answers.
"Well You had no business going in my sons back pack and taking anything out. And honestly you ain't fooling me. I know you have no intentions of returning his watch. So let me explain something to you, Mason does not have a job therefore he could not have paid for that watch. I did. Which makes it mine. And you have my watch. And I want it." The lil shithead rolls his eyes at me. he ain't scared of me. "I'll tell you what, I bet your mamma doesn't even know you traded to begin with. And unless you want me to have a chat with your mamma I want my watch. Today."
Again.... disinterested.
"So when your mother arrives today I expect you to go get my watch and bring it in here and give it to the teacher."
"If I remember" he says
"Oh you will remember. Do you need me to tie a string around your finger to help you out?" I ask him. He says nothing. "It better be here tomorrow when I arrive."
He looks like he may be taking me serious now. He begins to scratch his head and says "uh actually, it's not in my car, its at home. Umm, I think it's at home. I may have lost it." He gives me this grin. "Well Shymeek unless you want to deal with me tomorrow, and trust me you don't. I look nice but I can be very mean I say as I give him my meanest face you better have my watch. Or I won't leave here until I speak with your mom. And if its not in her car I will call the police and you will go to jail." I am hoping he is not jaded enough that he still fears jail. Okay I know that's not very "gangsta", But I save my real gangsta moves for the older kids.
The next day I got my watch back. The teacher told me that when the boys mom came he told her he did not have it. See I knew that lil jerk wasn't gonna give it back. The teacher walked him out to the car and stood there while they searched and then found it, hidden under the seat. He told his mom that he did trade that Mason gave him the watch. I have taken the watch away from Mason for an indefinite amount of time, Maybe I'Il wrap it up and give it to him for Christmas.
So Thursday Mason has a 3D Nintendo DS. I ask where did that come from and he says oh my friend let me borrow it. I remind of of the rule and since he doesn't get in trouble much I decide not to punish him but rather explain to him again why this is not okay. I'm no fool so I assume there has been an exchange of some sort. I inquire about that and Mason first tells me no, he just let me borrow it. I ain't buying it so I badger him a bit more before he admits that he "traded" his $70 Spywatch for the game for one night. I inform the dense lad that "No my friend you have just lost your Spywatch." Mason is instructed to return the boys property the very next day and the important part is do not give him his game until you have your watch in your hand.
Next day Mason comes home ...no watch. I am furious but agreed to give e him until Monday. Monday no watch. I ask Mason "did you ask for it back, what did he say?" "Good thing you still have his game because I think you will never get your watch". I see immediately in his eyes that he does not have the game.
I ask him "you do still have the DS right?" "Uh, no" he says. I go in on him. Because again you did not listen to me. "Oh mom" he says "the boy just forgot it in his car. He will give it back." "No fool, he will not. And why did you give him his game back when I told you not to?" "Well I didn't" he says "he took it."
Gasp "What? (insert expletives?@#%$%@@) "
Mason explains to me that the boy, who is older and bigger than him, told him to give him the DS back, when Mason said I will when I get my watch the boy just went into Mason book bag and took it out! Which confirmed my original theory that the boy had no intentions of returning it. Now I m pissed and I tell Mason I'm coming up there. I am infamous for getting all up in some kiddy drama when I feel like my kids are being wussies about it. Mason pleads with me not to do or say anything, he will get it he promises. "Mom I don't want you at school embarrassing me" he pleads. Like I care? I give him one more day to get his watch and then "Gangsta Mommy" is gonna have to make an appearance. In case you are not familiar with "Gangsta Mommy", she has avenged justice before you can read about it here.
Next day I arrive at the after school program where Mason is playing cards with some gangsta looking kid and I ask Mason "you got your watch?" "No" he says and looking horrified. "Why not" I ask? "Well he forgot it again" Mason replies. "Okay that's it. Where is he?" I ask. "Right here" he says and points to the dude he is playing cards with? Are you effing kidding me? This kid has basically ganked your stuff and you are playing with him? "Get up now" I tell him and he does, I sit down at the table. I can tell already this kid has attitude. Silly boy he knows not who he is messing with.
I say to him "Where is my son's watch?"
He looks disinterested and says "in my car".
"Really?, well weren't you supposed to give it back on Friday?" I ask.
"Yeah I keep forgetting" he says all the while refusing to look directly at me.
"Okay well why didn't you forget to get your DS back?" I ask
"Dunno" the boy answers.
"Well You had no business going in my sons back pack and taking anything out. And honestly you ain't fooling me. I know you have no intentions of returning his watch. So let me explain something to you, Mason does not have a job therefore he could not have paid for that watch. I did. Which makes it mine. And you have my watch. And I want it." The lil shithead rolls his eyes at me. he ain't scared of me. "I'll tell you what, I bet your mamma doesn't even know you traded to begin with. And unless you want me to have a chat with your mamma I want my watch. Today."
Again.... disinterested.
"So when your mother arrives today I expect you to go get my watch and bring it in here and give it to the teacher."
"If I remember" he says
"Oh you will remember. Do you need me to tie a string around your finger to help you out?" I ask him. He says nothing. "It better be here tomorrow when I arrive."
He looks like he may be taking me serious now. He begins to scratch his head and says "uh actually, it's not in my car, its at home. Umm, I think it's at home. I may have lost it." He gives me this grin. "Well Shymeek unless you want to deal with me tomorrow, and trust me you don't. I look nice but I can be very mean I say as I give him my meanest face you better have my watch. Or I won't leave here until I speak with your mom. And if its not in her car I will call the police and you will go to jail." I am hoping he is not jaded enough that he still fears jail. Okay I know that's not very "gangsta", But I save my real gangsta moves for the older kids.
The next day I got my watch back. The teacher told me that when the boys mom came he told her he did not have it. See I knew that lil jerk wasn't gonna give it back. The teacher walked him out to the car and stood there while they searched and then found it, hidden under the seat. He told his mom that he did trade that Mason gave him the watch. I have taken the watch away from Mason for an indefinite amount of time, Maybe I'Il wrap it up and give it to him for Christmas.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Miss Friendly Panties
In my quest to reach and teach good health habits to my kids, and myself I decided to join our local YMCA. The YMCA is an awesome place. I have very fond memories of the YMCA from my childhood. I signed up here at our local Y to have a family membership which would include use of the pool, gym, basketball courts and many other amenities. In all my dealings with the YMCA past and present the most impressive thing was the staff. I had never encountered a rude, judgmental or incompetent person there over a span of 33 years.
Last week I went in to turn in my paperwork to finalize my membership and there was an elderly lady working the front. She asked me "what I needed" and I explained why I was there. As I filled out the paperwork she asked for a blank check necessary for the bank draft. I asked for the date of the draft and the first would be that day. I asked her if they could activate my membership in 3 days when I got paid, I explained I currently did not have enough money in my account to cover the sign up fee and first draft. Her attitude changed drastically. First she gave me a look that one would give to someone who was really undesirable and gross. She gave me a once-over that seemed to say to me "you don't have the money?" She snatched the paperwork back and said "well you are not ready to join then". Just so you know The C in YMCA stands for Christian. As I looked at her in horror I saw the other front desk worker look embarrassed as well. I calmly asked "well can I do everything to get signed up then you can hold the check and activate my membership in a couple days?" "Yeah" she said "just come back then, when you are ready" she stressed.
I asked her if I could have a tour. Tours are offered when you join or even if you just walk in off the street and want to educate yourself about the facility. A tour was important for me because I have all ages of kids and need to know the rules/procedures for their visits and so forth. She said to me "I'll give you a tour when you become a member." I was horrified at her but in no mood to do anything about it so I left. I returned a few days later and turned in all my stuff. Okay now I am an official member so I asked Miss Friendly Panties for a tour figuring now that she had my dough maybe she'd be a bit nicer. Nope! She looked at me like the request was ridiculous. I said to her a tour is an initial part of the registration process right? She said "yeah" and literally rolled her eyes at me. Without getting up she turned in her chair to the left and said "the nursery is over there down that hall." I stood there shocked thinking surely she is not giving me a tour from her chair. WTF? She then pointed upstairs and said "you work out up there, locker rooms to the right."She was done! I stood there wondering if she was serious. She was. I asked her if that was the usual tour. This facility is HUGE and offers hundred of different programs. She just acted like she did not hear me.
I went back the other day and the girl who had been at the front desk with Miss Friendly Panties saw me and said I am so sorry for the other day. I said yes that lady really should not be working the front desk, if here at all. The lovely girl offered to give me a proper tour which she did and I left very well informed and feeling better. She was super sweet.
I really would like to complain formally about Miss Friendly Panties......I mean complaining is what I do best. But the girl working at the front told me "she is very rude but had been having a lot of personal problems'. Also Miss Friendly panties is old, a senior. Maybe she cannot get another job at that age?? I don't know. If anyone understands personal problems it would be me but visiting that upon other people is very inappropriate when you are getting paid to do a job. Should I complain or not?
Last week I went in to turn in my paperwork to finalize my membership and there was an elderly lady working the front. She asked me "what I needed" and I explained why I was there. As I filled out the paperwork she asked for a blank check necessary for the bank draft. I asked for the date of the draft and the first would be that day. I asked her if they could activate my membership in 3 days when I got paid, I explained I currently did not have enough money in my account to cover the sign up fee and first draft. Her attitude changed drastically. First she gave me a look that one would give to someone who was really undesirable and gross. She gave me a once-over that seemed to say to me "you don't have the money?" She snatched the paperwork back and said "well you are not ready to join then". Just so you know The C in YMCA stands for Christian. As I looked at her in horror I saw the other front desk worker look embarrassed as well. I calmly asked "well can I do everything to get signed up then you can hold the check and activate my membership in a couple days?" "Yeah" she said "just come back then, when you are ready" she stressed.
This is a serious replica of her. |
I went back the other day and the girl who had been at the front desk with Miss Friendly Panties saw me and said I am so sorry for the other day. I said yes that lady really should not be working the front desk, if here at all. The lovely girl offered to give me a proper tour which she did and I left very well informed and feeling better. She was super sweet.
I really would like to complain formally about Miss Friendly Panties......I mean complaining is what I do best. But the girl working at the front told me "she is very rude but had been having a lot of personal problems'. Also Miss Friendly panties is old, a senior. Maybe she cannot get another job at that age?? I don't know. If anyone understands personal problems it would be me but visiting that upon other people is very inappropriate when you are getting paid to do a job. Should I complain or not?
Monday, May 16, 2011
Brace Yourselves....I am not gonna Complain.
So as you all know life sucks, blah, blah, whine, whine etc. except for this weekend. Started on Friday when the RA gave me some unexpected but very much needed cash in the name of child support. We also agreed on a fair amount for him to give me weekly. It appears that he will be more financially beneficial away. Works for me. Because I could really use some help around there with bills. I was glad that we agreed on an amount and hope that he sticks to it.
Saturday, I got some much needed rest and then went out for some evening fun, nothing too heavy just an opportunity to get out. It was storming but it was just one of those moments when you need to just get out. Slept pretty well that night. Then the best part was Sunday. Got up early (never do on a Sunday) and cooked breakfast with my kids. Then ex husband arrived to gather all the kids...even the ones that are not his...You Rock ex husband! Too bad you didn't rock before you became an ex. He knew I needed a break and he was very thoughtful to provide that. See the RA was due in town to spend time with his kids but sometimes he is not very reliable and I did not want to rely on him.
Once the kiddos were off I headed to the tanning salon and then came home showered and got all purty and stuff and went out. I had a whole 6 hours without kids. Yippee! The plan was when/if the RA showed up (he was due at 1:30p) he would just meet up with the ex-husband and get his kids. Around 1:30p I called my ex-husband and he had not heard from the RA my stomach turned and the stress and anger started to arise as I thought of the possibility of RA not showing up. By 1:40p I had heard from the RA, he had showed. Thank God! All was well and I could relax and enjoy my kid free day. I got treated out for the day and I so needed that. I felt relaxed and special and I couldn't be more appreciative. The best part was knowing that my kids were with their dads, not at home but out on the town as well. They needed that too.
I returned home around 5:30p and the first group of kids arrived home shortly after. They had already had dinner. Score! And their dad stayed another hour and a half playing basketball with them so even though they were home they were outta my hair. Then kid group number two showed up and to my delight hey had already had dinner too! And as an added bonus the RA brought me an Orange Julius. He gave Princes her bath and put her to bed so essentially I had quite the much needed break and as you can tell by my sunny disposition it served me well. I even had dinner bought for me by the RA. Nice. Triple score day. Only complaint for The day was my three fav shows. Desperate Housewives, Celebrity Apprentice and Survivor all had their season finales on at the same time. Uggh.
I worked it out though. I set two to record and watched the third. So all in all for once my friends there will be no complaining here. Don't worry stop back by tomorrow because I'm sure to have something by then you know how it is in Raquel's World.
Saturday, I got some much needed rest and then went out for some evening fun, nothing too heavy just an opportunity to get out. It was storming but it was just one of those moments when you need to just get out. Slept pretty well that night. Then the best part was Sunday. Got up early (never do on a Sunday) and cooked breakfast with my kids. Then ex husband arrived to gather all the kids...even the ones that are not his...You Rock ex husband! Too bad you didn't rock before you became an ex. He knew I needed a break and he was very thoughtful to provide that. See the RA was due in town to spend time with his kids but sometimes he is not very reliable and I did not want to rely on him.
Once the kiddos were off I headed to the tanning salon and then came home showered and got all purty and stuff and went out. I had a whole 6 hours without kids. Yippee! The plan was when/if the RA showed up (he was due at 1:30p) he would just meet up with the ex-husband and get his kids. Around 1:30p I called my ex-husband and he had not heard from the RA my stomach turned and the stress and anger started to arise as I thought of the possibility of RA not showing up. By 1:40p I had heard from the RA, he had showed. Thank God! All was well and I could relax and enjoy my kid free day. I got treated out for the day and I so needed that. I felt relaxed and special and I couldn't be more appreciative. The best part was knowing that my kids were with their dads, not at home but out on the town as well. They needed that too.
I returned home around 5:30p and the first group of kids arrived home shortly after. They had already had dinner. Score! And their dad stayed another hour and a half playing basketball with them so even though they were home they were outta my hair. Then kid group number two showed up and to my delight hey had already had dinner too! And as an added bonus the RA brought me an Orange Julius. He gave Princes her bath and put her to bed so essentially I had quite the much needed break and as you can tell by my sunny disposition it served me well. I even had dinner bought for me by the RA. Nice. Triple score day. Only complaint for The day was my three fav shows. Desperate Housewives, Celebrity Apprentice and Survivor all had their season finales on at the same time. Uggh.
I worked it out though. I set two to record and watched the third. So all in all for once my friends there will be no complaining here. Don't worry stop back by tomorrow because I'm sure to have something by then you know how it is in Raquel's World.
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Feeling Nothing....Kinda Scary
It's been 11 days since I separated from the RA. It had been a long time coming. Truthfully we had not been happy together for a long time. We seriously have two completely different views on life. I have a more solid, composed approach and he likes to live life in the minute. While living in the moment can be fun, when you have 6 kids it is neither practical or responsible. And therein lays the great divide. We had separated many times before, usually following a huge let down from him then a nasty fight then silence for a while and then he goes off and has fun being single and responsibility-less while I struggle to keep the kids hearts from breaking. I get stuck having to do all the explaining and having to deal with the emotions of the kids while I am still trying to muddle through my own.
This time was different I had been planning to send him on his way for a while. I feel like I am last priority most of the time and I get sick of competing with his ex, his cousins, his friends, etc. I was trying to give myself time to make sure this is what I really wanted to do. I also was trying to give him time to make it right. He never did. So at the end of April I told him he needed to leave by that Sunday, May 1st. He put up no fight, he asked no questions, he shed no tears, he just went. See, I think he wanted to go anyways. And truthfully I could not put up with his irresponsible shit no more. Come on I have four kids and don't need another one. Not to mention I was carrying all the psychical and financial responsibilities of the home. So I look at it like this if I'm gonna do it all alone, I might as well be alone.
This time when he left, the kids had no clue. Since he barely was around anyways it wasn't that hard to just tell them "daddy's working." That bought me time. I did have a talk with my older 3 boys but we all agreed that we would tell princess daddy was working until I could come up with something better. Generally if she doesn't see him for a day or so she gets very whiny and very mean and will not sleep at night etc. She simply adores him.This time, she is fine? So is Mason. It's weird. Its like once he left a peace fell over our home that we all needed. RA comes to visit every 2 or 3 days so its not that bad.
What bothers me is the difference in how I feel this time. In the past I have felt anger, fury, vengeful, sorrow, pity and every other emotion there is to feel. I have even felt happy and relief at times. But this time I feel nothing. Nothing at all. No anger, no sorrow, no pity, no joy, just nothing.
This is a weird place for me. I am nowhere, feeling nothing. I have no idea if this is good or bad. Or if I am building up to some major breakdown where all the emotions will come crashing in on me at once. Or if It means that I have truly gotten over what we had. This past 11 days have been hell filled from car trouble to kid issues, to dealing with termites to a suck ass mothers day and now yesterday more great news at the orthodontist (I have to shell out $400 like now) I feel like something may be on the verge of snapping. In a good or bad way I am not sure. It could end up
LIKE THIS
So I'm not sure if all the drama is keeping me so busy I can't tell. But I just cannot feel. I tried to sit down with myself and feel something, but there is nothing. I am not depressed. I just feel nothing. In a way I guess it's good because feeling nothing means I feel no pain as well but I also can't feel joy. This is weird and I'm not sure if it's good or bad. Have you ever felt this way? How long did it last? Was it followed by a meltdown or did you just wake up one day and carry on as usual? This is so frustrating.
LIKE THIS
OR LIKE THIS |
So I'm not sure if all the drama is keeping me so busy I can't tell. But I just cannot feel. I tried to sit down with myself and feel something, but there is nothing. I am not depressed. I just feel nothing. In a way I guess it's good because feeling nothing means I feel no pain as well but I also can't feel joy. This is weird and I'm not sure if it's good or bad. Have you ever felt this way? How long did it last? Was it followed by a meltdown or did you just wake up one day and carry on as usual? This is so frustrating.
Monday, May 9, 2011
It's Mothers Day Jerks!!! Not Mother's Night.
So regular readers will know that I sent RA packing one week ago. Sticking with the theme of my life, which in case you don't know is "LIFE SUCKS" an avalanche of bad things came my way. My car broke down twice, my house was overrun with termites, twice, my cell phone broke, and after finally getting myself a new bed I discovered after 5 hours of trying to make it work,that it didn't fit. I spent my week muddling through one disaster after another. The plethora of it all was Mothers Day. Usually On Mothers Day I get showered with gifts, and tokens of kindness. I knew this Mothers Day would be a bit different because I was newly separated but I still had one ex husband and 4 kids to count on right? Not to mention that the RA had spent a lot of time at my home that week helping me solve all the issues. So they all knew I was in serious need of some R & R.
The boys, all three of them, went to my ex husbands for the weekend. So it was just me and princess. I knew I would be a bit lonely and there is a coworker of mine that has invited me out several times and I always declined. So Friday night when she asked me if I wanted to do a girls day with her and her daughter for Mothers Day I happily accepted and began making plans. This coworker has a husband so I double checked to make sure they did not have plans. She told me he never does anything on Mother's Day. So we agreed to spend that day together just us and our lil girls.
Sunday morning I went on facebook and wished practically every mom I knew a great Mothers Day. And then enjoyed a quiet morning with princess all in anticipation for our girls luncheon. I picked out our prettiest dresses and ran our tub water. All morning I kept checking my phone for the barrage of texts, and voice mails, and faceboook posts wishing me a great Mothers Day...Nothing. Although a bit hurtful I decided not to let it get me down. I had plans, so no big deal. I sent a text to my luncheon date to confirm our time which was about an hour and a half away. She responded with this text
"oh, I was wondering when you were gonna call. My husband surprised me this morning and he has made plans for us at 4pm"
Just so you know our luncheon time was 3pm. So I called her. I said to her "I don't understand are you canceling?" "No" she responded "I just have to be somewhere by 4pm." "Okay" I told her "how are we supposed to get seated, order, and eat, in under 30 minutes?" I was clearly annoyed. It would take me longer to get ready. She said it would be okay. I said "no, no thanks I would rather not drive 30 minutes out of my way to spend 20 rushed minutes at a restaurant, just forget it." She could tell I was irritated so she tried to compromise. It was only 2pm she wondered if we could maybe meet closer to my home that way she would have more time. I agreed to that, but then I heard her confirming that with someone in the background. It was her husband! So I asked her is your husband coming? "Oh yes" she said. "Um, no, lets just cancel, you enjoy your day with your family" I say. Why she wanted to know. Well it was supposed to be us girls only. "It's okay:" she said. "No, its really not". I said. "I just split from my guy after 12 years the last thing I wanted to do was have lunch with a happily married couple not to mention that my daughter would have to watch some other lil girl spending QT time with her daddy and surely that would remind her that her of her dad's absence." It was ll a lil too fresh. No thanks.
Let me say here that I am not hating on her. If my husband had showed up at 6am with gifts and plans for Mothers Day I would have blown her off too. But damn I would have called her before 30 minutes prior to our meeting time. That part I have to say made me pretty mad. No biggie I thought I'll just call one of my many other options to go out with. Well after calling several friends it appeared that everyone's husbands had stepped up to the plate and they were all having fun with their husbands and families. It was now 3pm. Then I thought if my sister who always has drama and has no man so I thought I would treat her and we would go out. Sure she would appreciate it I call her up. I say "hi is your Mothers Day sucking as much as mine?" "Yup" she says "well good then, wanna go to lunch, my treat?" "Oh I'm already going somewhere with Laura (our other sister)" she responds. "Oh" I say disappointed and waiting for them to invite me along. "Well I'll call you later" she says and hangs up. She didn't even say Happy Mothers Day.
It's 3pm I have yet to receive a call or text from either of my boys or the dads. I am furious, fury quickly turns into pity as I sit in my rocking chair feeling alone and forgotten. I then decide I just wanna go to sleep. So princess and I put on a movie and cuddle up and that's where I stay until 6pm. At 6pm I get up. Still no messages. Okay I am no longer sad but greatly pissed off. How dare they? I cook, clean, do laundry everyday for these fools. I have financially, psychically and emotionally supported the RA all effing year and not even a call?#@!?@# Well fuck em all!
One of my friends called to check on me after her day of appreciation from her husband and she offered to go with me to dinner so we did . My boys did arrive home with gifts and they gave me a foot massage. But it was all a little too late. The day was ruined as far as I was concerned.
The boys, all three of them, went to my ex husbands for the weekend. So it was just me and princess. I knew I would be a bit lonely and there is a coworker of mine that has invited me out several times and I always declined. So Friday night when she asked me if I wanted to do a girls day with her and her daughter for Mothers Day I happily accepted and began making plans. This coworker has a husband so I double checked to make sure they did not have plans. She told me he never does anything on Mother's Day. So we agreed to spend that day together just us and our lil girls.
Sunday morning I went on facebook and wished practically every mom I knew a great Mothers Day. And then enjoyed a quiet morning with princess all in anticipation for our girls luncheon. I picked out our prettiest dresses and ran our tub water. All morning I kept checking my phone for the barrage of texts, and voice mails, and faceboook posts wishing me a great Mothers Day...Nothing. Although a bit hurtful I decided not to let it get me down. I had plans, so no big deal. I sent a text to my luncheon date to confirm our time which was about an hour and a half away. She responded with this text
"oh, I was wondering when you were gonna call. My husband surprised me this morning and he has made plans for us at 4pm"
Just so you know our luncheon time was 3pm. So I called her. I said to her "I don't understand are you canceling?" "No" she responded "I just have to be somewhere by 4pm." "Okay" I told her "how are we supposed to get seated, order, and eat, in under 30 minutes?" I was clearly annoyed. It would take me longer to get ready. She said it would be okay. I said "no, no thanks I would rather not drive 30 minutes out of my way to spend 20 rushed minutes at a restaurant, just forget it." She could tell I was irritated so she tried to compromise. It was only 2pm she wondered if we could maybe meet closer to my home that way she would have more time. I agreed to that, but then I heard her confirming that with someone in the background. It was her husband! So I asked her is your husband coming? "Oh yes" she said. "Um, no, lets just cancel, you enjoy your day with your family" I say. Why she wanted to know. Well it was supposed to be us girls only. "It's okay:" she said. "No, its really not". I said. "I just split from my guy after 12 years the last thing I wanted to do was have lunch with a happily married couple not to mention that my daughter would have to watch some other lil girl spending QT time with her daddy and surely that would remind her that her of her dad's absence." It was ll a lil too fresh. No thanks.
Let me say here that I am not hating on her. If my husband had showed up at 6am with gifts and plans for Mothers Day I would have blown her off too. But damn I would have called her before 30 minutes prior to our meeting time. That part I have to say made me pretty mad. No biggie I thought I'll just call one of my many other options to go out with. Well after calling several friends it appeared that everyone's husbands had stepped up to the plate and they were all having fun with their husbands and families. It was now 3pm. Then I thought if my sister who always has drama and has no man so I thought I would treat her and we would go out. Sure she would appreciate it I call her up. I say "hi is your Mothers Day sucking as much as mine?" "Yup" she says "well good then, wanna go to lunch, my treat?" "Oh I'm already going somewhere with Laura (our other sister)" she responds. "Oh" I say disappointed and waiting for them to invite me along. "Well I'll call you later" she says and hangs up. She didn't even say Happy Mothers Day.
It's 3pm I have yet to receive a call or text from either of my boys or the dads. I am furious, fury quickly turns into pity as I sit in my rocking chair feeling alone and forgotten. I then decide I just wanna go to sleep. So princess and I put on a movie and cuddle up and that's where I stay until 6pm. At 6pm I get up. Still no messages. Okay I am no longer sad but greatly pissed off. How dare they? I cook, clean, do laundry everyday for these fools. I have financially, psychically and emotionally supported the RA all effing year and not even a call?#@!?@# Well fuck em all!
One of my friends called to check on me after her day of appreciation from her husband and she offered to go with me to dinner so we did . My boys did arrive home with gifts and they gave me a foot massage. But it was all a little too late. The day was ruined as far as I was concerned.
Friday, May 6, 2011
My First Customer Complaint---You be the Judge
This week I got my first official customer compliant on my job since I started 15 months ago. Here's how it went down. The first time I encountered this lady she had an air about her that was unpleasant she came in on the cellphone. When I attempted to gather the info needed she acted irritated that I was disrupting her call. She was not very nice but hey some people aren't, no biggie. The next encounter was when I was training a new staff member who happens to have an accent but speaks clear English. During training I go stay with the person interacting with the parent to ensure that they get proper info and do things correctly. On that day the lady rushed in, threw her baby's items on the counter and then seemed irritated that it took the trainee an extra minute to check in. When the staff asked the lady's name for the second time the lady removed her name tag and put it in the girls face so that she could see the correct spelling. RUDE! That day she dropped her baby off with 1 bottle 1 barefoot, 1 sock foot??? She rushed and was quite impolite.
Yesterday this lady pulls up I immediately go up front to check her in but she stays in her car I wait a few minutes, she does not get out so I return to the play area. Ten minutes or so later she gets out of her car. In her arms she has a baby bottle, 2 diapers, wipes, a bag of grapes, a container of applesauce and her baby tucked dangling under her arm all while still talking on her phone. She almost drops the baby whom she sets down and the baby takes off running down the parking lot. Still balancing all the stuff she had she catches the baby and semi-totes semi-drags him into the building,,,,still on the phone. I greet her and instead of a hello or good morning I get "Donald Blanking" ( the child's name, obviously changed). I look the child up and begin to ask the preliminary questions that she seems irritated by because again I am disrupting her phone call. She flings all the random items on the counter and asks rudely in the middle of my questions "are you through?" I was not. But I told her yes she could go.
Two hours later we are changing the baby's diaper and notice that he has a pretty bad diaper rash and welts on the inside of his thigh? They are red and look painful. She has provided us no diaper cream or explanation for this. Then on his back, chest and arms he has about 50 small bumps. This looks like a rash you would get with chicken pox or an allergic reaction or even a virus related rash. Either way the mother told us nothing about the rash and knowing her temperament I call the owner just to inform her of that I would be calling the mom to come pick him up. Our policy states that if a child has any rash other than diaper we need a doctors note to state it is not contagious. The owner gives me the go ahead. Knowing this won't go well I put on my sweetest voice and place the call. Here is how the call went:
Stank Ass Attitude Mommy
Sweet, Professional Me
My Thoughts, what I would say if I did not need this job
Hi Mrs. Blanking I am calling you because when we were changing Donald we noticed a rash all over his body.
Yeah and (not going well)
And It is our policy that any child that has a rash must have a doctors note provided so ....
she cuts me off- it's from a new laundry detergent we tried
okay I really do not need to know what it is ( I know that this is BS because why would it be in his diaper area) just need a note stating it is not contagious
Well it is not like that statement would serve as the note
Yes ma'am however I will need a note to put in his file so that we are covered, the note only needs to state that it is not contagius
Well I do not have one
Could you get one to me
No I cannot
Okay well he really cannot be here with such a rash until I have one.You see other parents come in to tour the facility and if someone questions it I need something to be able to ensure them that it is not contagious. Just to be sure I called the owner and let her know what was going on and she agrees that Donald should be picked up.
Well what exactly are you saying
I am saying that he will need to be picked up
Why didn't you tell me that when I dropped him off
As if ! Bitch you wouldn't even get off the phone and provide me the basics, How the hell was I supposed to know he had that rash? Should I go over the entire sick policy with everyone at drop off? That's what I wanted to say
What I did say was: Well ma'am I only noticed the rash when he was changed. It's not as if we go stripping and inspecting the kids when they come in. Seriously
Well you still should have told me, this is very unprofessional
Unprofessional!!!! Are you kidding me! You cannot even find an additional sock for his foot or provide cream for the diaper rash, or time to place his 16 items in a diaper bag or some info at drop off not mention your kid ran away in the parking lot all while you continued on your lil phone call
How long before you are expecting me to be there
30 minutes
Well I won't be there in 30 minutes
Well when can you get here
45 minutes
That will be fine At this point whatever he has has already been spread around the facility.
And when I get there I want to talk to your supervisor because this is very unprofessional
What is it with her do you not have any other adjectives other than unprofessional?
Okay I'll have her call you
No I want to see her in person
She is not on site
Well I will wait
Okay see you soon
I call the owner who happens to be coming in anyway to pick up her kids. When she arrives she attempts to call Mrs. Blanking and Mrs. Blanking does not answer her phone. Shocker since its always attached to her head. She eventually rolls up and the owner comes up to talk to her while I busy myself in the back.The first thing she says is I want you to know that my child is not sick. Those are mosquito bites. Mosquito bites WTH happened to the detergent excuse?
The staff member pulls up the boys shirt to show her that he is covered in many small bumps that are definitely not mosquito bites. She then says in faked shock Oh I did not know those were there. You know what it is? That is a new shirt he is wearing he must be irritated by the material. Okay now you are just making shit up. First off the shirt is anything but new and what about the detergent excuse you threw at me over the phone? She says a few other unimportant things but what she did not say was that I was unprofessional. She did not mention me at all. My owner told her off the bat that I followed protocol and that is what I should do. I guess she needed to hear that from someone with a bigger paycheck.
Ugggh
Yesterday this lady pulls up I immediately go up front to check her in but she stays in her car I wait a few minutes, she does not get out so I return to the play area. Ten minutes or so later she gets out of her car. In her arms she has a baby bottle, 2 diapers, wipes, a bag of grapes, a container of applesauce and her baby tucked dangling under her arm all while still talking on her phone. She almost drops the baby whom she sets down and the baby takes off running down the parking lot. Still balancing all the stuff she had she catches the baby and semi-totes semi-drags him into the building,,,,still on the phone. I greet her and instead of a hello or good morning I get "Donald Blanking" ( the child's name, obviously changed). I look the child up and begin to ask the preliminary questions that she seems irritated by because again I am disrupting her phone call. She flings all the random items on the counter and asks rudely in the middle of my questions "are you through?" I was not. But I told her yes she could go.
Two hours later we are changing the baby's diaper and notice that he has a pretty bad diaper rash and welts on the inside of his thigh? They are red and look painful. She has provided us no diaper cream or explanation for this. Then on his back, chest and arms he has about 50 small bumps. This looks like a rash you would get with chicken pox or an allergic reaction or even a virus related rash. Either way the mother told us nothing about the rash and knowing her temperament I call the owner just to inform her of that I would be calling the mom to come pick him up. Our policy states that if a child has any rash other than diaper we need a doctors note to state it is not contagious. The owner gives me the go ahead. Knowing this won't go well I put on my sweetest voice and place the call. Here is how the call went:
Stank Ass Attitude Mommy
Sweet, Professional Me
My Thoughts, what I would say if I did not need this job
Hi Mrs. Blanking I am calling you because when we were changing Donald we noticed a rash all over his body.
Yeah and (not going well)
And It is our policy that any child that has a rash must have a doctors note provided so ....
she cuts me off- it's from a new laundry detergent we tried
okay I really do not need to know what it is ( I know that this is BS because why would it be in his diaper area) just need a note stating it is not contagious
Well it is not like that statement would serve as the note
Yes ma'am however I will need a note to put in his file so that we are covered, the note only needs to state that it is not contagius
Well I do not have one
Could you get one to me
No I cannot
Okay well he really cannot be here with such a rash until I have one.You see other parents come in to tour the facility and if someone questions it I need something to be able to ensure them that it is not contagious. Just to be sure I called the owner and let her know what was going on and she agrees that Donald should be picked up.
Well what exactly are you saying
I am saying that he will need to be picked up
Why didn't you tell me that when I dropped him off
As if ! Bitch you wouldn't even get off the phone and provide me the basics, How the hell was I supposed to know he had that rash? Should I go over the entire sick policy with everyone at drop off? That's what I wanted to say
What I did say was: Well ma'am I only noticed the rash when he was changed. It's not as if we go stripping and inspecting the kids when they come in. Seriously
Well you still should have told me, this is very unprofessional
Unprofessional!!!! Are you kidding me! You cannot even find an additional sock for his foot or provide cream for the diaper rash, or time to place his 16 items in a diaper bag or some info at drop off not mention your kid ran away in the parking lot all while you continued on your lil phone call
How long before you are expecting me to be there
30 minutes
Well I won't be there in 30 minutes
Well when can you get here
45 minutes
That will be fine At this point whatever he has has already been spread around the facility.
And when I get there I want to talk to your supervisor because this is very unprofessional
What is it with her do you not have any other adjectives other than unprofessional?
Okay I'll have her call you
No I want to see her in person
She is not on site
Well I will wait
Okay see you soon
I call the owner who happens to be coming in anyway to pick up her kids. When she arrives she attempts to call Mrs. Blanking and Mrs. Blanking does not answer her phone. Shocker since its always attached to her head. She eventually rolls up and the owner comes up to talk to her while I busy myself in the back.The first thing she says is I want you to know that my child is not sick. Those are mosquito bites. Mosquito bites WTH happened to the detergent excuse?
The staff member pulls up the boys shirt to show her that he is covered in many small bumps that are definitely not mosquito bites. She then says in faked shock Oh I did not know those were there. You know what it is? That is a new shirt he is wearing he must be irritated by the material. Okay now you are just making shit up. First off the shirt is anything but new and what about the detergent excuse you threw at me over the phone? She says a few other unimportant things but what she did not say was that I was unprofessional. She did not mention me at all. My owner told her off the bat that I followed protocol and that is what I should do. I guess she needed to hear that from someone with a bigger paycheck.
Ugggh
Monday, May 2, 2011
Another Jacked Up Event In Raquel's World
Friday at work sucked. But that is not at all unusual. We had lots of cute kids but they were gansta as hell. I spent 8 hours breaking up fights between two year olds and tending to causalities. It was ridiculous. I really do not make enough money. The one thing that gave me peace throughout the day was that after work I had plans to work out with my girlfriend at the YMCA. I needed that stress relief. We were to meet at 3pm. At 3pm I called her. She was not home. I assumed she was on the way. Then at 3:05 I got a call from her daughter that she would not be coming. I was livid. First of all, why do you wait until 3 to tell me? Uggh! And secondly having your daughter do the dirty work? Well shame on you! This was the weekend that RA was moving so the last place I wanted to go was home. But I had no loot to hang out with so I stayed at the place I wanted to leave the most. Work. Life sucks like that sometimes.
I arrive home with my kiddos as we sit down for dinner and I notice a fly-thingy on my table. Gross! I kill him and sanitize. A bit later I noticed another fly-thingy on the floor. I chewed my kids out and told them "see you guys won't keep the door shut, now we have flies." An hour later princess said to me "mommy there are bugs". I said "okay sweetie just stomp them." "I can't she says there are too many'. I ask her to show me where the too many bugs were. She did. they were all over my living room carpet!. Little ant thingys with wings. WTH? I HATE bugs! And in my living room of all places! I send Mason to get the RA. He comes in and starts inspecting. He lifts a mini blind in the window and there are hundreds of these things! It looked like a scene from Amityville Horror. You know when the priest gets attacked by all those bees and they are all over the window? I have 6 windows in my living room and 5 of them had the same situation, I was mortified. They were termites!
Apparently the storms we had recently screwed up their nests and they were looking for a new place to nest and my home was the chosen spot. Lucky me eh? Our house is very old and very weird and the windows do dot quite fit into the window frames meaning there is a lot of draft space between the windows and the frames. We seal that space for the winter, unseal it in spring to open the windows for fresh air then reseal it for summer. We are in spring so they are not sealed and I suppose made the perfect entrance for the 600 or so termites to come in through.
RA spent hours spraying and killing and vacuuming up termites. I spent the time fussing at the kids telling them they brought the bugs in by not being neat enough. I know that is not true but hell any chance I can get to teach them a lesson I use it. It was quite effective too as I told them how bugs would crawl on them in their sleep until Michael looked up termite facts and let everyone know that the termites were not there for crumbs. I did a lil research and the good news is if they still have wings ,which they all did then they have not nested yet. See below:
Then I read these facts:
Termite facts
Termites :
I arrive home with my kiddos as we sit down for dinner and I notice a fly-thingy on my table. Gross! I kill him and sanitize. A bit later I noticed another fly-thingy on the floor. I chewed my kids out and told them "see you guys won't keep the door shut, now we have flies." An hour later princess said to me "mommy there are bugs". I said "okay sweetie just stomp them." "I can't she says there are too many'. I ask her to show me where the too many bugs were. She did. they were all over my living room carpet!. Little ant thingys with wings. WTH? I HATE bugs! And in my living room of all places! I send Mason to get the RA. He comes in and starts inspecting. He lifts a mini blind in the window and there are hundreds of these things! It looked like a scene from Amityville Horror. You know when the priest gets attacked by all those bees and they are all over the window? I have 6 windows in my living room and 5 of them had the same situation, I was mortified. They were termites!
Apparently the storms we had recently screwed up their nests and they were looking for a new place to nest and my home was the chosen spot. Lucky me eh? Our house is very old and very weird and the windows do dot quite fit into the window frames meaning there is a lot of draft space between the windows and the frames. We seal that space for the winter, unseal it in spring to open the windows for fresh air then reseal it for summer. We are in spring so they are not sealed and I suppose made the perfect entrance for the 600 or so termites to come in through.
RA spent hours spraying and killing and vacuuming up termites. I spent the time fussing at the kids telling them they brought the bugs in by not being neat enough. I know that is not true but hell any chance I can get to teach them a lesson I use it. It was quite effective too as I told them how bugs would crawl on them in their sleep until Michael looked up termite facts and let everyone know that the termites were not there for crumbs. I did a lil research and the good news is if they still have wings ,which they all did then they have not nested yet. See below:
When a colony is healthy or extremely stressed, alates or winged reproductives are sent from the colony to start new colonies. Alates emerge from the colony and find their way into living spaces through cracks around windows and door frames or any space accessible.
Then I read these facts:
Termite facts
Termites :
- Live for 15 years
- Lay 1 egg every 15 seconds
- Have 4 wings
- Burrow tiny mud tunnels to a source of wood
- Leave sawdust near windows
- Enjoy wood resulting from leaky plumbing
- Can destroy entire house in about 2-3 years
- Found in every U.S. state except Alaska
- Help the food chain by recycling wood for the soil
So I guess I got 2 years to relocate....... Sigh......... Just my luck.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)