Thursday, December 9, 2010

Really? MalloryJane!

In order to really appreciate this post you must first read this post.

I prepped MJ for the new class all week. We read books and talked about it and she was super excited. We arrived at the studio and I said my goodbyes to MJ and headed off to the dreaded parent section. As I sat there alone I decided to balance my checkbook and facebook surf. A mom came over to me and said "I think your daughter needs to go potty." I thanked her and then fetched my princess and headed off to the potty. She had on a tutu, tights and leotard so the dressing and undressing was quite time consuming. Confession- I did not wash her hands, I wanted her to get back to class quickly. She says to me "Mommy why aren't you watching me dance?" I said "because the moms are not supposed to stay" She said "the other mommies are watching, and I want you to watch too." As we arrived back to the studio I noticed the other moms were peering in through doorways and observing from the hall. "I will stay and watch if you stay focused on your teacher, and not on mommy" I tell her. "Okay mom I will!" A quick kiss and off she goes.

About 5 minutes later as I stood in the hall with the other 8 moms I hear my daughter loudly saying "Miss Mary! Miss Mary!" over and over trying to get her teacher's attention. While staying in step the teacher says "What is it MalloryJane?". "My mommy did not wash my hands." "Its okay" the teacher says "she will do it after class'." But I need to wash my hands. I need to wash my hands!" over and over she cried. I did not wash her hands and now everyone knew our secret. I was humiliated and ashamed. The teacher got past that and then MJ noticed me and ran out into the hallway. I reminded her of our deal and sent her back. Three more times she ran out to me in the hallway. So I sent her back and decided to leave the hallway so she could focus on dancing and not me. As I walked off she began to wail Extremely loud "Mommeeee Mommeee Mommeee!" all the while I could hear the teacher trying to calm her while dancing and attempting to teach the other girls. So I went in and took her out.

The class began to transition from ballet to tap so we went in to change their shoes and MalloryJane said "I wanna go home." I thought she would get inspired by the noise the tap shoes made. She did and decided to dance. As I watched from the hallway I noticed she was digging in her vagina! Scratching away over and over. I stood there again embarrassed hoping she would stop but she did not . It was some real Xrated stuff. The way she was going at it! She was oblivious to the other dancers and spectators as she hiked up one her legs and went to work digging away down there. I was horrified but didn't want to interupt again. But I can only take so much. So again I intervened I went in and took her out to ask her what was up with that? She said nothing. I thought maybe in my rush I tangled her underwear so I adjusted it and sent her back. Dig. Dig, Dig over and over she would not stop! I swear she appeared to have crabs or a bad yeast infection. After 15 minutes she finally stopped. Thank god I said to myself but the damage was forever done. I watched 2 minutes go by uneventful then noticed she decided to sit on a bench and not dance at all. Ugggh.

The class took a water break and I went in to talk to MJ. "I wanna go to sleep, I wanna go home and go to bed!" she declared. I decided at this point it just won't happening so I held her in my arms and we watched the rest of the girls tap their hearts out. As we watched the girls dance MJ did each move in my arms while I held her. I said to her "See you are good! Why not go back and dance with your friends?" "No!" she said rudely. Defeated, I continued to hold her. 10 minutes later she said "I wanna dance with the girls mommy." Okay I said and sent her in , She fell right in step and began the routine. Suddenly she stopped and stuck her finger up her nose and pulled out a green nasty buoger that she immediately and drammatically placed in her mouth. WTF!?$#@! What the hell is going on here!? I was horrified. Why is she doing this? I was so upset I swear she is never gross. She is always actually quite the little lady. I could take it no more I got her out and started to get her dressed to leave. That's when I noticed two of my long hairs had gotten stuck in her tights in the vaginal area and were twisted up in her tights. So that explains why she dug in her vagina for 20 minutes. (I had to clear that up). The bouger? Well I have nothing.

I can only thank god she did this around these moms and not the meanie ones from the other class. We are taking a break from dance for a month and will reconsider in January. I just can't take anymore right now.


  1. Oh my!
    So this is a new dance studio?
    MJ knows how to make a good impression. :-)

  2. And another great example of why I don't have kids. ;-)

  3. She should have taken the booger outside for a freeze test.

  4. Peg- Same studio, different class

    Jay- Oh there are so many more.

    Karen- pretty much

    Mike- Naw I leave the freeze test for you Mike.

  5. I gotta say, the mean moms would have no room to talk! I work in a school, and ALL kids pick their noses, trust me!