Monday, January 31, 2011

Suzy's Full of Ish........Part 4

This is part 4 
You can read the other parts here:
Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Well of course, I took him back. I had been terribly missing him too. And was hopeful that missing me was a wake up call. And of course it was bliss for many months. The late night calls stopped and Suzy seemed happy with her man and life was decent. Then came the holidays and although I welcomed his kids to my home they had family events in their hometown and wanted dad there with them. I wanted him here with me and my kids so here we go again. He chose to be there and I spent most holidays alone. This continued for every major event all year, Christmas, Fourth of July, Birthdays, 3 day weekends, you name it. I began to feel like the mistress that never had her man on holidays. When we spoke about it, he felt that since he lived here he should spend holidays there. So began the feeling I got of being runner up, second best, last choice. etc. We continued on like this for a while. Every major holiday that arose brought on another fight. Until we split again, both agreeing that it was just too hard. But this time he didn't move to his hometown he stayed local. He rented a room and began his life as a single guy coming and going when he saw fit. Problem with this was that I felt like a fool, sitting around waiting for my turn for him to come see me. He seemed happy but I was miserable. But why wouldn't he be happy? He had and all the luxuries of a married man but none of the responsibilities. That got old quick so I gave him an ultimatum. Either come back home with me or this as we knew it would change. He chose to stay so I started to date other guys. I began to have fun all of my own. With my boys gone on weekends I started to date, and correspond with another ex of mine.
When David found out that two could play the game, he had a change of heart. Too bad. I continued on with dating. I added David to my dating pool, but was enjoying the drama free life for awhile. I have to interject here that during the early years of our relationship Suzy had barely any contact with David's family. Although she lived in walking distance they rarely saw her or the kids or heard from her. This will become important later. We continued on this way until I found out that I was pregnant. Although, I dated others I was only sleeping with David so we knew it was his. We sat down to have a talk about the situation and decided it would be best that he move back in and we try again. We did and it was okay. It was challenging but we made it work and on March 25, 2001 I gave birth to our son, Mason. After giving birth to Mason my health declined rapidly. I had a tooth infection, and stayed hopped on on prescription meds for weeks waiting to save enough money for a dentist. We were broke due to me not working and having a new little one to care for.
David took on the majority of the responsibility with Mason because I was in terrible pain the entire time and was unable to eat. That mixed with large amounts of prescription pain killers made me a cranky, shaking zombie. And in the middle of all this Suzy's man left her, or she him, who knows so the drama began again. 
The late night calls. The cries of desperation. She was even telling him that she was losing it mentally and had to be on medication. She threatened harm to the kids and began "cutting" herself.I was annoyed by this because most "cutters" do not tell people that they were cutting. Suzy did, so it appeared like some BS to me. I was so over Suzy by this time because when we would come to get the kids she was always decked out with the hair and nails but the kids looked like crap. On one particular visit we noticed the only thing in the fridge was beer. Suzy told David she had no money for food.We made arrangements to return in a few days to take her grocery shopping when we got paid. 
We show up the next weekend to take Suzy shopping although we were barely getting by. I was pissed because like I said she looked like a million dollars. Maybe the manicure could have went to groceries?
When we arrived that day to go shopping, (keep in mind we drove two hours to do that) there was a new man there. Immediately I was mad because I felt like can't that man buy your kids some damn food?  Suzy came  down all decked out of course and sat in the lap of her new man. She handed David a list. He asked what the list was for. She said groceries. He asked "aren't we taking you grocery shopping?" She said "no, I am going to lunch with "Sergio", I left a key under the mat so you can put the groceries up." I am fuming of course. So then I look at the list. Some items on there were Steak, toothbrushes, name brand shampoo, shrimp! What the hell! David and I got into the car and I went off. He was silent. It was my credit card we were putting the groceries on. I declared immediately "hell no would I be buying shrimp and steak and Pantene!" I at that point, wanted to buy nothing! Why not take the dining out money and feed your kids??  And what about all the depression? She didn't look depressed to me. And why can't the man banging her help out?? Where is your child support going to her nails? All questions I threw out at David who sat silently. He said to me "Roc, my kids have no food, we will shop for the kids, not her." I can't help what she does, I just know my kids need food in their home." But the thought of Suzy and Sergio eating on my dime when I already had three little mouths to feed was killing me. We rode in silent to the store and shopped. But I now was certain that this bitch was all about some bullshit. I wondered why David couldn't see it too?

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Torn....Part 3

This is the third post about my relationship. It's complicated. If you care to you can read post 1by clicking here and post 2 here. 
If not then you can pick up the story here..

For the first few months of cohabiting it was magical. The passion was amazing and we blended well together as a family. My kids seemed to really like him and he seemed to genuinely care for my kids. His kids would come for weekends and having 4 kids under 3 was so fun. Our kids got along wonderfully and we were living the dream. Suzy was now attached to yet another guy but this one seemed a bit more serious. Life was grand!

Then the problems began...When the kids would visit it was obvious they were not being properly cared for. Their shoes were too small, their clothes were dirty etc. His daughter had severe asthma that required breathing treatments yet her mother sporadically sent the treatments with her. There were many different things. This started to really weigh on David's mind. He felt really guilty for living with us when his own children needed him so badly. We would come to pick the kids up and they would have an 11 year old overnight babysitter, the house was dirty, etc. when we would return with them Suzy wouldn't be home, wouldn't answer her phone and wasn't anywhere to be found. This happened almost every time, no matter what prior arrangements we had made with her.  We would often have to leave the kids with his relatives because we had to get back home before my kids were due back from their dads and the drive was two hours, one way.

We offered to take the kids, Suzy refused. So this went on for months and months. Then came the late night calls. Suzy would call David late at night about her "concerns" for the kids. He would sit there and she would cry on the phone about how hard it was dealing with the kids etc. etc. Again we offered to take them. Again she declined. The problems got worse and worse and David became withdrawn from  my kids and me. Anytime we would do anything as a family he would spend the whole time saying how he wished his kids were there. I got that, but couldn't help but wonder what about the kids that were there...mine? How was all this making them feel? It got to the point that he would lay around depressed a lot and then when his kids came to visit he was super happy daddy. I noticed immediately and was very annoyed by this. When my child said to me one day "Mommy, how come Davids only happy when his kids are here?" I knew it was time to go our separate ways.

We talked about it and he admitted to feeling guilty about being here with me while his kids were going through so much. So mutually we decided he would move back to his hometown and get his kids. You see Suzy would let him have them there but not here. Understandable I guess but hard to swallow. So we said our goodbyes and off he went. We talked here and there but not too much, it was too painful. Then one day about a month after he'd left he called to say that he could not be without me. He missed me and my kids and he thought  being there with his kids would help but now he just missed us so he still was not happy. He wanted to come back.

Part 4 coming soon....

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

My Good Deed

Awhile ago my neighbor had gotten a DVD player and was super excited. One little problem though, she had no DVDs and no clue how to go about getting some. I explained to her how much things have evolved since the VHS/ Eight Track Era and how easy it was to  get DVDs these days. Oh you have Redbox, NetFlix, Blockbuster to name a few. She told me she had no idea how to utilize any of those options., I explained to her the procedures. She said it sounded overwhelming and then asked me if some day when I had some free time would I take her and help her get started. I said sure, because I never have free time so truthfully it was an empty promise.
This weekend I had free time. Lots of it. My conscience bothered me so knowing I had all that time to teach the neighbor yet had no real plans to do it. I thought I might as keep my word and take her out to rent movies.So I called her up and told her Princess and I were headed out to Blockbuster if she wanted to come with, I would be happy to help her. She was so excited. And I mean sooo excited.
I figured  Blockbuster would be the most noncommittal and less technical option so we headed on over. Once we entered the lil sensor thing beeped and she immediately jumped and said loudly "well I 'm here apparently".
She then stood there searching for her eyeglasses in her handbag for 5 minutes. Once she put them on she seemed truly amazed. Much like the kids that first visit Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. She was completely overwhelmed. I gave her a brief tour and offered her to either rent a movie on our card or I would go assist her with signing up for her own membership. She wanted to just "browse". And that she did. Princess and I headed over to the kiddy section so she could pick out a few videos and them I had my turn. Neighbor was still browsing, so I took Princess back to her section and we picked another movie. Still not ready, so I picked yet another movie. She was still not ready so Princess and I went to fetch candy and popcorn. I'm not sure how many of you have a 3 year old but 45 minutes in Blockbuster is waaaay too looong. So I had no choice but to tell the neighbor it was time to go. I offered to help her pick something but she said she would have to come back another day where she could have more time???? Okay whatever.

 I then took her over to MacDonald's to introduce her to the McFrappe that I blogged about here. She was tickled to death with it and loved it. We went to Arbys then back to my house where we had lunch together. Just she, me and Princess. It was fun and I actually enjoyed her company. So  for all my bitching about her I wanted to share the good for once.

Monday, January 24, 2011

$440.00----Come On!

What in the HELL! I have electric heat for the back of my home and gas heat for the front and to heat the water. Everyone knows that heating bills rise in the winter but DAMN, My total combined heating costs for last month was $440!!!!!!
Uuugghh $440!! Seriously?? That is just outta control. I decided to do a lil investigating and discovered that I am paying for our towns lovely holiday lighting decor. Well not just me but it damn sure feels like it's just me. $440! Our town hangs these lovely lil-Christmasy-decor-lighty-things on each of the street lights for the holiday season. They are quite cute. They are snowmen and holly leaves, and Santas and poinsettias,etc. Each light has a rather large one hanging from it that lights up. Oh they are quite cute and they definitely get you in the Christmas spirit but I had no clue that the people, more specifically I would have to cover the cost of the lighting that each one has. Apparently they split the costs for the lights between all the townspeople. That's outrageous!
Call me Scrooge but I would rather not have to foot the cost of the towns holiday decor. Take it down I say! How about hanging some non electric holiday flags? Now I am not insinuating that my family did not use a ton of electric and gas last month. It was very cold and we had several snow days where we were all home and David hadn't worked in weeks, and two of my kids were home two weeks sick, and school was out for two weeks so there was definitely some extra usage going on but come on..$440! Am I heating the White House?
So how much was your largest heating bill this season?

Thursday, January 20, 2011

I Am Possibly The Worst Neighbor In The World

It has been the week from hell. David has been working at night all week, 6pm-10am.  He leaves before we get home and we leave before he gets home so we don't really see him.
So I have been VERY busy. In the midst of all this I have had to work over every day this week, and my home is getting nasty. My usually dead job is bumping with kids???? All of course after we just cut our staff back to half. There have been many other exciting things going on too, like Marlon's brand-new-two-week-old-expensive-bike being stolen. 
Last night I got home at 6:15p and made a big ole pot of spaghetti and meatballs. I did all the other fun things that I get to do; dishes, couple loads of laundry, give MJ a bath, clean the toilets, help kids with HW, help my oldest study for his exams, etc. etc. Yes, Envy me! I got it going on. Around 10p I took my bath and settled into my bed all sleepy and exhausted. I was finishing up my recorded episode of The Bachelor when the sand man started to approach me, and then my phone rang.
What the...!!! I looked on the caller ID, it was my neighbor, It was 11pm! What self respecting woman calls a mother of four that gets up at 5am at 11pm? I started to get out of my bed and go over there and kick her front door in and have an ole timey tussle with her. But I was too tired and I knew if I did not answer she would come over. Also there could be something wrong so I sleepily answered and said hello.
She said "hi its your neighbor."
Silence on my end as I thought And?
"Do you smell something?" she asks
"No" I say irritated
"You don't?" she asks again just to be sure
"No" I repeated
"I do" she informs me
"Good for you" I think to myself, rolling my eyes
"I have the awful smell of gas in my house. You don't?" she checks for the third time (our houses are joined)
"Nope" I say for the third time
"Are you sure?" she asks
Nope, sleepy is what I am
She tells me that she smells gas, her head hurts, and shes afraid we will all die of carbon monoxide poisoning.
I thought well isn't that painless? I imagined the carbon monoxide drifting into my room providing me with the peaceful and restful sleep that I so desired. In that moment carbon poisoning sounded kinda like a good idea.But then I thought of the kids so I got up and checked my gas heater and my water heater and I sniffed  around the house. I made sure everyone was breathing and that was that. I was convinced that all was well.
"No problems here" I informed her.
She lingered silently, repeated she was a bit nauseated and had a headache.
I told her to call the gas company
She said that she would and then she said "I guess I could go sit out in my car if it becomes too bad."
I knew where this was going. Let me just tell you that she can be a bit dramatic. My dedicated readers will remember some of her past shenanigans: 
1- claiming our neighbors are crack dealers
2- thinking someone is stealing her electricity
3- having it out with our neighbors for "stealing" the pecans that had fallen from my trees"
And a couple more so although it seemed mean and maybe unneighborly I just said
"Well okay then, bye." and hung up.
After a few moments my conscience started bothering me as I envisioned my elderly neighbor lying on her living room floor gasping for air. Then I envisioned the media revealing that she had made a call to me for help and I had dismissed her causing her untimely death.
So I called her and begrudgingly said "if you need to come over just call me."
She said okay and that was that
I did not mean to be mean. I was tired and spent.
I checked on her this morning and she is fine.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Call...Part 2

I left that town in a blaze of Glory. I had my closure and was satisfied. Back in Raleigh life was back to normal. I assumed David and Suzy had patched things up and I just tried to forget all about him. About 2 months later I received a call at work. It was David's sister whom I'd never met. She informed me that she was calling on his behalf because he had been really sad about how things had ended with us. He wasn't sure if I would want to hear his voice so he had her call to ask if it was okay for him to call me later. I couldn't help myself so I said Yes. Later that night he called me and said he wanted a chance to explain. 
He told me that he had been struggling with the end of his marriage not just because it was over but because he had lost everything  his home, and his family. That Suzy would call him constantly when he was here and put the kids on the phone and they would be crying because they missed him. He told me how that just killed him. Suzy had offered him a chance to come home and work on things. And although he had started something with me he just couldn't pass up the opportunity to try once more for his children's sake. I understood that. Because I too had reunited with my ex-husband on more than one occasion because I felt that my boys needed their dad in the home. He said that he couldn't face me so he took the cowards way out and just left. He told me that after I showed up down there, once he saw me he couldn't stop thinking about me. That he had tried to move on but was torn. He said he was gonna stay living there in his hometown, not with Suzy but close enough that he see his kids daily and wanted to know if we could be friends and maybe even date long distance. We made plans to meet in two weeks. 
I arrived at the spot two weeks later not knowing what to expect. He showed up and immediately grabbed me and hugged me. He said that he had been going crazy wondering if I would come. We spent two days together and had the best time. It was explosive. There was sex but it was much more than that. We played board games, went out to eat, and he took me around to meet some of his family. When I went back home we decided to just take a "see where this goes approach". So for a couple months that's what we did. We spent several weekends with each other. Mostly in his hometown because I needed to see him in his element so I could really get to truly know him. Eventually he took me to dinner with his kids. They were 1 and 2 and they were adorable. They took to me well. Each time I would leave it would get harder and harder and the distance was also becoming difficult. I had two kids too and even though they were with their dad most weekends I had a full plate at home so I visited less and less but we talked more and more. 
I came for a visit one weekend and he said to me when I got there, I'm coming back to Raleigh with you. I laughed it off. He assured me he was serious. He had a place to stay up here and he wanted to be closer to me. I was hesitant and had lots of questions. What if Suzy decides she wants you back? How will you deal with the distance between you and your kids? Where will you stay? etc. He had all the right answers so he made the move. With him so close we could barely spend a day apart. I would go by his place after work but before I picked the kids up from daycare. Eventually I let him meet my kids and was amazed at how well they took to him. It wasn't long after that we decided he would move in. I could use the financial help and it would allow me to have him and be home all the time so that's just what we did. But it wasn't as pretty as it seemed.....

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Oh, you WILL say goodbye - Part 1

I have been struggling with something for over a decade and I need to hash it out one good time. Sadly, I will do that here on the world wide web, but I have always been an open book and I truly respect the feedback my readers give me so I am going to take you all on the tour of the back history between David and I. Yes, I know that I kinda did that already but that was the edited version. This will be a bit different.  Then I will bring it current and only then will you understand. It will be long so I'll be considerate of your time and break it up into multiple posts.

David was divorced with two kids when we met. I was at the end of my failed marriage and was looking to get back into the dating scene. I wasn't looking for another realationship just a distraction from my misery. David was that distraction. He was most honest with me about his past. He told me that his marriage had failed due to mistakes on both parts and he was still in love with his ex but she wanted nothing to do with him. He also told me that if she ever wanted him back he would go running. That did not bother me because I was not seeking a relationship more just a good time. We spent time together and had lots of fun but then he appeared to catch feelings. He began to tell me that he had feelings for me and he wanted more than fun. He told me that the time we spent together helped him get over his ex, who by the way already had a new man living with her. I was hesitant and didn't take him too serious at first. We continued spending time together and we grew closer and closer. His ex lived two hours away and had clearly moved on. David and I spent most nights together and worked together too. We even spoke of getting an apartment together. One morning after staying over at his place I had to go to work he gave me a key and bid me farewell with promises for an exciting night later. 
After work I went by Davids apartment turned the key, and to my horror when I got inside it was empty. Empty! He had moved out while I was at work. Never telling me a thing! I was hurt but most of all I was pissed! I was confused and I felt like a fool. I had no way of reaching him so for days all I could do was wonder. As the days passed I couldn't help but be annoyed at the way he left. I was angry. Honestly, had he told me that he wanted to move back home I would have been fine with that. We had only been dating a few months. But I just couldn't get past the way that he left. During this time in my life I was at a real rebellious stage and my best friend was a guy named Brent that was all about the drama. He convinced me to hunt David down to confront him. I decided I would do just that. David had taken me to his hometown once to meet his family so I was fairly certain I could find my way back.Crazy, I know, but we drove two hours  to Davids home town and hunted him down like a Sarah Palin hunts a moose. 
When we arrived in his small town it was very easy to find him. One of his cousins tipped me off to the fact that  he was at his ex wife's house. Apparently she had broken up with her latest boo and he saw his opportunity and went running. I knew I had been defeated and at this point didn't even care so much as I was annoyed that he lied to me. I just wanted to say my last little piece and maybe stir up a bit of drama and then I'd be on my way. So that's just what I did. Only when I arrived at her house she was not there only him and he would not come out and face me. I told David if he would come out and face me and let me have my say I would be on my merry way and his ex-wife would never even know about me. I would return to my town and the two of them could live happily ever after. But if he did not come out I would just have to wait there until she came home. After a long day his ex returned home, we'll call her Suzy. Suzy pulled up and asked if I was there to see David. I told her yes, that I was the girl he had been seeing in Raleigh for the past few months and I wanted to make sure she knew that  I existed. She did not. He had been lying to her too. She let me in and brought David out from a back bedroom where he was pretending to be asleep. She said to him "I'm going to leave so you can handle this" She told me I was welcome to stay and she left. I was in shock. Had I arrived home to some crazy woman on my porch I would not be leaving, I would be handling some ish. So in that moment I gathered she was a very together and smart lady. (I would find out way later that she was not). She was way more composed than I would have been in her situation. I figured I probably wasn't the first woman to come knocking at her door. In that moment  I felt bad and realized this wasn't the classiest move on my part. 
He came outside we talked for a while, I wanted answers. We had shared a lot over our months getting to know each other and I was hurt. We had both went through the end of a marriage and both had two kids and were torn. We had comforted each other through some really tough times. I felt that he should have to face me. He did. He apologized. He claimed he was there because his kids needed him. I knew then that was not entirely true. At this point Suzy returned with her sisters in tow. She silently went into her house came out with Davids suitcase and set it on the front steps. She said to him "every time I let you come back it's something else, you lied about her, you always lie and I am done, give me my key and be on your way".
Seeing the hurt in her face I felt bad. It was not my intention to cause her any grief. I did not even know her. Truthfully, when I started on my journey I thought she was happily living with another man. She said a few other things to David and handed him his bags. I apologized to her for bringing the drama to her house and explained to her that he told me they were divorced. She confirmed that indeed they were. I told her that he and I had been seeing each other and then he just left no goodbye or anything and I had to get closure. She seemed to understand. I now had my closure and would be on my way. So if she wanted to have another go with him she could go ahead, I was going back to Raleigh to get on with my life. And that's just what I did. I got back into my car satisfied that I now understood that he was an ass and was on my merry way back to Raleigh. I did not contact him again.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Why I Suck As A Mom

One of my downfalls as a mom is I do not think before I speak sometimes. I often shoot straight from the hip then have to go back and apologize for hurt feelings later. You know how parents are supposed to be supportive, kind, encouraging? Well that's not me. I am encouraging but I often do not think before I speak. I sometimes forget that I am dealing with little people. 
A couple examples that come to mind is a week or so ago when I wasn't feeling too hot my kids thought they'd surprise me by rearranging my living and dining rooms. Well a proper mom would have come home and raved about all the hard work and the beauty of the new decor whether she liked it or not. Me? I enter....they say "surprise!" I stare in horror. They say "do you like it mom?" I say truthfully "no, not really. I liked it the way I had it". Their faces fall and their hearts are broken. The damage is done. I still somehow cannot help myself but to say "I do not like the couch here because.....and the table should be turned this way....etc etc." Only when I finish and they are unusually quiet do I realize that I have hurt their feelings. And that the better approach would have been to say excitedly "I Love it! Thank You!" 
Another example is report card time. Marlon returned home with less than desirable grades. We were discussing his D's and his take was, and I quote "a D is passing." I hate when my kids say that! I have told them if they try their best and get a D then a D is fine but if they skimp by and end with a D then that is not okay. I knew that he had not worked his hardest and I was trying to explain my problem with the D. I did try the "you are so much smarter than a D, and you can do it approach!" first but that was getting me nowhere He kept saying "well a D is passing." I got irritated and told him "no a D is for Dumb, Dummy, Deadbeat, Didn't do shit all quarter!" and a few other D examples I could think of.  Yes, I know that is completely  inappropriate. But I was so aggravated and disappointed. (another D word)  I have a really hard time saying things that I really don't believe. I just always prefer to be straight up but I know with kids you gotta pretend sometimes. I just really struggle with that.
My latest failure was this Christmas. Mason who is 9 and makes about $10 a month in allowance because he's kinda lazy,(see I did it again) went Christmas shopping with dad and returned home so excited he could barely contain himself. On Christmas morning he could barely open his stuff because he simply could not wait for me to open my gift from him. When it was my turn to open it I really put on, (we were filming) how much I loved it. It was a watch. A watch that was of the brightest teal color with gold trim and teal diamonds. 
Yes, it's beautiful but rather bright and large huh?
The watch is huge, does not latch on, is more of a bracelet style and I, not being a big fan of accessories, thought it was so not me. No problem I'll put on that I love it, wear it around him a time or two and then all will be harmonious. Mason wanted me to wear it Christmas day. Problem is I am a silver kinda girl. Most of my rings are platinum or silver and very modest. My Christmas outfit was grey with silver trim so a gold and teal watch would've stuck out like a sore wrist. I explained to Mason that it didn't go with my outfit and I would wear it some other time. The RA watched this conversation in horror. He then pulled me aside and said "Really? You are not gonna wear his watch today?" I explained to him the fashion side of it and he felt the "mother side" should outweigh the fashion side. I knew he was right but I just did not want this gawdy huge watch sticking out on my arm all day. So I didn't wear it. Later that night Mason came and asked me if I liked the watch. I said "Oh, I love it!" "Why won't you wear it then?" He asked skeptically. "Oh, I will when I have something to go with it." "Whatever" he replied. He  put his head down and walked away. I knew I had hurt him. So I immediately put it on and made a point for him to notice. He was not impressed. When I pointed out how much I loved my new watch. He said "it doesn't matter now everyone's gone and no one will see it but me and you." I felt horrible. Horrible. What the hell is wrong with you? I said to myself. Where is your motherly empathy? It bothered me for days.
So today I am wearing the watch. It is huge, heavy, and since it is a bracelet style its slides all over my arm Uncomfortable! He saw me with it on and smiled the biggest smile I've seen in a  while but truthfully I could not wait to get to work to take it off. I am a bad mom. The worse kind. I really have to work on being more sensitive to my kids feelings. I really had no big resolutions for the new year but I think I will make this my goal. I truly know better. I just can't stop myself sometimes. What is your biggest downfall as a parent? Please, come on make me feel better.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Roc's Reflections- His Name Is David

Since, I am certainly gonna blog about his bad. Let me just insert a lil good on his behalf. 
The RA has been wonderful since October. He has two weeks off at Christmas. He usually will split the time between us and his hometown (where his other kids live) But this year he spent one day there and the whole entire rest of the time with us. He took all the boys fishing, did tons of yard work, helped out our neighbor and spent some real quality time with the kids and me. 

He was then laid off for 10 days due to lack of work. (He is a utilities foreman). During that time he cleaned out my utility closet, my linen closet, redid my kitchen, rearranged my bedroom, hung new curtains,attended MJs dance class (first time) took the kids to the dentist (only done this one other time in 12 years). He has been loving, kind, considerate and I am so appreciative. He has been a great guy before, but straight 3 months is unheard of. Pray that he don't start slipping. We are all so happy and for the first time in years I feel like I have a partner that I can count on. I know, try not to vomit. I'll be back to bitching next week.
So for now we'll drop the RA and call him by his name. 

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Probably Shouldn't Have Said That Repost from May 2010

I live in a decent neighborhood. Not very upscale but definitely a safe happy neighborhood. Lived there almost 10 years now. . And since we live walking distance from the school my yard quickly became the spot where many teenagers would come to hang out. Mostly to play b-ball or jump on the trampoline.

Me being the nice lady that I am will often go out and serve the kids drinks, ice pops, snacks whatever I have on hand. Well last year my son made friends with some questionable charecters at his middle school and they too started coming down my street to hang out. at the time we had 3 four wheelers and when someone had the time to supervise we would let all the kids take turns and ride them. Well we do not have a garage and like I said good neighborhood so we never locked them up. And you guessed it , Two four wheelers disappeared.

In my heart I knew immediately who had taken them. Problem is I did not know the last name of the little thief or where he lived. And since I never recorded the serial numbers I didn't think the police would be of help. I chalked it up to a lesson learned and just kept our remaining four wheeler locked up. A week later I returned form work to find that the last four wheeler had been taken, the lock had been cut. I was pissed. The boy who I'm sure took it stopped coming around as well. It has bothered me for a an entire year. I felt so violated and angry but decided that I would get over it.

I talked to my son about it and he was so confident that his friend would never do that. Naive child! I tried to share my mature wisdom with my son about hanging with such bad characters but he felt I was being judgmental and unfair. He reminded me that I had no proof and I was stereotyping the kid. Which I was at the time but I was following my mothers instinct.

Well yesterday, my boys were out playing bball and who did I see...The thief! Since last year I have learned that this particular boy is gang affiliated and an area trouble maker. I could not just let him be. I tried. So I went outside and called the boy over. My plan was to calmly tell him that I knew he stole my stuff and how wrong it is to steal. You know kinda give him some motherly advice, put him on the right path, appeal to his softer side. But as I began that approach the look on his face was basically "whatever". I tried to remain appropriate but I could sense that he was planning his next heist. The more I tried to reason with him the more his face showed he could care less. So I decided "Fu*k It" I'm gonna just tell him how I really feel.
And I did...I told him that "if anything gets missing from my property at all in the next year that I would hunt him down and bust a cap in his ass". Since obviously the police don't intimidate him. In hindsight maybe that was not the best tactic. What do you think?

Update-During this time the RA was gone most weekends and so were my boys so I was often home alone. After I said what I did I was really scared. To be honest I had watched lots of Gang shows on the history channel and had learned that one usually does not threaten a gang member without some sort of retaliation. I played hard to the boy but deep inside that lil fucker scared me. For a couple weeks after that I kept waiting for them to do a drive by on my house or break in at night and mess me up. But nothing. Nothing else has been stolen. And I recently found out that when all the kids were discussing where they would hang out after school one day and my house was mentioned that same boy said "oh, No I am not going down there, I'm scared of Marlon's mom" Yeah it worked!

Monday, January 10, 2011

I'ma Have To Whop That A**

I was raised in the Ghetto. The true ghetto, gunshots and all. My mom fled and abusive marriage ...uh number 5 I think, but I'm not entirely sure. We had to go into hiding from our abusive new "daddy". After a stay at the Salvation Army we were given a home in a neighborhood called "Kentwood". After a year or two we were one of only 4 white families remaining. This meant constant fighting on my part just to survive in the unwelcoming territory. Mostly because my mom would get wasted and shout out racial slurs that I would then have to pay for. In this neighborhood fighting was how you survived.So I fought... ALOT coming up. We remained there  for almost 10 years. Hence my propensity to not shy away from a fight. I mean yeah, as I got older and had kids those things I outgrew but when something really gets under my skin it's hard not to revert back to what I know. I'm saying that to say that if someone really gets under my skin I am all about a fight. Get it over with.  It's just the way I was raised.
Now, There is someone who I really wanna show my skills to. This individual is an annoying, psychotic, drunk. She is RA's ex. Oh, she loves to fuck with me, and more specifically him. She has been the cause of 8 or more breakups throughout the RA's and my 12 year relationship. It hasn't always been her fault. Sometimes, honestly it has been him. Or more specifically the way he deals with her or lack thereof.  She divorced him well before I came along and wanted nothing to do with him. Until I came along. A few months into our relationship he and I split so the two of them could give it another go. I wanted him to be sure he was over what they had and since they had two kids if they could work it out I was all for it. I didn't love him back then, just enjoyed his company so it wasn't that hard. It lasted a week. Then he was calling me saying he couldn't live without me and he did not want to be with her. A couple months later we tried again. She became engaged to another guy and it appeared other than the role of his kids mother she was out of our lives.
That did not last. It appears that every time we are doing well she pops her ass back up.  She has done things throughout our relationship like call  RA at 2am, just cause she needed someone to talk to. When I met the RA she had little to no dealings with his family but as soon as I became a part of his family she suddenly wedged her way back in using the kids as a tool. She began showing up at family functions etc. Then she made a face book page, friended his entire family and refers to then as "sis", "bro", "mom" etc. Really? I, although annoyed because her motives are transparent, was not bothered by this because she lives in the same town with his family and since she has two kids by him I think its great that she involve his family in their lives. She has played upon her "mental illness" for attention. There have been many cases over the years. I often felt like maybe RA wanted to rekindle his marriage.  I mean she shockingly pursued him and at times he didn't seem to mind. Hence many a break-up where I would send him back to her. I mean who am I to stand in the way of love? Funny thing is as soon as I send him back to her she don't want him. She'll date another guy in his face for example. 
This has been a seesaw for years. As far as I know they have never really gotten back together since he first moved in with me 12 years ago. But I get sick of living in her shadow. So when I have had enough we break up. After all I know my worth and I am not playing runner up to no chick.
She has to have a man. she hops from man to man. Sometimes when she is secure in her own relationship she will behave herself and leave us alone. But as soon as there is trouble in paradise she seems to start her mess up again.
I have tried talking to her woman to woman. She doesn't answer my calls and refuses to return my messages. Which makes her motives quite clear to me.  I get frustrated because I feel like he should put her in her place. He says she is unstable mentally and he doesn't want to push her over the edge and thinks ignoring her is the best solution. I sent RA back to his hometown last year again just because I get tired of dealing with this. A couple months later he was back and all has been pretty honky-dory since then. Actually after we worked past the first few months of reconciling he has been a gem. Everything I could ask for. He has been an attentive dad and man for me and has gone above and beyond helping at home and with the kids. Life for us together couldn't be better. During this time she has posted on his facebook wall about how much she loves him and always will. He, as far as I can tell, did not respond. So it bothered me none. Last night she texted him "wanna sing me a song". So after I chewed his ass and he proclaimed innocence I called her myself. I like to deal with this kinda stuff head on. I called her, she picked up and then pretended to not have signal, hung up then ignored the rest of my calls. So I texted her the following "This is Roc, which I'm sure you already know, it would be greatly appreciated if you quit texting David some bullshit, if you wanna hear a song I suggest you turn on the radio". She did not reply at all and I stood watch over his phone to see if she would attempt to contact him. Nothing! Ugggh. I hate the passive aggressive shit. I mean really if you got something to say then say it, stand up for what you're all about. I mean come on. The fact that she will not communicate with me lets me know she is trying to annoy me. And she is. I really wanna drive down there and whop her ass one good time. 
I cannot believe I am letting this girl get under my skin this way. I am 30something for the love of god and 30somethings do not go around kicking ass but OMG this girl is really asking for it. I would have been done it but I was thinking about the kids and I did not want anyone to think I was fighting over the RA. This is past him now it is personal between she and I. I know the best thing is to ignore it etc, I try but she always finds a way to get under my skin. What would you do?

Friday, January 7, 2011

I'm Tryna Sit This One Out

I heard the whispers, I heard the coughs, I saw them....the sick they are everywhere. I kept my pumpkins homebound just to avoid this because I  hear it's really nasty. I pick up princess and half the kids have green snotty noses. Yuck!
She got it first. A few bed bound days, many a cough, tons of snot, a day of fever, and yesterday diarrhea. I kept my distance and put RA on the job. He after all has insurance and I do not. Day 5 of princesses sickness and Mason awoke with the seal-bark-cough. Moms will know this to be croup. He insisted on going to school, he only had the cough so I let him go he returned home and passed out and slept two days with a slight fever, now he too has snot, diarrhea and many other endearing symptoms.
Yesterday at work all the kids were sick, so of course I was a hand washing, sanitizing machine.

I DO NOT want this illness. I do not deserve it. Come on, haven't I had a bad enough time with my health lately? Cut me a break will ya? I am dodging sickness like a running back (I think that is the right position for this, I'm still learning football)
All the blogs are full of sick people, my friends and their kids are all sick, my sister's sick and they all say its just awful. I even saw it on the news that our area urgent care and emergency facilities are overrun with people with this snotty, diarrhea virus all looking for relief. They said this general virus can last 6 weeks. 6 weeks! I cannot be sick for 6 weeks! They also said don't waste your money going to a doctor because they cannot give you anything for this. It's a run-its-course kinda deal. So I'ma go hide under my desk with my Lysol spray and hand sanitizer for now...but I know Ima get it. I just know it.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Short But Not Sweet

My Blogger won't load pics. UUUGGGHH! How annoying! I have some darling pics to put on my post but they are all rejected even my own personal ones so I am irritated. Anyone else having this issue?  I have restarted my computer, tried using a different program so I know it's not a problem on my end. Damn Blogger!

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

The Long Awaited Doctor Story

 First I went in a few months ago, they said I had a UTI. (urinary tract infection) Not sure what that is? Well click here for a lovely description.They gave me meds and it never really got better. Being uninsured and a paycheck to paycheck kinda gal I had to save up enough funds to return. On my return visit they said I was good, even though I still had the symptoms and the OTC tests said I had an infection. I rolled with in until it became unbearable. Then I went back where I had a lovely encounter with a stellar doctor you can read about here. They called me not 48 hours later but 5 days later to say I had nothing.  A week later I was in misery. So I called them and they said "well there is nothing wrong with you, we suggest changing your diet?" WTH?  So I suffered a few more days while contacting other facilities for a price quote which by the way was triple or more what the health department was charging so I called back demanding they see me. They reluctantly gave me an appointment for the next day.

When I showed up on that day there was different staff. They called me back and weighed me..I had gained another pound. I brought the nurse my urine specimen and she went out to check it. She came in and said to me "how long have you let this go? Your urine is a mess, full of infection!" I was furious "I told them last week I was messed up but they did not believe me?!"  So then I broke down, oh I cried like a big fat baby. Truthfully, I am not sure if I was crying more over frustration or that pound I gained. I informed her how long this had been going on, and how many times I had been here and paid for nothing, and now this was not only killing me psychically but financially, and I could not take it anymore, it was December 23rd and if I didn't get some relief my kids Christmas would be ruined, blah, blah, wine, wine. So she said "don't worry psycho lady we will help you." The doc came in, it was a different one that I'd never seen. She said I had a kidney infection and my blood pressure was sky high. I had no previous history of blood pressure problems so she accredited that to the pain and stress I was under. She gave me two prescripts, an antibiotic and pain meds. I asked her to make it something affordable, she said she had. So I was off to the pharmacy glad to have some help. My prescripts were over $100! WTF! So I got all the antibiotics and 1/3 of the pain meds. A week later the meds were gone and I still had to pee every 6 minutes. So I began to call again thinking I needed another dose of something.  On that day I began my badgering at 9am, I kept calling all day and being put on hold for 20 minutes each time before I hung up. Finally at 4pm I got a live person. She asked for my name, I told her and she said "HOLD" she came back and said they were closed, but she would put me through to leave a message for the nurse who would call me tomorrow. I did. Tomorrow came and went and no call from the nurse. So I called back I was informed by the receptionist that they were short staffed and would get to me maybe tomorrow. UUGGHHH! Later that day the nurse called and asked me info that I had left on her voicemail already. She said she would consult the doc and call me back.

The next day another nurse called and heres our convo:
"Can I speak with Raquel?"
"Hi, This is me"
"This is the nurse returning your call.So you're still having issues?"
"Did you complete your meds?"
"Well your tests all came back negative."
"What tests?"
"The ones you took when you were here last."
"Uh, no the doctor that day said I had a kidney infection."
"Nope, all your test are normal."
"Really? Then why did they prescribe me two medications and tell me I had a kidney infection?"
"What are you talking about?"
"When I was there on the 23rd."
"They did?"
"Well the computers are down and I do not have that info in front of me" she said very defensively.
"Well is it not in my paper file?"
"I'm just reading the notes I have in front of me, I'll call you back." She hangs up.
Hour later she calls back.
 "I spoke with the doctor and she said you should just take the OTC stuff for relief and cut your caffeine intake."
"Seriously I drink one cup of coffee daily. That's my caffeine intake, that should not have me pissing all night long and I have been taking the OTC med for two months now although the box says take it two days max." I said frustration now becoming apparent in my voice.
"Well, change your diet." she said snappily. How about you change your attitude!  I wanted to yell.
"Are you serious? I will not accept this! Something is wrong and I need to know what it is. Maybe you should do a full battery of tests. No one pees every 5 minutes! Do you know how hard life is when you have to pee every five minutes? Would you like to have that issue and be brushed off? I have spent way too much time in your facility to not feel better and I ......
"Maaa-aaam! If you'd let me finish I was gonna suggest that we do a diabetes check!" She yells at me.
"When after I had hung up?" I asked now super pissed. (pissed being an appropriate word to describe how I was feeling)
Clearly ticked at me she said "we'll see you next Thursday at 12!" and slammed the phone down.

Monday, January 3, 2011

Creative Parenting- Repost from 1/20/10

I have a son turning 14 in less than a month. My son walks to and from middle school with his 11 year old brother and the 13 year old girl from up the street. Last night my 11 year old informed me that my 14 year old and the girl up the street had made the decision to lose their virginity together today after school in an abandoned building. I was horrified to hear this and attempted to have a calm yet real conversation with the son with the big plans. I have always been a pretty open minded parent and have had the view point that when my kids are ready to take that huge step there would not be a whole lot that I can do about it other than educate them and try to dissuade them from things that they are not ready for.

Since I work my teenagers are home alone for no more than 2 hours each day after school. I have educated my son about the dangers of sex both emotionally and psychically and have asked him to come to me when he thinks he is ready so that we may discuss it again in real time. So when I confronted my son, calmly let me add, I was very upset that he lied to me. I reminded him of our agreement that as long as he remains open and honest with me I would remain as understanding as one could possibly be. Let me add that I am horrified that he would think that he is ready for this. After attempting to discuss the situation with my son and having him continually lie to me about it. I sent him to his room. That was more for me to figure out exactly how to handle the situation. You see, I consider myself a creative parent that comes up with innovative ways to teach my children lessons. But this one had me completely perplexed...I thought this problem was years away.

As I thought of punishments and possible solutions that including quitting my job so that I may transport him to and from school daily I realized this was not a realistic solution. Then it occurred to me exactly what to do. I contacted the girls parents and let them in our our kids little pact they had. The girl completely fessed up and admitted everything. After they dealt with their daughter I suggested that the father of the girl, a huge intimidating man come have a chat with my son about his plans with his daughter. And that is exactly what we did. I did not even inform my son I was in on it. I just told him that the father of the girl he wanted to sleep with was here to talk to him. I led the father into my sons room shut the door and left. My son looked horrified! After about 30 minutes the man reemerged thanked me and left. I went in to check on my son and he looked to be in shock. Mission Accomplished!

My son and I had yet another conversation in which I asked him to imagine that father coming over to discuss his daughter being pregnant and having to deal with that. Anyways, they will be transporting their daughter to and from school for awhile and my son is punished for lying to me. He is currently writing a 2 page essay on what it would be like to be a father at 14. And this bullet has been dodged for now.

Update- Well that girl became extremely obsessed with my son, as a matter of fact her obsession will get a post of its own. They moved and no sex took place as far as I know. I think my tactic was supermomish because the key to raising teenagers is being able to shock them when they need it the most! But this made me think about the age I lost my virginity (15 and 1/2) probably seems early to most but I was the last one in my group of friends most gave it up at 13 or 14. What age were you when you first got it on?