GOODBYE MILLIPEDES

What is up with the millipedes? On our job we have four restrooms and they have recently become a place where the millipedes come to die. They seem to come in and crawl around on the floor then roll up in balls behind the doors and die. I researched and apparently it's not an uncommon event to have millipede infestations but I saw nothing on the mass amounts of millipede deaths. Yesterday after the weekend I swept up 12 dead lil millipedes? It's so sad. Don't get me wrong I HATE bugs but the millipedes are a lil cute and they do not bother anyone. I thought I'd share some photos and some goodbyes of them with everyone. Sorry the pics are not very clear but you get the point.

Dear Lord-

Why are you calling all the millipedes up to heaven?

Is there some major calling you need them all for?

Why is it every time I go to take a piss, I am reminded of death as I notice the crowds of dead millipedes in the corner that you can only see once you shut the door?

Why is it that some days I just want to roll up in a ball and join them there in that dark quite corner?

How must the baby millipedes feel when they crawl on over and see their whole family lying there dead?

I guess they feel like dying too, because they soon follow suit.

Why can't other critters like ants all gather in the corner and roll up and die so proudly?

I wonder is there some millipede plague they are all suffering from.

Is there deeper meaning in the mass deaths upon the millipede community, forewarning of the end of humankind maybe.

Now lets all have a moment of peace for the millipedes.

Now Please, won't you leave a few kind words for the millipedes?

Help My Coworker Get Her Some

During a recent lunch conversation with a coworker she informed me of something that I found completely shocking. She told me that her and her boyfriend and her have not had sexual relations for about three years!

Okay, yes, I know this is not unheard of but she is only 21 and he is 29. Now I have never heard of 20 somethings not wanting to get busy. They have no kids and work reasonable jobs so its not like they're exhausted. She also told me that in a span of 4 years and many sexual sessions he has only completed the job on his end (if you know what i mean) about 4 times. I am completely astonished.

Don't get me wrong I am 35 and have had my share of lack of desire but that is also due to a lot of financial stress, having 4 kids and being none-too-pleased with my guy(outside the bedroom.) I have experienced the sheer lack of sex drive but I have truly never heard of a happy couple living on their own with a pretty low key life not getting it on. So I suggested to my coworker that I put this on my blog and see what the feedback would be and maybe

we can solve this mystery. We mostly need a male point of view since the issue seems to be with him and obviously his lack of being able to complete the job could play a part as well. However females, we welcome your input as well. There will be a few key things you will need to know as I have already done the preliminaries.

*there has been no significant body changes on either side

* they are in good health

*they otherwise are quite happy

I wanna add here that this is a pretty happy couple. They have date nights and kiss a lot and say I love you a lot. I hope we get a lot of comments so that we can help my coworker. After all she is a nice person and I think she is entitled to get her "boots knocked."

First Dental Check Up For Princess

Because this post is about Princess we will type in in pink. Yeah!

Yesterday was Princess's first dental check up/cleaning. Thankfully Linda took the day off.

She was well-prepped for the visit as we read several books about it and talked about it prior. So she was so ready. Here she is

They treated her like a real Princess. They let her watch Dora and everyone was quite smitten with her so much so that other dental office employees came in just to "see how cute she is".

Here she is getting her teeth cleaned while watching to see if Dora and Boots would solve todays dilemma.

Proud to say she was treated so well and her teeth are perfect! They even wrapped her in a nice furry blanket so she would be warm and comfy. And instead of the usual 1 sticker 1 treat from the prize box she got 3 stickers and 6 prizes! Yeah I love it when things go so well.

Don't worry...there will be a little less rainbows and butterflies in my next post. I have something else to bitch about.

Can I Have Some Diamonds With My Pancakes Please?

That's what they act like when I ask for extra syrup with my pancakes when I order from Mcdonalds. Let me explain I generally do a drive thru breakfast once a week in my town. I tend to bounce back and forth between a couple restaurants because we have some really good options close by. My huge pet peeve is the way that the sales people act when I ask for syrup. I generally order 4 orders of pancakes. They generally give me 3 small packs of syrup. About this much to be exact.

Who in the hell eats a teaspoon of syrup on their pancakes? Not me and not my kids. No biggie right? Just ask for extra. I do and I get 1. I ask for more and I get attitude. Like seriously I just spent $20 on pancakes can I have some damn syrup already! I often will get directed to this sign upon my request.

Okay, whatever. If I am paying $20 for pancakes what's a few more cents for syrup? Well , apparently not enough because even when I offer to pay extra. I can get 1 more. What the hell is the problem I am not requesting extra diamonds with my take out.!&$?!

For if I were, then I could understand the issue. It's syrup g**d*mn it! I know this is a silly rant to some but it is seriously an issue for me. The attitude when I ask for extra syrup is ridiculous. This is not just some times it is every time at every Mcdonalds I have visited. One lady at my local drive thru is like the Syrup Nazi. I will roll up to the window count my syrups then ask for "extra please". She will roll her eyes and huff and hand me 1! "Sorry I'll need more than that" I'll say. Then she'll hand me 1 more. "More" I say, "I have 4 orders here I would like two per order". Her face then displays shock as she replies "No Maam there is a limit on syrup distribution". Really a limit? Is there a shortage? Even if I pay thats all I can get. I'm so annoyed that I am considering contacting the head honcho whomever that may be.

Please tell me that there is not some conspiracy to keep me from proper syrup allotment. Has this happened to you?

Suggestions, Anyone?

Please disregard the sound of desperation in this blog post.

It has bothered me for quite some time now and I just simply have to get it off my chest. This is not the first time...click here But I will try a different approach. Although the demanding desperate plea for followers did land me two new followers which is 1/3 of my total following so what the hell. Here we go again. However, as I mentioned I will try a different approach. But first please allow me to complain.

I have been blogging for about 7 months. 7 months of pouring out my thoughts, feelings and opinions; which by the way I think are quite interesting. The problem is no one else does apparently. I went forever it seemed with one follower. Gradually I picked up a couple more but then nothing.

I decided my blog was blah, and it was. At that time I wasn't savy enough to design my own page, add pics, links, etc. I spent countless hours working on it and I must say it has improved drastically. But still no new followers. I can clearly see that my blog is visited quite often, I have many new people view it daily however, my returning visitiors number is around 2.

I have regular visitors that comment but do not follow but since they comment often I know that they are following, kinda, right? So if you are one of those people, could you please explain?

I really wanna know what is the deal with this. So I am gonna ask for comments or suggestions. Why is it that many do not return. Hell, if you just read this and plan on not returning leave me a comment and tell me what it is that put you off. I really wanna know. Does the content suck? Am I not expressive enough? Is it too vanilla? Do I appear too desperate? What is it? I gotta know. So please throw a dog a bone here and let me know your honest opinion. What am I missing here? Why did you choose not to follow? I gotta know.

Rude Ass Rodney and the Redbox

Apparently there are these Red Box machines all over and, for anyone who doesn't know a Red Box is a movie rental kiosk where you can pay just $1 and rent a movie. I was intrigued and wanted to give one a try. But it is computerized so a bit intimidating for me. See, I would like to have time to visit the Red Box, read all the disclosures etc., carefully make my slection and so on and so on. The Red Box most convenient to where I live is always crowded. And there is always an angry looking line of people waiting for their turn, that resemble this.

Me, being who I am would not dare enter this line of already impatient poeple because I can visualize the scene that would ensue. I would be there carefully make my choice, reading the disclosures, etc then someone would huff and puff behind me or make a comment then this would happen....

So anyway I drive by all the time hoping for a slow period where I can comfortably give it a try. Saturday was my day! I had taken Linda out for a fun day at the pool which lasted 4 minutes before a huge thunderstorm came. As I loaded my van in the pouring rain my towel and coverup both became soaked. So I removed them once in the car and that left me in a flattering one piece black swimsuit (sarcasm). As I drove home from the pool bummed that I had wasted my time I decided to drive by the Red Box. It was gonna rain all day, the boys were gone and a movie would just be perfect and paying $2 for two movies opposed to the $10 I usually pay seemed like a perfect pick me up. Anyways who would be dumb enough to be a t the Red Box in this weather. I was already soaked so seemed like a plan.

I pulled in to the Kroger parking lot and prowled around until I could get a spot close enough that I could see sleeping Linda from the Red Box. Just as I prepared to exit the car the rain really got going so I waited 10 minutes or so for it to calm down. It did and then I hopped out of the van and headed for the Red Box. I approached the box, began to view the selections, read the terms ect. to my joy all alone. Then Lightening struck, I realized how horrible it would be to be on the news in my sexy swimsuit out in the Kroger parking lot dead from electrocution so I decided to hurry. I swiped my card and made my selection....nothing! Again and agian I tried. I even tried tapping the movie selection screen wondering if it would fall out magically from there. Nothing. Another bolt of lightning and a river of rain and I said F it and rain back now completly soaked to my van.

I got in the van fellng defeated. I began to pull off and the rain subsided. A sign I thought. I glanced over to the Red Box still no one there. Another sign I thought. Maybe b/c it was raining I didn't do it right. Maybe I'm suppossed to swipe the card last instead of first. I decided I would give it another go. The baby was knocked out so what the hell. I hopped out of the van agian.

As soon as my feet hit the ground it began to pour like records amount. Screw it, Im going in. I began to jog across the parking lot towards the Red Box when I noticed a van approaching. I just knew the driver was headed to the Red Box. Oh hell no, I thought, I ran faster, he drove faster. He parked right in front of the damn box in the fire lane and began to exit his vehicle. No way. I had been here 30 minutes now and he was not getting in front of me! I tried to sorta sidestep in front of him up the curb so he could get that I was here first. In the process my flip flop propelled from my foot out into the parking lot. But I was almost there, I gave a backwards glance to my flip flop then hopped on back to the Red Box, in my swimsuit in the pouring rain. Thats when I saw the car coming,,, no way, yup, it ran right over my shoe casuing me to go back to retrieve it hence asshole beating me to the box.

Now you would think any man that saw a soaked woman, running with one shoe would be chivalrous and if not get the shoe for her at minimum let her go first. Nope homeboy just began his Red Book transaction. I was furious. The rain was pouring down my face the parking lot seemed full of spectators that I'm sure were wondering who the fool in the swimsuit was. I noticed in the van was a woman and a few kids. I looked at the woman as if to say "get your man straight" and she smiled at me very sweetly and rolled down her window. I thought okay here go she is gonna straighten homeboy out and and tell him let the poor, soaking wet, broken shoe girl go first". It sounded more like this...."Rodney Dear, it' s pouring honey, would you like an umbrella?". No bitch! How about "Rodney would you like to set a good example for your kids and let the rain-soaked lady go first?" or "Wife would you like to correct your asshole husband?" Or kids "your dad is a douche bag." Rodney never even acknowledged me. He just gave me this look like I was a sad mess; and I was but that's not the point. The point is the Red Box didn't work for him either. HA HA asshole!

Meet The Fam

I thought since I had been blogging for a while now I would introduce everyone to the fam. This way you can put faces with the stories. If you wanna read more about these people I have links (click the name) to a past blog about them. All except for Marlon, since he's no trouble there has been no venting, I mean blogging about him.

Michael is 14 starting high school. He is very organized and clean. He is most like me of all my children.. Michael likes the ladies and the ladies like Michael. He tries to act tougher than what he really is. He is my first born so the expectation for him going to college is high on my priority list. However he has made it clear to me that he has no interest in college and it will be all he can do to graduate. He hates school although he seems quite popular. He can cook, is a talented writer, atheletic and artist.

This is Marlon. He is 12, in 7th grade. He is completely the opposite of me. Marlon is messy, moody, but has a great heart. He would be the one to bring me tea if I was sick. He is very thoughtful. He does okay in school but I swear he just barely gets by. Of all my children Marlon struggles the most with school but ironically he is the one that wants to go to college. He has big dreams. He gives me little to no trouble. The ladies love Marlon as well but he is not interested at this time. Marlon is also athletic and when he feels like it one hell of a house cleaner.

Mason...9 years old, in fourth grade. As you can tell by the photo, Mason is his own guy. Mason is very book smart but puts the LAZ in LAZY. He is a sensitive boy that likes to touch and hug much to the rest of our families dismay for we are not big on touchy feely stuff. He is a great singer, actor an awesome dancer and a social butterfly. Ladies love Mason and Mason loves the ladies too much for his age. He is a bit of an outcast in the family because he is so different from us all. I have high hopes for Mason especially since he is so book smart and outgoing.

PRINCESS!!! AKA MalloryJane, yes its one name.

3 years old, the only girl. She goes by bunny rabbit, malley, malley bird, princess, stinky butt, and most recently Linda. She makes up her own names for people around her because thats the kinda girl she is. For example she has renamed my oldest son Buckey?? Marlon has been renamed Paco??? And Mason is May-May. (that one I actually get) She has renamed our close friend Brianna, Brickety??She has curly red hair and is cute as ever. (except when Linda Blair makes an appearance) MalloryJane is spoiled rotten between the boys and I. She is super smart and super talented already. She commands attention everywhere she goes. She is dramatic and stylish. She sings, acts, dances, cooks, knows how to work an ITouch better than me. She is messy and can be whiney but she is the amazing. Again, when Linda Blair is not on site. I have ridiculous high hopes for her and am keeping my fingers crossed.

Then there is me, Raquel known to most as Roc. I am super cool mutli-talented, hot, hot, hot... No, just kidding. I am apparently undatable according to EHarmony (still havent quite made peace with that) I am the mother of all the above little people not to mention part time step mom to two other teenagers that are 14 & 13.(not pictured) I work full time managing a retail childcare company. I am the type of mom that uses sarcasm a lot.

Well, I hope you have enjoyed your introduction to my little people.

The Funeral....The Last Chapter

Work is as exciting as watching a battery charge, hence two posts in one day. Yippee!

Thought I'd finish up the funeral story.

After the burial there was a dinner sponsored by the Kiwanas club in honor of my grandfather he was a vietnam vet. We all arrived at the clubhouse in which it was to take place. The dinner was buffet style with the food and tables in the front room and a bar and restrooms located in the back.

Upon arriving the first thing my sister did was grab me and say "come on we are all taking a shot of Jack Daniels in honor of Grandpop".

I immediately knew this wouldn't go well so I nicely tried to decline. After being served up a quilt trip about not participating in the honorary shot that "all the grandkids would be be participating in"which I knew would probably turn into many shots I caved. As I approached the bar halfheartedly I noticed the only grandkids at the bar was...you guessed it..our family. So while my siblings were ordering shots I snuck away and dodged that event.

Then came time to eat. Our family secluded itself from the rest of the family and sat at a back table together. As I tried to avoid them one of my siblings waved me over informing me that they had saved a seat for me. Great! I sat down and we began to eat. The conversation quickly turned to the funeral and my sisters guest; her ex husband, a druggie and drunk, said extremely loud, (I'm sure due to the JD shots) "what the hell kinda service was that? I'm from the south! I'm used to some downhome organ music and soulful singing, what was up with all the bell ringing and humming?"

I immediatley tried to change the subject but it was to no avail he continued on and on and everyone was looking at us. I wanted to disappear.

Then my sister commented two or three times thatits fing hot in here. Well, sweetie its not really hot maybe again the JD shots so she deicded to go into the bathroom and remove her shirt leaving her in a cami. Not the kind of cami that you should wera in public. Keep in mind everyone else here has on their funeral attire. BVery formal stuff. She then kicked off her shoes at the dinner table and removed her bra from under the cami of course but nonethelss..

She doesn't look like this but this is what it felt like.

Eventually I made my rounds and apoligies and we decided to hit the road. To get as far away from the group as possible maybe Virgina. We head out to the parking lot where I encountered my ex brother in law smoking a joint while my sister raged on with accusations that my brothers GF had stolen her prescription pills from the console of her truck and they were bout to have it out. I made the quickest exit and droove fast as hell outta there.

Looking for Linda Blair?

I have always wanted a little girl. I have 3 boys. Didn't even want one boy and ended up with three. Before anyone gets upset let me insert the usual "I love each any every one of them equally now that they are here and wouldn't trade em for the world..blah blah blah". Now that we got that out of the way let me explain why having a little girl was so important to me.

Growing up, and still my relationship with my mother was and is wacked to nonexistent. I always saw other girls have a unique relationship with their moms and wanted something similar in my life. I couldn't get it on the daughter side so I thought Id try it on the mother side. Not to mention I love dressing up my little girl, doing her hair, watching Disney Princess movies etc. All the things my mom never did. ( she wanted one son and had 3 girls before she got her golden boy)

So a few years ago I finally got my wish..my very own princess! She was nothing at all like I imagined. She had fire red hair and pale skin. All my other children have darker toned skin and features. She was a difficult princess early on but we eventually figured her out and life with her has been total bliss. She has been everything I hoped for and more.

Loving, caring, a fashionista, an entertaining drama queen, a sweet pea, all of it. A dream come true. My little angel

But lately for a few months now it seems that the angel has taken flight and been replaced by this little brat.

And even worse than that sometimes we even get this version of the brat.

Woah! Where did my princess go? This little girl is no longer sweet. She is argumentative, rude, demanding, loud, just plain horrible. She is the baby of 4 and the only girl so I'm sure our family has had a lot to do with her sense of entitlement but damn, the change is so sudden. She is so damn mean and whiney. I have just chalked up her bad behavior to her not feeling well or having a bad day but no I think this is the new updated version of princess. She just turned 3 last month and occasionally I see a glimpse of the sweet little girl that used to be but most days I am dealing with Linda Blair. Help. I hope that this is just a phase and that it will pass soon. My boys were all pretty even keeled but this one is a roller coaster from hell. I hope it doesn't stay this way long. I miss my princess.

Anyone had a similar situation? Please tell me it turns out okay and doesn't last too long.

Keep Your Sick Kids Home

The environment in which I work is not regular childcare but more like childcare for recreational purposes.

Last week we had a 4 year old girl here for about 3 hours for about 3 days. The little girl did appear more quiet than usual but had no visible signs of illness. On the third day her mother arrived to pick her up and I casually said to her " little Suzy has been very quiet today, she may be coming down with something." Her mother replied "oh, yes I know, she has been sick all week."

What the hell lady!!

Are you serious!!

Granted kids do become ill unexpectedly but you knew she was sick and decided to drop her off anyway because you wanted to play tennis and have brunch. Thank You insensitive bitch!

So Friday, guess who was too sick to come to work? Me! I am a paycheck to paycheck gal and a day off from work leaves a pretty big hole in my check not to mention I have 4 kids of my own to contend with.

Then came the weekend, and guess who else got sick? My 3 year old. She was very ill. And again I had to miss work a couple days, making the hole in the check that much bigger. So yesterday I return to work and am barely up to par but gotta work right.

About 10 minutes ago one of our moms just dropped off her two sons and as she handed them over she said "just FYI they are a bit sick but thats okay I'm off to the mall."

OMG what is wrong with these people!! Do they think just because we are service industry people that we don't count? That our health is not an issue, or if our kids get sick so what? Or what about the other kids that visit?

I am super pissed and as I type and listen to the hacking sounds in the background I have decided to stay here in the office. I told my coworker it is her turn to catch this round of cooties.

Im sure you may be wondering why we just don't turn these kids away or call the parents to pick them up. Well, in the past even when the parents admit to us the kids are sick they will tell us it is noncontagious or allergies and we cannot argue with them. But the next time I catch the flu I am coming into work and seeking revenge.

The Funeral....Part 3 - The Gravesite

So.. back to the funeral.

We were all piling out of the church to go to the gravesite which was an hour away. So of course everyone goes to the bathroom. The bathroom was packed and a line was out the door. My sister goes into a stall and about 1 minute later she begins to scream "WWWWHHHHHYYYY!!"

This begins a procession of the loudest most outrageous cry I had ever heard. The bad news is that my sister is a huge smoker and has lung issues so her cry is a mixture of choking, gasping, hacking etc. It was the most gross sound you could imagine. Not only is the sound enough to make all the bathroom attendees hurl there were sounds of choking up phlem etc. Then I see her (quite a large lady I might add) on the floor of the stall. She was making such a scene.

I was torn, I felt for her and wanted to help her but I also felt that seriously "we must get it together". Everyone knew we were sisters and probably thought I should assist her but keep in mind that we had been estranged for years prior to this event and I also was trying to put some space between my family and I.

I decided to just leave the restroom. As I exited the bathroom I saw the large group that had gathered outside the door. I just put my head down and hurried past them.

At the gravesite one hour later...

Upon arrival to the site my sisters came up to me and said "make sure you stand with us behind g-ma". See there was a small area with chairs for the immedaite family. I am assuming spouse and children. It was my family's idea that we as grandkids were suppossed to stand behind g-ma. Funeral Rules as they told me. Again, not much experience with funerals so I was unsure. There did not seem to be much room behind her and several of my more classy co-grandkids were not crowdded around gma. Given that and the previuos shenanigans I decided to stand off to the side. My siblings did not appreciate this very much.

The burial was sad and hard and it was followed by another one of my sisiters breakdowns. This breakdown was so severe that several family members shot her dirty looks. As we all were exiting the gravesite my mother again approached me. Oh No I thought. I gave her a quick once over, she seemed okay. So I hugged her and said "sorry mom for your loss." She then said "I dont wanna leave him." I just continued to embrace her. She began to cry. She placed her hands on my arms held me out at arms length and then said to me" dont do it Raquel, dont make me leave my daddy here" Oh boy here we go. She repeated this phrase to me through choked up sobs and added details like "i dont wanna put dirt on him" NOO!" Exhausting. I finally broke free from her and jog-walked back to our car. Safe.

More to come...find out what happens at the after dinner.

F**K YOU EHARMONY

Gotta put the funeral story on pause for a minute.

I have shocking and deplorable news. I am undateable!! I have never had much trouble getting a guy and usually have at least one guy crushing on me in the background somewhere. So I just spent an entire hour on Eharmony trying to feel out my potential to find love again someday. I answered what seemed like a million questions quite honestly and an hour later pressed the button and waitted anxiuosly to see my new potential hotties. What I got was the following message.

"We're very sorry, but our matching system cannot predict good matches for you."

SERIOUSLY??? NO ONE. NOT ONE SINGLE GUY IN THE WHOLE U S of A??!!

It then proceeded with a disclosure of some sort trying to tell me that just because they couldn't find love for me it doesn't mean that I won't find it someday on my own. Then it told me that the results of this does not have any reflection on the type of person that I am etc. etc. etc. I imagined that someone has killed themselves after getting this message from eharmony before, therefore the need for this disclosure.


In order to thank me for wasting an entire hour of my life only to be told that I suck they gave me the lovely parting gift of a personality profile.


"We apologize and regret our inability to find good matches for you. The time you spent completing our questionnaire, however, has enabled us to provide you with a free Personality Profile.. This Personality Profile lets you learn more about yourself and should provide you with valuable insights."


Words that describe you:
Uncompromising
Frank
Astute
Critical
Empirical
Tough
Discerning
Skeptical
Shrewd

There was much, much more. At first I laughed. Then as I read on I cried. Now I am depressed. Kinda.