Apparently there are these Red Box machines all over and, for anyone who doesn't know a Red Box is a movie rental kiosk where you can pay just $1 and rent a movie. I was intrigued and wanted to give one a try. But it is computerized so a bit intimidating for me. See, I would like to have time to visit the Red Box, read all the disclosures etc., carefully make my slection and so on and so on. The Red Box most convenient to where I live is always crowded. And there is always an angry looking line of people waiting for their turn, that resemble this.
Me, being who I am would not dare enter this line of already impatient poeple because I can visualize the scene that would ensue. I would be there carefully make my choice, reading the disclosures, etc then someone would huff and puff behind me or make a comment then this would happen....
So anyway I drive by all the time hoping for a slow period where I can comfortably give it a try. Saturday was my day! I had taken Linda out for a fun day at the pool which lasted 4 minutes before a huge thunderstorm came. As I loaded my van in the pouring rain my towel and coverup both became soaked. So I removed them once in the car and that left me in a flattering one piece black swimsuit (sarcasm). As I drove home from the pool bummed that I had wasted my time I decided to drive by the Red Box. It was gonna rain all day, the boys were gone and a movie would just be perfect and paying $2 for two movies opposed to the $10 I usually pay seemed like a perfect pick me up. Anyways who would be dumb enough to be a t the Red Box in this weather. I was already soaked so seemed like a plan.
I pulled in to the Kroger parking lot and prowled around until I could get a spot close enough that I could see sleeping Linda from the Red Box. Just as I prepared to exit the car the rain really got going so I waited 10 minutes or so for it to calm down. It did and then I hopped out of the van and headed for the Red Box. I approached the box, began to view the selections, read the terms ect. to my joy all alone. Then Lightening struck, I realized how horrible it would be to be on the news in my sexy swimsuit out in the Kroger parking lot dead from electrocution so I decided to hurry. I swiped my card and made my selection....nothing! Again and agian I tried. I even tried tapping the movie selection screen wondering if it would fall out magically from there. Nothing. Another bolt of lightning and a river of rain and I said F it and rain back now completly soaked to my van.
I got in the van fellng defeated. I began to pull off and the rain subsided. A sign I thought. I glanced over to the Red Box still no one there. Another sign I thought. Maybe b/c it was raining I didn't do it right. Maybe I'm suppossed to swipe the card last instead of first. I decided I would give it another go. The baby was knocked out so what the hell. I hopped out of the van agian.
As soon as my feet hit the ground it began to pour like records amount. Screw it, Im going in. I began to jog across the parking lot towards the Red Box when I noticed a van approaching. I just knew the driver was headed to the Red Box. Oh hell no, I thought, I ran faster, he drove faster. He parked right in front of the damn box in the fire lane and began to exit his vehicle. No way. I had been here 30 minutes now and he was not getting in front of me! I tried to sorta sidestep in front of him up the curb so he could get that I was here first. In the process my flip flop propelled from my foot out into the parking lot. But I was almost there, I gave a backwards glance to my flip flop then hopped on back to the Red Box, in my swimsuit in the pouring rain. Thats when I saw the car coming,,, no way, yup, it ran right over my shoe casuing me to go back to retrieve it hence asshole beating me to the box.
Now you would think any man that saw a soaked woman, running with one shoe would be chivalrous and if not get the shoe for her at minimum let her go first. Nope homeboy just began his Red Book transaction. I was furious. The rain was pouring down my face the parking lot seemed full of spectators that I'm sure were wondering who the fool in the swimsuit was. I noticed in the van was a woman and a few kids. I looked at the woman as if to say "get your man straight" and she smiled at me very sweetly and rolled down her window. I thought okay here go she is gonna straighten homeboy out and and tell him let the poor, soaking wet, broken shoe girl go first". It sounded more like this...."Rodney Dear, it' s pouring honey, would you like an umbrella?". No bitch! How about "Rodney would you like to set a good example for your kids and let the rain-soaked lady go first?" or "Wife would you like to correct your asshole husband?" Or kids "your dad is a douche bag." Rodney never even acknowledged me. He just gave me this look like I was a sad mess; and I was but that's not the point. The point is the Red Box didn't work for him either. HA HA asshole!