Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Friends Don't Let Friends Poop In the Woods

A couple months ago I allowed my boys to spend the night with these two boys and they came back with horror stories of how the two boys got into  fights and broke things in their house and basically just went psycho. Now these boys come over all the time and I find them quite endearing. They are respectful and kind. So when I heard of the shenanigans that went down when my kids stayed over at their house I was quite perplexed. I thought maybe they go crazy at night or maybe the are on meds and didn't  take their nighttime dosage?? So when my kids asked if these same boys could stay over I was quite reluctant.
I had a lil chit chat with the lads and told them they were welcome to stay but should they go crazy at any point I will drop their asses off at their home irregardless of the time.

We ran out for pizza and loaded up on video games and everyone settled in for the evening. The night went well. There was no fighting, arguing, or psychocotic episodes. The next morning however was a different story. The first issue was when my son told me that my other son wasn't sharing the game. We have 3 games systems but two have been taken away due to poor grades. I handled that and went on about my housework. Ten seconds later my boys were arguing over which game to play. I handled that and warned that if this continued our friends would have to leave. I began breakfast, well compiling a list of biscuits that everyone wanted from Bojangle,s and during that 6 minutes another 2 arguments ensued between my boys. Let me say that the visitors were great but the home team was sucking. "Last warning!" I said to my boys "One more fight and your company will leave." Ten minutes later I am sad to say that company had to leave.

 I spoke with my kids about being a good host and certainly not fighting in front of company at the least. Even after the friends left my two continued at each other the remainder of the morning.

Around 12p I decided to watch a Aladdin in my room with princess and dozed off. I awoke around 2pm and noticed the house very quite. I got up to see what was up with all this quiet and noticed my front door ajar. Interesting since my children know better than to go outdoors without telling me and are definitely not allowed out if I'm napping. I saw my boys come from behind the house with a roll of toilet paper.

Me= Red
Friend= Green

 I asked "Why the hell are you outside?" "And why the hell do you have toilet paper?" Michael immediately began to tell a lie when Marlon, who can always be counted on to tell the truth piped up and said. "We were giving it to our friend' he has to poop."
"Yeah our friend, he's in the woods, He has to poop." Marlon explained as if this were an everyday occurence.
"And how would you know that if you were inside like you should've been?"
 "Well, because he knocked on the door and asked do use our bathroom and we told him he couldn't come in because you were taking a nap" "See how well we listened?"

Another rule I have- No company when mom is not on sight supervising

"So why didn't he go home and go poop?" I asked
"Because he lives too far to walk"
"How he get here then?"
 "His mom dropped him off"
 I asked "When?"
"He knocked on the door this morning and you were already mad so we told him he could not come in so he has been outside the entire time"
"Where?" I asked
"We told him to hide in the woods"
"So some kid has been stashed in the woods in 100 degree weather for 5 1/2 hours!"

As I stood there in shock trying to absorb all this there was a knock at the door.

I opened the door and saw the cutest nerdy looking kid. The poor boy looked dehydrated and miserable. I immediately poured him a glass of juice and offerd him to use the bathroom or have a snack. He declined both.
I said to him "Why did you stay out in those woods all day like that?"
"Well ma'am, my name is Billy. What had happened was, early this morning I asked  Michael if I could come over and hang out, He said yes. So when I called to let them know I was on my way they told me they couldn't have company because they had gotten into trouble but it was too late I was already pulling up."
"Where is your mom?" I asked
"Well she went out of town, to Cary"
"When will she be back?"
 (it was now 230p)
"Does your mom usually drop you off at random houses without speaking with the adults?"
"Did you call her and tell her what was going on"
"Yes maam but she said that she would be here at 5p"

At that point I was furious, at my kids for hiding some kid in the woods in this horrible heat, and at this mom for just dropping off her kid at some strangers house without even speaking to me. Who the hell does that?
I was even a little upset with the kid for sitting out there in the woods hiding all day! Come on people.But  I was really mad at my kids. Who invites someone over and hides them in the woods? See my kids were screwed because they are only allowed to have company with my permission and at least a one day notice. Which they had neither. I think their  plan was to spring it on me last minute but then things went so bad with their first group of friends they knew better.

Anyway turns out the little guy's dad was home so I drove him home. And immediately after drove my kids over to their dads an hour away. I needed some peace.


  1. Oh my gosh, you totally needed peace after this tall tail....sheesh, go you!!!

    Lol :-)

  2. well....your children did do as told. But that poor little boy!!
    I felt so sorry for him.

    What kind of mom leaves her kid without talking to the parents? And the fact that the kid called her and she said to wait until 5pm. OMG. My mantra applies here....

  3. There are some serious issues in that house... Of course the whole time I kept waiting fro you to say the kids name was "Bear" - Im terrible I know.

  4. Ruairi- Yeah I needed the peace

    Peg- I know, I felt bad for the little boy too. I was really mad at my kids for being so stupid.

    Doc- My house? Issues? Or the boys house? You really must clarify.

  5. What the heck? Hiding someone in the woods is too funny! Imagine you never found out and this kids mom came to get him at 5. He'd have quite the story to tell!

  6. Gotta give your kids credit for being thoughtful enough to take give him some toilet paper. Of course, they might have thought about water and food too, but whatever. haha ;-)

  7. With kids you just never run out of something to write about, do you? SMILE

  8. You serioulsy need to write a book about all the shenanigans your kids put you know that blog "Shit my Dad says", well yours could be "shit my kids do"!
    No worries, mine are the same...and they haven't even hit puberty yet, blech!

  9. Ha!! Good stuff. Usually when I am invited over to places I am asked to hide in the closet...or the basement. Cheers Roc!!

  10. "Who the hell does that?"

    Apparently that kids mom.

    You could have called social services. But knowing how things work out in life they might have arrested YOU!

  11. LOL ugh. i had a mom friend tell me about how she got tricked in babysitting the girl and i coudn't believe that parents do that! hey thanks for you encouragement today on my cosleeping post! :)

  12. I would never drop my kids anywhere that I didn't KNOW the parents on a pretty good level (i.e. I had been inside their home, etc.). I'm glad you were there for that little guy.

  13. ohmygoodness i hope a "rest" included a cocktail! it is *amazing* when kids ignore us and what they follow verbatim! love the post & found you through scary mommy! :)