Thursday, March 10, 2011

Meet David's New "Friends".........The Mormons

Lately our neighborhood has been inundated with religious groups trying to convert all us sinners. We have had visits from the Jehovah's, Pentecostals, and Baptists. Although I find it annoying to have these people come to my house several times a week to try to sell me their religion I always try to be polite because I think they are trying to do a good thing and they should be treated with respect. I always let them give their spiel, take their materials, and be polite as possible. However there is one group that comes by that is obsessed with converting us. The MORMONS! 
Oh heavens these guys are aggressive. There is no dodging them. They do not accept no for an answer. And I just can't be rude to them they are here on the behalf of god right?
Back in the day there were these commercials for the Jesus Christ of Later Day Saints. I loved those commercials and thought that was something I could get behind. I saw the "followers" in a parking lot one day and told them I love the meaning behind the commercials. Big mistake. They wore my ass out for months after. I had them over initially to hear them out. But then they gave me reading assignments and pressured me into commitments and after I told them I had decided now was not the right time for me to become a Mormon they dropped by several times over the next few months to see if now was the time. Uggh. It was so annoying. I moved. Not because of them but that was an effective way to get rid of them. Now they have found me, well David rather. They come by ALL the time. And I have done a great job of dodging them but apparently they caught David one day and David, who wants to be friends with everyone, told them yes he was interested but not that day. In an attempt to get out of it that day (because he knew full well he was not interested) he told them to come back another day. Well they have everyday!
Problem is he is never there so it is I who has to deal with these guys. I have tried to be nice and tell them "no thanks". I have tried telling them "I am busy". Then I got really desperate and wouldn't even open my door I would just shout at them through a closed door that "David wasn't home". "I wasn't interested", and "I am busy with four children" and "now is not a good time". So they got creative and switched their times up on me. They began coming by at 8:30 at night. I get pissed if anyone comes by unannounced period, but 830p!! Whoa that super pisses me off. 
One night a few nights ago at 8:45p they came by David was installing ceiling fans in my kids room. They knocked, I asked who it was, they answered "Your friends from the such and such church." I told them "I have no friends at that church" they then asked for David and told me they were friends of his. All this took place through the door. I had yet to open it. I smiled when they said they were friends of Davids. See I knew David had been drinking beer and had no idea they were at the door. So I said "oh David's friends. Okay I'll be right back." 
I entered my sons room and said to David "you have company." David loves company so he was all excited thinking one of his homies had stopped by. He headed down the hall, He asked me who it was as he approached the front door. I smiled evilly as I said "oh its your friends from the such and such church" He immediately started backing up and whispering tell them I'm not here. So I shouted where they could hear me. "Tell them you're not here! Why?! David why would I wanna do that?!" He started motioning for me to shut up and he headed back to the boys room. I went to the window and shouted out "one minute please he is coming!" I went in the room and said to David "Oh no mister! You invited them back and I have been dealing with their interruptions for weeks! You go tell them you are not interested in joining their church! He begged me "No please! You tell them I'm busy. I don't believe in anything they preach. If you make me go out there I'm gonna be rude."  "Nope" I said "if you do not come out I will let them in and then I will leave you here." He was begging me to stop and I was cracking up. I grabbed him by the collar and begun to drag him to the door to see his friends. When I got  close enough I opened the door with one hand, I had David by the collar with the other and I said here he is and pushed him out. HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I laughed behind the door as David attempted to explain the delay in coming to the door. I laughed some more when 15 minutes had passed and they were still preaching to him. He was standing in the doorway so I came up behind him and said "oh honey it's cold and my heat is on" so I pushed him through the threshold and shut the door leaving him locked out with his new friends. The children and I peeked through the window cracking up at David's misery. Thirty minutes later he came in with a booklet and some kinda look in his eyes. 
I said "so did you tell them that you are not interested?" "No" he said."They gave me this booklet to read and then they are coming back to discuss it." he said "I invited them to come back for a 30 minute session". I died laughing." I thought you did not agree with their philosophies?" "I don't" he said "but I'll give anyone a chance to convince me otherwise". Later that night I saw him redaing their booklet. He attempted to invoke me into a debate about the contents. I told him "save it for your meeting". I simply cannot wait, future post material for sure.


  1. We had this issue and then one day Rick told them, Sure I'll listen to you if you will allow me to tell you about my religion for the first 30 minutes. They never came back.
    I alway am respectful...always but if they don't get my NO then I will say forthright that I am not interested and I have told you this nicely, please don't make me get angry. It works.
    Poor David what a lesson to learn.

  2. I love debating with religious doorknockers. I'd do it every day if I could. Cheers Roc!!

  3. One time I gave those guys a schpeel about Buddhism and even offered them books on other religions. They never came back!

  4. That happens once in a while to me. If we see them walking down the street we make sure to not answer the door. While I was in college, they would come to my apartment and if we wouldn't talk they would slip the papers under the door and try and come back again. It took awhile to get one lady to stop coming by.

  5. Oh that's awesome. I get so annoyed by this kind of stuff. Anytime I see the men in suits walking down the street I immediately put out my sign that says "No Proselytizing." (I spelled that right the first time! But spelled "spelled" wrong. he he he.)

  6. "behalf of god right?"

    Nope. They're there on behalf of the Mormans. They want your money.

  7. "They wore my ass out for months after."

    I've heard those Mormons were wild in the sack. ;-)

  8. I have a son who loves to talk to the door knockers. Not because he is looking for a new faith, but because he loves to argue with them about their beliefs. He's one of those people who can counter everything they say with another verse from the bible. So now if we see a door knocker, we let him answer it or tell them to go away before they can say hello.

  9. OMG they're going to convert them, and before you know it, they'll have him knocking at doors too! Then who will install your ceiling fans???? Who? Who?
    The next time, tell them you're Jewish. It works like a charm.

  10. I would have asked about how soon after joining could I get a sister wife.

    No actually I would have been polite and let them know I was already involved with my own religion.