I'm at home. Just finished up a heated session if you know what I mean. I stand to go wash up and pee. I pee but continue to pee then I get that my water has broken. Yahoo! "Time to go" I say. See I'm a pro at this. I have done it two times prior and one of those times was a complete disaster so this could only be a piece of cake. I tell David "baby's on the way" and hop into the shower. I shower up quickly grab my bags and call my hospital to let them know I'm on the way. We drive 25 minutes to the hospital. I have no pain but I do have contractions? Smiling I think no pain, I got this in the bag baby!
When we arrive at triage they check me in and do an initial exam. Still contracting, still no pain. Still smiling. I have an exam and here is some excerpts from the conversation that followed
Umm you're not gonna push are you?
Hadn't planned on it. Still smiling.
Oh because you are dilated and ready to go.
"Good" I say, ready to get on with things
No not good. There is no one to deliver your baby
Umm silly nurse calm down we are in a hospital
It's my first week and we have had tons of women go into labor early! There are no doctors! They are all delivering!
A lil put off, but not worried yet. That's cool you can deliver my lil pumpkin
No I really cannot. She starts to panic.I hear her go into the hallway and discuss with another nurse that OMG this lady is in labor and there is no one to deliver
Where is Dr. Sanders?
Delivering in room 204 and 2081!!!
Emergency C section!!!
How about the assisting Dr Socket?
Well a lady went into labor in the elevator, he's helping her
You will just have to do it then
No I can't
We'll help. Let me check the patient
Nurse #2 comes in, introduces herself and smiles nicely as if I had heard nothing. She lifts the cloth and takes a peep at my nether regions.
OMG she's ready! Get her in a room.
There are no rooms!
They are all full!
What about the overflow rooms?
Well we'll do it here then
I'm still not hurting, but no longer smiling.
Actually crying now "umm can I get an epidural?"
No your too far along
How about some Demerol?
No nothing it's time to push
Time to push? WTF? I just got here! Don't I need an IV, a bed, some ice chips, some pain? Something!!?
No time. She's putting me up in the stirrups
I'm frantically crying now. Yelling at David They have no clue what they are doing!
Where's the cart with all the medical supplies? The big light to shine on my vagina?
We don't have time for all that. Now Push!
I did and and did, did and did and it hurt like hell. But he came out bright-eyed and bushy tailed and healthy.
It was fast and furious.
Scary and painful.
In spite of their less than desirable delivery tactics we made it.
His name is Mason. He will be 10 on Friday.