Tuesday, April 26, 2011

The Time Has Come

If you've been around Raquel's world for a minute, you will know that my biggest stress factor is my relationship with the RA
Oh sure I have:
road rage issues,
work drama
doctor issues,
my kid's shoot their teeth out with staples, etc. But when you are in an unhealthy relationship all that falls to the wayside. My relationship has spanned 12 years with the RA and it has always been tricky but there had always been enough good to outweigh the bad. However the last three years have been the worse. His baby mama drama has gotten out of control, his finances are out of control leaving me to support the entire family of 6 independently out of my small paycheck while he gets a new car,  he eats out  while I pack lunch each day, and he goes on vacation while I pick up extra hours to pay bills. He comes and goes as he wishes with no regard to schedules, pre made plans, or just plain ole decency. He seems completely miserable there with us. So I decided he should go. I love him but honestly just do not like him nor does he like me. I only held on this long for the kids. The thing is, yes, the kids have their dad around full time because that is the one thing RA is good at. His lack of responsibility and respect have turned me into a monster leaving me emotionally, and financially drained, therefore I have not a whole lot to offer my kids. So after much reflection I have decided ultimately that he should go. 
RA just seems to resent having to play the role of a man. He resents having to pay bills or repair things and coming home period. He seems intent on acting like a boy and since I am mid 30's and super busy raising 4 kids I have no time for boys. It is scary but only for how it will affect my kids. My oldest two (which are from a previous marriage) and I have discussed this. They have expressed feeling like RA does not want to be there with us and once the kids start seeing what I try to hide the jig is up. 
So this Sunday, the RA will be moving on yet again. That means he will probably move back to his hometown which will leave the two smaller kids (his kids) quite distressed. But I will do everything and anything I can to fill that void. I feel positive about it, after all this is not our first split. I think that once I get all his drama out of my life I will be a better parent, a least a happier one. Which ultimately will be good for us all. So here I go! Wish me luck!


  1. I can't imagine how hard that must be for you. You are really strong!!! You will get through this!

  2. Roc - You can do this! I know it's damn difficult but you will be better in the end.
    It's the beginning and middle that sucks! :-)

  3. What a scary time. I know you are strong enough to be everything for your kids. Hopefully this will give him the wakeup call he needs to straight up or it will give you the chance to build a happier life for you and your kids.

  4. New car? While he has kids to support. RA is to nice a term for him.

  5. Sometimes we need to get rid of the RA's in our lives in order to see how better things can be.
    Here's hopeing that all works out for you.

  6. Aww honey good luck. I'm sorry you have to go through this but here's hoping for nothing but great things at the end of your bumpy road. (((hugs)))

  7. It will certainly be tough but best of luck and I know that you're bad ass enough to make things work out for the best. Rock on, Hot Stuff!!

  8. Thanks everyone for your support! Bloggers are awesome!

    Mike- Lol exactly!

    Matt-Man- Thanks so much <3

  9. Roc, I'm so sorry you've had to make this decision and although it will be difficult at first I think you're actually setting a good example for your kids. In time you'll even begin to realize it was really tougher when he was still a constant.

  10. I am sorry that he is not putting on the big boy manties-but you have to do what is best.