I'll Bet My Evening Was More Stressful Than Yours

I always look out for my teachers during the holidays. See it is my feeling that since my kids attend school/preschool full time there are days when these teachers interact with my children more than I do. And for that they deserve a big fat thank you! Although there are many who work at the preschool there are about 8 staff members that interact with my kids regularly so I set upon the task of making gift bags/baskets for them all while simultaneously making gifts for my staff at work, 8 of them too. I filled them with hand sanitizers and lotions from Bath & Body Works, various chocolates, candy canes, tea bags, Christmas coffee, and a few other random items. I cleared my dining room table that seats 8 and loaded it with all the goodies and set upon the task of preparing the bags. Thinking since I am a super woman why not start dinner as well? Multitask ya know? I was gonna make a tuna casserole so I put the pasta on to boil and pumped up the Christmas tunes and got busy.

The kids came in from outdoors and upon seeing all the candy could not help but start digging through it, peering in each bag I had so delicately decorated just totally fucking up my flow. Several times I asked them to back away from the candy, Yet they continued on with questions: Who is this one for? Why does she get that? Where is my teachers bag? etc etc. Quite annoying since I had to keep a count going in my head so that I would evenly disperse the Christmas goods. Meanwhile princess entered and wanted to help. Princess as adorable as she is NEVER shuts up. Oh she can talk nonstop and she does. This is cute sometimes but not when I am trying to concentrate on the chocolate to staff ratios in my mind. So I brushed her off by offering her a forbidden sugary drink before dinner. She was struggling with inserting the straw so  I asked Mason to help her. Funny thing about princess is she acts like she is 14 sometimes so when Mason attempted to help her she yelled at him "I do not need your help leave me alone!" She went in tantrum mode, ran off down the hall with the drink. At that point Mason gave chase. I heard a door slam and a loud scream. I carried on singing my Christmas tunes blocking out the screaming. Before you judge me, let me just tell you that full blown death defying screaming is MJ's new thing. After running to her aid 800 times to discover she is only screaming because she can't untwist her blankie or  Tom & Jerry ended; I, much like the townspeople in the story of the little boy who cried wolf, now turn a deaf ear to that hollering. Oh I've tried reasoning with her, explaining to her the proper times to yell...fire, pain, danger, etc, I have even warned her of the boy who cried wolf's lesson but she keeps on. So back to wrapping. Screaming continues for about 2 minutes when Marlon, my 12 year old, says "mom maybe you should check on her?" Phiff I roll my eyes "I'm sure she is just mad because Mason put her straw in her drink." 1 minute more of hollering and Marlon goes off down the hall to see for himself. I then hear him yell "Mom come quick oh my god!"

My heart stops and I run down the hall and there is a locked bedroom door with my 3 year old's arm hanging under it from the elbow down. 

Heres the scene: hallway contains elbow down part of arm only,,,no child. Bedroom contains the other half of the child. Her arm is caught UNDER the bedroom door! How the hell... Anyways I immediately go into action and realize trying to pull the arm out won't be good so I lift the door by the knob and it is enough to slide her arm out. I  pick her up, close my eyes, hold my breath, and look down to see the mangled piece of her arm. But believe it or not her arm was simply scratched. No break, no cuts, no bruises, no nothing! A scratch! How in the hell her arm got under there no one knows. Not even her. After calming her down and regaining my composure I remember dinner in the kitchen. Dinner is now smoking and burning on the stove . The water has all evaporated from the pot and the pasta is burnt to the pot. Damn. So I throw the pot and pasta in the trash and order a pizza. So how was your evening?