Out of The Mouth of Babes

I was attending a Thanksgiving Luncheon at princesses preschool. One in which all the parents, maybe 12 of us were seated at a long table with all the kids. As we began to eat the room was pretty quiet all except for the one little girl beside me who's parents obviously did not make it. I felt so bad for her and them. This little girl cried and cried and cried and cried. Despite the efforts of the teachers to console her. I thought I would sit between her and my daughter and be her "mommy" for the luncheon as I would hope someone would do for my daughter in my absence. So I tried to chat it up with the sad little girl. She was not impressed. Despite my best efforts she would not engage in convo with me. My daughter quietly observed all this. She then looked at me and said "mommy whats wrong with Mary?" I, trying not to draw attention to the already upset little girl, said to my daughter "she's just not feeling well honey". To that she responded very loudly "no shes not! Her mommy's not here and shes pissed!" There was a collective gasp as the other parents heard that word from my daughters mouth. I tried to ignore it and carry on with another conversation but in true MJ fashion she repeatedly asked "Is she pissed mommy? Is she? Mommmmy is she pissed off that her mom is not here?" Her teacher, whom I love laughed and got the convo moving in a different direction.

I began to try to converse with Mary again. In my attempt to make small talk I asked Mary if she was enjoying her lunch? I got nothing. I then asked if she liked milk? She half smiled. So I began to try to convince her that I loved milk. So I said "are you gonna drink your milk Mary?" My daughter obviously tired of sharing her mom piped up "I love milk mommy!"


A little background here-My princess went through a bed wetting phase. It appeared that not drinking after a certain point in the evening saves this midnight drama. She's 3 and quite clever so I knew if I broke it down for her she would get it. So I sat my little princess down for a chat one day and explained to her that when we drink it goes into our mouth, I pointed to my neck and said then it travels down our throat, into our tummies and out of our vaginas into our bed at night.



And yes, I said VAGINA, VAGINA VAGINA VAGINA.. That was fun. anyvagina, (I said it again teeheehee) I believe in teaching our kids the proper names of their body parts. I believe I learned that on Oprah ? Back to the story....


"Look mommy I drank all my milk and now its gonna come out my vagina, right mommy?" I tried not to laugh and said "that is right MJ"  and she said "Mommy is your milk coming out  your vagina too?" The parents looked horrified.


 I just smiled at them all and said "isn't she so smart?"

Thankful To Be Shocked

It went well.

I'm still in shock.

 No one was injured.

No one stormed out with the threat of "you'll never see me or my kids again!"
There was no trashing of anyone outside in the smoking area?? WTF??
The one time I counted on my family to give me some good material...nothing! Go figure?
Everyone looked nice, acted nice, and I am just still in shock. I am happy that we had this opportunity. Our kids had a blast and we took lots of pics and ate lots of food. There were lots of hugs, and helpfulness and compliments??? I am just still in shock. I am grateful and happy but in complete shock. There was one little issue that gets a post all on its own at some point but no need to ruin the good memory here. So sorry if I've let anyone down with my lead up to this juicy story but I have nothing???

And for that...

I AM THANKFUL.

Thanksgiving....Let The Drama Begin



Add a few more ladies, and this pic about sums us up. Gangstas, mixed in with Rednecks.

                                As you may or may not know I have been estranged from my family for several years. Here's the breakdown...


Mom- Psycho, alcoholic, drama queen. Our relationship was doomed from the start She always wanted a boy and had two girls already when I came along so she was over the whole girl thing. Then came her golden boy nine months after me so basically I was a forgotten, regretted child from the start. It didn't help that the world loved me. That made my mom  hate me even more. After many, many incidents of her uncaring, drama-filled episodes I decided it better to cut her out of my life for my own sanity. I sent pics to her once, she never responded. I have no regrets. I am much happier and mentally healthier without her toxicity in my life.We have spoken once in7or more years and have seen each other once at a funeral. A funeral you can read bout here and understand how crazy she is. At the funeral she proclaimed she would reignite our relationship once we returned to NC and even meet her beautiful granddaughter that she's never met despite living 15 minutes away. Once we returned we never heard from her again.




Brother- I was super close to him as we entered our adulthood together, we are only nine months apart. I LOVED my bro. Somehow though he made a few bad choices regarding women/children and turned into a complete ass. I found him demeaning to his children and a bastard to be around in general therefore our relationship became estranged a couple years ago. We still remained in touch until I confronted him about something he told my sisters and then he decided he didn't want to talk to me anymore. This relationship ending was sad for me but the brother I knew hadn't seemed to exist for quite some time so I was okay with the ending of our relationship. After our grandfathers death we started talking and are now on decent terms.


Sister #1- She reads my blog. No issues here.

 Sister #2- She and I have had a roller coaster relationship all our lives. She is the kind of sister you love when you love but hate when you hate. She can be your best friend. She is the favorite aunt for all the kids. We were mostly close most of my life but then about 5 years ago she took up with this loser and he told her a bunch of lies and she decided she wanted no more to do with me. It was very frustrating to have your sister pick a loser over you but what are you gonna do? Last Thanksgiving she reached out to me and I packed up my kids and went to see her. We had a blast together and I realized how much I missed her. Although I was not the one who called this particular relationship off, I hold a grudge like no one's business and although my sister who lives 20, minutes from me was on her death bed twice, I never reached out to her. Truthfully I was really hurt that she would believe her guy over me. I guess over time she has realized that he is a liar and is now ready to mend broken fences.




Never in history have all four siblings and mom been at peace all at the same time . It has always been DRAMA. Two sisters against one, me and my brother hating on them, the two more wealthy of the four against the poorer of the group etc. Over the years my mother has added to and even single handily stirred up the majority of the drama. Spreading gossip, or she would notice two sisters getting closer, feel left out and then throw a monkey wrench into the whole damned thing. Oh and she had a way of acting so innocent when it all blows up.


Anyturkey, we are all getting together for Thanksgiving this year. This will be the first time my mother has seen my children in 7 years and the first time she has ever seen my daughter. I cannot wait to show her how a mother should treat her daughter. This will be the first time I meet my niece. This will be the first time we will all be together kids and all since we were children despite the fact that we live all within a 25 mile radius of one another. Should be interesting eh?


Here's a couple tools I will be utilizing:



This should help us determine who to blame for what.



 

In case all else fails.



                                                                  

Stay tuned for the post Thanksgiving post. But if you absolutely want some dysfunction now click here for an excerpt from the funeral we all attended in April.

Lost Then Found

So my son Marlon has completed his football season and now is trying out for basketball. His school lets out at 2:20p and the walk home is 5 minutes, 10 max. When he has sports he has practice and gets home around 4:15p no later than 4:30p.


A little bit about my Pooty (Marlon). He is my good boy! He never gets in trouble and is not a very social guy. I do not know how to explain him. He's gorgeous and talented but just so even-keeled that 95% of the time you can get no emotion out of him, which in turn makes him easy to deal with. He is the teenager that still wants a kiss from mom at carpool, opposed to the one that wants to be dropped off a mile away out of every one's view. No mood swings, no emotional roller coasters, no tantrums, no attitude etc. Easy Peasy! But about 5% of the time he's an ass. If you compare that to the ratio the remainder of the family acts like an ass which is about 30%-60%, He's a dream child. He is the family snitch. He tells me when shit goes down that I did not know about, like what his big bro is up to when I m not around etc. I can always count on Pooty.


Back to the story,  I arrived home Tuesday around 5p. I immediately looked for Marlon. I wanted to know how tryouts had went. The RA told me "Marlon's not here." The RA can be lazy sometimes. So I said to him "You mean he's not in the living room? I'm sure he's here." "I haven't seen him" he says. "Well I'm sure you didn't look in his room" I say. I enter Marlon's room. He's not there. After checking all the other rooms it becomes clear that he never came home. Hmmm I thought. He must still be at school.


I head on up to the school house just to be certain. There are two cars in the parking lot and none in the pick up area. Usually if there is a sports event there are cars lined up in the pick area up and down the street, No cars. Odd I thought, I headed for the gym. The doors were locked. I tried a few other entrances to the school, all were locked. No signs of life in there. I wondered had the teenage bug finally bitten my son? Is he off somewhere he has no business? I began to drive around town, checking all the teenage local hang out spots, the park, ice cream shop, the BBall courts, the routes to and from home. This was all just for show because I knew my Marlon would never go off somewhere and not tell me. After checking all these places to no avail and the suns setting I started to panic a bit on the inside.

 I went back up to the school and checked again just because... well there was no where else to look. I drove around the school a few times when I spotted an older lady with a school badge. I approached her and asked her if there were kids still in  the school. She said no, definitely not all the kids had gone. I explained that my son had BBall tryouts and had never showed up home and I was concerned because I could not find him. I asked  her if she could go with me into the building to look for him she said no she couldn't. I then asked her if she knew which car the coach drove and if it was the one parked in the lot because if so then I could relax a bit and know that maybe he was with the coach. She claimed to not know.She seemed quite disinterested and informed me that no one except her and two janitors remained in the building. She pointed to a guy standing in front of the building, "there is one now and he's leaving but you can double check with him if you'd like" she said, obviously eager to get going.


So I ran over to him and asked him the same barrage of questions that I had asked the helpful teacher lady.  He told me  that BBall  tryouts  ended at 4pm. It was now 5:40p and he himself had cleaned the gym and no one was there. He said all the kids left by 4:30p. Now I panicked. I drove home 100 miles per hour, ran into the house and asked RA "did he come home?"  RA, unimpressed at my panic simply said no. I ran through the house looking under beds and in closets screaming his name. See sometimes just to annoy me Marlon will hide from me. After I searched the last spot and realized he wasn't there I began to cry. I ran outside again. I hopped into my van, crying now uncontrollably in a sheer panic. I had no idea what to do where to look. I am a big watcher of Nancy Grace and every night I am absorbed with watching stories on how teenagers get kidnapped, killed etc.


Also our surrounding neighborhoods has started to go down a bit and had gang activity. I kept thinking maybe he was walking home and got jumped or stabbed or any other of the thousands of deaths that occur to kids every day. I thought maybe it had started to rain and someone offered him a ride and that's it. He's gone and no one knows anything. I cried helplessly as I drove around and around the school. I searched ditches, wooded areas, anywhere I could think he may have been. I did not want to call the police because I knew once I did it was a sure thing. I had lost my son. I called his dad and screamed to him that it was his fault this happened b/c I have one of our teens on my cell plan he had agreed to add the other to his and had not done it yet. So my baby was out there with no way to call me. He had no clue why I was crying I tried to explain but he couldn't understand me with all the sobbing so I hung up pulled over cried like hell. I then decided to go to the police station 3 blocks away.


My other son Michael was in the van with me so he said "Mom, I really think you are overreacting. I'm sure he's fine, He's  probably at the school." "No!" I screamed at him "No one is at the school! Two people that work there told me that!" "Mom, He tried again "let's just try one more time. He's gotta be there Marlon' would not just not come home." "Exactly." I said and cried harder as visions of my son injured and scared maybe even dead popped into my head. "It's on the way to the police station, just try once more. Let me look around" he says. So I did. This time when we approached the school there was another worried mom standing out there on her cell phone. I told my son to go ask her if her son hadn't come home too? I could not because I was a blubbering snotty mess from the crying. Then another car pulled up and another. Each car was like a ray of sunshine peering through the clouds.


The end of it is he was in the school building with 58 other kids and a coach! Now a few things to say here. Apparently he had told me while I was ironing, cooking, probably on the phone and doing laundry that he had to stay later that day. I just missed it entirely. Also the people that worked there assured me he was not there. I'm sure if you have teens or even was a teen  at some point you are thinking.. lady chill out. It is not that uncommon for a teen to take off for a bit or not come home. And you probably think I was overreacting. And maybe I was had it been your kid. But my kids are kept on a tight leash and do not go anywhere unless I have scoped the place out and preapproved and then made clear expectations on when they should return. My Marlon would never, ever do something like take off and not tell me. And I was right, he didn't. Guess what I'll be buying Marlon for Christmas?

Famous....Finally.

Guess who's famous?
Me! That's who. I have been dodging paparazzi all day and night and taking calls from the media and Oprah. Okay- now for real. What had happened was...

I was bored at work and decided to check out my stats and traffic sources. When I noticed that a traffic source was digitaljournal.com. Well I went there and low and behold guess who was mentioned?



Me! Me! Me!
Such a pretty pic, I know but don't worry.. my soon to be riches will hook all this up!

The article was not about me, rather about another blogger...Nerdy Apple Bottom, which was referred to me by my online Bestie Peg. She doesn't know that we are besties yet but as soon as she finds out how famous I am, I'm sure she won't mind. She'll be the Nicole to my Paris. Anyhoo after my post Fuquay-Varina 90210 she commented that I should read the Apple Bottom blog, which I did and the post outraged me, as usual. So I commented all foulmouthed and righteously on it. Then Friday I was watching The View and I saw the pic that was on the Apple blog. I was all excited that the hot topic of the day was derived from that blog! Yeah fellow blogger! But then yesterday I followed the link to the digitaljournal page and there was an article about the same topic and the blogger and my comment was right there in the article! If you click it guess what? You end up here!

Here is a cut and paste just in case you were too lazy to click the link I so conveniently provided you.One, Raquel – referring to her own blog, Raquel's World – wrote:
Okay – You should read my post from yesterday when I had to deal with a group of snotty moms. People should mind their own business. Hello idiots! Did you not just see all the recent suicides of KIDS that were ridiculed for being gay . . . at 13? Uggh. We wonder where the kids get it from. They get it from their damn busy body moms. The moms that have to throw shade on your kid so their kid can get some much needed attention.

So I am planning my big press release, my thank you speech. I am going on a diet to look good for my View and Oprah's interviews. I would suggest you follow me, I'm going big places you know.

Overly Sensitive?

So dance class this past week was ummm.... I dunno how to describe it. Let's see the 90201 biznitches from last week were not in such high numbers in the parent area. Actually attendance was really low. It was the Aplha-Mom (AM), The nappy-headed-commenter-mom (NHCM) and me. The other parents were in a another room watching a movie with their older kids. NHCM  actually smiled and said hello to me. Huh? Her smile seemed genuine and her voice was not condescending at all. AM was still unfriendly but didn't throw her power around as much because the rest of her cronies were not there I guess. She still turned her nose up a bit and dominated NHCM in the parent area but she was more low key.

She did brag a lot however about how she has given her neighbors and friends so much clothes that every time she sees the kids they are wearing her clothes. Annoying. Also she was bragging speaking about the upcoming vacation her and her hubby will be taking to the Greenbrier in West Virginia...from what she says "it is a place where kings and queens stay." Okay, once again if you got it going on like the royal family... why not pay for your kids to dance at the real dance studio down the street? Anyways, I put my bitch face on and my extra rings just in case I had to punch someone in the face. for show.


At then end of class I returned to pick up MJ and she was not happy and immediately declared she was ready to go home. At that point the dance teacher came over and asked me if MJ was feeling okay. She said that she had noticed she just wasn't feeling this Friday class. Hell, neither am I, I thought. The teacher then told me that on Tuesdays MJ was "the one to watch and showed real dance talent and love for the dance." But since switching she seems completely uninterested. She suggested we try a more advanced class next Friday. A class for 4 year olds. She seems to think that MJ could handle it.

Great. Right? Well I'm not so sure. Remember the discussion that took place in this post where the AM stated that she would secure all her groups spots for the next class? And also remember my feeling that regular moms were being pushed out? Well now I'm not sure if the teacher is truly amazed at MJs dance ability and wants to advance her or if she has been pressured to push us out of the class by the Meanie Moms? I have my suspicions. This 10:15 class is most inconvenient for me as it is a ballet/tap combo and requires a hefty investment in dance gear and  requires me to take a half day off work instead of coming in 2 hours late. But I plan on giving the teacher the benefit of the doubt and giving it a try, in the hopes that she as the teacher knows whats best.

Since you all have an outside view, tell me is this a tactic to push us out of this class or does the teacher see real ability in MJ? Am I seeing way too  much into this? I do have that ability. I tend to get very defensive when it comes to my kids. I just think it's odd that now that she's not doing well she wants to advance her. I asked her about this and she said she wanted to see the old MJ back and thought maybe a more challenging class would do it. She also said that if she did not like the advanced class that maybe "it just wasn't her time yet?" Seriously. I could not tell if she was sincerely complimenting MJ or pushing her out.  Another  possibility that is unlikely is that the teacher has read my facebook page where I posted about this Meanie Moms and is trying to be helpful. The teacher is always very nice to MJ and seems to like her but I just don't know. What do you think?

Concerns About The 2010 Flu Shot

 

It's almost Flu season and I have some new concerns.

"The H1N1 virus recommended for inclusion in the 2010-2011 seasonal influenza vaccine is a pandemic 2009 H1N1 virus and is the same vaccine virus as was used in the 2009 H1N1 monovalent vaccine." (Text taken from the CDC website)

Last year we had our "Swine Flu Pandemic". People, myself included were all freaked out thinking this could be the next big plague that kills us all. I watched show after show on the past pandemics and the predictions for this one. The future looked bleak. People were lined up for hours to get a swine flu vaccine. I usually get a flu shot and get all my kids one as well each year, but last year I decided hell no. I'm not a big fan of shit that just got released to the public and since the swine flu shot had only been out a minute or so I opted not to get it and not get it for my kids, especially after this. You really need to check the video out if you have never seen it but I suspect that most of you have.

It has just always been my policy to not use a new medical breakthrough until its been out for a few years. That way I can see how many people die from it or end up all fucked up like the cheerleader in the video. Then I can knowingly weigh out the risks and make an educated choice.

I mean, is it just me or does it seem like every time you go to the doctors a new vaccine has been added to the roster? I often decline the newer ones and put them off for a few years. Again to gauge the risks factor. It just always seems that a new breakthrough medicine comes out and its all the rave and a year later there are commercials telling you" if you died, or got fucked up using so and so please call attorney so and so."

So back to the point..We skipped our flu vaccine last year for the first time I think ever. Now this year they are saying that the Swine Flu vaccine has been added to this years flu shot. Hmmm looks like we're gonna have to pass. Again, I need at least an entire year of evidence before I sign up for some new shit but I dunno I may be leaving my kids uncovered?? Decisions, decisions, am I the only one freaked out at this point about the swine flu vaccine?

Do you plan on getting one? Giving your kids one?

I Need Your Help

When I started this blog,,11 months ago. I named it Beelieveit.

That would be because most of the time when I share what is happening in my life I get a lot of "I can't believe that." The funky spelling Beelieveit came from my creative side. Real damn creative right? I wanted it to be unique. You know like when parents name their kids Lana'.... pronounced La-Nay or Caren (Karen) that type of thing. I also was thinking way into the future and had thoughts of a bumblebee being my mascot to deliver to all my thousands of readers all the events that would make you all abuzz excitement for my next post. Here he is....

As you can see he is frustated and very aware of the time,,,,just like me!

Then I woke up from my fantasy world. I had 2 followers forEVER and I thought maybe I needed a new name for the blog...hence Raquel's World. Which is the most basic and over used title and I hate it. But once I made the change I noticed my url stayed the same and now didn't match my blog name. How confusing and annoying huh?


Well next month will be my one year blogaversery and since I now have increased my readers enough to make me feel important I plan on sprucing up the place a bit and finding a more appropriate name. However I worked so hard to get my 31 followers and I do not want to confuse anyone and risk losing one of them/you. So tech savvy people I have a question: Is there a way around the confusion?  More specifically is there any way to change my blog name and address and people can still find it?

Secondly now that 31 people know about my drama filled life I am taking suggestions for my blog name. I truly hate Raquel's World. I actually like Beelieve It better but neither hold a  special place in my heart. So suggestions anyone?.

When Your Team Is Down..... and you have PMS

So another football game story.

We were up against a team that had lost every game prior. Should be easy to beat huh? Well we were doing quite well until 3rd quarter and then who-the-hell-knows what happened. It's was cold and rainy and quite frankly I was getting tired of attending all these games, getting home late, paying to get in just to watch our boys lose 3/4 of the time. The team we were up against was actually our size for once and they had no skills so we shoulda beat them. 4th quarter and the score was 8 to 18 their way and their ball. Seriously Bengals WTF? I was so irritated at our guys. They had been playing like ish for the past few games.


I always stay til the bitter end and cheer my ass off even when we are getting whopped by 30 points but it was the end of the season and I had had it. Our guys made more mistakes and dropped the ball so much that they should have been kicked off the field. My annoyances got to me and I decided why stand out here in the rain just to lose? We were down 10 pts and only 2 minutes remained on the clock (which equals 20 minutes in football time) I decided to roll out. The other moms were shocked that I was leaving. I explained that I was really tired of showing up to these games and watching us get stomped then rushing home late etc. etc. I complained and bitched as I left the field. I told the other parents good luck to them for wasting their time but I know when somethings hopeless and I was out. I posted on facebook my frustration about how our team sucked. I know, I know, Not the appropriate parent thing to do but hey I have my faults.


I arrived at my car with my other son and the crowd cheered. We had scored a touchdown. But I felt like In the famous words of Joy Behar "So what. Who cares?" 14 to 18 with 40 seconds on the clock. We would still lose. I drove away aggravated and disappointed. I battled traffic and wet roads to pick up my other kids when at 6:17 Marlon called. "Hey mom can you pick me up?"  "No," I said "You should be well rested from that sorry game you just played. Go on ahead and walk home." I know it sounds mean but I was PMS-ing and he walks to school anyways. "What are you talking about?" he said. "Marlon how could you guys let those kids beat you? They hadn't won one single game all year? They were not even bigger than you guys for once. You guys had that in the bag." blah, blah, bitch ,bitch, complain, complain. My thoughts wandered to the next interview with an idiot where I would be reminded that we were beat by the team with the worst record. He interrupted me and said "Mom,,,we won!"


"Whatever" I said not in the mood for his sarcasm. "I was there. You guys lost."  "Nope we won." he said. "The last 30 seconds we got an interception and made a touchdown which led to overtime and then we got another touchdown and won!"
"Swear to God." I demanded.
"I swear" he says "It was the best game ever! The crowd went wild and we played like maniacs there at the end. You would have been so proud!"

Ugggh

So in honor of the winners... I can finally put this picture up.  I didn't want to post a pic with the losing team, lol.



Marlon, Me & Jamison



FUQUAY-VARINA 90210?

I have a new topic to rant about......Meany Moms.

Just add 20 years to these chicks and you get the point.

My lil' princess just started taking dance classes at our community center. The center offers many classes...Ballet, tap, etc. We chose Creative Movement class because there were no outfit requirements, and I thought it would be a good place to start. The class specifically says come in sweats or comfortable clothes. So Friday we show up in our pink sweat suit all excited. As I entered the studio I noticed this was a whole different set of moms than our last class. I could tell quickly these were the moms I hate. You know them..the perfectly waxed eyebrows, manicured nails, $500 coach bag purse, Starbucks in one hand, blackberry/IPhone in the other. They talk to their kids in this ridiculous ass baby voice and offer them choices for every damn thing even when there is no choice. Those bitches. I tried not to judge and said "Hello" as I entered with a friendly smile. I noticed the room fell silent and the moms were all giving me the once over. One chick, who I will refer to as Alpha Mom, I think she is the lead bully in this group; scanned my outdated Nike shoes, my modest jewelry, my hair that doesn't cost $200 a month to maintain, my $20 Nine West purse, my homemade coffee cup with my Maxwell House Brewing inside and said "Hmmph, Morning" all snootily. I then looked around at all the other girls and guess what? My baby was the only one not decked out in a leotard, matching tutu, ballet shoes(it's not ballet class) with ribbons in her hair to match the ones in her shoes. Seriously a couple of the girls had tiaras or boas. WTF? They looked like this....

The parents were told to go to the parent section which is an area that consist of a few tables and chairs. This was a spot on Tuesdays where the moms and I had shared struggles, told jokes ,and enjoyed the break from our kids. Well, Alpha Mom immediately moved all the chairs, except one to to her table. As I entered the parent area I pointed at the lone chair and said "Well I guess that's my chair" and I went and sat down all alone at my table. It was rude but it really didn't bother me that much. I like peace and quiet. AM (Alpha Mom) started her meeting with all the moms. She began to  tell them about the latest Avon products and handing out brochures to everyone. Another mom showed up late and sat at my table but was engrossed in her phone as well. AM started to hand out Avon books and gave one to all the ladies at her table she then approached my table and gave one to the lady on her phone, didn't even offer me one! Whatever. I carried on with my paperwork.

One of the ladies got up to go to peep in the class when she returned she said to me "Oh, our daughters have the same hair,(both are redheads) well almost...Lily's  is more of a silky texture." As I looked at the lady with shock I instantly knew that was a hit on her being mixed and having a bit of the black girl texture to her hair. Which as you  can see is beautiful.

I said nothing. Quite honestly I was shocked at their behavior! The ladies began a chat about registering for the next session and how quickly the class would fill up, some expressed worry that they wouldn't get in. AM said loudly "I would not worry about that ladies, I have talked to the instructor and it appears that we are all getting in, the usual I mean, I'm not sure if there would be room for anyone else (she looked at me) but we are all in." Oh hell no! This class is not even open to registration yet. How the hell did she secure all their spots? I smell a conspiracy. 

When we returned to pick up our kids one of the moms who had been assisting said to me "Your MalloryJane  sure is good...long pause...at blowing her nose." Aw hell Naw bitch, Guess what her momma's good at?  Whopping your ass! Then one of the other moms said "Oh is someone sick want some hand sanitizer ladies?"  Then they all gathered in a circle and began sanitizing themselves and their kids. Like my baby had the plague!

Then class ended and I was trying to hurry my baby along because I had to get to work. I said to her "Hurry MJ you gotta get to school."  Another mom looked at me and said "school?, She goes to daycare?" "Preschool." I corrected her. "Oh I could never leave my babies in the hands of strangers, I prefer to raise them myself." She stated.Then all the snooty moms nodded in agreement. 

It was so hard not to tell them a thing or two. See I love confrontation and generally excel at it.
These moms, even in their larger numbers, are no true match for me. Here's why:

1-First of all, if they were all that- they would be taking dance classes at the real dance studios    our town offers, not at our community center.
2- All their kids appear spoiled and dependent.
3-They have to speak in that ridiculous baby voice all day.
4-I could break them down to tears in a heartbeat should I try.
5-None of them can kick my ass. I'm from the hood bitches!
6-Their kids are not cute enough to stand on their own they have to have feathers, tiaras etc to make them cute.

Now This was as unpleasant an experience I have had in a while. I really wanted to say several things to them like
"Oh Phoebe is going to be star ballerina? She can't even go potty yet right?"

Or when they were passing around their Target hand sanitizer I started to offer my Bath and Body Works Brand. And inform them it was of a "much better quality."

When they were having their Avon meeting I started to inform them that "Macy's carries a lovely foundation for only $89."

Or when the comment was made about my daughters hair texture I started to tell them "Yes that's what happens when you land a hot black guy opposed to the balding beer gut middle aged/senior men that you all  married for money."

And lastly "If you say one more disrespectful thing I am gonna kick your ass so hard your original hair color will come back."

But for my daughters sake I did not. I kept my composure and began planning this post. However this Friday someone may get their damn feelings hurt and it won't be me. I now realize why this class is full of only a clicky group of moms and me. I'm sure that they have ran off every other normal mother that has attempted to join the class. Well Fuquay-Varina 90210 you have met your match!

Me!

 For all the insecure moms without the guts to fight back.. I will! For all the moms who they made feel inferior... I will stay and drive these bitches crazy! Again I love confrontation so bring it bitches!

Idiots Apply Here

I'm back in the hiring phase of my job. With the impending holidays we need some extra help. Yesterday after going through and then back through my stack of applicants I decided to run an ad online for help. The ad read as follows:


Holiday help needed. Must be over 21. Must be available for work starting at 230p, end time varies from 7p-11p. Must be available to work 2 Saturdays per month. Childcare not provided. Position has potential to become permanent. The pay was listed as well.


My first candidate arrived on time for her 2pm interview. However she was scary tan like this..

We sat down and I started the interview process. Here's how it went;
Me
Her
Italics (my thoughts)

"So tell me a little about yourself."
"Let me first tell you that I am a mother of two kids and my kids are my first priority"
Idiot doesn't every mom say that? Already not impressed. Not a good way to start.

"Okay so in saying that are you going to be able to be here each day at 230p?"
She looks at me like I'm retarded and says "Yes they are 10 and 12 and they are in school."
I return the look of retard in her direction and I say "Well doesn't school get out around 230p?' Bitch
"Well yes but they are old enough to care for themselves."
"Umm, okay"
"However they are enrolled in soccer, hockey, lacrosse, gymnastics and cheer squad and I fully intend on attending all their events."
Seriously? then what the hell are you applying here for?

"Seems like you may have a bit much of obligations to come on board here, see I need someone that is flexible and can be here at 230 that I can depend on."
"Well what days/"
"Not sure. They will vary."
"Like which ones?
Hello has all that tanning fried your ears?..."I said.. they will vary."
"Well I know right off I am not available Wednesdays, Mondays and Fridays."
"What about Saturdays?"
"Saturdays? "
She looks at me as if I've asked her to swallow a cockroach. Bitch did I stutter?

"Well I am a mother and would prefer to spend Saturdays with my kids." Okay how many times are you going to tell me you are a mother?
"Well I am the manager and a mother and also prefer to spend Saturdays alone watching lifetime while puffing on a Virginia Slim with my kids hence the hiring process."
"Well as I've stated I have two kids and they are involved in a lot of activities and my husband is a very important business man that cannot be bothered with items such as carpooling the kids to and from activities."
Well he must not be that important if you are applying for a night job.

"Well I really need someone here at 230 and Saturdays."
"Well maybe you can schedule me the days, that's what I'm looking for and that would be ideal."
Well bitch let me just reroute the whole company for you


She continued on about how her kids are in "expert grade sports" and how she just spent a $1000 on hockey for her 10 year old and blah, blah blah after I'd had enough of that,
 I responded with the "Well I have 6 kids ( I throw the step kids in when it benefits me) and I also have activities to attend which is why I am hiring."
"Oh really? What do your kids play?"
"Football"
"Where?"
"The middle school and its costs zero dollars."
"Yeah well my middle school just beat your two weeks ago.. Holly Ridge." Bad move.
"Oh yes you did but wasn't that the only game you won?"
Silence... then... "I'm not sure."
"Well I am. And it was." I smirk sweetly, I knew those middle school football stats would come in handy. "Well i guess we're done here."
"Well I so appreciate your time interviewing me and hope I get the job."
Don't hold your breath. IDIOT!!

West Lake Are Cheaters...I Think

I guess my blog has turned into a football/annoying neighbor blog. My apologies but I must once again blog about my middle school football adventures.

So the game was at West Lake Middle. I knew nothing of this school prior to the day of the game. So I arrived in good spirits. When I arrived at the ticket table I was greeted by a snobby-nose-turned-up-bee-otch who was rude off the bat. I said "Hi" with an adoring smile. She simply replied "how many?" She was cold and abrupt as she sold me my tickets. When I asked where the bathrooms were located she replied rudely "In the building". Well Thanks biznitch, that was very helpful, and a great first impression of your hospitality.

Once we arrived on the field the first thing I noticed was the horrible accommodations..again. They had a lovely fenced in concrete high rise bleacher area that had maybe 20 total rows of seats or their parents. Pictured here.

 Then over tossed into a muddy area beside them we had one broke down set of bleachers for us. I then noticed that they had 2 coaches on the field just like us and everyone else we had played. But on the bleachers sat 4 more coaches all decked out in matching school uniforms. WTF!?
That seemed unfair. But I thought maybe the additional coaches were coaches of another sport there to lend support, or maybe they had kids on the team. As the game began these 4 extra coaches parked their asses smack in the center of our bleachers! Here they are

Yes, they scattered themselves throughout our one set of bleachers, virtually claiming them as their own. I thought that was odd since the remainder of their school was seated in the lovely first class section why would they wanna ride coach?

As the game began these four extras were screaming and directing the coach on the field. Telling him "Put 24 in! Take 53 out!" Play the 3rd play!" Strengthen your defense!" I immediately thought that was unfair. Because everything these extras were yelling, the coaches on the field did. So basically they had 6 set of eyes on the game to our 2. I say bullshit! The coaches on the bleachers would signal a timeout that the coach on the field would call and then the coaches on the field would meet the coaches on the bleachers at the gate and advise them? I couldn't figure this out.

So not only were these guys in our section cheering for us to lose but they had 6 advisers. I could not help but wonder if the guys on the bleachers were calling all the shots why they didn't have their asses on the field? Could it be because that would have been against the rules? There was this one coach that actually called players over during the game several times. He would yell out "55 come here!" Then he would meet 55 at the gate and advise him. WTF! The first time he did this I figured okay maybe that's his son. The second time I also thought the same but the 3rd time when he called a white player over (he was  black) I soon figured out these were not his kids. He was fucking coaching! Me , having caught the nosies from my neighbor decided to join in one of his meetings. When he called #56 over I came with.

The coach looked at me like I was nuts. He slid further down the gate away from me to discuss his secret strategy, I slid down with him. He grabbed the kid who was of monstrous size by the helmet and said  "You're big! You're strong! You're mean! Take those kids out! Hurt em if you have to! Lay them down!" The poor giant looked like he really did not want to do that but had no choice in the manner. Well that did it for me. I was livid!


Here is "Mister NFL Reject" headed out for another chat with one of the players which he did every 5 minutes.

I know football is a sport that incurs many injuries and it is rough. But I don't think the objective is to purposely injure a kid. I turned to him and said  "If my kid gets injured under your direction I'ma vandalize your car on my way outta here!"  I meant it too big asshole bully!- I didn't say the asshole bully part but nonetheless.That was the biggest threat I could launch because he was huge so threatening to kick his ass would've been a joke. The entire game they cheated. The clock would often continue to run after the whistle was blown on both teams but these extras would holler out "We lost 20 seconds add it back" and the clock keeper did. This happened about 5 times. It was odd though that when they ran the clock on us our time was not given back. Also at half time all 6 coaches met with then team. The other team also said "down, set, hut" causing our team to move and get penalized when they are supposed to say "down set hike."  Sneaky little snots they were. I mean come on, It's middle school and they played dirty. Anyhoo, they beat us pretty bad. We did not have may parents in attendance for some reason and the ones we did have were not very enthused or happy to be there. We made ourselves an easy target. At most games we have about 70 parents there cheering etc. Take a look at this time.

 They had been previously undefeated and honestly our guys were no match for their skill. They could have beat us fair and square but they chose the dirty route. I left so aggravated it was shameful. Our high school match up for the championship was a few days later and I could not get over myself so I attended that game just to see them lose. Our high school has only lost 1 game by 1 point we are beasts on the field. and we play clean. We won that game and the championship so I guess the score had been settled.

What I really wanna know from any school affiliated football pros, was all this stuff legal?
Uneven coaching numbers? Calling out BS plays to trick the other team? Crediting the clock for one team but not the other? Please tell me. Am I overreacting? Okay, don't tell me if I am overreacting, I already know I am. But really, is this crap legal?

A Time For Gathering?

Sunday I was in the back of the house folding laundry in my room. The kids were outside playing football. Michael came in my room and said "Mom, the neighbor is in the kitchen!" I said "WTF is she doing in the kitchen?!" He said "I saw her coming over and kept my eye on her, she came onto the gazebo and opened the screen door, hollered "hello" and then shut the door to wait. I came up and told her I would get you". Panic ensued. Time to face the music, rather the violins. As I stepped out onto my porch I said "hello". She said "whatcha doing?" I replied "busy as always" She said "well I had to stop by and tell you something".
"Okay"
And the conversation went as follows


Me
Neighbor

"Well, I had noticed you have some lovely pecan trees on your property. It was my idea to gather them for you in the hopes that you would be so gracious and allow me to keep a few. I was planning on heading out to gather the nuts by the weeks end but then I observed the most unreasonable thing. Those Mexican kids were all out there. Nine of them with 5 gallon buckets stealing your nuts! I was outraged! So I did what any good neighbor would do and called the property owner and asked him whose nuts they were. He said his, because this is his property. So I began to tell him that I had intended on gathering the nuts for you and myself and he said that would be fine. So I then told him of the looting that was taking place right before my eyes. He said I could ask the children to not pick the nuts. So I did just that! The one little boy was very rude to me and told me his momma said he could."
"Which one?"
She pointed him out.
"Wow he was rude? He is always very polite to me."
"Nope not to me. Well he went home and told his parents and their Mexican momma came outside and cursed me in Spanish like I was Satan himself."
"She came to your house and cursed you?"
"No she was in the yard on the phone."
"Oh I did not realize you can speak Spanish."
"I cannot"
"Well how do you know that she was cursing you out?"
"Oh I just know she was a'pointing at me and shouting. And quite frankly I feel threatened. I do not feel safe in my own neighborhood."
"Ummm"
"Anyways, I let them know that you wanted your pecans and would not appreciate someone stealing off your property"
"Lucy, I hardly think gathering falling nuts is stealing. Truth be told I have lived here almost ten years and have never gathered the nuts. If I want pecans I just get them at the market. So honestly if they had taken the nuts it was cleaning my yard. It really doesn't bother me. I'd rather share the nuts and have peace."
"Well honey that mammacita over there so is fired up at us"
"us?"
"Yes us. Because we were defending our property and  I let her know real quick that just because you work doesn't mean they can have free reign on your property!"
"While I appreciate your diligence in guarding my property I really do not need that kind of support. You  see I am very good at defending myself or any cause that I feel is worthy. This truthfully does not seem worth the drama."
"Oh My look what I've done. I've gone and caused "drama". I never meant to do that. I honestly thought I was helping you. I didn't mean to start any trouble. I just think that what they are up to is scandalous."
"Well I don't and I have always gotten along with that family. I mean we are not friends per se but our kids have had sleep overs together and they often play together and she is always sending over authentic Mexican food for my family which I truly enjoy."
"Oh My It would be horrible if I've ruined your free Mexican meal. I just feel terrible."
At this point her eyes teared up and her voice began to crack.
I told her "No I m  sure all is well just please, I 'd really like to keep the peace around here"
This set off a 30 minute pity part about how bad she felt, she was only tryna help, now she must be the hated old busy body at the end of the street. All she wanted to do was help.whine whine, pout, pout
At that point my son had walked up with a bruised and red neck. Thankfully he had been clotheslined while playing football. It was the perfect excuse for me to get going .